Kyron Horman's stepmother is a profile in contradictions....

[Emeralgem]

There is interesting sentence in the article that no post has yet mentioned,

"I've never seen Kaine cry until Kyron went missing," James said, adding that his mother was hysterical.

Given the context, I assume Jxxxs is refering to Terri - rather than his step-mom Angela. This is the first indication we have that Terri reacted with intense emotion to Kyron's disappearance. I put more faith in Jxxx's portrayal of his mother's emotional state than I do that from Desiree, who accused Terri of having "ice in her veins."

I'm thinking Terri's hysteria might have been due to the fact she failed that first LDT and not because Kyron was gone...JMHO

 

[MarieFaith]

My impression after reading this article is that this is definitely a person with a lot of contradictions, and so the article had an apt title.

Also, it is not hard for me to imagine that for the past few years Terri could have had a "double life" of some sort. In and off itself, that does not have to imply something bad, or rather evil. Personal frustrations, or feeling trapped in your life, can lead one to seek outside avenues for enjoyment or release.

In my reflections, I add in the MFH plot along with the sexting, both to the MFH guy (I'm sure I read that), and to MC, and it does make me wonder what else she had going on in her life over the last year or so.

 

[mydailyopinions]

I have a hard time with the discipline of Kyron if he was given a warning in school.
2nd grade..ummm..
My son would get warnings for things such as..
getting out of line going to the lunch room, forgetting to put his name on his paper he was just given 5 minutes to complete, laughing outloud in class to something that was very funny to him. Once he even was given a warning for screaming when a mouse ran through the room.
Now, if he did something really bad, he would be down to the second mark without the warning..like if he hit someone, threw toilet paper on the floor, or sassed the teacher. Thankfully, I only had a second level problem once.. a girl bit him and he bit her back..both of them were in trouble.

I suppose it depends on what he was receiving warnings for, but coming from a parent who has seen the 2nd grade 4 times with boys, not every warning should receive a punishment. Many warnings a 2nd grader gets requires discussion from parents.. JMHO

 

[Kat010]

I haven't read all the pages of posts yet, but this leaped out at me:

""Controlling with my money — yeah," Kaine said"


HIS money? Boy, that telegraphs a big message. Let's see, according to that story she's worked all but the last 2 years, either as a teacher (a sub) or in restaurants.

And taken care of the children and the home.

But she spends HIS money.

And she was the one who figured out Kyron needed glasses. And she taught him sign language early on.

And, and, for a child that his father has previously said was having problems with attention in class, she kept track of that via teacher reports. Although she does sound strict, still and all--she sure was not ignoring him, was she?

I also noticed this: Kaine has dumped his former stepson, who noted he'd lived with Kaine for several years, and that he would like to see Kaine.

I find that statement from J. incredibly sad. Just incredibly sad.

And very indicative of how KH treats people. You'd think he would have visited the kid, checked on how he was doing, assured him that he still cared about him.

In reality, that article also offered up insights into the people around TH as well as TH. And some of those insights aren't pretty, IMHO.

BTW, what's with the ex-MIL complaining about flowers and balloons? Once I was dating a guy whose mother did something very nice for me so I sent flowers afterwards with a thank-you note. Ulterior motive? No, just the set of manners I was raised with.

 

[SmoothOperator]

Thanks puffy, his death from a heart attack, totally unexpected, we were all devastated. My going back to school and getting an advanced degree was something we had planned for, and was one of my hubby's last requests (reminders) before he passed.

Hi! eyes, am sorry to hear about your first husbands untimely, so unexpected death and with little ones no less..
He had to have been so very very young, as y'all were high school sweethearts(so I took that to mean you both were close in age rather than him being alot older)..

My dad too died, an untimely and very unexpected death at the very young age of 36..

It's so very rare that I hear of others with anything similar in nature of having a close family member die at such a young age of a "natural" death(as in not a car accident, suicide, or other accident type death).. So, was just curious to know how old he was and did they find a "cause" for the heart attack? I'm not trying to be "nosey" just as I said so rare to come in contact with anyone with any type similar situation..

