Kyron Horman's stepmother is a profile in contradictions....

[21merc7]

Because we all read it.

Respectfully snipped

You got me there, lol!

 

[For The Kids]

When you adopt a child he/she becomes YOUR child. And you pay child support if you don't have primary custody after a divorce. That's life. J IS his child. I hope he and J are still close. That photo with him and little J and Terri is so adorable. How the little one is leaning towards him/daddy.

He paid for his wife's college? No, say it ain't so!

H hasnt seen J in years apparently because he asked Terri if he could reduce his payments as they were crippling him. He never got to see J again.

 

[mydailyopinions]

H hasnt seen J in years apparently because he asked Terri if he could reduce his payments as they were crippling him. He never got to see J again.

Never mind the best interest of the child:waitasec:
I have a huge problem with this.


I wonder if Desiree paid any child support? I am certain that if Terri could keep her own son from seeing his adopted father over it, then she would be extremely ticked over Kyron not receiving anything from his mother. (If that is the case)
If Kaine argued money with Terri, no child support coming in for Kyron would fuel the situation.

After reading this, I would really like to know what happened in that home during the week prior to Kyron going missing. Was there an disagreement with money? How was Kyron's behavior in school?

 

[ElizaAvalon]

I've not had any experience with a child with ADD. Are they able to control their behavior to avoid punishment?

A child with ADD is focused on the here and now and certainly not on the punishment they are going to get at home for behavior at school. They do better with immediate rewards for good behavior than punishment for bad behavior (not to mention how much better positive reinforcement is to the self-esteem of a child who is getting more than their fair share of negative feedback).

I'm curious to know why you asked. Is there any documented proof that Kyron has ADD? I've seen lots of speculation...

 

[kathryann]

So collecting an unemployment check for doing squat is contributing? I guess collecting child support from the sucker she got to legally adopt her son is a major contribution as well, right? omg. really?

Running a household can be kind of hard. Depending on how well you run it. But it's much easier than having to answer to someone who is in complete control of your livelihood. If KH doesn't do a good job, he gets fired and everyone's life tanks. If TH doesn't do a good job, worst case scenario (felonies aside) she gets a divorce, half of Kh's , alimony, custody and child support....for collecting unemployment and doing some laundry and shopping when she wasn't busy hitting the gym for hours each day and drinking herself to sleep. jmoo

LOL I agree. I was a single mom, worked full time and did everything else. I don't really think telling your husband how you're spending money is asking for too much.

 

[ElizaAvalon]

How is it that I manage to have the job I have without a woman to run life without me...????

I thought you wrote that you had a full time nanny? Isn't she doing all of the work for you that you would have to be doing if you were a SAHM?

It's really all about choices. Many women put their very successful and high paying careers on hold so that they can stay home to raise their children. Having the Mom stay home cooking, cleaning and taking care of the kids makes Dad's life a ton easier.

If my husband EVER called OUR money HIS money, it would be his last day.

 

[For The Kids]

Remember the Mustang was a gift for 'Mother's Day' - people can be bought by many different gestures. moo

This bread winner stuff is making me crazy!!! Kaine wouldn't have the job he has without a woman to run life without him! from the eek squad!

He probably wouldnt have his child missing either..

JMO

 

[For The Kids]

You know - I have a hard time with anyone who diminishes the role of a stay-at-home mom who is there 24/7 so hubby can move up the ladder and expand himself.

It's obvious Terri took great care of the children, everyone says she loves Kyron and her son, and her baby girl. I am stunned that people castigate the SAHM! from the eek squad!

I cant help but wonder if Kyron would share your opinion of Terri. To me her punishments seemed excessive and i wonder just much how time he had to spend in his room for next to no reason.

Sorry but no wonder he cried when he had to go home. At 7 I think I would also.

 

[Etilema]

I don't know about that color code thing. Yellow = inattentive; sounds like by they time they get down the line, things would have progressed pretty far. Remember Kaine talking about making Kyron listen in school? It was in one of the interviews with Desiree, possibly the first one. If they were working with him regarding this matter, I can see her wanting to know if he was being inattentive. Could it be that was part of the plan to get him to mind in school? And I noticed she wanted Kaine to discipline his own son.

If that's the worst example he can come up with in how she treated Kyron ...

Also interesting is that he brought Kyron over to her apartment at a young infant. He was born in September, and she moved in with Kaine in December, so he would have been quite young at the time. So it appears she HAS been in his life from the beginning, eh?

But it says:

He said when Kyron brought home anything but a green card she wanted Kaine to discipline him by grounding him to his room for the evening, eliminating play time or not letting him watch movies.

