Emotional Toll

[shopgirlnc]

Totally lost my "beans" tonight. Just got back from the Hickory house....a few other people there taking photos.....while I cried....and said a prayer....and left a small animal for Zahra. I am devastated, as well as others.

 

[beach]

This case has been an emotional roller coaster. The initial media reports caused concern mixed with a deep sympathy for Zahra because of her past hard-fought battles with cancer. This sympathy rapidly turned to admiration, respect, and love for this child. Her smile is perhaps one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I have followed crimes like this for a long time, and sadly, the feelings I am now having are not new for me. Last Friday, 11/5/10 I felt my first big emotional melt-down coming. I sent my husband and 10 year old daughter to the local high school football game, bought a bottle of wine and came home to get on WS's. I bet I cried for a few hours that night. I feel it coming again.... Just wanted to share that. If some of you are new to this, I thought it might help to know that it happens..... and we never get used to it. Hugs to all of you for your support and companionship through the nightmare.

Thank you SO MUCH for your post and opening this thread. :hug: I come to WS several times a day and it has taken me 'til now to work up the courage to read here about Zahra. I felt the need to come here and express the way this case is affecting me emotionally. I have a library of true crime books dating back to Charles Manson, law books, work as a paralegal, a verifiable news junkie...so, I was pretty sure I had become a little' hardened'. Then,... Zahra. I can only watch portions of programs; take the news in measured doses. The tears....the anger bordering on fury - the emotions are so intense.

Reannan, thanks again for opening this thread and to those of you who have posted your feelings. It's comforting to know l'm not alone.

 

[Reannan]

Dear Sleuths,

I am so sad. I am just now able to have privacy to grieve for our precious Zahra . I have held it in all afternoon as I've had visitors to celebrate a friends birthday this evening. I just had to sneak away from my company for a moment to pay my respects to our Angel Zahra.

Zahra, Mortal humans can rob you of many things, but they cannot rob you of your soul. You will live forever sweetie!

(((Hugs)))

wm

(((((Waltzingmatilda))) Hugs to you to my dear.... we have all suffered through this nightmare together... and we shall trudge on until the end - convictions and justice! Your statement about needing a moment of privacy to grieve touched me.....

 

[LaLaw2000]

I have been gone all day today and missed the presser. (Thanks, Patty G, for recording it)

I can post all day long on speculation, but when it becomes fact that Zahra is truly gone, I have few words. I could post about the horrors I thought this sweet child may have endured, but then when it is fact, I can't.

Everything I feel has been covered in the many posts on this thread from my fellow WS members. Thank you all.

Rest in Heavenly Peace, sweet Zahra.

 

[Reannan]

http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=162072750477909&topic=242#!/photo.php?pid=414740&o=all&op=1&view=all&subj=162072750477909&id=1733596514

..a person in hickory captured this pic of the sky tonight.

..as the sun was setting, it created a very clear pink cross in the sky..

Thank you for sharing that.... I sort of needed it, and I do believe Zahra had something to do with that happening tonight. My heart breaks......

 

[ella971]

I called my step father (my abuser) We spoke for a couple of hours. I think it helped me to deal with this little girl taken from us. Z could have given this world so much more than I have. I'm hurting for what she was and could of been. Speaking with my step father was a way of trying to understand and forgive at the same time. I forgive him and feel sorry for him.He could of killed my Mom and me. He was a cop and my Mom worked for a judge.No alcohol or drugs ever involved. We spoke about how he was abused and how that may have been a factor of my abuse. To admit the abuse was so good for me to hear. That is the good part. To me the only part that matters.

 

[Hamsterdance]

(((ella971))) :hug:

 

[NCMOM]

This case has touched me so deeply, I can't even begin to describe it. As many of you have been on this board before Zahra had her own thread, I am sure you have seen my many posts. I had to take a break from the case, because I was so frustrated with not knowing. Not knowing if they would find her, not knowing when her assailants would finally be arrested. I felt so helpless. Having to tell my daughter yesterday that they had found her, was as low as I could go. I will be at the Memorial for her in Hickory Tuesday the 16th. Zahra would have been 11 years old, a birthday my daughter just celebrated.

 

[Hamsterdance]

(((NCMOM))) :hug: Sending you strength for the memorial.

 

[ella971]

Thank You beautiful girl for giving me the courage to reach out and contact the man that abused me and to try to understand why. I did reach out and just feel lucky I'm alive and feel sorry for him and grateful to you for the courage to do so. He did want to kill me. I'm happy to hear him say that. I'm so sorry Angel that you are gone and I'm still alive. I would have protected you. You have touched my soul. Thank You.

 

[gibby207]

she did it to me too. that poem is so beautiful. I'm miserable, I cant even say it all beautifully and strongly like everyone else. I am not angry yet. I am devastated.

I'm sorry... but yeah, I was bawling when I posted it. I thought as the day went on I'd be better, but... no.

I go from bitter ugly angry to devastated in a flash. I think this is the worst case I've been a part of on WS. I thought it was because the uncanny resemblence of Zahra to my daughter. And that may be part of it... that's what drew my husband in. But more so even it's her strength and resilience despite what hell she had to endure at home. I will never, EVER, forget this girl. She may be putting me on a WS hiatus in fact. (Yeah, I say that but never really leave... lol) I feel like I should do more or be more an advocate for her in some way but I am clueless to how. At first, I was going to plant a special plant for her. I think it was Coldpizza who talked me into wisteria. Now.... I'm leaning toward a whole garden. Some may not know that I plant trees/bushes/flowers (perennial) in memory of some children, but they are not in a central location. Some here, some there... I think I'm going to make a Zahra garden. It's nothing... but yet something.

Damn it... I just wish I could turn back the clock and take her.

 

[thisjusthurtsmyheart]

I'm sorry... but yeah, I was bawling when I posted it. I thought as the day went on I'd be better, but... no.

I go from bitter ugly angry to devastated in a flash. I think this is the worst case I've been a part of on WS. I thought it was because the uncanny resemblence of Zahra to my daughter. And that may be part of it... that's what drew my husband in. But more so even it's her strength and resilience despite what hell she had to endure at home. I will never, EVER, forget this girl. She may be putting me on a WS hiatus in fact. (Yeah, I say that but never really leave... lol) I feel like I should do more or be more an advocate for her in some way but I am clueless to how. At first, I was going to plant a special plant for her. I think it was Coldpizza who talked me into wisteria. Now.... I'm leaning toward a whole garden. Some may not know that I plant trees/bushes/flowers (perennial) in memory of some children, but they are not in a central location. Some here, some there... I think I'm going to make a Zahra garden. It's nothing... but yet something.

Damn it... I just wish I could turn back the clock and take her.

Hugs for you (((((((gibby))))))) not really sure if I did that right but you get what I was trying to do. All the best to you gibby we will all make it together through this disturbing and unsettling time. I have faith that none of us will let the other ones fall. Much prayers to you in your moment of grief and mourning. :blowkiss:

 

[LCoastMom]

I am SO glad you are a survivor, we wouldn't be the same without you.
Also, feel the same way about Zahra, it's more then such a shame.
SHAME ON THE ADULTS AROUND HER!!IMO

All of ours opinion!!

AB and EB (or EY actually) should be so ashamed of their acts / non-action, depending on which one and what we know so far...

 

[Nosee_Parker]

I am always sad when a child is taken far too soon from this earth. The disappearance and subsequent homicide (allegedly) of Zahra is particularly sad given the struggles in her short life.

How man ten year olds are relinquished by their birth mother (for whatever reasons), endure endless cancer treatments that result in hearing impairment and loss of a limb, relocate to a foreign country, her father does not permit contact with her birth mother, scoring herself a beast of a woman who calls herself a 'step-mother' and having her life cut short by those who should love and protect her and THEN her precious remains scattered around like chook feed?

 

[Nosee_Parker]

I'm sorry... but yeah, I was bawling when I posted it. I thought as the day went on I'd be better, but... no.

I go from bitter ugly angry to devastated in a flash. I think this is the worst case I've been a part of on WS. I thought it was because the uncanny resemblence of Zahra to my daughter. And that may be part of it... that's what drew my husband in. But more so even it's her strength and resilience despite what hell she had to endure at home. I will never, EVER, forget this girl. She may be putting me on a WS hiatus in fact. (Yeah, I say that but never really leave... lol) I feel like I should do more or be more an advocate for her in some way but I am clueless to how. At first, I was going to plant a special plant for her. I think it was Coldpizza who talked me into wisteria. Now.... I'm leaning toward a whole garden. Some may not know that I plant trees/bushes/flowers (perennial) in memory of some children, but they are not in a central location. Some here, some there... I think I'm going to make a Zahra garden. It's nothing... but yet something.

Damn it... I just wish I could turn back the clock and take her.

Gibby, have you thought about planting a native Australian gum tree perhaps? They are beautiful trees if you choose the right one, some are too large for domestic areas. If there weren't stringent laws on international movement of live things I would post you one for sure (but, I'm certain it's not allowed). I might check it out and see if we can maybe mail seeds if you're interested.

 

[NancyA]

Now.... I'm leaning toward a whole garden. Some may not know that I plant trees/bushes/flowers (perennial) in memory of some children, but they are not in a central location. Some here, some there... I think I'm going to make a Zahra garden. It's nothing... but yet something.

Respectfully snipped, A garden for Zahra is a wonderful idea, I'm going to be out in my yard today clearing up and planting spring bulbs, I have a few special pots of daffodils (narcissus) scattered around in memory of lost loved ones, I'm going to make one for Zahra, the bulb variety I have chosen for her is "Cheerfulness" - perfectly sums up her bright, brave, sunshiney personality.

 

[Fyrecat]

I'm sorry... but yeah, I was bawling when I posted it. I thought as the day went on I'd be better, but... no.

I go from bitter ugly angry to devastated in a flash. I think this is the worst case I've been a part of on WS. I thought it was because the uncanny resemblence of Zahra to my daughter. And that may be part of it... that's what drew my husband in. But more so even it's her strength and resilience despite what hell she had to endure at home. I will never, EVER, forget this girl. She may be putting me on a WS hiatus in fact. (Yeah, I say that but never really leave... lol) I feel like I should do more or be more an advocate for her in some way but I am clueless to how. At first, I was going to plant a special plant for her. I think it was Coldpizza who talked me into wisteria. Now.... I'm leaning toward a whole garden. Some may not know that I plant trees/bushes/flowers (perennial) in memory of some children, but they are not in a central location. Some here, some there... I think I'm going to make a Zahra garden. It's nothing... but yet something.

Damn it... I just wish I could turn back the clock and take her.

I really love this idea! Gibby, it's wonderful!
I live in a 2 room apartment, no place even for a windowbox. I wish I could do something like this.

 

[LiveLaughLuv]

Gibby, Nosee and Ella (((((((HUGS)))))))))))


The girl's name Zahra \


za(h)-
ra\ is of Arabic origin, and the meaning of Zahra is "white; flower".


Gibby, white flower is one variation of Zahra's names meaning and what a wonderful thought to do a garden for all the children...JMHO

Justice for Zahra

 

[Fyrecat]

You're very brave. I'm glad you were able to get some closure.

When I was little, my aunt, who was also my godmother, and who I loved and still love (she's 95 now, God bless her) was emotionally and psychologically abusive of me.

Many years later-I was an adult, I confronted her, and asked her why. I told her that many of the things she said to me were mean, and cruel, and terrible things to say to a child.

At first she was angry, and denied it. Some months later she apoligised, and told me her story. She herself had been treated very badly by her father and to some degree, her siblings.

I'm sorry you went through so much, and I'm glad you're here.

Fyre

 

[little lulu]

Zahra has captured our hearts, she deserved sunshine and happiness, which I keep telling myself now, she is at peace, happy and knows no pain.
When my son died, I made a memory garden, in the center is a water garden and looking towards it is a statue of a angelic child, at the time...the child didn't represent him..he was 32, this past week...that peaceful statue has comforted me with thoughts of Zahra.
He loved children and would be happy I was sharing his memory garden with her.
This has wrecked me emotionally...she was so beautiful inside and out, what a precious treasure has been taken away.