Am so very happy for you and your children that you were blessed to find love again and a positive male role model for your little ones.. And shows your true strength and determination to continue on with your education and to strive for a degree that I know is no easy fete(I know you are at the very least a pharmacist if I'm not mistaken and seems as tho I remember hearing that it was a specialized degree of some sort).. Either way it seems as though the sad and difficult obstacles that you faced early in adulthood really made you a stronger, more determined woman.. Kudos to you and I have much respect for you making it thru such difficult times and coming out on the other side a true role model for you children..

Sorry for going O/T and sorry if it seems as though I'm "prying" was just curious and understand if you don't feel comfortable answering any of my questions..

 

[SmoothOperator]

I'm thinking Terri's hysteria might have been due to the fact she failed that first LDT and not because Kyron was gone...JMHO

Yes, that does make perfect sense. I was thinking about this specific issue early this morning when I first read this article and I thought to myself that naturally a boy of his age would of course want to assume that his mom was truly heartbroken of his little brother's "disappearance" even if it was possibly apparent to others around that the emotion was over something else such as what you suggested the failed LDTs and all the "heat" coming down on her...

I think that very well could be the reason for such emotion and would corroborate TY's account of her behaviours within those first few days after the "disappearance".... JMO

 

[For The Kids]

*snipped*

I also noticed this: Kaine has dumped his former
stepson, who noted he'd lived with Kaine for several years, and that he would like to see Kaine.

I find that statement from J. incredibly sad. Just incredibly sad.

And very indicative of how KH treats people. You'd think he would have visited the kid, checked on how he was doing, assured him that he still cared about him.

In reality, that article also offered up insights into the people around TH as well as TH. And some of those insights aren't pretty, IMHO.

BTW, what's with the ex-MIL complaining about flowers and balloons? Once I was dating a guy whose mother did something very nice for me so I sent flowers afterwards with a thank-you note. Ulterior motive? No, just the set of manners I was raised with.

Where does it say ANYWHERE that Kaine has dumped J?? Where does it s ay Kaine hasnt asked about him or phoned asking how he was? It certainly does not say that in the article and right now hes probably busy with looking after his daughter and helping the police when needed and working and on top of THAT devasted about his son and knowing if hes alive or dead.

Its funny for weeks people have said its cos of Kaine and J not getting on that he moved out and yet when he says he misses Kaine..its still Kaine at fault for everything.

Just amazing

 

[BeanE]

Didn't KH in one interview, when speaking of why TH's son was sent to live with his Dad say TH was the laid back parent and he (KH) was more "structured" or something along those lines?

Desiree said that about Kaine. She was commenting on Kaine's and Terri's parenting styles when the thing about J moving out came up in the interview.

It's the 25 minute audio interview from the Oregonian. And it's really interesting to listen to that interview, now this article's come out.

http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/07/terri_hormans_emails_to_kyron.html

 

[BeanE]

There is interesting sentence in the article that no post has yet mentioned,

"I've never seen Kaine cry until Kyron went missing," J said, adding that his mother was hysterical.

Given the context, I assume Jxxxs is refering to Terri - rather than his step-mom Angela. This is the first indication we have that Terri reacted with intense emotion to Kyron's disappearance. I put more faith in Jxxx's portrayal of his mother's emotional state than I do that from Desiree, who accused Terri of having "ice in her veins."

That is very interesting, and I give J a pretty high weighting for credibility.

I also feel terrible for him for what he must be going through.

 

[angelmom]

I have a hard time with the discipline of Kyron if he was given a warning in school.
2nd grade..ummm..
My son would get warnings for things such as..
getting out of line going to the lunch room, forgetting to put his name on his paper he was just given 5 minutes to complete, laughing outloud in class to something that was very funny to him. Once he even was given a warning for screaming when a mouse ran through the room.
Now, if he did something really bad, he would be down to the second mark without the warning..like if he hit someone, threw toilet paper on the floor, or sassed the teacher. Thankfully, I only had a second level problem once.. a girl bit him and he bit her back..both of them were in trouble.

