MassGuy
The Monsters Aren’t The Ones Beneath The Bed
- Joined
- Mar 4, 2018
- Messages
- 26,147
- Reaction score
- 615,635
Wow. I think this is excellent. I’d find any of these things concerning.I think what can be looked for is a combination of the following:
1. Do they have normal, intimate attachments with others - the ability to have strong, significant bonds with romantic interests, parents, friends, other relatives, but bonds that don't cross boundaries and include a mutual respect for each other's autonomy and identity as an individual? Look for true close friends who know a lot about them. Healthy familial relationships. Ex-girlfriends or mates that they had more than a mere dating relationship.
2. Do they have a strong sense of identity? Do they have a personality and their own opinions? Does their personality and opinions tend to shift a lot to mirror the people they're with? Quiet is okay. But quiet with a shifting identity and shifting likes and dislikes or with an inability to voice an opinion? Red flag, maybe.
3. Do they take responsibility for their failures? Do they have any failures?
4. Do they ever take the initiative on anything?
5. Is there evidence of family dysfunction like abuse, neglect, alcohol or drug abuse, enmeshment, personality disordered (or "crazy") parents and if so, has the potential mate been able to recognize the issue and set appropriate boundaries? Like not allowing the parents to dictate how they raise their kids or what their wedding will be like. Not allowing their parents to insult their mate in the their presence and leaving if they do. Minimizing or controlling contact with destructive relations. Not allowing their kids to be left alone with destructive relatives. Not allowing parents to show up unannounced or call repeatedly without warning AND disrupt daily life a lot, with demands that the potential mate drop everything and talk to the person? Stuff like that.
CW had deviations from the norm on all of them.