Spell checked -- we are safe! I took pictures , I hope I can figure out how to get them here.
I awoke this morning with both trepidation and ambivalence. I had a burning desire to go down "there". My main want was to see to see media in an international story.
It made sense to me after some pondering. My initial career choice was to do television news. While getting my BA in that arena, it became clear that in order to break into television news, one has to start in small market which means a small city.
This was 30 some years ago. I came out like 5 years earlier, and, here in Orlando experienced homophobia. Would, where I ended up even have a gay bar? If some citizen of that small town drove by and saw the reporter on the news going in a gay bar, would I be fired solely for that?
I went to my professors, and the answer was probably. I was at an existential moment. Was I wiling to give up who I am, for who knows how long, for a career in broadcasting?
My answer was no and started all over in mental health.
I could not help but ponder the ironies here. My career change was a result of homophobia, decades ago, and today I want to see media, that are here because of homophobia. How far have we really come?
I decided to go the hotel that was being utilized for this first. I figured parking would be easier. I am horrible with directions and was quite proud of my self that my Map Qwest had gotten me there .
When I pulled in, however, I was relieved to see a lone camera woman in the parking lot, and was able to ask some questions. I wanted to know how far, walking would be to the bar. Reasonable distance. It is hot and humid today.
While talking to her, another woman approached us and was asking about the place where family were gathering. I overheard the camera woman tell her that it was even closer than the bar.
She also stated that she would not film inside the hotel. That registered to me. I went in and there was nothing really going on. I saw some press eating in a small dining room . I thought about asking the front desk where the conference room in the hotel was. I did not, after the camera woman's comment about not violating them, ask.
While walking, I noticed that ORMC (main hospital for the tragedy) was one block over. Both Carol Costello and Erin Burnett has broadcast from there earlier today.
As I got closer I did start to pass more folks with PRESS badges around their neck, and an increase in TV vans. There was a media presence, much smaller than what I would encounter shortly. There was a minimal LE presence.
I headed over to the next stop. On my way over , I saw a profound difference in the quantity of press vans. I also passed a cluster of like 10 people coming down the sidewalk approaching me. As I got closer they were wearing T-shirts with logos like "We Are One" and Blessed, and I knew that they were a part of the tragedy as well.
I passed a hybrid car charger on one of the meters. I do not know why I want to share that - but it was neat. I explored it a bit!
As I turned the corner I once again praised myself in that I certainly was not lost.
The media hoards were astounding. I also noticed that there was one huge "pocket" of media, and then smaller clusters of media spread about. I saw some lone cameramen and reporters.
I thought that might be smart actually, not caught up in the hoards as it related to heat, and lights that were burning.
I also pondered if that might not be lonely, and in covering this might not be a good idea.
I am not shy, and carefully navigated the endless cables strewn all over the place. I attempted to "listen" as I passed the main hoard of journalists. It was very somber and quiet. There was on young tech kid who had on upbeat music, which I found offensive.
I decided (so hot) that I had better drive , in AC closer to the club. More and more media vans were strewn around about, the closer I got. On grass. Over curbs. Sideways. Backwards.
I then saw a shower of white satellite dishes aiming for the bright sky. I am no particularly religious, but I could not help but noticing that they all were aiming for the heavens.
It almost, looked like, from afar, a pavilion you would see at Disney.
I started seeing LE with the blue and red lights atop of there cars on. That confused me, it is daylight. The closer I got the more press badges I saw passing me, the more cop cars I saw, and more tripods standing alone in isolation.
Then I was close. Crime tape , along my walk, had been discarded, all over the place, in random places. Then I saw the main media camp. Utterly breathtaking. It was like LE made space, via crime tape, to give them their needed space.
I checked out the situation, in terms of walking through them to get a closer to the main road of the atrocity. I noticed a lot of them (tech people) did not have anything around their neck, so I figured I would be fine going in front of them, behind the crime tape, to get closer.
All was well. My heart was pounding as I realized that I was there, on the main road. It was restricted by crime tape across the entire 4 lanes, and LE was all over.
As I was taking it in, the amount of satellite dishes was numbing. Utterly numbing. There were tents and tents of journalists, I noticed that there were tables of food and drinks in some sections of each tent.
I was enbolded , and decided to move closer, to grasp the enormity of it all. I had done it a couple of times with no problem! This next foray did have a cop standing in the middle of the road, but the crime tape was not across the whole street.
I also knew that I would not be arrested, and that worst that could happen was he would prohibit me from getting to the next "point of view".
I started going up that road. Then I hear this obnoxious, what amounted to a loud grunt, and knew it was the cop in the road. He was rude, and demanded that I come here. He had the cop body language, arms all puffed out, legs a bit apart.
As I got closer he rudely asked me if I regularly cross police lines. I explained to him that the road was not taped off . He pointed me back to where I came from. Just rude.
I attempted to talk to him by asking him how long he had been there and how tired he was. Rude, he was.
Hey one of four ain't bad! I decided to try another angle and was successful. On that walk, I saw the 7-11 where the video was shot by the folks the night before. It was the video where in the background you can hear them saying "they are shooting at each other".
It was not , the video from the guy on the roof that showed the barrage of gunfire by LE, when the perp came out of the hole in the building SWAT made to rescue the hostages.
I made it onto the road. It took me some time to catch on. It looked as if there were a bunch of cars,on a highway, that you would see at a red light.
Slowly I realized that every one of these cars were empty.
It was a "parking" lot, on the 4 lane road that the bar was on. The parking lot went all the way back to the main barricade. It was long. That stunned me. It was unmarked LE cars. 100's.
It was an experience. Walking back through that cluster of media to head back to the car, I heard a member of the media on her cell phone talking to someone about cleaning a bathroom. I found that, also, somewhat offensive.
On the walk back to the car, was I glad I had the experience? Yes I was . There was a catharsis to it. Some you know what has been going as far as my mother goes, and I concluded that a therapeutic experience might have some benefit there as well.
As I got closer to home, I passed a fire station that had a sign in front of it that said" Pray For Orlando" and tears flowed...........................