I suppose it depends on what he was receiving warnings for, but coming from a parent who has seen the 2nd grade 4 times with boys, not every warning should receive a punishment. Many warnings a 2nd grader gets requires discussion from parents.. JMHO

But the article quoted Kaine as saying that she wanted to ground Kyron if it wasn't "anything but green", "no room for error". The consequence for anything but green, for a seven-year-old, was "grounding him to his room for the evening, eliminating play time or not letting him watch movies".

"No room for error" is an inappropriate, and ineffective, way to shape behavior for anyone, especially a very young boy. (This is different for having "no tv" because of a RED card, for example.) And eliminating all enjoyable activities from a young boy's home life is an ineffective method for increasing his attention at school.

But these facts about her "disciplinary" approach, if true, also reflect an attitude toward the child that is less than compassionate and loving, IMO.

JMO

What I mean is that after getting the phone call about the red card (IMHO, pretty serious for 2nd grade - either a big mess up or a persistent smaller problem) I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for a daily checkup of what color he ended the day on. I also don't think it's unreasonable, after a call for a red card, to say, "Now Kyron, if you don't come home with a green card, no movie/TV for the evening and straight to your room after dinner." Stuff like that usually doesn't have to be done very often before the kids pick right up on it.

John Rosemond is famous for his advice to parents whose kids are having big problems. He says tell the kids, "The dr. (yes, Dr. Rosemond) says that if you are having trouble paying attention/following directions/not talking in class, etc. then you are probably overtired and not getting enough rest. So every day that you don't have a green card we are going to move your bedtime up 10 minutes so we can find just the right bedtime for you. When you start to be able to follow directions, we'll know that you are getting enough rest." This is not punitive, doesn't blame the child, is not shameful, but puts the control right into the child's hands. I have used it for every age from 2-15 (so far) and it still works. If my 15yo is grouchy and gives me grief about getting up for school, all I have to say is, "maybe you should go to bed earlier" and he straightens right up.

This is not alarming to me at all.

 

[WildingHeart]

The author of the article (Lynne Terry) is the same person that wrote the article about her interview with Terri's mother (CM) and reported what CM told her as fact.

Lynne Terry is also a member of the Terri's support page on Facebook.

She appears unbiased in the new article, but one must wonder what all she is leaving out, and or smoothing over.

 

[BeanE]

This may have been posted already. If so, please forgive me. I'm trying to find an early Kaine and Desiree interview in which Kaine said something about how Kyron wouldn't listen to adults at school. There was no problem with him listening to all the parents/steps, that it was just at school, and "we" had to work with him on that.

I want to watch the video again to get exactly what he says about it. This is in relation to the school/discipline stuff in this article.

I'm googling like crazy and I can't find the interview. If anybody remembers a timeframe, anything else said in that video, anything I can use as keywords to search it down, I'd appreciate it.

TIA

 

[21merc7]

This may have been posted already. If so, please forgive me. I'm trying to find an early Kaine and Desiree interview in which Kaine said something about how Kyron wouldn't listen to adults at school. There was no problem with him listening to all the parents/steps, that it was just at school, and "we" had to work with him on that.

I want to watch the video again to get exactly what he says about it. This is in relation to the school/discipline stuff in this article.

I'm googling like crazy and I can't find the interview. If anybody remembers a timeframe, anything else said in that video, anything I can use as keywords to search it down, I'd appreciate it.

TIA

BeanE;

Was that the one where they also talked about his staying in bed until someone came to get him? I think I saw it on the Today Show, I could be wrong. It was early on, so must have been in July, I am not certain. Hopefully someone else can recall.

 

[For The Kids]

This may have been posted already. If so, please forgive me. I'm trying to find an early Kaine and Desiree interview in which Kaine said something about how Kyron wouldn't listen to adults at school. There was no problem with him listening to all the parents/steps, that it was just at school, and "we" had to work with him on that.

I want to watch the video again to get exactly what he says about it. This is in relation to the school/discipline stuff in this article.

I'm googling like crazy and I can't find the interview. If anybody remembers a timeframe, anything else said in that video, anything I can use as keywords to search it down, I'd appreciate it.

TIA

Wasnt that in the same video where they said that Kyron wouldnt get up til he was called up?

