@PrimeSuspect and
@gitana1
Found Deceased - CO - Shanann Watts (34), Celeste"Cece" (3) and Bella (4), Frederick, 13 Aug 2018 *CW GUILTY* #49
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Found Deceased - CO - Shanann Watts (34), Celeste"Cece" (3) and Bella (4), Frederick, 13 Aug 2018 *CW GUILTY* #49
In my younger years, I was married to a socio/psycho (both, pick one?), who had some narcissistic tendencies. I was trying to repair the relationship that I had with my own mother through him, I didn't figure this out until years later & while in my current (healthier) marriage. My EX's mom was very self-destructive and self-centered, our moms clashed in many ways, but both were narcissistic. The thing about narcissists that many people don't know, is that they don't necessarily think they are the most physically beautiful people out there, but they will put so much emphasis on their looks that it becomes detrimental to their family (especially their children). This can be applied to any aspect of themselves. They may not be the best at anything, but they want you to believe that they are...and they will put themselves ahead of anyone else in order to try to maintain that image. The gaslighting that I had to deal with from mom, MIL, ex, and even my dad (who would defend my mom to the death, even when she was wrong, if he knew that she was listening), was head-spinning.
Because we had children to raise, I left that relationship. When he was no longer the center of my world (yes, my children were the priority, as they should be) he began to self-destruct. I didn't have loads of time to devote to stroking his fragile ego, neither of the moms were of any help. My mom was so busy being offended by him that she couldn't be much of a mom (emotionally) to me, and his mom blamed me for everything that was festering inside of him.
I'm just trying to open the windows so that people who aren't familiar with the generational poison that is narcissistic parenting, can see in.
I went as far away from the ex as I could, started a new life and family...with my current husband adopting my older children. There have been stretches of time where I had to discontinue communication with my parents, it's never a black & white thing...there is no true healing, just trying to avoid picking at the scabs, we have a more "surface" relationship now...and it works for me and for my kids. The ex is in our lives on a limited basis, and only in the ways in which my kids want him to be.
My mom always wanted a son, she told me this many times when I was growing up. She got me instead. I don't know why FA's tend to be men who come from Narcissistic mothers. What I do know is that because my mom didn't seem to value me, I value my family all the more. I have a 1/2 brother that she took no interest in, probably because he wasn't a reflection of her. Actually, typing this out, I remember asking her why she wanted a son rather than a daughter, and she said it was because she wondered what a male "her" would be like.
Once you have been around this type of personality enough you become very adept at spotting it in a crowd!