GUILTY MO - Tyler Dasher, 1, Affton, 15 Nov 2011 - #2

[katydid23]

I was not attacking poster,just giving my opinion from living with a BI-POLAR Mom who never hurt a fly.Just saying..............

ETA I know it is mental illness is real I lived it.

I think you both make good points. My younger brother is bi-polar, and very irrational and discombobulated at times, but he wouldn't hurt a fly, imo. He has smashed his fist through many walls and broken many glass objects however. He has a bad temper but is not violent, if that makes sense.

But I do understand why people bring up the possibility that she is mentally ill in some way. How else to try and understand the outcome?

 

[Turtles]

I was not attacking poster,just giving my opinion from living with a BI-POLAR Mom who never hurt a fly.Just saying..............

ETA I know it is mental illness is real I lived it.

I appreciate you sharing your first hand experience, it has given me insight to an illness that I can not read in a book. My former SIL has been diagnosed BP and is very much the opposite of what you shared about your Mom. IMOO, former SIL has much more than BP as she is very violent both emotionally and physically to her children.

 

[Ada]

I think she put him there so that her boyfriend would see him and report him missing and perhaps even try to help him and put his DNA on the baby.

I bet she was a bit disappointed that he showed up and nothing was "wrong." Then she had to go with Plan B.

The more I think about it, the more I think she didn't "snap" and that she planned this. "I've got to get out of Affton...."

ITA. I don't think she snapped and I also don't think she was experiencing mania from Bipolar Disorder. There is no (that I can recall) account of her being manic before or after the small amount of time it took her to kill and dispose of her baby.

 

[AlmostGone]

ITA. I don't think she snapped and I also don't think she was experiencing mania from Bipolar Disorder. There is no (that I can recall) account of her being manic before or after the small amount of time it took her to kill and dispose of her baby.

I think something in her life was seriously stressing her out and she took that stress out on poor Tyler.. I do want to know what went on in that house! Maybe her mom came down on her!? IMO something isn't right

 

[Flutterby80]

I think something in her life was seriously stressing her out and she took that stress out on poor Tyler.. I do want to know what went on in that house! Maybe her mom came down on her!? IMO something isn't right

If her mom came down on her, it was probably because she doesn't work, stays out until 2:30 in the morning and expected her baby to sleep until she felt like waking up. If I was her mom, I would have been riding her butt too.

No offense to this poster, just jumping off your post, but the more I stew about Tyler and Shelby the angrier I get. This girl didn't know the meaning of stress. Her mom let her and Tyler live with her...there are a whole lot of young single moms who don't have that option. Her mom babysat Tyler so Shelby could go hang out with her friends. Lots of moms don't have that. Shelby had tons of friends who loved her and Tyler and it sounds like they babysat him for her often. Lucky girl. One of those friends was even going to take Tyler out of town in a couple of days to give Shelby a break, according to her boyfriend. Wow...nice. Her boyfriend said he helped Shelby feed and look after Tyler. Shelby was able to finish high school after Tyler was born, and enroll in cosmo school. She had a ton of support. Way more than a lot of people.

I don't think Shelby is evil. I don't think she's sick. I think she is a selfish, narcissistic, violent, unfeeling word that I'm not allowed to use on here. If she would have "only" beat her son to death with her bare hands, MAYBE I could have found one extremely tiny hidden ounce of empathy for her. Maybe. But she also threw him away like garbage, then probably tried to set up her boyfriend and his roommate to take the fall. IMO, if everything washes out the way it appears at this moment, she ranks right up there with the worst of the worst.

 

[OneLove]

AS far as thinking Shelby could be bi-polar, and having a manic episode I am not buying it for a minute!My Mom was bi-polar,manic depressive I was born in 1959 her 3rd child,his was way before they knew how to treat it.She was never on meds till I was in my 20's.She NEVER hurt any of us nor allowed any man to come before us after my parents divorced.When pressures of life got to her she would become very depressed and cry for days,not eating,saying she wished she was a better mother or she would be so happy,going out dancing or going on cheap shopping sprees.She worked 1 regular job,and was also a waitress about 4 nights a week,till something set off a spell then off to hospital for months till she was better.It drives me insane when MURDERING MOMSERS are called BI-POLAR.I really think my mom must have been misdiagnosed.Sorry to ramble.

