Missouri Man Denied Adoption Because Of His Weight

[Squishified]

If I were the judge, I would throw in my thoughts on the man's weight and say that I'd wish he would loose weight due to the increased possibility of dying to young and leaving both kids fatherless, but I'd go ahead and grant the adoption. After all, should we take all the kids away from thier morbidly obese parents in the fear they will one day loose said parent?

Right on, gman!

 

[Paladin]

I hear you, Paladin. I truly do. But it is BS to call someone who is fat a loser and it is BS to deny them the opportunity to adopt.

As far as everyone's unhealthy lifestyle choices - I don't care what people eat, drink, smoke or do or don't do at the gym.

If the person next to me on the airplane is crushing into my space with their girth or wearing a cologne that makes me want to puke or reading a publication that offends me or snoring when they sleep or yakking on their cell phone, I may be irritated that someone else's lifestyle is impinging on my comfort, but I learned to live with that a long time ago and I'm still not interested in legislating them into a healthier place.

I personally don't care about paying higher healthcare costs due to smoking or obesity or AIDS or drug abuse or whatever other "cause du jour" is going to be blamed this season for our healthcare woes. I'm happy to keep paying for all the dying people and I assume someone will do the same for me when I'm dying and if they don't, I'm okay with that too.

This doesn't mean I am a fan of promoting unhealthy lifestyles. I do want people to be healthier and happier - just not enough to legislate their behavior to death.

These are just my opinions - I know other people have different feelings on the matter.

I don't care what people do in eat, drink whatever as well, but if it directly affects me I do care, very much. I mean, for instance, I don't want to eat a meal in a restaurant where people are smoking. Their bad habit is affecting my health and my meal.

A heavy set person taking up half of my seat affects me as well. If someone is taking up half of my seat I would expect them to pay me for half of my ticket.

So here's what happens. Airlines either force them to buy 2 seats, or they start upgrading their planes to have bigger seats, which means less people can fit on a plane, which means the price of airline tickets go up.

No one should have to "learn to live with that". And if you have, you're certainly a much better person than I am, or a push-over (not meant as an insult).

 

[Autumn2004]

My sister is a whopping 126 lbs and has very high cholesterol for which she is on medication for. I'm assuming this same judge would look at her and approve an adoption because she's slim?

Her arteries may be clogged to the hilt, but because she's skinny and *looks* healthy, all is well?

That's one stupid judge.

Thank you My husband was in horrible health but to look at him he looks very healthy. His cholesterol was over 300. His blood pressure was sky high. He was a ticking time bomb. There is a term called thin outside fat inside.

This man was trying to change his life, he has lost weight and is making an effort. Im sure with as many fat cells as he has that he has insulin resistance which makes it a very slow process to lose weight since when your insulin is high it slows down your metabolism so it could take him a while to get down there.

I hardly think people should be allowed to judge his lifestyle since I know many thin people ( I was one of them) that eat badly. The only way you can is if you lead a perfectly healthy vegan lifestyle with no smoking or drinking. Otherwise you are always at risk for a health problem.

http://www.redorbit.com/news/health/931802/diet_thin_people_may_be_fat_inside/index.html

 

[SadieMae]

I don't agree with the judge. People who are height/weight proportionate DIE everyday. This baby would be better of with this man and his wife. Even for his weight, he is a stable parent. Sometimes the judicial system is so f'ed up when it comes to what's best for children. The same judge would probably give kids back to a crackhead mom.

 

[j2mirish]

As far as everyone's unhealthy lifestyle choices - I don't care what people eat, drink, smoke or do or don't do at the gym.

If the person next to me on the airplane is crushing into my space with their girth or wearing a cologne that makes me want to puke or reading a publication that offends me or snoring when they sleep or yakking on their cell phone, I may be irritated that someone else's lifestyle is impinging on my comfort, but I learned to live with that a long time ago and I'm still not interested in legislating them into a healthier place.

This doesn't mean I am a fan of promoting unhealthy lifestyles. I do want people to be healthier and happier - just not enough to legislate their behavior to death.

snipped by j2m

you are on a fabulous roll- very well stated scm- couldnt agree with you more-

 

[FlowerChild]

I don't agree with the judge. People who are height/weight proportionate DIE everyday. This baby would be better of with this man and his wife. Even for his weight, he is a stable parent. Sometimes the judicial system is so f'ed up when it comes to what's best for children. The same judge would probably give kids back to a crackhead mom.

Well the crackhead Mom WHO LOOKED GOOD anyway.......