"There was no room for error," Kaine said.

That is extremely problematic, in my opinion.

 

[For The Kids]

Never mind the best interest of the child:waitasec:
I have a huge problem with this.


I wonder if Desiree paid any child support? I am certain that if Terri could keep her own son from seeing his adopted father over it, then she would be extremely ticked over Kyron not receiving anything from his mother. (If that is the case)
If Kaine argued money with Terri, no child support coming in for Kyron would fuel the situation.

After reading this, I would really like to know what happened in that home during the week prior to Kyron going missing. Was there an disagreement with money? How was Kyron's behavior in school?

On the other hand ( depending if Ecker even knew) The Hormans would be missing a load of money if they was no longer getitng money for J. In addition Kyron supposedly got upset when he went home and IF there was any talk of Kyron going to live with Desiree they would lose any money they possibly got from Desiree for Kyron and in addition..Kaine would have to pay Desiree probably a sizable chunk. IMO this would all cut heavily into any money they had coming in or expected to have coming in in the future.

 

[Etilema]

LOL I agree. I was a single mom, worked full time and did everything else. I don't really think telling your husband how you're spending money is asking for too much.

And let's turn it around. If Kaine spent money "like water" and didn't bother to consult with Terri about it, would that bother anyone? I should think so. JMO

 

[angelmom]

Hmmm...

They make it seem like they're telling us a lot, but ITA that there are more questions than answers here.

*Were Kaine and Terri arguing about $10 lunch with the girls or $250 purses or $1000 shopping sprees? I don't spend big bucks without checking in with DH, more for input than "permission," but I have a friend who has NO access to money (even her own paycheck) except through her DH. She has to ask if she wants to go to lunch or a movie with us. She doesn't even pump gas! He takes her car once a week and fills it up with HIS credit card and that's her gas for the week. I do NOT get that, but like they say, a lid for every pot. :waitasec: We really don't know what the issue was. Terri may have been a compulsive shopper (although she doesn't really appear that way to me) or he may be a control freak (which doesn't strike me as completely out of the question). The "MY money" comment makes me think the latter. That's a red flag for me.

*The daily reports from the teacher are EXACTLY what I would do if my child was having discipline issues at school serious enough for the teacher to have to call me. How do you "ground" a 7yo? No TV? What horror! Going to bed early? Highly recommended as a discipline method (does anyone read John Rosemond anymore?) In 2nd grade my kids all came home with a daily check of their behavior so we could be on top of any problem. Not a big deal at all, especially with their small class sizes. Mostly it was just a star, and a few kids who had gotten a check in a specific area. Maybe a few times a year a note about a persistent issue comes home. If a teacher has to call the parents about behavior in 2nd grade, it's a problem that needs to be addressed.

*Did Jxxxx WANT to go live with his grandparents? I have a 15yo, and I will say that as the SAHM and primary caregiver/disciplinarian (laundress, chauffeur, cook, etc.) we butt heads much more than he and my DH (or "Uncle Dad" as I sometimes call him!) I still adore him, but I get much more frustrated with his missing homework assignments and messy room b/c I am the one dealing with it. A kid skipping school would not end pretty at my house.

*And the comment about the boat...what money was he planning on using for that? Was it part of the settlement from Chubby's or the car accident that Terri had said she'd save for Jxxxx to use for college? That would rub me the wrong way too. A BOAT?? Please. Another thing where we are not getting the whole story. If this is the worst stuff ex-in-laws can come up with, then I hope LE has other options. They sounded so ungrateful when it seemed like Terri was trying to do nice things. Makes me love my wonderful MIL even more!

I agree that it would be great if there was more of a focus on Kyron, but without any input from LE, what are they supposed to write? It's either this soap opera crap (which I read every word:blushing or let the story fade, which would be even more sad.

 

[BeanE]

Omg you all are 7 pages ahead of me, and I haven't even finished looking at all the poems and stuff with the article.

No more posting after BeanE goes to bed!!! :snooty:

 

[Etilema]

...
*The daily reports from the teacher are EXACTLY what I would do if my child was having discipline issues at school serious enough for the teacher to have to call me. How do you "ground" a 7yo? No TV? What horror! Going to bed early? Highly recommended as a discipline method (does anyone read John Rosemond anymore?) In 2nd grade my kids all came home with a daily check of their behavior so we could be on top of any problem. Not a big deal at all, especially with their small class sizes. Mostly it was just a star, and a few kids who had gotten a check in a specific area. Maybe a few times a year a note about a persistent issue comes home. If a teacher has to call the parents about behavior in 2nd grade, it's a problem that needs to be addressed.
...

