Family battling Children’s Hospital to bring teen home for Christmas

[Donjeta]

In other words, when DCF says "jump" parents need to ask "how high?"

It tends to be in the children's best interests that parents work together with DCF and make an effort to appear reasonable and willing to cooperate and find solutions.

If DCF is in your hair for no reason at all, you're more likely to get rid of them that way. Threats and verbal abuse rarely help at all, and if your child is present when you lose it it may make her more distressed than she needs to me.

 

[Linda7NJ]

In other words, when DCF says "jump" parents need to ask "how high?"

Yes..




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[Linda7NJ]

In my opinion...sometimes, like I believe the case to be, in this case...shining the spot light on...really pisses the powers that be off. They dig their heels in deeper....Egos tend to be huge.

Oftentimes it turns a bad situation into an enormously worse situation. Doctors, judges and Child protective services don't take kindly to being told how to do their job, or publicly critiqued, and have orders, treatment plans, etc ignored.


One analogy, even if you believe you didn't do anything wrong...it's never a good idea to talk smack to the police that just pulled you over. The officer is the one with the power, the gun and oftentimes the ego to make your life miserable.

IMO this could have been an ant hill turned into a mountain with each side piling it on and making it worse.



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^^^^ this^^^^^

If you ever find yourself in this situation, I strongly urge you to quickly get in lock step with the program. Be part of the team, not against it.



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[jjenny]

It tends to be in the children's best interests that parents work together with DCF and make an effort to appear reasonable and willing to cooperate and find solutions.

If DCF is in your hair for no reason at all, you're more likely to get rid of them that way. Threats and verbal abuse rarely help at all, and if your child is present when you lose it it may make her more distressed than she needs to me.

My understanding is one condition is that parents have to agree to not treat her for mitochondrial disorder and instead treat her for somatoform.
Which they refuse to do. Which I can't blame them for.

 

[jjenny]

I could release select pictures of my kids that make them look awful too.

I fail to see how that applies here. Child is in custody of DCF. Parents are observed by DCF employees. They are not going to be able to stage something that isn't accurately depicts her appearance and physical condition.
She appears to be losing her hair badly. She has red marks on her stomach near her port. Apparently she also can not walk.

 

[Donjeta]

My understanding is one condition is that parents have to agree to not treat her for mitochondrial disorder and instead treat her for somatoform.
Which they refuse to do. Which I can't blame them for.

It's not about blame, imo, it's about what is going to help her and what is not. Assuming her life is endangered by untreated mitochondrial disease she's even less likely to get treatment for it if the parents behave like raging madmen. Justina's health does not get any better because the parents call people nazis. If you appear abusive and out of control to social workers it rarely helped anybody to convince the system that you're not a psychiatric case or an abusive parent.

Their best bet right now would be to appear as cooperative as possible and work towards Justina's move back to Connecticut and towards reunification with family imo. It gives them better odds of having some say about her treatment eventually than if their behavior gives people the impression that they're unreasonable and dangerous.

 

[jjenny]

It's not about blame, imo, it's about what is going to help her and what is not. Assuming her life is endangered by untreated mitochondrial disease she's even less likely to get treatment for it if the parents behave like raging madmen. Justina's health does not get any better because the parents call people nazis. If you appear abusive and out of control to social workers it rarely helped anybody to convince the system that you're not a psychiatric case or an abusive parent.

Their best bet right now would be to appear as cooperative as possible and work towards Justina's move back to Connecticut and towards reunification with family imo. It gives them better odds of having some say about her treatment eventually than if their behavior gives people the impression that they're unreasonable and dangerous.

And here I thought goal of DCF was protection of a child. Parents being obnoxious shouldn't enter into it if they are not abusing the child. If the child doesn't get the treatment she needs while in the custody of DCF, who exactly is abusing the child?
And why isn't the child being educated while in their custody?
She isn't a prisoner, she is a child.

 

[Donjeta]

And here I thought goal of DCF was protection of a child. Parents being obnoxious shouldn't enter into it if they are not abusing the child. If the child doesn't get the treatment she needs while in the custody of DCF, who exactly is abusing the child?
And why isn't the child being educated while in their custody?
She isn't a prisoner, she is a child.