I am so sorry for what you went through as the child of a bipolar mother. It is fortunate that your mother was not prone to violence. Some bipolar folk do tend toward more hypomania than depression and some ARE violent in these states. Not all, thankfully, but there are plenty of those cases. I've worked with them professionally AND known them in my personal life. So, as difficult as your childhood was, it is a blessing that there at least was never violence. Try to imagine that not all bipolar people are exactly as your mother's was. It's kinda like imagining how the flu affects people in different ways, depending on their own individuality. I get muscle aches, my husband gets headaches. I would never tell him he didn't really have the flu because he doesn't get the muscle aches, nor vice versa. .

 

[leanaí]

This reminds me of how Emma Leigh Barker's Mom started to ignore her and finally ended up killing her so she could be "free".

I doubt it was a spur of the moment thing, because if she loved him and this was her "first" time getting angry with him then she wouldn't have acted the way she did. It kills me to think how scarred and hurt he must have been seeing his darling Mother beating him.

I think Grandparents should stop trying to force there child to be a good parent and should instead take there grandchild and kick out there child. So many cases I have read about where the Grandparent would yell at the Mom for not being a good parent only for there Grandchild to end up dead. I am in no way blaming the Grandparent since they are trying to do the right thing but if you have to keep yelling at your child over and over to be a good parent I think it's high time you kick there *advertiser censored* to the curb and file for custody for your grandchild.

Prison justice doesn't happen as it once did since now everyone screams for prisoners rights and they get them. That is why I am a firm believer in the death penalty, especially when it comes to hurting children. This creature deserves nothing less for murdering Tyler.

 

[TheDuchess]

I was not attacking poster,just giving my opinion from living with a BI-POLAR Mom who never hurt a fly.Just saying..............

ETA I know it is mental illness is real I lived it.

I totally understand and I know you weren't attacking the poster, which is why I said that in my post. I am really sorry about your mom's illness. Unfortunately, I grew up with a mom with severe mental illness as well, but undiagnosed and she refused to get help. She was not violent either, but would lock herself in her room for sometimes days at a time and not speak to anyone. I remember her ignoring me when I pleaded with her to speak to me, even when it was someone else she was mad at. Then she would exit her room and be nice again with no explanation and no apology. When I began to have depression and anxiety problems, I made sure to get help, mostly for my children because I recognized the cycle.

Oh, and even though she was ill, I still consider her the most wonderful loving mother in the world.

Also, I tend to believe those with BP usually aren't violent. It scitophrenia that makes people violent-which is why Tyler's dad was afraid to be alone around him. I have a lot of respect for that young man.

 

[Etilema]

It's hard to reconcile a mother planning to violently murder her own baby but I have to wonder if Shelby didn't put some thought into this myself. People are expendable to Shelby. She beat her own small child to death and threw him away like garbage. It really isn't then hard to believe that she would intentionally set her boyfriend and his roommate up to take the fall.

The more I think about this case, I keep thinking about that gap of hours between the time grandma left for work and the text Shelby sent her boyfriend. Without looking back, wasn't that text around 10:30 am? Grandma left at 7:30 so that gives Shelby 3 hours to kill Tyler, dump his body and hatch some sort of a coverup. If Shelby killed Tyler not long after grandma left, that gives her considerable time to plan. Do any of you believe she napped? I really can't imagine it, but I guess anything is possible. It seems more logical to me, though, that she spent that time trying to figure out how to keep herself out of trouble because obviously to Shelby it was all about me me me.

I can see the idea of dumping the body along the shortcut that he takes to and from her house as an attempt at framing. But if she wanted to set him up, why would she insist that SHE be the one to go in and find Tyler's crib empty? If Edgar had gone in and not found him, she could say she saw him in the crib earlier, so Edgar must have done something with him. I really just thought she wanted him there as a witness to her apparent shock at Tyler's being gone, to lend credence.

 

[TheDuchess]

This reminds me of how Emma Leigh Barker's Mom started to ignore her and finally ended up killing her so she could be "free".

I doubt it was a spur of the moment thing, because if she loved him and this was her "first" time getting angry with him then she wouldn't have acted the way she did. It kills me to think how scarred and hurt he must have been seeing his darling Mother beating him.

I think Grandparents should stop trying to force there child to be a good parent and should instead take there grandchild and kick out there child. So many cases I have read about where the Grandparent would yell at the Mom for not being a good parent only for there Grandchild to end up dead. I am in no way blaming the Grandparent since they are trying to do the right thing but if you have to keep yelling at your child over and over to be a good parent I think it's high time you kick there *advertiser censored* to the curb and file for custody for your grandchild.

Prison justice doesn't happen as it once did since now everyone screams for prisoners rights and they get them. That is why I am a firm believer in the death penalty, especially when it comes to hurting children. This creature deserves nothing less for murdering Tyler.

The more I think about it, the more I am beginning to wonder about what was going through Shelby's mind the night before. She texted she wanted to get out of town and she made sure to hang around for quite some time. I wonder if she had been planning the whole thing all along-to set up the bf, roommate and ultimately Joseph as well when that didn't work. She may have even filed the order of protection a while back if she was planning this way out.

I do believe she thought her bf would stumble across Ty's body on the way over to her house. I believe she could have gone to sleep for a while, as she shows no emotion. She could have also been gearing herself up for her little play. When she finally admitted what she had done, I think she lied to make her act seem more understandable to LE and thus getting a lower charge (2nd degree.)

I wonder how her acting was during the confession. Real tears? I highly doubt it. I truly believe she has hated Tyler for some time. I think she enjoyed him like a new toy that got her attention, but ultimately, he was a real drag. She couldn't walk away because everyone would think she was a bad person. But if he were dead, everyone would feel sorry for her.

 

[Etilema]

I was not attacking poster,just giving my opinion from living with a BI-POLAR Mom who never hurt a fly.Just saying..............

ETA I know it is mental illness is real I lived it.

Different individuals with the same diagnosis react differently. Bipolar disorder doesn't automatically make someone violent, but some people do behave violently when manic.

Just like I have been drunk a number of times in my life, yet never attacked anyone in a drunken rage, but that certainly doesn't mean that some other people may not have committed acts if violence under the influence of alcohol.

 

[Abby Normal]

I am so sorry for what you went through as the child of a bipolar mother. It is fortunate that your mother was not prone to violence. Some bipolar folk do tend toward more hypomania than depression and some ARE violent in these states. Not all, thankfully, but there are plenty of those cases. I've worked with them professionally AND known them in my personal life. So, as difficult as your childhood was, it is a blessing that there at least was never violence. Try to imagine that not all bipolar people are exactly as your mother's was. It's kinda like imagining how the flu affects people in different ways, depending on their own individuality. I get muscle aches, my husband gets headaches. I would never tell him he didn't really have the flu because he doesn't get the muscle aches, nor vice versa. .

I had a bipolar step-mother for a few years, and she was definitely violent. In her lows she would attempt to take her own life and I would take care of her kids. In her highs she would sometimes be a riot, just complete fun. Other times I had to fight her off her kids and call 911. It just depends if she had a rage. There was one time she literally beat the crud out of herself in a locked bathroom. I was a teen so I know it was just that. Gashes on her head from the sink, black eye, the whole bit. And the police arrested my Dad because they didn't believe someone could do that to themselves. Not until they talked to all of us kids and her doctors did they accept it happened that way.

The thing about her though, she always remembered and she always had appropriate emotions after the fact. She checked herself in when she realized she was getting "worse", and she always felt remorse and felt some need to make up for it, which usually led her into her deep depressive times. She cared, she just sometimes lost control of herself.

On the flip side, I have an uncle who wouldn't hurt a fly and he's also bipolar. He's almost childlike in his highs, and just really quiet in his lows. I have a friend who was raised by a bipolar mom that is a total peace, love and hugs hippie. Some manipulation, but no violence at all.

I think bipolar effects people differently... but there is definitely a track record that shows some are violent, so it's not an unfounded thought to cross the mind.

 

[Flutterby80]

It's kinda like imagining how the flu affects people in different ways, depending on their own individuality. I get muscle aches, my husband gets headaches. I would never tell him he didn't really have the flu because he doesn't get the muscle aches, nor vice versa. .

Your flu analogy is a really good one. I have rheumatoid arthritis, and I am often in a fair amount of pain. I don't let it stop me from what I want or need to do, I just do it through the pain. I know so many people who seem like such whiners to me, "Ohh I just hurt sooo much, I can't work" or "I need to sleep 20 hours a day". I try really hard not to be judgemental, but I have always wished we could experience each others pain for just a minute, so that we can really understand what other people are feeling before passing judgement on them. The same goes for mental illness. It would be nice if we could get into each other's heads just briefly enough to understand their pain.

 

[Flutterby80]

This reminds me of how Emma Leigh Barker's Mom started to ignore her and finally ended up killing her so she could be "free".

I doubt it was a spur of the moment thing, because if she loved him and this was her "first" time getting angry with him then she wouldn't have acted the way she did. It kills me to think how scarred and hurt he must have been seeing his darling Mother beating him.