But the article quoted Kaine as saying that she wanted to ground Kyron if it wasn't "anything but green", "no room for error". The consequence for anything but green, for a seven-year-old, was "grounding him to his room for the evening, eliminating play time or not letting him watch movies".

"No room for error" is an inappropriate, and ineffective, way to shape behavior for anyone, especially a very young boy. (This is different for having "no tv" because of a RED card, for example.) And eliminating all enjoyable activities from a young boy's home life is an ineffective method for increasing his attention at school.

But these facts about her "disciplinary" approach, if true, also reflect an attitude toward the child that is less than compassionate and loving, IMO.

JMO

 

[SurfieTX]

I didn't read through the whole thread yet, so I don't know if anyone has explained the color thing.

Our schools do that. It's routine for every grade in elementary school. It is a conduct grade that one gets every day - green is for good, yellow is for warning, orange is more than one warning and red gets 'ya sent to the principal and a call home. Yellow and orange usually signify talking excessively in class, bothering classmates, etc. Red is for hitting, cursing, etc.

The kids have a "take home" folder. Every day, you can see what color your child earned and the teacher usually leaves a note for colors other than green, so you can address it with your child at home.

I always liked the idea of the kids getting graded on academics and conduct. When my kids were younger, I thought it was a useful tool for parents and teachers.

 

[tehcloser]

But it says:

He said when Kyron brought home anything but a green card she wanted Kaine to discipline him by grounding him to his room for the evening, eliminating play time or not letting him watch movies.

"There was no room for error," Kaine said.

That is extremely problematic, in my opinion.

Didn't KH in one interview, when speaking of why TH's son was sent to live with his Dad say TH was the laid back parent and he (KH) was more "structured" or something along those lines?

 

[For The Kids]

Hmmm...

*And the comment about the boat...what money was he planning on using for that? Was it part of the settlement from Chubby's or the car accident that Terri had said she'd save for Jxxxx to use for college? That would rub me the wrong way too. A BOAT?? Please. Another thing where we are not getting the whole story. If this is the worst stuff ex-in-laws can come up with, then I hope LE has other options. They sounded so ungrateful when it seemed like Terri was trying to do nice things. Makes me love my wonderful MIL even more!

I agree that it would be great if there was more of a focus on Kyron, but without any input from LE, what are they supposed to write? It's either this soap opera crap (which I read every word:blushing or let the story fade, which would be even more sad.

It seemed to me like it was Ecker senior buying the boat and nothing to do with any money belonging to Terri at all.

 

[Etilema]

...I think what he meant by "my money" was HIS income.... that she wasn't discussing how they should be spending "our money"... HIS income. I think he was differentiating between HER income and the family income (HIS income.) She has been getting child support since Kaine met her. SHE was on unemployment for TWO YEARS. (How do you do that?) She had her OWN income as well.

Excellent point about the fact that she actually did have money coming in, herself, in the form of child support and unemployment.

But, also, "his" money could be interpreted to mean the money that, in the budget or in fairness, should be his to allocate. Like there is money for bills and living expenses, savings, and then discretionary money that each should be able to use for what they want/need. Maybe her spending was such that he was left with nothing to spend, himself, beyond the basics.

Honestly, based on what we have learned, it did not seem like she was being deprived of material comforts or the chance to spend money or freedom. I don't get the impression KH gave her some small amount of spending money and expected her to account for every penny. He didn't even know where she was or what she was doing most days. Perhaps the failing was not having some clear guidelines ahead of time on how much money would be appropriate to spend without the two of them consulting.

In the back of my mind, I remember reading somewhere that she claimed KH had made some purchase without consulting her. Was it an email to a friend? Does anyone else recall what I am thinking of?

JMO

 

[Emeralgem]

Ain't no way a roommate would move in, take it upon herself to re-arrange my belongings and put them outside so she could make room for her things...I would be moving her things out the front door as she was trying to move in...JMO

 

[Etilema]

Didn't KH in one interview, when speaking of why TH's son was sent to live with his Dad say TH was the laid back parent and he (KH) was more "structured" or something along those lines?

Something along those lines. In other words, I don't think he was saying she was more "laid back", but that she wasn't consistent. (If she were laid back, she wouldn't have been fighting with her older son, which was the context of KH's comment about the difference in their disciplinary methods.) To me, his comment meant that he sees himself laying down clear expectations and consequences, while she might be all over the place, react emotionally, or whatever. JMO