pittsburghgirl
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- Oct 30, 2005
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Lots of parents allow adult children still in school to drive cars registered to mother or father. Insurance is expensive. I have 2 cars. When I added the newer car, it only increased my insurance by $400 per year and I kept full comprehensive (collision) coverage. From the family’s point of view, a full-time grad student is still a “student.” It would seem likely that they were proud he was doing a doctoral program and wanted to help in any way they could, especially if he seemed to be turning around from earlier behavioral or health issues.The whole thing is bizarre to me, a grown man driving his Mother's car, and his Father flying out to accompany him home, and getting his adult son's car serviced? I'm wondering if they knew of more than the struggles we've heard of so far, and helicoptering their adult son?
I was in my 40s when I finished my Ph.D. I had worked both a full and part-time job during my master’s work and during the doctoral years had either a teaching or research fellowship, which I supplemented with picking up part-time research or tutoring that can be out there for enterprising students. I took the last summer off to write the dissertation and moved out of a roommate situation to concentrate on my work. My mother co-signed a loan (which I paid back) sent me $125 per month to “help out“ until I got a full-time job in the fall. That was a huge help and not “helicoptering” in any way. She was prone to a lot of snide “perpetual student” comments but she helped out as much as she could.
Many people start Ph.D. programs but don’t finish because 2-3 years of poverty is pretty brutal. It helps to have a spouse or parents as a safety net. And it took me a lot longer to finish because I was always looking for additional work to pay the bills. When i did take a full-time job, it didn’t pay a whole lot more than I earned from a research fellowship plus adjunct teaching plus whatever else I could get paid to do. In my program, we had a grad student association with a little budget; we often held events at the end of the month that included food (bagels, cheese, fruit) because in the week before payday, people were food insecure. None of this may apply to BK but in general, getting a Ph.D. Is hard work and living on a grad stipend (which also provides tuition) isn’t easy. The value of an assistantship or fellowship can be high because of tuition but what grad students live on is often lower than minimum wage.