I think Grandparents should stop trying to force there child to be a good parent and should instead take there grandchild and kick out there child. So many cases I have read about where the Grandparent would yell at the Mom for not being a good parent only for there Grandchild to end up dead. I am in no way blaming the Grandparent since they are trying to do the right thing but if you have to keep yelling at your child over and over to be a good parent I think it's high time you kick there *advertiser censored* to the curb and file for custody for your grandchild.

Prison justice doesn't happen as it once did since now everyone screams for prisoners rights and they get them. That is why I am a firm believer in the death penalty, especially when it comes to hurting children. This creature deserves nothing less for murdering Tyler.

Grandparents can't just take babies away from their parents. Shelby's mom could have told her to leave Tyler and move out, but even if Tyler was a pain in Shelby's butt, I doubt it would have happened. What would all of Shelby's friends have said if she had given him away? That would not have looked good for Shelby, IMO, so she probably would not have done it. And unless grandma can prove Shelby is abusing or severely neglecting Tyler, the courts would never remove him from Shelby's custody.

That being said, Tyler was Shelby's responsibility, not her mom's. Shelby is an adult. Grandma helped them out a lot IMO. Shelby didn't have to worry about putting a roof over Tyler's head, was able to go out and socialize because grandma watched him. I know you're not blaming grandma, but I really hate to have her actions brought into question at all in this case. This has got to be hell for her, the worst kind imaginable.

 

[Etilema]

The more I think about it, the more I am beginning to wonder about what was going through Shelby's mind the night before. She texted she wanted to get out of town and she made sure to hang around for quite some time. I wonder if she had been planning the whole thing all along-to set up the bf, roommate and ultimately Joseph as well when that didn't work. She may have even filed the order of protection a while back if she was planning this way out.

I do believe she thought her bf would stumble across Ty's body on the way over to her house. I believe she could have gone to sleep for a while, as she shows no emotion. She could have also been gearing herself up for her little play. When she finally admitted what she had done, I think she lied to make her act seem more understandable to LE and thus getting a lower charge (2nd degree.)

I wonder how her acting was during the confession. Real tears? I highly doubt it. I truly believe she has hated Tyler for some time. I think she enjoyed him like a new toy that got her attention, but ultimately, he was a real drag. She couldn't walk away because everyone would think she was a bad person. But if he were dead, everyone would feel sorry for her.

Ok, yes, perhaps she intended him to find the baby on the way over. That could even be why she didn't hide the body well. Then maybe if he was the one in possession of the body, she could then claim he had done the murder. Makes sense. But then how would she explain the texts asking him to come over and have breakfast?

 

[Salem]

Is there any indication that Shelby is bipolar here? Have we heard anything from her mother, LE or MSM?

If not, let's move on from the discussion. We shouldn't be trying to "armchair" diagnose her. It is quite likely she was drunk or hungover and she went into a rage. You don't have to be bipolar to do that - it is what it is.

Thanks,

Salem

 

[dribble]

I actually think there could have been signs that SD was stressed or something was wrong before all this happened. I think that is why her friend was going to take Tyler out of town in order to give SD a break. I guess it could be coincidence. I think she must have said something or acted a certain way before she killed Tyler.

Also, I know parents understandably get frustrated with their children at times but I still find it odd that the BF and some friends say they never saw anything and SD was always so calm and loving when the friend named Holly let it slip that she gets aggravated with Tyler at times. Perhaps I'm reading too much into this?

 

[JoeFromLB]

Video from the funeral:

http://www.ksdk.com/news/article/286910/3/Funeral-for-murdered-Affton-toddler-Tyler-Dasher

The sight of that tiny casket being put in the hearse is just too much to take...

 

[dribble]

Video from the funeral:

http://www.ksdk.com/news/article/286910/3/Funeral-for-murdered-Affton-toddler-Tyler-Dasher

The sight of that tiny casket being put in the hearse is just too much to take...

Awww! The little guy. : (

 

[Nore]

I think something in her life was seriously stressing her out and she took that stress out on poor Tyler.. I do want to know what went on in that house! Maybe her mom came down on her!? IMO something isn't right

--------------
Hi, I think she was stressed out being the one to care for Tyler.
Her needs came first. She is not "nuts," just pure evil. How could a "mother" throw her baby like garbage, dead or alive. She showed us along with a few other people.Pure evil hatred.I wish I had her here.If it took my last old breath I would beat the living S**t out of her and kick her!!! :maddening: :maddening:
:seeya: