GA - Teens storm Wal-Mart in rampage of destruction Sun 2:00am 28 June 2015

[wendybtn]

Wendy---was she always an unruly child? Did you always have difficulty with her when she was younger? Did she always challenge you on the issue of right vs wrong? Could you share more about your earlier failed attempts? I am just curious...
If there was a now & sudden change in personality with nothing exhibited before, my guess is the sudden change is related to her peers with drug experimentation.
I make no judgements--just would appreciate your insight & if you noticed a "turning point" incident that might help other parents here on WS!

She has always held things in. She was never a snuggly, hugger but she was affectionate and seemed like any other kid. I noticed what I thought were some small signs of depression around the time her periods started. But things were fairly typical until she started HS. In November of 9th grade, she sent a racy pic to a football player at school after he egged her on. She did not have a phone again until November 2014 (10th grade) which is the last Trac phone in the world that has no camera, as her brother was diagnosed with a brain tumor and I needed a way to get in touch with her. In Aug it st 2014, I put her in a psych/SA Treatment Center after the school brought to my attention she was taking phenergan and hydrocodone
that she was purchasing at school. She basically refused to cooperate with the treatment, individual and family counselling. I took her to a one on one therapist which helped none at all for 8 months. I home-tested her for drugs in February? or March? She was positive for cannabis. She was on a prescribed antidepressant which I thought helped a lot and she told the doc she felt better also and I informed the doc of the marijuana usage. I don't know how long the night sneaking out has been on going but I would say a few months, maybe? When it got warmer? We caught her completely on accident. I filed an unruly child petition two days later and told her that day she was being served with it, today, July 1. One week ago, she snuck out from us, then she and her friend snuck out from the other house and got arrested for underage drinking. She is also a straight A student, has a job where they love her and are always calling her to come in when they are short-handed. She is taking an excellent cosmetology course via the local HS & Votech, really loves it, has talent and passion for it. One other thing that occurred to me, is that her friends changed from starting in middle school to present. I always loved 99% of her friends, but now, just the way she talks about them and their home situations, I am constantly saying, why don't you have them over here, instead of spending the night there? We will get pizza and a movie. I think that pretty much covers it.

 

[katydid23]

Hearing that she is doing great in school, and her job is going well, and the bosses appreciate the job she does makes me feel better about success in her future.

When my lovely, responsible 23 yr old daughter was 15 and 16---- I thought I would have a heart attack before she grew up. She was also a good student, did extracurricular activities, had a responsible job, and lots of friends. But I did catch her in lies a few times where she ended up out at parties drinking with her friends. It was not fun to deal with. But I think it is somewhat 'normal' teen behavior.

She straightened up her act about age 17 and has been reliable and wonderful, *for the most part, ever since. I know she has smoked a bit of weed here and there, but she never got into any hard drugs and has always been responsible and trustworthy and a joy to have around.

When she was 18, 2 of her friends from high school became addicted to heroin. She told me, while in tears, that those sisters never had much attention or concern from their parents. And my girl actually thanked me for ALWAYS checking up on her, tracking her, texting her when she was a teen. She said she does know that she complained, but secretly it made her feel LOVED. :heartbeat:

 

[ATasteOfHoney]

Thank you for sharing your stories in a brave & candid fashion, Wendy & Katy!

 

[human]

Oh Wendy! Teenage hood! so hard!

She has love and is doing well otherwise. I cannot imagine that she won't come out of it. Sneaking out is fun and exciting, We used to do it , and we did not even have to. It was summer at the cabin and the parents did not care if we stayed up late.

I hope someone has some good advice for you as I have none. Try to keep a sense of humor about this and focus on the positive re your child. When my oldest daughter turned into a teen, hubby and I were shocked everyday as to what happened to our darling little girl. With the second one, we knew life would get better so we were anused rather than dumbfounded.

My oldest was about 19 when my ex BIL was being a good time Dad with his kids as he was at fault for the divorce. My daughter was telling him that he needed to be consistent and stick with rules he was always reneging on.

