Jeana (DP)
Former Member
Didn't I ask you to not put words in my mouth? You know what I'm trying to say. If you want to make me the villan, so be it.
Missouri Man Denied Adoption Because Of His Weight
- Thread starter White Rain
- Start date
Didn't I ask you to not put words in my mouth? You know what I'm trying to say. If you want to make me the villan, so be it.
nanandjim
Former Member
I know that this post was not directed at me, but I wanted to add my two cents' worth.
Obesity is something an individual can control. One chooses what type of food and the amount that he or she shovels into his/her mouth. Becoming disabled--due to an illness or disease--is usually out of a person's control. So, as I see it, they are two entirely different circumstances.
Jeana (DP)
Former Member
You can discuss your opinion regarding the topic, but don't get personal, ok?
The topic is should a 500 POUND man be allowed to adopt. My response was no. Now, if you've got something to say about that, please feel free. If you get personal, then I've got to put my moderator hat on and get mean, which I don't want to do.
I know that this post was not directed at me, but I wanted to add my two cents' worth.
Obesity is something an individual can control. One chooses what type of food and the amount that he or she shovels into his/her mouth. Becoming disabled--due to an illness or disease--is usually out of a person's control. So, as I see it, they are two entirely different circumstances.
Not always. I have seen some tv shows on that. There was one about a woman who only ate lettuce, celery and carrots and she STILL couldnt lose weight. One woman, I think was 600lbs...her weight ballooned from normal because of medications she was on. My best friend has a daughter who had the bypass surgery. It was the only way for her to lose weight. That girl has been on diets from doctors since she was 13. She's now 31 and had the surgery 4 years ago. Some people are prone to obesity regardless, it's not something they can control even under a doctors care.
Athough I think for most people it is a matter of overeating.
I know that this post was not directed at me, but I wanted to add my two cents' worth.
Obesity is something an individual can control. One chooses what type of food and the amount that he or she shovels into his/her mouth. Becoming disabled--due to an illness or disease--is usually out of a person's control. So, as I see it, they are two entirely different circumstances.
there is medical conditions that can make one obese, not all obese people are obese from stuffing their face
nanandjim
Former Member
IMO, very few people are obese through no fault of their own. I also have a sister who had a bypass. Even though she swore that she ate like a bird and still couldn't lose weight, this was not the truth. It's amazing how a bypass--which restricts the amount of food that you can consume--can result in weight loss. My sister has lost over 150 pounds.
Don't get me wrong. I have a major problem with overeating and eating the wrong things. But for the grace of God and intensive exercise for hours on end, I would be obese, too. I know that it is very hard to get your diet and your weight under control. I live it.
Autumn2004
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Gastric bypass surgery also takes out part of your absorption so you dont absorb the foods that you do eat as much it also cuts a nerve that sends out hunger pains. There are many factors that go into it instead of just restricting your food. Hypothyroidism can also make it very difficult to lose weight.
Celiac disease can make you very thin or overweight (this is new information in studies since previously it was thought to only make you thin) amazingly many people drop weight quickly when they get rid of gluten in their diet and do not change their calorie consumption. You can lose tremendously to the point of being unhealthy or you can hold on to every calorie you eat because your body thinks its starving from malnutrition due to vitamins not being absorbed.
My sisters mil gained 60 pounds when she was put on steroids for cancer. It was crazy how fast it came on.
Insulin resistance found in pcos can make it very difficult to lose weight but it is possible with insulin sensitizing medicines, the trick I believe for some is to get the proper diagnosis and medicines to treat it. Im lucky that I dont have a weight problem I ate bad for years and should have had it, I only became healthy in my diet about four years ago. Being obese is not dieter's fault alone at all times. If it was the case that bad eating caused it always I should have been huge.
I would like to know what other reasons this judge has used to deny adoptions. Has he denied smokers or told smokers they must stop if they want the child that badly? Has he been consistent in considering the overall health of other parents that want to adopt?
I'd really like to know.
I'd really like to know.
southcitymom
Well-Known Member
I thought about this too, Taximom. It's a slippery slope. First, we say obese people can't adopt....then smokers can't adopt....then people who use blue language can't adopt....then people who are atheists can't adopt....then people who don't exercise 30 minutes/day three times a week can't adopt....then people who think marijuana should be legal can't adopt....then people who came from divorced homes can't adopt....then people who eat meat can't adopt.....I mean I could go on and on and on with stupid surface reasons.
There are some basics that should be met by adoptive parents of course (although people who give birth to their own children don't have to even meet these basics). Past that - they should have love in their hearts and wish to be a parent. No parent is perfect and we all have our struggles and places where we fall short.
But obesity as a criteria for denying an adoption is nothing short of preposterous.
Don't get me wrong. I am in absolute agreement with your last sentence. I just wonder if this judge picked on him because he was obese, or if this really is the way he works taking into account any negative health impact.
If it's anything illegal, I'm in full agreement with denying an adoption. Other than that, he should be weighing (ha) all the facts about people choosing to adopt.
bakerprune64
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I agree, and being fat is not one of the protected classes for discrimination purposes.