It could be that DCF is wrong about her diagnosis and maybe her life is in danger every day and maybe she is being held prisoner in some hellhole where they don't have any idea what children need but if so, it's even more important that the parents don't make it all the worse by their behavior. Calling people Nazis and threatening the facility in Connecticut did nothing to help Justina get the treatment the parents think she needs, probably just the opposite.

If your kid is in the system and they think she's sick because you are crazy and abusive, they're not going to realize that they've been proven wrong if you act like you are crazy and abusive.


Hopefully there will be some answers:
http://www.bostonglobe.com/lifestyl...ssachusetts/puyPhesGkKE6rGLid2VM2L/story.html

Mahoney, the parents’ spokesman, said they are troubled that their daughter has yet to be seen by physicians at Tufts. Department of Children and Families officials said Pelletier’s visits at Tufts will take place soon, now that the parents “reached an agreement” with Tufts over a number of issues.

http://www.bostonglobe.com/lifestyl...ssachusetts/puyPhesGkKE6rGLid2VM2L/story.html
I wonder what issues there were with Tufts.

 

[jjenny]

She has been in that system for over a year. Instead of getting better she is getting worse. At one point system should be able to figure out that what it is doing to the child is not working.

 

[Donjeta]

She has been in that system for over a year. Instead of getting better she is getting worse. At one point system should be able to figure out that what it is doing to the child is not working.

Perhaps but what the parents are doing isn't working either. Two wrongs don't make a right.

Pelletier remained at Children’s for almost a year, most of the time in a locked psychiatric ward. Johnston wrote that the girl was ready to leave the hospital in June 2013 but could not be discharged because Massachusetts child-protection officials’ efforts to find a suitable placement “were significantly hampered by the parents.”
It was not until late January that she was moved to the Framingham facility.

If the parents want her to get an education this wasn't a wise move.
She had to spend six months longer than necessary in a locked psychiatric ward.

 

[jjenny]

Perhaps but what the parents are doing isn't working either. Two wrongs don't make a right.



If the parents want her to get an education this wasn't a wise move.
She had to spend six months longer than necessary in a locked psychiatric ward.

Parents aren't the ones who locked her in a psychiatric ward.

 

[Donjeta]

Parents aren't the ones who locked her in a psychiatric ward.

No, that is why it's strange to me that they would hamper the efforts to get her out of there. It seems very counterproductive and not in her best interests.

 

[jjenny]

No, that is why it's strange to me that they would hamper the efforts to get her out of there. It seems very counterproductive and not in her best interests.

Are we now arguing that only people with pleasant personalities should be allowed to keep their children?
What is the reason MA DCF is keeping the child? Parents don't have pleasant personalities and don't kiss the behinds of DCF employees?
Because I sure haven't seen any examples of this supposed abuse or neglect by the parents. There is a dispute over diagnosis, but looking at the recent condition of the child, the child looks horrible while being treated for the supposed somatoform disorder.

 

[Donjeta]

Are we now arguing that only people with pleasant personalities should be allowed to keep their children?
What is the reason MA DCF is keeping the child? Parents don't have pleasant personalities and don't kiss the behinds of DCF employees?
Because I sure haven't seen any examples of this supposed abuse or neglect by the parents. There is a dispute over diagnosis, but looking at the recent condition of the child, the child looks horrible while being treated for the supposed somatoform disorder.

We are arguing that people who are concerned about the best interests of their children should keep those best interests in mind when dealing with the DCF. It's not about them and their personality, it's about what's good for their child. Acting in an abusive manner towards DCF employees does nothing to help your child's cause. If you think the hospital was wrong to place your child in a locked psychiatric ward and she suffers greatly while in there, hampering DCF efforts to get your child out of there makes no sense. If you think she needs her parents and should be at home, it makes no sense to waste the precious time you have with her on visitations abusing the DCF workers, upsetting your child and giving the DCF the impression that her home life might be a tad too volatile for her well being.

Trying to be cooperative and minding one's temper when rage attacks accomplish nothing productive does not mean that you're kissing anyone's behind, it means you're putting your child's best interests in front of your ego.

If the child is getting worse and is at death's door, arguing the matter in front of a judge accomplishes more than threatening people. The goal is to convince the judge that you're reasonable and trustworthy, not to let your behavior seemingly validate the opinions of those who think you're a loose cannon.

I've no idea if the parents are generally considered pleasant personalities or not but I believe that we all have the choice to act like adults.

 

[jjenny]

I am amazed that some here place all the blame on the parents. And what is DCF responsibility in all of this? They are supposed to be protecting the child. What are they protecting her from? They are also supposed to be acting in the best interest of the child. Apparently after all this treatment for the supposed somatoform disorder she can't even walk anymore.

 

[Linda7NJ]

We are arguing that people who are concerned about the best interests of their children should keep those best interests in mind when dealing with the DCF. It's not about them and their personality, it's about what's good for their child. Acting in an abusive manner towards DCF employees does nothing to help your child's cause. If you think the hospital was wrong to place your child in a locked psychiatric ward and she suffers greatly while in there, hampering DCF efforts to get your child out of there makes no sense. If you think she needs her parents and should be at home, it makes no sense to waste the precious time you have with her on visitations abusing the DCF workers, upsetting your child and giving the DCF the impression that her home life might be a tad too volatile for her well being.



Trying to be cooperative and minding one's temper when rage attacks accomplish nothing productive does not mean that you're kissing anyone's behind, it means you're putting your child's best interests in front of your ego.



If the child is getting worse and is at death's door, arguing the matter in front of a judge accomplishes more than threatening people. The goal is to convince the judge that you're reasonable and trustworthy, not to let your behavior seemingly validate the opinions of those who think you're a loose cannon.



I've no idea if the parents are generally considered pleasant personalities or not but I believe that we all have the choice to act like adults.

You are absolutely correct, wonderful post, thanks button just wasn't enough!


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[ScarlettScarpetta]

I am amazed that some here place all the blame on the parents. And what is DCF responsibility in all of this? They are supposed to be protecting the child. What are they protecting her from? They are also supposed to be acting in the best interest of the child. Apparently after all this treatment for the supposed somatoform disorder she can't even walk anymore.

Completely agree. If someone had taken my child and then made her condition worse I would be flipping out too.
She was walking before they took her. Now she is only in a wheelchair and getting worse.

IT is a pathetic use of DCF.

 

[CherBearSTL]

Completely agree. If someone had taken my child and then made her condition worse I would be flipping out too.
She was walking before they took her. Now she is only in a wheelchair and getting worse.

IT is a pathetic use of DCF.

Thanks for saying this. I would have to be locked up if someone took my child. I'm sorry, but expecting the family to play nice when someone kidnapped their child is ridiculous. They don't owe anyone anything!

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[Linda7NJ]

Thanks for saying this. I would have to be locked up if someone took my child. I'm sorry, but expecting the family to play nice when someone kidnapped their child is ridiculous. They don't owe anyone anything!

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I understand it's upsetting. I understand you would be tempted to do something & end up incarcerated.

What I am saying, a parent needs to do WHATEVER it takes to do what's best for your child.
If that's making some concessions, reaching a compromise or three, if it's being respectful, if it's being open & receptive to another course of treatment & diagnosis.... so be it.

Then that's what it takes. That's what a parent should do.

You don't make your child a pawn in a power struggle with those who hold your child's well being in THEIR hands.





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[ScarlettScarpetta]

I understand it's upsetting. I understand you would be tempted to do something & end up incarcerated.

What I am saying, a parent needs to do WHATEVER it takes to do what's best for your child.
If that's making some concessions, reaching a compromise or three, if it's being respectful, if it's being open & receptive to another course of treatment & diagnosis.... so be it.

Then that's what it takes. That's what a parent should do.

You don't make your child a pawn in a power struggle with those who hold your child's well being in THEIR hands.

No. Not when it comes to someone taking your child away from you. Your decision making away from you. I know someone else where DCF removed child kept them accusing them of all kinds of nonsense until one awesome Judge finally got involved and saw it for what it was.

This happens way to often. Lock me up. You take my child when I did nothing wrong and I am going to lose it. END OF STORY.