This is total crap - we have parentless kids and this judge (who probably goes to happy hour daily) refuses a child legal parents and a family because he doesn't like their weight? How are they as parents? They have a 7 year old - is that child obese? If not - give the family some nutritionist sessions so they know how to feed their children healthy meals (and maybe a subsidy to help them pay the grocery bills) and move on to families REALLY in distress and kids who are in foster care or in abusive homes.

And I am "thin" - whole family is "thin". Everyone battles with SOMETHING, no perfect people, no perfect parents, no perfect families. The families that LOOK the best on the outside may be the ugliest, most unfit on the INSIDE. Love doesn't have a perfect size or appearance and neither do "good families".

Next we'll be testing prospective parent's DNA for genetic conditions - seems a little "3rd Reich - Master Race" for MY comfort. We cannot predict the future - we just have to do the best we can with the life we are given and consider ourselves blessed to have life at all.

My Opinion

 

[eve]

I hear you, Paladin. I truly do. But it is BS to call someone who is fat a loser and it is BS to deny them the opportunity to adopt.

As far as everyone's unhealthy lifestyle choices - I don't care what people eat, drink, smoke or do or don't do at the gym.

If the person next to me on the airplane is crushing into my space with their girth or wearing a cologne that makes me want to puke or reading a publication that offends me or snoring when they sleep or yakking on their cell phone, I may be irritated that someone else's lifestyle is impinging on my comfort, but I learned to live with that a long time ago and I'm still not interested in legislating them into a healthier place.

I personally don't care about paying higher healthcare costs due to smoking or obesity or AIDS or drug abuse or whatever other "cause du jour" is going to be blamed this season for our healthcare woes. I'm happy to keep paying for all the dying people and I assume someone will do the same for me when I'm dying and if they don't, I'm okay with that too.

This doesn't mean I am a fan of promoting unhealthy lifestyles. I do want people to be healthier and happier - just not enough to legislate their behavior to death.

These are just my opinions - I know other people have different feelings on the matter.

You are right on, South, as usual!:blowkiss: I have had it with people trying to legislate and punish those with different lifestyle choices and genetics than their own. Where is the much-touted tolerance in all of this? :furious: If we were to examine everyone's DNA and genetic make-up I guarantee many of us wouldn't be deemed "fit" - even you PeterHamilton! Once you start dealing with this kind of thing in the courts and through legislation, there is no end to it! People eating 10 Big Macs a week are the same ones bitching about the health care costs going up because of smokers. Unless you have no genetic markers, risk behaviors, possibility of a mental illness or even a chance of an accident, you have no right to talk, and no one fits into that category. No one.

This guy could be the greatest parent ever! This is truly ridiculous. We are all time-bombs, some just more obviously than others. That's the human condition. Live and let live, none of us knows when or how death will occur. While we're here, life ain't perfect and no one said it was gonna be. Until someone can explain to me why I have seen "health/exercise nuts" drop dead for no apparent reason while chubby tobacco smoking couch potatoes live until a ripe old age, none of this carries any weight (ouch) with me.

I hope this guy fights and fights hard.

Eve

 

[sweetheart29]

The problem is,this guy is a failure in life--He is hardly a good role model and that recent study shows the more fat people in the house,the higher chance everybody will gain weight--At 500 pounds, to put it indelicately, this guy can't even wipe himself after a bowel movement--The Judge did the right thing

You mean to tell me that all fat people don't wipe there butt:sick: , and if you have a fat person living in your house they will make you fat. You are wrong on all counts My mom is over weight and she has always wiped her on butt. None of her kids or husband are obese.
Stupidity breeds stupidity be careful of what you breed. :loser:

 

[AmandaBrown23]

His weight is obviously a problem but he is losing and trying to lose more so I dont see how anyone could deny him helping another child in need of someone who could love them. This is ridiculous to me. At least he and his wife are stepping up and want to take care of this child and they are the childs family. It really saddens me that they would keep a child from someone because he doesnt fit their idea of a normal parent. Since when does a big parent mean they cant be a good parent?

 

[Anngelique]

I can't believe someone would call this a man a loser because of his weight. I further more can't believe the judge would deny him adoption based on his weight! This is AMAZING!!!!!!

I am obese and I know it. But I am extremely healthy. How is that possible? I don't drink, smoke, use any kinds of drugs. My blood pressure is normally in the low 90's over 60. I do not have high cholesterol. I have good blood sugar levels. I am hardly ever sick. My last complete check-up put me in excellent health. In the last 6 years I have been to the doctor only for check-ups and once to get checked because I retain water easily. I work on losing weight most every day but I have not been successful yet.