Jeana (DP)
Former Member
We're not just talking about someone with a few extra pounds. This guy is a walking time bomb of possible medical problems.
southcitymom
Well-Known Member
You might be right about the Judge. Judges are humans and, as such, bring their personal convictions, both good and bad, to the bench with them. Maybe this Judge is ultra into physical health.
bakerprune64
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Oh Jeana, I totally agree, I was merely pointing out that being a tub-o-lard isn't a protected class in terms of discrimination.:blowkiss:
ETA:If this man is serious about adopting the child, why not petition the courts for guardianship...loose the weight and then go back to court after doning so and adopt the child! Just a thought. I would think doing WHATEVER necessary to correct the problem would be first and foremost...not contacting a lawyer.
I think the parallel here would be to question if a judge would give a child to a person who has terminal cancer... not comparing to someone who is blind or disabled. Being disabled does not increase your chance of a early demise ...
Having cancer or being 500lbs does.
Having cancer or being 500lbs does.
as are alot of thin parents- actually alot of folks in this world--weight clear out of the picture-This is also a family member he is trying to adopt, so it is not a "money maker" as we have seen in the news with other stories -he works, has a wife and I believe in my heart loves this little guy, and wants him to have a safe, loving home- and fyi- not that it matters but I am thin- I dont think this should be a weight issue, since the gentelman is a middle class working guy- who happens to be very heavy-
thats all :twocents: :twocents:
Jeana (DP)
Former Member
I completely agree with you that his motives appear to be 100% based in love and nothing more. I just can't help but think about the future if this man continues to gain weight. What happens when he can no longer work, function, clean himself, get out of bed, etc.? When a parent becomes an invalid because they ate themself into being bedridden, its the person's family who suffers. I just hate to see a child in a situation like that. I have absolutely nothing against him personally. I'm just thinking about the baby.
txsvicki
Active Member
My husband was disabled in an accident when I was 8 months pregnant with my 4th child, one of them still in diapers. It was hard and we never had as much money as we would have, but he was on disability and I worked. He was always home with the kids while I worked and took good care of them. He's in bad shape now but still helps with grandkids. While visiting about my grandkids, CPS misunderstood me and even put on some paperwork that we were interested in also becoming foster parents to some more kids and wanted us to adopt my grandkids.
My best friend is trying to adopt internationally right now, so adoption regulations are fresh in my mind. In a perfect world, all kids would be happy and loved and taken care of by their biological parents. However, since that can't be the case, I think adoption regulations have to be strict so that the children receive the absolute best possible care, plus the fact that there are thousands of couples (or singles) who want a baby to love means that it becomes competitive. Someone brought up diabetes...you are not allowed to adopt from Russia if you are insulin dependent. In order to adopt internationally, you have to submit a complete mental and physical health report detailing any conditions you might have and, yes, they can deny you for many of them. As someone who is overweight and was raised by my grandparents, I still say that placing this child with a man in such obvious poor health would not be in his best interest when there are thousands of other healthy individuals who could take care of him. Of course no one can predict what is going to happen in the future, but a judge can do his best to give the poor little boy stability in the hopes that he will not suffer any more tragedy in his young life. I am glad that this has given the man incentive to become more healthy. If that is the case, then the judge made the right decision because it sparked a positive life change for the man in question which will, hopefully, lead to a better life for him and his family and the little boy.
to judge some1 as good or bad based on their weight is wrong and short sighted. some people turn the pain inward and hurt themselves. some use food to do this. some people turn pain outward and hurt others. some use food to do it and starve a child. to make a moral judgement on some1 based only on their weight is very short sighted.
to judge someones ability to adopt based on their health is common sense. no matter how healthy you are you can die any day. get hit by lightning or eat bad canned chili or get hit by a car. when a judge looks at these cases he must decided what is best for the child. a healthy child under 2 can get adopted by a healthy family every day. he can give this baby to 2 healthy adults and it will have the best chance at being raised by 2 parents. if you have a 13year old with a disability you give it to any one who will love it. the best chance for that child is just to get it out of foster care. i feel bad for this man but the case that was before this judge is what was best for this baby. growing up without a father is hard on a child. it happens everyday but in this case a judge was asked to give a child to a man who had a much higher risk of early death than average. i just wish this judge was sitting on cases with crack mothers. he seems able to make hard choices in cases in the best interest of the child and all to often we see judges who only want to keep the family together at any cost.
to judge someones ability to adopt based on their health is common sense. no matter how healthy you are you can die any day. get hit by lightning or eat bad canned chili or get hit by a car. when a judge looks at these cases he must decided what is best for the child. a healthy child under 2 can get adopted by a healthy family every day. he can give this baby to 2 healthy adults and it will have the best chance at being raised by 2 parents. if you have a 13year old with a disability you give it to any one who will love it. the best chance for that child is just to get it out of foster care. i feel bad for this man but the case that was before this judge is what was best for this baby. growing up without a father is hard on a child. it happens everyday but in this case a judge was asked to give a child to a man who had a much higher risk of early death than average. i just wish this judge was sitting on cases with crack mothers. he seems able to make hard choices in cases in the best interest of the child and all to often we see judges who only want to keep the family together at any cost.