Flabbergasted, I asked her how she could say something like this. That she was always pushing the limits with us. She replied," Oh I knew you and Dad would always give in."

They play us like violins.

 

[Aeronomy]

Was that Walmart parking lot something of a local hangout for the teens in that area? If so many kids were already gathered together, something of a mob mentality could have formed . . . even in the otherwise good kids.

Although we don't know their ages, one report mentioned a 17-year-old, and I don't think it would do much good to punish his parents for what he did. Teens do dumb things all the time. They're sneaky. They push boundaries. It's what they do. Yep, every one of them should face repercussions for what they've done, but why punish the parents? The parents (most of them I'm guessing) are most likely going to deal with some level of embarrassment as well as a financial strain by paying for lawyer fees, court costs and restitution for what their children have done.

All that said, I firmly believe if one of these kids have been in trouble before, or if they get into trouble again, then it's best for the courts to take a closer look into the family dynamic to ensure the parents are being parents and do give a damn.

 

[Nova]

I've forgotten the topic of this thread, but great post, katy. I'm not one bit surprised that you are a great mom!

And you seem no less, wendy. Copying with the teen daughter stuff when you also have a son with a brain tumor is more than I can even imagine. Nonetheless, you have found time for your daughter, too, and she hasn't been lost in the concern for her brother! I pray you and both of your children do well!

Our son is a profoundly decent person, bright to the point of being gifted and a prize-winning artist. Yet he can't seem to manage his own life and has lived with us for the past six years! He's 47. Sometimes, I wish he would sneak out at night! Or noon. Or any other time. LOL.

 

[LaborDayRN]

Just found out one of my teens has been sneaking out after we are asleep. There are other issues related to that, that we are bringing into the local juvenile system for some outside help as we've exhausted all legal parental options with no success. But our town, probably like Macon, has a curfew. But if you call the city police to say your 16 year old is out after curfew and you cannot locate them at the usual friends, etc., They say well, there is nothing we can do. So all these unenforced laws allow the offender some freedom and do not help the parents who are attempting to do the right thing. But if they arrest 'em at 2 am, they about scream if you aren't there immediately. I wanted to leave her there for a day or two but they insisted that cannot happen. She didn't do anything "bad" enough to be held. So I am back home at 5 am with a 16 year old who still doesn't get it. Juvenile court told her today if she gets one more charge between now and August 4, she gets to go to juvie. I fully believe (hope) that if she sat in juvie from now until August 4th that would cure her. But I've been wrong with this one so many times before.

Some of these kids parents may be lazy, but I bet some of them are like us: when they pull this stuff, punish 'em. If I did what LE is allowed to do with regards to putting her in a locked cell, she would not leave the house when all are asleep. If I do that however, my 9 & 15 year olds would be removed from the home. The fifteen year old is undergoing chemo for a brain tumor. What is a parent to do? I could get arrested out running around at night trespassing on other's property, knocking on doors, chasing kids in an outside party at the lake/park. There are things only LE can do, but chasing around after errant, idiot teenagers comes after reported crimes or in progress crimes, wrecks, DUI checkpoints and other important LE functions. I do not blame LE. But I don't take all the blame either. She is a judgment-impaired, poor impulse control, cannot see past the end of her nose teenage girl. I cannot lock her up like juvie or prison. I cannot beat her. I am not a lazy parent. Please do not paint us all with the same broad brush.

Wendy, I'm sorry if you took my post as an attack on all parents, I apologize if it sounded that way. I wasn't trying to paint all parents with the same brush. I myself have raised children. They are now through college, grown with homes of their own. It's not like I haven't been a parent myself. I did feel it was my responsibility to make sure my kids were law abiding citizens. I guess I was lucky, they were/are great kids.

 

[wendybtn]

Thank you, katydid23! It helps me see the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel better going to the juvenile court officer yesterday, who gave her a blunt talking to.

 

[wendybtn]

Wendy, I'm sorry if you took my post as an attack on all parents, I apologize if it sounded that way. I wasn't trying to paint all parents with the same brush. I myself have raised children. They are now through college, grown with homes of their own. It's not like I haven't been a parent myself. I did feel it was my responsibility to make sure my kids were law abiding citizens. I guess I was lucky, they were/are great kids.

No harm, no foul. Until I had a kid doing stuff I did not like, I said much the same thing as many wrote on this thread, which is also what a lot of people think. Thirty years ago, I could have kicked her out or done a number of different things. Now, I have to think what CPS could do to my husband and myself and how it could affect the other minors in the house. I cannot afford physically, mentally, or financially to have the household disrupted. I won't let her hurt her younger brothers. No time to be that poor Maryland couple. I never will give up on one of my kids, but we definitely need some more professional outside assistance.

 

[anastacia]

Uhhhh...maybe we shouldn't blame the parents for not knowing where their kids were at 2:00am....I was quite the skilled bedroom window escape artist back in the day...just sayin..

 

[wendybtn]

You all remind me that as annoying as this is at present, some of it is kind of funny, as long as no one or their property is damaged. We will survive this. 17 months until she is 18. I just have to try to keep her alive and not get myself or my husband arrested!

 

[KaaBoom]

This will probably be deleted for being too political, but THIS kind of behavior, imo, is stemming from all of these protests against police brutality etc. It adds to their beliefs that they are above the law. I feel that many young kids today are developing a horrible attitude towards authority, towards law breaking, and seeing it all like a big joke. There are similar incidents like this happening nationwide. Someon posts a 'location' and everyone shows up at the same time to 'wildout.' It is very distressing and I am not sure how we can combat it.

I'm not really sure what point you are trying to make, but I agree with you. If the police are above the law, then why shouldn't everybody be?

When we have police officers who violate every single law on the books from beating people, murdering people in cold blood, to parking police cars in handicap parking spaces while they buy doughnuts. If that is the example that authority figures are giving, why should citizens behave any differently.

OK kids, DON'T BREAK THE LAW. If you want to break the law, then grow up and become a police man. Then you can break all the laws you like and never get in trouble for it.

 

[Nova]

You all remind me that as annoying as this is at present, some of it is kind of funny, as long as no one or their property is damaged. We will survive this. 17 months until she is 18. I just have to try to keep her alive and not get myself or my husband arrested!

Wendy, my point is recounting my own bad behavior was not to suggest that you should ignore your daughter's. As I said, I was only lucky that I wasn't hurt or arrested during my "wild years". (It was a different time: I once passed out drunk on a sidewalk; I remember the highway patrol officer asking if I was alright and nothing else. But he let it go when my slightly less inebriated and also underage friends said they'd look after me. I doubt that would happen today.)

My point, which I didn't complete, was that within a few years I had settled down with the man to whom I remain married almost 40 years later, was helping to support two stepchildren yet went on to get not only my BA but two advanced degrees.

So keep up the good work, but know the light at the end of the tunnel may be just around the corner! Sometimes the best kids have to rebel a little. The trick is to keep them alive and out of prison while they do...

 

[bluesneakers]

I'm not really sure what point you are trying to make, but I agree with you. If the police are above the law, then why shouldn't everybody be?

When we have police officers who violate every single law on the books from beating people, murdering people in cold blood, to parking police cars in handicap parking spaces while they buy doughnuts. If that is the example that authority figures are giving, why should citizens behave any differently.

OK kids, DON'T BREAK THE LAW. If you want to break the law, then grow up and become a police man. Then you can break all the laws you like and never get in trouble for it.

Not only that but there's so much inconsistency when it comes to crime and punishment. If your (universal you, not you you) chances of being caught and arrested are the same as NOT being caught and arrested and your chances of doing time vs. not doing any time are all the same maybe you will take more risks. Honestly since coming to this site I've been shocked at how many murders go unsolved and how many charges never stick. I had no idea.

eta PS: I'm not trying to excuse these kids or defend what they did or suggesting I understand what got into them.

 

[Hatfield]

You all remind me that as annoying as this is at present, some of it is kind of funny, as long as no one or their property is damaged. We will survive this. 17 months until she is 18. I just have to try to keep her alive and not get myself or my husband arrested!