 

[Adrienne37]

Kaine bought the house that Terri picked out - but he kept it in his name, even after they were married.

I wonder if the Mustang was in his name, as well, and that's perhaps why she left it behind.

Perhaps her credit is shot and it wouldn't be a wise decision to put Terri's name on the mortage.

 

[curiousgirl2010]

I'm amazed on how this thred has become the "let's hate on Kaine" thred.

Nothing Kaine does seems right. Although, it doesn't seem like he has lied about anything so far. Jx misses him and thinks of him "like a father". Terri sent him away.

And heck, I am 23, so for MY generation, women and men are both responsible to earn their own money. There's daycare and school, and honestly, it was Kaine's money.

He clearly gave her presents and allowed her to spend it, but in the end of the day, it is HIS money and he should have the right to control it.

 

[BeanE]

Thank you, merc and FTK! I'm getting closer. It's a video from June 25, so I've got the date now. I'll post the video as soon as I have find which one. There were several that day.

Kyron is well-versed in "stranger danger," his parents said, but because he has some trouble following directions in school, they have worked with him on listening to teachers and parents in a school setting.


http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/06/parents_of_kyron_horman_to_app.html

 

[ThoughtFox]

what? really? You find it surprising that the person who busts their butt at a job daily should question and have an issue with the way their sah spouse is spending money like water w/o consulting with them????

I have always been the primary breadwinner in my family and if my hard earned income was being p*ssed away without my knowledge or approval you're damn straight I'd have a problem with that.

When I first got married, I was the breadwinner and my husband was a student. Then later he took on the task while I stayed home with the kids.

We figured out early on that we had to make decisions together about money - one person can't go off and spend the grocery budget! Of course it is much easier if a couple is wealthy, but things can still get out of control.

Kaine may not sound generous about the money but I can't blame him too much right now considering the state of his family life. I think probably in the past he realizes that Terri manipulated him and acted behind his back. Maybe he didn't realize the extent of her spending until he began looking into it after he moved out?

Money problems are a major cause for divorce in this country. Keeping secrets about money - always a bad idea!

But the article quoted Kaine as saying that she wanted to ground Kyron if it wasn't "anything but green", "no room for error". The consequence for anything but green, for a seven-year-old, was "grounding him to his room for the evening, eliminating play time or not letting him watch movies".

"No room for error" is an inappropriate, and ineffective, way to shape behavior for anyone, especially a very young boy. (This is different for having "no tv" because of a RED card, for example.) And eliminating all enjoyable activities from a young boy's home life is an ineffective method for increasing his attention at school.

But these facts about her "disciplinary" approach, if true, also reflect an attitude toward the child that is less than compassionate and loving, IMO.

JMO

I agree - because getting the wrong "color" in class is punishment enough for some children! My youngest had the same type system at his elementary school, and believe me kids are embarrassed enough in front of the class without parents doubling up the punishment at home.

To me it sounds as if TH just wanted Kyron out of the way for the evening - good excuse to send him to his room and not interact with him.

I'm sorry if that contradicts the "sweet kind caring understanding dedicated mother" hypothesis some people have, but I don't like Terri at all the more I read about her. She makes my skin crawl. :furious: Jmoo

 

[curiousgirl2010]

It's the freaking 21rst century. Men do NOT need women to take care of the children in order to be successful in their job. That's insulting to working women everywhere!!!

 

[tehcloser]

I'm amazed on how this thred has become the "let's hate on Kaine" thred.

Nothing Kaine does seems right. Although, it doesn't seem like he has lied about anything so far. Jx misses him and thinks of him "like a father". Terri sent him away.

And heck, I am 23, so for MY generation, women and men are both responsible to earn their own money. There's daycare and school, and honestly, it was Kaine's money.

He clearly gave her presents and allowed her to spend it, but in the end of the day, it is HIS money and he should have the right to control it.

OY! :furious: So wives and mothers should just do all they do and ppffttt it's the hubby's money....oh no. I refuse to believe that. That's like back to the dark ages and stuff. Being married makes it an "us" thing, and that includes the MONEY.