RLynne--You stated my same thoughts very eloquently. Until someone has lived with someone with severe and/or sudden onset mental illness, you just can't imagine it. One day your son or daughter will give you a kiss and help with the dishes and the next night you'll find them cutting or hallucinating or....killing. I really think that we must step back and look at the whole picture. If it doesn't make sense, if the act is totally out of character, something isn't right. The pieces don't add up. And you are so right, RLynne, pleading insanity is no walk in the park.
Insanity is the last world that any of us want to live in--personally or by proxy. I've visited my son scores of times in lock up at the old Oregon State Hospital (yes, where they filmed "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest") and that was no way for children to live.
Chicagofa13, I don't think you're a "meanie". I think you have a right to your opinion and I value reading it. However I don't agree with you in this case. I appreciate your plain spoken opinion and think you have some good points. I also know that you are fighting like hell for everyone's safety. You are tired, just like we all are, of coming on to this board and reading about these tragedies.
In all my years of studying childhood development and the effects of trauma (abuse, loss, multiple moves, illness) on children, I've learned that very very few children are truly "born evil". I use that term as others have chosen it but I abhor it. I'd rather say "damaged". If a child is truly born with no moral compass, I would ask everyone to look closely at their pre-natal and peri-natal experiences. Were they drug exposed? Did they experience violence through their mother's serotonin levels while in the womb? Did they bond with a care-giver from day one?
These are the sorts of things that can cause a child to have no compass, no tempering valve, no understanding of consequences, no sense of right and wrong. This is Attachment Disorder, the most devastating diagnosis of all time. Literally, unfixable. Not evil, but broken or damaged.
This child can only care for himself as he has been programed to not trust that anyone will care for him. As an infant, when he's hungry, he goes unfed. When he's wet or cold, he's not warmed. We've seen through countless studies that this destroys the human spirit. There's no bootstraps to pull oneself up by. There's actually just a hollow core. If that is what you mean by "born evil", I will agree that some children and adults fit that category. They drew the short straw through no fault of their own. This is Conduct Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Early Onset Bipolar.
No healthy infant chooses evil over warm arms, smiles, and comfort. When we discover these children, we need to work our butts off to reach out to those parents through early intervention programs and make sure that every single child who is born gets their birthright--love and safety. If the baby is already here, we need to work like crazy to build trust and bonding. If we don't, we will all pay down the road. I know this to be a fact. I live it everyday.
But that's not what seems to be happening here. I noticed the quotes below in this article:
http://news.cincinnati.com/article/AB/20091204/NEWS0107/312040022/Teen+pleads+not+guilty
"Though his parents withdrew him from Rising Sun High School Nov. 16, some of Andrews classmates attended the hearing."
"According to court records, the parents were at work Saturday night. Andrew and Conner were at home alone. The brothers started wrestling."
"He said the Conley family was very structured. They did family things. They took vacations. They would come to New York to visit family. We went bowling, and Conner had a great time.
Let's look at this new info. The parents withdrew Andrew from school. They made some sort of plan in reaction to his cutting. We don't know what it was yet. I think it is entirely possible that he saw a therapist and was put on some meds. Even though two weeks went by (a lifetime for teens), friends attended his hearing. Those words are telling. Andrew had friends. Teens with Conduct Disorder do not. My guess is that these friends are reeling and trying to make sense of what happened to their classmate.
Next, we have the boys' parents leaving the children home alone. That tells me that they didn't sense any danger. Let me assure you that if Andrew exhibited Conduct Disorder or any long term mental health issue, that action would surprise me greatly given what is described in the next quote. The family was structured. They did things together. It sounds as if this mom and this dad were doing just what all good parents do.
We might, in hindsight, wonder what they were naively thinking if Andrew had just been diagnosed with depression or another illness. We have to remember, though, that not every parent out there is like me who gets chance after chance to get it right and can write a book on the "management of the traumatized child". This was there oldest son.
Parents always want to hope for the best. My guess is that nothing would have ever given them cause to worry about Conner's safety or they wouldn't have left them alone. Look at the way the little guy is described--smart and personable. He didn't get that way in a vacuum. It's likely that he had good parenting, good brothering, and a loving extended family. Note that a grandmother's house is mentioned which was a frequent child care option.
I strongly feel that Andrew's and Conner's friends and classmates need to be watched carefully as a trauma like this is known to have a major "ripple" effect on other children and teens. It is likely that we'll see more depression, cutting, acting out. This school and community are going to have their hands full for a long time.
I fully realize that none of us have the answers or the whole story and probably never will. Respectfully discussing these distressing and tragic events and debating our societal responsibilities is the healthiest thing we can possibly do. I know that all of us turn away from this forum and look at our loved ones and our communities with opened eyes. We are wiser for having examined these stories.