IMO
I think sometimes it just takes time for the kids themselves to mature old enough to where it is not exciting to them anymore to do the real crazy stuff. As the tough years pass, the hope is they will slowly but surely grow out of it and start to pleasantly surprise us with some responsible and productive decisions.

It is tough years for lots of families and the trick is to survive them as best you can without anything too serious happening for anyone.

Most of the really wild classmates I knew that had the wildest reputations turned out to be very nice productive citizens in the long run. It took them to mature and took time.

It is a scary time and we have to tread through it carefully because I did unfortunately witness a few casualties. We had 1 seemingly nice girl in school that got very wild and was always threatening to run away from her family. One day she actually did take off and never came home again.
To this day, I feel terribly sad for her and her family as I knew her well. It was a sad time and it still bothers me to think about it.

So as a word of caution we just need to tread carefully through these tough years. The hope is they will mature and things will turn out fine. It takes a long time.

 

[Nova]

To continue with katydid's and KaaBoom's remarks above, I think several factors contribute to teen unrest. (And, yes, this is inherently political, but I'm not going to get into which party has the best solution.)

Not only are our TV screens full evidence that the game is rigged (unarmed black me being shot in the back, etc.), but an extended recession such as we have suffered pushed kids out of the job market as adults take minimum wage jobs. So we have an entire generation with too much time and too little money sitting at home watching evidence that the government is corrupt and the game is rigged against them. Why SHOULD they have any hope?

The amazing thing is that thus far only one Walmart has been trashed!

 

[SuzDuJour]

Funny, isn't it, how it becomes less "political" when it's kids looting,setting fires, tipping over cars, smashing windshields, etc. after losing/winning ball games at Universities...

 

[Dana]

Only 1 Walmart trashed? How about the mob snatch and grabs at CVS and Walgreen stores? How about knock out games? How about teens joining gangs? How about all the physical fighting all being caught on youtube? Go on youtube and watch all kinds of fights at food places like McDonalds or schools. I'm only 1 generation removed and I don't remember kids so bored they trashed businesses or broke out in mob fights or beat up on innocent people. I went to one of the worst high schools in my city were kids were openly doing drugs (using needles) in the bathrooms and still there were no mob fights or destruction.

I don't care if it's boredom or a game, destruction of any property or maliciously hurting others is not OK. Would it be ok if they burned down YOUR home or attacked someone in YOUR family? Adults or teens, destroying property over protesting or a ball game or any reason is NOT acceptable behavior. Only animals act like this.

Violence and destruction is never OK. Excusing this behavior and blaming it on everyone else is irresponsible.

 

[noZme]

When there was a glitch in the food stamp cards, adults piled merchandise in carts & walked out without paying at Walmarts & grocery stores. IMO that is blatant disregard of everything some of hold near & dear. In the videos, nobody was just getting enough to feed their family that day - not that stealing emergency rations is acceptable.

If adults act that way, certainly kids will think nothing of a gang smash & grab, or just knocking things off the shelves.
Where do we begin to "fix" the problems?

 

[Nova]

Only 1 Walmart trashed? How about the mob snatch and grabs at CVS and Walgreen stores? How about knock out games? How about teens joining gangs? How about all the physical fighting all being caught on youtube? Go on youtube and watch all kinds of fights at food places like McDonalds or schools. I'm only 1 generation removed and I don't remember kids so bored they trashed businesses or broke out in mob fights or beat up on innocent people. I went to one of the worst high schools in my city were kids were openly doing drugs (using needles) in the bathrooms and still there were no mob fights or destruction.

I don't care if it's boredom or a game, destruction of any property or maliciously hurting others is not OK. Would it be ok if they burned down YOUR home or attacked someone in YOUR family? Adults or teens, destroying property over protesting or a ball game or any reason is NOT acceptable behavior. Only animals act like this.

Violence and destruction is never OK. Excusing this behavior and blaming it on everyone else is irresponsible.

Who says violence or destruction is OK?

Placing actions in a socio-economic context is how we understand those actions. Understanding is not the same as excusing.