Now I run a daycare and I care for 9 to 10 kids daily. I have run a home daycare for 25 years and out of that 25 years I'd say I've been obese 22 years of that. I was chosen as daycare of the year and I have successfully cared for 100's of children. I have families in my daycare now that have been with me 12+ years.

So does my obesity make me a risk for these children? I think not. Now granted I'm not anywhere close to 500 pounds and not even 300, but for my height I am obese and working on it. This man sounds like he's working on it as well and his weight has not stopped him from making a good living.

I personally am offended by the comment that this man is a loser because of his weight. I have a very high self-esteem, a husband who adores me, terrific at what I do to make a living and am an over all intelligent, kind and good person.

Edited to add...

I know it's hard to sit next to an obese person on the plane. I HATE flying for this very reason! It's very uncomfortable for us too. I want to sink in and hide. But there are times we have to fly and we do the best we can. I always try to get next to my hubby on an aisle seat but that's not always possible. I'm having to fly to Atlanta next month and 2 of the connecting flights did not have those kinds of seats available. I've been dieting like crazy so I can be more comfortable. I lost 4 pounds this week!

 

[eve]

I can't believe someone would call this a man a loser because of his weight. I further more can't believe the judge would deny him adoption based on his weight! This is AMAZING!!!!!!

I am obese and I know it. But I am extremely healthy. How is that possible? I don't drink, smoke, use any kinds of drugs. My blood pressure is normally in the low 90's over 60. I do not have high cholesterol. I have good blood sugar levels. I am hardly ever sick. My last complete check-up put me in excellent health. In the last 6 years I have been to the doctor only for check-ups and once to get checked because I retain water easily. I work on losing weight most every day but I have not been successful yet.

Now I run a daycare and I care for 9 to 10 kids daily. I have run a home daycare for 25 years and out of that 25 years I'd say I've been obese 22 years of that. I was chosen as daycare of the year and I have successfully cared for 100's of children. I have families in my daycare now that have been with me 12+ years.

So does my obesity make me a risk for these children? I think not. Now granted I'm not anywhere close to 500 pounds and not even 300, but for my height I am obese and working on it. This man sounds like he's working on it as well and his weight has not stopped him from making a good living.

I personally am offended by the comment that this man is a loser because of his weight. I have a very high self-esteem, a husband who adores me, terrific at what I do to make a living and am an over all intelligent, kind and good person.

:woohoo: Anngelique, you are right and I applaud you! I'm a little overweight and always working on it, always fighting it. Does that make me a loser? No! I know I am still smart, attractive and a good person.

If this is the wave of the future, when does this end? What is the "right" weight? How far could it go? Think of the professions it could affect. Think of the good people in your life who fight the fat, Or don't fight it!

I remember many overweight nurses in the hospital when I was having my babies. Fine, nurturing people, skilled and capable, in the health field. Will they soon lose their jobs? How do we know the skinny nurses aren't popping speed on every break?

We are losing our humanity in the interest of someone's skewed idea of "perfection." Might as well raise Hitler from the dead. It is no different. We should fight this type of thing at every turn. This is America, it shouldn't be this way here. I am disgusted.

Eve

 

[Anngelique]

:woohoo: Anngelique, you are right and I applaud you! I'm a little overweight and always working on it, always fighting it. Does that make me a loser? No! I know I am still smart, attractive and a good person.

If this is the wave of the future, when does this end? What is the "right" weight? How far could it go? Think of the professions it could affect. Think of the good people in your life who fight the fat, Or don't fight it!

I remember many overweight nurses in the hospital when I was having my babies. Fine, nurturing people, skilled and capable, in the health field. Will they soon lose their jobs? How do we know the skinny nurses aren't popping speed on every break?

We are losing our humanity in the interest of someone's skewed idea of "perfection." Might as well raise Hitler from the dead. It is no different. We should fight this type of thing at every turn. This is America, it shouldn't be this way here. I am disgusted.

Eve

I so agree! :blowkiss: I've noticed a few judges taking matters in their own hands and putting a bias on judgements because of their own prejudices and mind sets. This is a very dangerous movement because our justice system is supposed to be just that... JUST! If this man is fit in every other way and it shows that he is not limited in caring for this child and meeting this child's needs even if he was alone with the child, then he should not be denied. It sickens me.

