I wasn't going to post this but after reading the latest on here, it is too strong of a testimony not too.
First of all, I don't WANT to pray for the bad guys (as we collectively refer to them in our family - also, it's about the KINDEST thing you can say in front of children) BUT I do know what the truth is. All along, I've said, we just need to know the truth, from top to bottom, whatever it may be. So I can't want to know the truth about my what's happened to my Mom but ignore what God's truth is. I can't preach on here or in real life about things that serve my own purposes and ignore God's purposes. I'm sick of turning the other cheek again and again and again and AGAIN. I don't WANT to pray for the bad guys, I don't want to think they're deserving of any mercy, I don't want to think they deserve ANYONE to love them...but God does. And they are His children. We talked about this in Sunday School last week when we read about the prodigal son. The people who are the farthest away from God are the people He rejoices the most over when they come back to Him. That is the truth.
Last night, I had to tell my girls (12 and 9) some hard truths. We have gently tried to ease our kids into realizing that Ninny will not be coming home to us. But there are so many things being said right now, both true and false, that I felt like it was time to have the talk. We sat on our bed and I told them, I think Ninny is in Heaven. And we all cried.
I kept thinking, I should NOT be having to tell them this. I should NOT have to think of what to say when they asked if Ninny was scared or if the bad guy hurt her. What DO you say when your child asks you if there were any knives out at Ninny's house? SOMEBODY ELSE should have to answer these questions BECAUSE I WANT TO KNOW TOO AND I DON'T HAVE THE ANSWERS.
I said God was with Ninny through everything that she went thru, because He is always with all of us, through every good AND bad thing. No, He didn't keep this from happening because we all have free will, including the bad guys, and THEY are the ones who chose to do bad, to hurt a completely innocent person. They may have taken her earthly life but now she has ETERNAL life in Heaven where we will all go to see her again someday, but God NEVER LEFT HER. God can and will and HAS turned this horrible thing into a way for people to see their way back to Him or to grow closer to Him.
I said the bad guys are still God's children and He still hopes that they will be sorry and ask Jesus to be in their life. My daughter said something I didn't quite hear, but what I thought was "Well, then I'll pray for Ninny." And I started to say, "Honey, Ninny is in Heaven and we don't have to pray for her, she's probably praying for US." But I asked her what she said and she goes, "Well, then I'll pray for HIM." I said, "Who?" She said, "The guy who did this to Ninny." Wow. I said, "You know what, I've told God to have mercy on their souls, but I can't really bring myself to pray for the man who actually took her life. I said somebody else will have to pray for him, but it can't be me...not right now. So girlie, that must be your job, if that's how you feel."
She said, "Yeah Mom, because remember the Pope? Somebody shot him and he went to the jail to forgive them and pray for them, so that's what I'll do for this guy. I'll pray for him." Out of the mouths of babes.
I've told God I've forgiven the bad guys. I "practice" saying it a lot. I ask Him to have mercy on their souls. I don't really know if that's a prayer but...that's what I've got to give right now, although it's probably not enough. I've finally come to realize that it's ok to offer forgiveness but still want justice and those responsible, ALL OF THEM, to be accountable.
