I'm curious how many of those 150 were pointing a finger at Barry?
Still Missing CO - Suzanne Morphew, 49, Chaffee Co, 10 May 2020 *arrest* #95
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I'm curious how many of those 150 were pointing a finger at Barry?
I think maybe he knew because he was googling how to please a woman.. exact terms were more specific. I wonder if he was feeling like he wasn't performing.. maybe she told him that or maybe he just felt that. Or maybe it's his new girlfriend he was trying to please?
Momofthreeboys
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I think he was searching for reasons Suzanne was unhappy.
I imagine it was him wanting to impress a new /current girl friend . If it was Suzanne he could have asked her what he could do to please her.
NothingSurprisesAnymore
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Sadly maybe it was the first time he thought about it or cared and was too embarrassed to ask.
Maybe real intimacy was difficult for him. Intimacy requires trust and vulnerability.
His controlling nature belies his possessing those qualities.
*in edit "too embarrassed to ask" added
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I also don't believe he would consider raping his wife rape. I'm sure that is "sex" because that is what wives/women are for and after all that is all men need. ugh he is disgusting.
Side note on this topic. After reading all this, I don't know how his friends aren't appalled (and maybe they are) but these statements aren't coierced. These can't be misconstrued as being months later and he is confused or mixing up details. They simply show how disgusting he is and how little he thought of Suzanne. 25+ years together and things are still summed up by if they were having sex or not and how many times. His attitude about her emotional state (talking about one day she is happy and next a different person, etc).. it's sad. She had cancer. I can't imagine how that feels to be fearful and hopful and then fearful, I'm sure the chemo makes you feel bad too.. he acts like she is a psycho that is flipping a switch every other day.. what he seems to be describing is himself!
Maybe what he really deep down hates is how he behaves. He sees in her what he really hates about himself.. up and down, nice and then mean.
She did. Twice. TWICE!
Imagine how heartbreaking and physically, mentally and spiritually draining that must be. Frightening too.
And he just didn't give a ****.
He should have cherished that dear lady. Suzanne was too good for him and too good for this world.
Megnut
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This was no tradition marriage IMO, where partners simply grow apart, fractured further by infidelity. Marriages like that are made and broken all the time! Check the divorce rate. This marriage didn't end in divorce!
Why? Because of an imbalance of power. By Barry's own tongue, Suzanne was not allowed to divorce. She was not allowed to broach the subject even. She was not allowed to chart her own course.
Suzanne, however, was a human being, subject to many of the hurts and hopes, shortcomings and strengths many of us share. She was also beat down IMO, while simultaneously wearing herself down, trying to maintain appearances. Her grievances about him leaving a table shows, I think, how she felt, always left in a position where she had to play nice, cover for his petulance. And if not petulance, insolence. If not insolence, worse.
I don't think Suzanne wanted to expose Barry. She didn't broadcast her fears. But she did confide in a best friend. And she brought her sister in. That is a huge step. It meant letting someone see into what was happening. It was a no-going-back kind of moment and it no doubt took great courage.
I think years with Barry nearly broke her ... but she started to find herself again. Biking had to feel freeing! Powerful. JL made her feel alive too. I don't and won't condone infidelity, but I can and will sympathize with her need for validation.
I don't know if Barry cheated. His own comments suggest that he did. I didn't. I wouldn't. Never. 100%. But if I did...
Think about what that would be like. From Suzanne's perspective. What steps did he take to assure her? Airplane mode is not a trust builder. Being gone more, not less is not a trust builder. Claiming to be off hunting but slinking up the driveway to spy is not a trust builder. Leaving for extended periods of time, not saying where, without any way to contact, is not a trust builder.
He didn't provide her with transparency. No, he actively perpetuated crazy making.
A marriage is in a scary place if you're worried there are cameras in the house. That's more crazy making. And then we learn he did have a mini camera--
The domain of the gaslighter is to keep his audience unsure. Doubt their own perception.
I think Barry was sincere in one thing -- that he truly believed Suzanne's new thinking was because she wasn't herself. He "loved" the version he'd been controlling....
And rather than lose all control, he executed full control.
His confession is right there in the AA. No one statement, but all of his statements, when you put it all together.
JMO
Why? Because of an imbalance of power. By Barry's own tongue, Suzanne was not allowed to divorce. She was not allowed to broach the subject even. She was not allowed to chart her own course.
Suzanne, however, was a human being, subject to many of the hurts and hopes, shortcomings and strengths many of us share. She was also beat down IMO, while simultaneously wearing herself down, trying to maintain appearances. Her grievances about him leaving a table shows, I think, how she felt, always left in a position where she had to play nice, cover for his petulance. And if not petulance, insolence. If not insolence, worse.
I don't think Suzanne wanted to expose Barry. She didn't broadcast her fears. But she did confide in a best friend. And she brought her sister in. That is a huge step. It meant letting someone see into what was happening. It was a no-going-back kind of moment and it no doubt took great courage.
I think years with Barry nearly broke her ... but she started to find herself again. Biking had to feel freeing! Powerful. JL made her feel alive too. I don't and won't condone infidelity, but I can and will sympathize with her need for validation.
I don't know if Barry cheated. His own comments suggest that he did. I didn't. I wouldn't. Never. 100%. But if I did...
Think about what that would be like. From Suzanne's perspective. What steps did he take to assure her? Airplane mode is not a trust builder. Being gone more, not less is not a trust builder. Claiming to be off hunting but slinking up the driveway to spy is not a trust builder. Leaving for extended periods of time, not saying where, without any way to contact, is not a trust builder.
He didn't provide her with transparency. No, he actively perpetuated crazy making.
A marriage is in a scary place if you're worried there are cameras in the house. That's more crazy making. And then we learn he did have a mini camera--
The domain of the gaslighter is to keep his audience unsure. Doubt their own perception.
I think Barry was sincere in one thing -- that he truly believed Suzanne's new thinking was because she wasn't herself. He "loved" the version he'd been controlling....
And rather than lose all control, he executed full control.
His confession is right there in the AA. No one statement, but all of his statements, when you put it all together.
JMO
Warwick7
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Exactly! How did he say it in the AA?
She was becoming different, she was becoming fit, she was biking, she was becoming ballsy... Something like that.
marylamby
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Whoa - that sure came out of left field. In what possible scenario do you suppose she'd need to or want to do that?
Please explain your thinking here?
Lyanna
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Banoffee Bobcat - if we're doing puds!
Lyanna
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So now we have a recipe book as well as a zoo!What next, perhaps a clothing line?
Could get a Greatest Cover Hits Album going?
How about a Dumpster guide book . Obviously with a chapter devoted to dumpster dating.
K9Enzo
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Sure. Affairs can turn into nasty business. You’ve never heard of one of the parties exposing the affair to the other spouse when the relationship crashes and burns? Out of spite? My friend’s world came crashing down one day when she got a FB friend request from a woman she didn’t know. She exposed the affair she had been having with her husband. IMO
I think she was more of a doormat in the beginning of their marriage. I'm not sure if that is exactly as bad as it sounds, but I mean she deferred to Barry, went with his wishes most of the time, allowed him to behave the way he does and did and didn't push back as much. I think he was allowed to get away with so much because he worked a lot, he went on hunting trips, he would leave or seemingly pick a fight so he could leave for days and turn his phone off... stuff like that I think she let slide to keep the peace. I don't know that this means "doormat", but I don't think it's uncommon for women (or men also) to be in the "honeymoon" phase and not see the negatives. Often that can go on for years and before you even know it, you've allowed much more than you would have if they had this awful behavior from day 1. I think over time and possibly as her girls got older, she realized she wanted more for herself. I've heard the saying "we teach people how to treat us" and that is so true. She wanted to be a good wife and maybe she felt that was keeping quiet about some things and just seeing the best in Barry. At some point that just became too much for her and it's clear he didn't like the "new" Suzanne. I think she found her voice. She didn't want to allow him to keep fighting, storming off, turning his phone off, working all the time, and heck he couldn't even go to some of her cancer treatments with her? So I can see how she might have not been just a silent, let Barry walk all over her type, but I think she did ignore a lot to keep the peace, she wanted to see the good in her college sweetheart.. she wanted him to be what she needed and that seems clear from texts she sent to SO.. she was conflicted about divorce. She was trying to confirm that his behavior was not okay. He could not handle her "changing". He even said if she could just be who she used to be things would be fine. What she used to be was a wife that allowed him to behave like a child and still be married to her.
I don't know if he is sex obsessed, but it's clear that to him a good marriage was his wife having sex with him, the reason someone would take her is for sex, when asked about the state of their marriage it was we had a perfect night, we had sex.. Florida trip they had sex 3x a day.. so this must be things were just peachy? He was googling how to please a woman and hot girls in Salida. I don't know what I think about the premeditation or just spur of the moment or if it was an accident and he went too far (and by accident I mean he didn't go at her with the intent to kill, but rather wanted to "show" her a lesson or something and then he did kill her). I think much of what he tells investigators has some truth intertwined. It's almost as if he feels Suzanne deserved whatever happened. He is justifying it by her affair and God and now he understands.. etc I think he very well could have had an idea in mind for a while. Things were unraveling for months and I think he maybe did ponder scenarios and could have planned this out. I think it's just as likely that he snapped or tranquilized her to go through her phone and "force" this "perfect evening" on her and she died.
marylamby
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That doesn't make much sense, tho. He told Grusing that Suzanne had an orgasm every time they had sex. Why would he need to google how to make a woman orgasm?
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StarrDetective
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Im sorry. Im sure this has been answered many times, but how was this trial video available to the public and BM’s is not? I was under the impression cameras just weren’t allowed in CO courtrooms, but this Redwine case was in Colorado Springs?
Color me confused.
MassGuy
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Covid changed things for a time.
I think this is spot on. It really is tragic for many reasons and this I think is one of them. Suzanne desperately want HIM to understand her heart. I think she would have worked and worked and worked on this marriage if he showed ANY effort to be available for her and to understand what she needed.
I don't for one minute believe that she would have even reached out to Jeff if Barry was emotionally there for her or even showed an interesting in trying to work on that. He didn't want to go to therapy. He just wanted her to be who she used to be. It's like he never grew or matured. His behavior is what I might expect from high school boyfriend/girlfriend. Storming off for days, not answering the phone. You have children with this woman for goodness sake. She evolved and grew as a person and realized how toxic this was for her. He refused to work on himself. She tried to tell him what she needed and he threatens to kill himself. It's like anything emotional he is unable to process in a healthy way.
Cassady
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The spy pen is very interesting....IMO.
It is one of several pieces of potential evidence that the state may introduce that could get tomoe nage'd by the defense. Meaning they grab onto it and flip it backwards for their own purposes.
In this case to show projection and preparation by the victim.
The victim was accusing the defendant of having an affiar, when she was the one having an affair for several years. The pen was an effort to "catch" him cheating to accelarate the end of the marriage.
The victim was preparing to divorce the defendant and perhaps start a new life with the person she was having an affair with. The pen was part of that. Was it really an accident that there was a recording of a conversation with this "other" man on there? The person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with...who was also married with children. Perhaps it wasn't accidentally recorded?
The pen was part of the victim's plan to get out of a bad marriage and onto a life with a person she truly loved. However, it appears that the pen did not document any cheating by the defendant, nor does it have any information that proves the defendant killed the victim.
IMO the defense will only make these sort of arguments about the pen if the state tries to establish a "controlling husband" narrative about the defendant. Like having a witness testify as to why the pen was purchased, etc.
It will be interesting to how see how both the state and defense treats this pen at trial....IMO
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