Narcissists require others for attention: they rely on them for "narcissistic supply": anything that builds them up and confirms their superiority, grandiosity, and entitlement. They are terrified of losing it.
People with BPD, however, fear abandonment.
These twin fears incite behaviors that wound their loved ones and ironically drive them out of relationships with those who need them so desperately.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...at-borderlines-and-narcissists-fear-most-part
I started to post on this subject last night but realised I wasn't in a good place to do so.
After experiencing a 10 year marriage to someone dx'd comorbid narcissistic and antisocial, I cannot stress enough that everyone in their circle (from family to friends to co-workers) are used and manipulated solely to the narcissist's gain. As much as they fear embarrassment they also use people and connections to make themselves appear better or more important by extension. My ex was verbally abusive and physically intimidating to our then young children in private - but in a public atmosphere he could and would appear to be the world's best dad - while they were cute, behaved, and entertaining (as preschoolers) but if one embarrassed or irritated him, his 'mask' would slip and he'd get suddenly, intensely angry. At that point, they could do no right and were called idiots and bastards, even in public.
As anyone who has ever loved someone with a cluster B disorder can attest to, your brain can't initially accept that they aren't as 'normal' and sentient as you yourself are, so you find other reasons to excuse and justify bad behaviour. After educating oneself on these disorders, their symptomatology, and manipulative tactics often used by someone disordered - it becomes impossible to ignore or tolerate. At least it did for me. For others, they remain uneducated and in denial. My ex-MIL has been used as a proxy by my ex to abuse, manipulate, and intimidate without her even realising it (e.g. he manipulated her into sending pictures of my house in England using google earth. He then sent a handmade birthday card to me with a drawing of my house on the front of it). She still insists he wasn't abusive and is a loving and dedicated dad - despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
Personally, I believe narcissists (or if one prefers, narcissistic sociopaths/psychopaths) have the capacity to destroy anything and everyone associated with them.
I honestly feel they appear to love someone only when that person is useful or beneficial to them. It's very superficial. Whether that goes deeper I think is open for debate. I believe they reserve the depth of their emotions only for themselves.
On a happier, and all too rare note, my kiddos are now older and in a much healthier environment. Due to their father's behaviour/criminal convictions, the court suspended all contact with the exception of letters (which I am ordered to censor if abusive, manipulative, or inappropriate). And they too have been educated as to their father's disorder, on top of a lot of counseling, so they will never (hopefully) be victimised by him again.
IME and FWIW, apologies both for the slightly O/T and TMI nature.
Please pardon errors as posted via Tapatalk with a less than stellar user.