 

[KatK]

<snip>At 500 pounds, to put it indelicately, this guy can't even wipe himself after a bowel movement--<snip>

Incorrect, they make special tools for the morbidly obese to use to wipe their backsides, and wash too. They're special "reacher" plastic sticks that you can attach the toilet paper or washcloth to in order to get your business done. Someone at another message board linked the device in a discussion about the morbidly obese some time ago. (They do have a big problem in hospitals with beds, chairs and equipment. It is costing hospitals a *FORTUNE* to be able to accomadate so many morbidly obese now.)

I think the Judge should take a "wait and see" approach myself. He's lost thirty five pounds, that's a big deal in one so overweight. Just kicking the metabolism over so that you start losing weight takes time and a lot of effort. If you don't do so in a healthy manner, you'll put on more weight because the body will go into "starvation" mode. So, the Judge should give some more time to see how things turn out.

 

[southcitymom]

I don't care what people do in eat, drink whatever as well, but if it directly affects me I do care, very much. I mean, for instance, I don't want to eat a meal in a restaurant where people are smoking. Their bad habit is affecting my health and my meal.

A heavy set person taking up half of my seat affects me as well. If someone is taking up half of my seat I would expect them to pay me for half of my ticket.

So here's what happens. Airlines either force them to buy 2 seats, or they start upgrading their planes to have bigger seats, which means less people can fit on a plane, which means the price of airline tickets go up.

No one should have to "learn to live with that". And if you have, you're certainly a much better person than I am, or a push-over (not meant as an insult).

Well, I am surely not advocating rudeness. Smokers should always ask before smoking around nonsmokers (though noone ever asks my permission to wear Patchouli...more's the pity).

I'm not opposed to someone who can't fit into an airline seat paying for two seats (I know some airlines are requiring this now). There are consequences to our choices. I don't care if the airlines put in bigger seats (they should!) and raise the cost of tickets.

I'm not a pushover, just a realist and a fan of people of all shapes and sizes. Most strangers I meet seem to take me into account when they choose to do what they are going to do. If they don't and I have a problem, I have a mouth. I can handle the many inconveniences that assail me because I live in a world with 6 billion others!

It's just a matter of what bothers a person. A 3 hour plane trip squashed up against a heavy person bothers me much much less than a 3 hour plane trip next to a skinny person wearing Patchouli. But in either case, I'm gonna just suck it up, open my book and enjoy the ride!

 

[pedinurse]

I don't agree WR--500 pounds is morbidly obese--Let him get a gastric bypass operation,then lose 200 pounds--Anybody that weighs 500 pounds is a walking timebomb and he could drop dead anytime--Then the adopted kid is instantly fatherless--Its not fair to the adopted child

At that weight - he may be too big for gastric bypass, depending on who you ask (some providers only do it within a "window" - you have to be big enough for the procedure, but not so big that you are even more risky for complications). I feel sorry for him. IF he can be a good parent and actively participate in his 7 year old child's life, then he should be allowed to adopt. But at that weight, some people are bedridden - and if that were the case, then no, I would say don't let him adopt. But if he's a good parent, why stand in the way?

 

[Masterj]

Well, I am surely not advocating rudeness. Smokers should always ask before smoking around nonsmokers (though noone ever asks my permission to wear Patchouli...more's the pity).

I'm not opposed to someone who can't fit into an airline seat paying for two seats (I know some airlines are requiring this now). There are consequences to our choices. I don't care if the airlines put in bigger seats (they should!) and raise the cost of tickets.

I'm not a pushover, just a realist and a fan of people of all shapes and sizes. Most strangers I meet seem to take me into account when they choose to do what they are going to do. If they don't and I have a problem, I have a mouth. I can handle the many inconveniences that assail me because I live in a world with 6 billion others!

It's just a matter of what bothers a person. A 3 hour plane trip squashed up against a heavy person bothers me much much less than a 3 hour plane trip next to a skinny person wearing Patchouli. But in either case, I'm gonna just suck it up, open my book and enjoy the ride!

southcitymom I love that people like you exist in today's world. You have such a positive outlook and open mind and it is a pleasure to read your posts. I really admire you and your generous heart. :blowkiss:


My heart hurts too much to respond to Peter's post at this time. Unfortunately, I am not surprised to read his opinion after reading some of his other stellar thoughts.

 

[Ang50]

China's adoption laws currently ban people from international adoption who are obese - I believe they use a BMI calculator. They also have a ban on singles, gay, on and on...

