Hmmmm....NORMAL...what IS that? What does that MEAN?
NORMAL???
Normal to whom?
In MY home I have had six children two of whom are autistic. And I can tell you this-NOTHING is NORMAL...I actually have come to despise that particular word...NORMAL...just another NORMAL day...
There is no such thing in MY world.
When you have children with special needs NORMAL goes out the window completely and you have to find a new normal for US place to abide. Having NO familial support system at all, and I mean NONE-not my parents and not my husband's parents and NO aunts or uncles or anyone like that we have pretty much had only US to depend upon and have managed quite nicely I think...although...
there was that SEVEN YEARS when my husband and I did not ever one single time leave our home TOGETHER at the same time ALONE without our children. We had NOBODY but us...
So, in the scheme of things, does that make us ABNORMAL?
I would guess so...
BUT-
My children have had a rainbow of crayons and chalk and paint and papers of every sort. They have had books that would fill a library and legos, and duplos and mega-blocks and barbies and kitchens and lovely rooms to live their lives in. They have had ANYTHING that ANY child could want-games and game systems, phones, ipods, computers, their own rooms, TV's and Dvd players in their rooms. They have had costumes galore and they have run like the wind when it is warm enough to go outside and we do every single day WITH THEM. They have had swingsets and pools and sandboxes and tunnels. They have had one another so they always HAD someone to socialize with. They have had US and we were there to play with them just as if we were kids ourselves and still do.
I find it odd that people think it is NORMAL to take children to strangers to be cared for and we call this "socialization" when in fact, what it actually is, in reality, is just a glorified baby-sitting situation. There is not one thing wrong with a mother or a father for that matter, attending to their children until that child is school age. And it certainly is not "ABNORMAL" to mother one's children until they come to that age...and that age is NOT two, or three or even four for that matter. School age is FIVE in this country, regardless of what one HAS to do because one HAS to work, or what one CHOOSES to do because one desires freedom. I happen to LOVE being with my children and find it kind of offensive that people who are DIFFERENT than the average Jane Doe should be considered NOT NORMAL...
My sons, the autistic ones, cannot be FORCED to be "socialized". They seem to like who they are and they do not seem to want to be somebody else, and frankly, I want them to be who they ARE and to be all that they can be...but if that is not NORMAL according to the social norms being discussed in this thread, then what does that mean? Does it mean I am a bad parent because I have difficult circumstances and do the best that I can with it? Does it make me NOT NORMAL because we have NOBODY as far as family support? And does it make my children unfortunate because they have absolutely no desire to "socialize"? They are busy, and they are happy. Beyond that...
I don't like this thread...IT is implying that one who does not "fit" these criteria of what is NORMAL must therefore be INADEQUATE and that certainly is an unfair and MOST biased assumption. There are exceptions and there are exceptional circumstances. I KNOW...I have lived within those exceptions for the past 12 years and continue to do so today. Maintaining many friendships in the midst of what we have endured and making playdates on a regular basis would have been impossible. We do have some friends who have on ocassion brought their children over to play through the years, and as I said, they have had one another, and we have taken them to the park, etc, but not like every day or even every week. We have a tough schedule even supporting all of these children, and for 7 months out of the year my husband works 7 days a week and then 4 days a week the other 5 months on his "winter job". We have a large home, a large yard, a garden, pets, appointments galore (dentists, doctors, specialists) and there are not hours in the day to do all of what everyone here has been discussing.
I wonder back in the "good ole days" they worried so much about "playdates" and the like, or if it was more about making certain that everyone was fed, clothed, housed, kept warm, and had their needs provided for?
God, I WISH my life was such that playdates for my children was one of my PRIORITIES. That must be nice...I wish...
What IS normal again?