Roomie- You know her very well, I can tell. I have thought the same thing for years and years. I always wondered if this could be the result of prescription drugs. People deserve to fight out the challenges of life in privacy with their families and loved ones there to help them. I always tried to help my mother along the way in life without disclosing any problems I perceived her as having. I didn’t even discuss my concerns about prescription drugs to my siblings, I always went directly to her. When I knew she had forged credit cards in my name, or stolen money, I didn’t tell them those things about her, I went directly to her. I even attempted to hire a private investigator when she started asking me for money again while she was married to Roy, (and before he got so ill) because I wanted to find out what she kept doing with all of her money. I wanted to HELP her. I confronted her about all of her pills, and all of the different doctors names on the bottles. She would deny things going on, even if things were right in front of me. Would she be the first person with a substance problem? Of course not, and we all would’ve helped her and understood. The investigator laughed at me on the phone, told me he refused to take money from me to investigate my mother who was “snorting her house up her nose”. Those were his exact words! I gave up on looking into what was wrong- but I decided, as you suggested Roomie, that this woman changing in front of me since I was a little girl, had problems that I couldn’t understand, and I was going to love her anyway. Little did I know, that by poking and prodding into her personal life so much, and asking about Roy, and why she wanted money, and what were all of those pill bottles, little did I know that I had made myself a target.
I think that any of us would stand by and help a loved one through any tragedy, until you see people dying or getting harmed. My cousin and his wife are serving 25 years in prison, sentenced last year, because they picked up a teen-age girl and kept her, and tortured her sexually for a week. My aunt said she never saw it coming- and you know what- I did. I did see it coming. His first attempted sexual assault that I knew about was when he was about 8 years old… and no one talked about it or dealt with it. We have a very small family, and it is filled with people who refuse to see anything wrong, except for if someone says “something’s wrong”. My family accused me of thinking I was perfect, having to be right all the time, and being so manipulative that I could convince anyone of the crazy things that I say. First of all, no one ever knew these things at all, until my mother told them. I never brought my suspicions up to them- EVER, she did. I didn’t know she was working the back side of these conversations, telling people I was crazy, while convincing me she would explain everything to me. I was so upset that everyone said I thought I was perfect, that I went out, bought my first alcoholic drink ever, had the whole bottle, and called up my aunt to make sure she told everyone. Then I wrote to them when she forgot to tell them, and said, “I’m half-way through this bottle of wine right now.” I was trying to set a good example by showing them- they are more important to me than being perfect, and it’s not so bad to just be honest if you do something. Big DEAL, you know? Well, all I received back were letters that I wasn’t going to be able to join them in heaven, and that I was evil. I just couldn’t get any breakthrough on any level I tried with them.
I am saying the above to show that I have made many mistakes in life, I do not judge other people, and I really am not saying anything out here to cause harm to my mother. I really did this as a journey to check my own mental state, and clear up matters of the truth for myself- which frankly have come into more clear focus as I move along. The scariest thing, and the reason I bring up such a long entry about the prescription drugs, is that to my- well.. the only word I have for it is to my horror… I discovered that these apparent lack of emotions I am seeing from her, no matter how they developed, have a life of their own regardless of any other substances involved. I have seen her go from one relationship to another, throwing everything in the garbage as she goes. Did you know that the people who live in my grandparents house now gave me an old camera that they found of my grandpa’s. I was in tears! I was there to take a picture or two of the house, and visit their graves. The man said, “It’s nice to see someone come by that actually cares about them, when the people were here cleaning out the house, they just threw everything in the garbage, pictures.. everything.” (my mother was cleaning out the house.) These people had known my grandparents for 40 years.
I am so interested to hear what you remember about her in high school and college. She was so intelligent, so musically talented, so beautiful, had so much going for her… and I just don’t know what happened. I just don’t know….
Now that people are dying, it is my obligation to ask questions, I have to.