Most US states have a "best interests" standard - this is supposed to allow the judge to use discretion in adoption decisions. Therefore, the judge could look at such factors as length of time in the house, relative or not, age of child and potential for other adoption, siblings in the house... Health can be a factor, but should be fairly low on the list. Weight in and of itself doesn't seem to be a reasonable factor, and should never be the deciding one.

My guess.... there's a lot more to this story. There might be other factors that aren't being released to the public that led into the judge's decision. OR - it might be that the judge is a bonehead. If he is, then I would count on an appeal to set things right. Believe me - the foster/adoptive parent organizations are VERY smart and they will not allow weight to become a factor in state decisions.

 

[eve]

Well, I am surely not advocating rudeness. Smokers should always ask before smoking around nonsmokers (though noone ever asks my permission to wear Patchouli...more's the pity).

I'm not opposed to someone who can't fit into an airline seat paying for two seats (I know some airlines are requiring this now). There are consequences to our choices. I don't care if the airlines put in bigger seats (they should!) and raise the cost of tickets.

I'm not a pushover, just a realist and a fan of people of all shapes and sizes. Most strangers I meet seem to take me into account when they choose to do what they are going to do. If they don't and I have a problem, I have a mouth. I can handle the many inconveniences that assail me because I live in a world with 6 billion others!

It's just a matter of what bothers a person. A 3 hour plane trip squashed up against a heavy person bothers me much much less than a 3 hour plane trip next to a skinny person wearing Patchouli. But in either case, I'm gonna just suck it up, open my book and enjoy the ride!

I'm with you, South. I was raised to prize manners (by smokers)! Recently in Colo. my hubby and I stopped at a bar and seated ourselves outdoors - hardly any customers were out there. Our table was a good 20 feet away from anyone and he asked the waiter if he could smoke. The waiter said, "Sure!" Immediately, a group of 20-somethings drinking at the distant, but closest occupied table began to loudly lecture us in a very impolite way and called over the waiter objecting to my husband's cigarette. We informed the waiter that we would not require our ordered drinks or menus. A lone diner a few tables away saw what happened, closed out his tab and asked if he could buy us a drink at the next place down the street. He said he was disgusted and didn't want to stay. We had a very nice time with him. He was from Alaska and said this kind of thing really made him miss home, where he said people were friendly and polite - smokers and non-smokers, alike.

Now, I'm not stupid. I know smoking is a big "no-no" health-wise. But smokers have been ostracized to the point of absurdity. It was a nice breezy night, the kids were not even eating, they were quite a distance from us and they acted exceedingly classless and rude. We forty/fifty-somethings were quite stunned. The world has changed, and not all for the better, when people have no more respect for everyone's rights than that! We wouldn't dream of smoking indoors. It is simply ridiculous that a person can't smoke outdoors a good distance away from someone, without that kind of in-your-face confrontation taking place. Not to mention that the waiter gave us permission.

I have put up with all kinds of annoyances with a smile on my face. Babies squawking, being mowed down when trying to exit an elevator, being pushed in line at the movies, standing in a bus heavily pregnant while all around me young strapping men had enjoyed their seats, listening to incessant yapping on cell phones, loud music devices, anywhere and everywhere...the list goes on and on. Maybe I would like to confront these idiots (mo) but I do not. And now, this superior attitude is making its way into the court system regarding parenting and weight. A decidedly more serious issue, but one, I say, that it related to all of these other examples of how screwed up are people's priorities. There is so little compassion and consideration for others and manners are becoming extinct. It is unbelieveable.

I am waiting for these arrogant perfect (ly rude) know-it-alls to approach me and say I am too imperfect, too heavy (and I'm not that heavy but when does it end?) or too old or too wrinkled or too something, to even exist!

Eve

 

[KR2tonenow]

Obesity is not a crime. He has the right to adopt! If this child needs a family; then he can provide a loving home, stabilty, and an opportunity to be apart of a family.

Obesity can be genetic. Working with nutritionists and doctors can help him to lose weight and be healthy.

Just because someone is overweight doesnt mean they cannot parent!

 

[southcitymom]

southcitymom I love that people like you exist in today's world. You have such a positive outlook and open mind and it is a pleasure to read your posts. I really admire you and your generous heart. :blowkiss:


My heart hurts too much to respond to Peter's post at this time. Unfortunately, I am not surprised to read his opinion after reading some of his other stellar thoughts.

Gosh, Masterj. That's so sweet I am :blushing: ! Please know that the feeling is entirely mutual. :blowkiss: