NV NV - Steven T. Koecher, 30, Henderson, 13 Dec 2009 - # 7

[gsmith]

When I first heard he was missing my first thought was that it was foul play. He never seemed suicidal or mentioned anything along those lines. He was a bit conflicted but it was only because I got him to open up. He was for the most part pretty happy.

I sometimes lose my train of thought just like anyone can. Steve however when pausing wouldn't even recognize anything happened. If I were to loose my train of thought for such a long period I'd joke saying "what was I talking about?". Steve never did that. He didn't look like his eyes were glazed over but just contemplating what to say. I got used to it but when he paused for the first time infront of my wife she laughed out loud since it was so unexpected.

 

[laytonian]

He broke up with a gal around the end of 2008 which seemed perfect for him. He told me she had everything he wanted. For some reason he thought it just wasn't right. God was telling him it hasn't right. I encouraged him to just continue the relationship and see what happened. However he decided to end it anyway. His biggest sadness came from that event and the fact he felt he was being left behind. Most of his friends had gotten married and he was single approaching 30.

I remember him mentioning construction. It might have been after his FedEx job but I can't remember.

He was pretty happy till 2008. That year is when he started mentioning these emotional conflicts. He had a good job at salt lake tribune but he wanted to quit for spiritual reasons. He said his coworkers where more worldly than he preferred. It hurt his spirituality for some reason. He knew it would affect him financially but it was worth it for his total well being.

That year seemed to be his lonliest too. Before then he had a regular group of friends but they had all moved on.

I've worked in places where I was one of the few non-LDS, and my status never changed -- and neither did theirs. None of us led each other astray. Only if you are insecure, can someone do that. And maybe, in an effort to fit in, he did get led astray for awhile.

I sense lots of regrets, lots of issues, lots of fear ... and a guy who couldn't quite sort things out.

I think he fell in love, but God told him she wasn't "perfect" for him.

But what does he do, just before he disappears? He goes to her ranch.
It sounds to me like he was in conflict with his beliefs. Why would he go there, and tempt the fate of a God who told him to "keep away"?

I ask this of everyone, and I ask this of you: is there ANY chance that one of Steven's issues, is that he wasn't intended to have a relationship with a female? There was always a reason it didn't work out...and they were always external. "Not pretty enough." "God said she wasn't right."

I dunno, folks. This isn't sounding so much like a crime, as someone who just wanted to put themselves out of their pain and loneliness.

I said a long time ago, we were trying to turn the illogical into the logical. I'm feeling more like that, now.

Poor Steven.

 

[webrocket]

He seemed concerned in our conversations that he wouldn't be able to support a family even if he could find the right girl to marry. A year ago I encouraged him to go back to school even if he had to live with his parents to afford it. He didn't like the idea at all. He seemed to not want to live with his parents nor go through the difficulty of school again.

He is very tuned to spiritual matters. Within a year before he moved to St. George he broke up with a girl because he felt god didn't want him to be with her. He was very troubled by it since she was just so perfect for him. During that time he told me he thought he had already missed the chance to be with god's chosen girl for him. He had had the chance but didn't go for her when she was available.

Thank you gsmith for this information.

I am quoting only a portion that I found most interesting.

I am not religious at all so I am just disclosing that fact. I'm not sure if it is a Mormon thing or just an idea that some 'religious' people have that somehow God is going to find them a spouse.

Was he that disconnected from the fact that a relationship requires input on a regular basis between two people? As if to say he bore no responsibility for finding 'the right girl' and then taking necessary steps to build on the relationship especially if marriage was his intended goal?

I mean on the one hand he seems like God was supposed to find him a wife yet he said he was concerned he would not be able to provide this wife with earthly support since he had trouble holding down a job.

I just don't follow that mindset. Not criticizing you in any way. It is just an alien thought process to me.

 

[liz b.]

I don't think Steven was ready to be married.Might well never be.And, I'm sure that he knew this. It's strange that this condition ..whatever his issues were, was not dignosed when he was in the school system.It really does sound like some type of neurological disorder. But, I'm thinking it was so hard for him just to take care o himself in the world, and that's the reason he never seriously pursued a relationship with anyone.Or was pursued, for that matter."Poor Steven". Yes.

 

[sbakker]

You know, its information from gsmith that will help. We get a better picture of Steven. About his hobbies, social life, health, etc. If we keep coaxing, maybe others will come forward. He is someones brother, son, uncle, friend. I imagine people may be hesitant to say what he was like, but like gsmith-it helps! I would hope if one of my kids or grandkids were missing, friends would be there to help. This is a real eye opener to me. People should be eager to put out information!

 

[rd_jfc]

webrocket, my thinking is similar to yours, however "God says she's not perfect for me" is sort of the opposite of needing more work on the relationship.

rd

 

[laytonian]

webrocket, my thinking is similar to yours, however "God says she's not perfect for me" is sort of the opposite of needing more work on the relationship.

rd

To my thinking, God would send the message to "she", saying "If you improve yourself in these ways, I'll tell Steven you're perfect for him."

But really, it's like Steven never found the perfect job, either.
I think he knew what he wanted to do ("ruin" his life with the guitar), but that may not have been acceptable to others. But I think it would have been, to him.

 

[laytonian]

You know, its information from gsmith that will help. We get a better picture of Steven. About his hobbies, social life, health, etc. If we keep coaxing, maybe others will come forward. He is someones brother, son, uncle, friend. I imagine people may be hesitant to say what he was like, but like gsmith-it helps! I would hope if one of my kids or grandkids were missing, friends would be there to help. This is a real eye opener to me. People should be eager to put out information!

You're right. Steven is as Steven is, and as we're all imperfect, so is he. We're all different, people love us....and we know that people do love Steven.

 

[gsmith]

I'm LDS and I think it's quite weird to break up with someone for those reasons. I believe you should do everything you can and god does the 1% you can't do yourself.

He wasn't a let god do everything for me person. I remember him telling me how he applied to 40 jobs with no response. He was trying to improve his life. With that gal he had a persistent feeling it wasn't right. I think he was interpreting normal doubts of a relationship with god telling him something. He was very in tune with his feelings and kept god in his heart.

I recorded a song of his that seems to talk about the relationship with that gal. The lyrics talk about him being hopeful for a better day even though he hurts now.

I didn't have a relationship longer than a month until I met my wife at 26. It's almost been four years since then. I just didn't need a relationship that wasn't going to be the "one". I think he was the same. He thought there was a special gal out there for him.

The reason I mentioned earlier about his frugality with fast food was that he was also frugal with food the last days before disappearing. His spending on gas was ridiculous but if he was thinking of ending it all wouldn't he have spent more blowing everything on food also. I saw him eat big meals. Three bucks at taco time isn't a filling meal.

 

[Fairy1]

I want to welcome gsmith - and thank you sincerely for the information you have shared with us.

I'm not sure what to make of these new details. On the one hand, I'm very concerned for his well-being. On the other hand, I'm hoping his state of mind may have led him to a sort of self-imposed sabbatical.

IDK, I have to think about it.

 

[fasteddy4]

I think the whole seizure and absence of consciousness stuff I am going to TOTALLY discount. In the weeks leading up to his disappearance he was driving more miles than all of us put together. Surely, one of those kinds of episodes would cause a person to wreck. But his car did not have a car scratch on it, right?

Sure, maybe he was on medication on some type. But, like I posted before, that is one of the first notifications that comes from authorities when somebody disappears. "Steven Koecher has been missing for four days. He needs his medication." Something like that. And there has been none of that. And in today's age, lots of people are on various types of anti-depressants or anti-psychotic drugs. There is no stigma attached to them anymore. So, I think the family would reveal that info if Steven was doing those. And to my knowledge, no drugs-legal or otherwise-were found in the car.

As far as someone stopping in the middle of sentence for several seconds. . .I do that every time an attractive woman walks by. It doesn't mean anything except the woman walking by me is more important than what I am saying.

 

[laytonian]

The reason I mentioned earlier about his frugality with fast food was that he was also frugal with food the last days before disappearing. His spending on gas was ridiculous but if he was thinking of ending it all wouldn't he have spent more blowing everything on food also. I saw him eat big meals. Three bucks at taco time isn't a filling meal.

I think he may have been managing what money he could squeak by with. He may have gotten more pleasure out of driving and singing along to the radio, than in eating.

He had to have been getting terribly tired by the time he got to Nephi, so I'm hoping he pulled over and slept awhile after Taco Time time.

He might have had some other food with him; "snack food" was found in the car, in Henderson.

 

[Fairy1]

One thing I'm wondering about - If Steven was part of a "joint" bank account, why did his Mom have to send him money?

And - are we sure that AN is "the girl that got away?" That's kinda important.

I doubt very much that SK was taking any medication when he went missing. He didn't have insurance and I'm fairly certain that would have prevented him from getting whatever medical care he may have felt he needed - or wanted.

 

[dovebar]

There are a few other questions I haven't seen anyone ask, or possibilities to suggest, unless I missed them upthread.

Was he visiting the ranch in Ruby Valley hoping they might offer him a job?

Or was he enroute to a job fair in Reno, as there was one there that weekend, but turned back because of weather?

Was he in the area jobhunting or gambling and stopped in, even knowing his friend wasn't home, because he had a strained relationship with his parents and was looking for some parental support, and possibly a meal?

I see him as really lost and driving around trying to connect with people he had found supportive in the past.

The Tribune - it wouldn't be the most hospitable place, especially on the night shift, for a churchgoing Mormon guy. He might have learned that the family "business" of journalism was not for him, but then not have known what else to do.

About the videos, his family would know if it's really him. The figure definitely looks a little different, thinner and lighter than the picture they are circulating of him. My question is whether they have done a dog search from his apartment, and not just from the car. Dogs tracked Lacey Peterson's body all the way from Modesto to the Berkeley marina. Even at this date, it would be interesting to see if dogs could pick up anything starting at his apartment and coming towards Vegas.

 

[gsmith]

He said the pills he took helped him feel better. I assumed they were legal. I was shocked since he didn't seem like he needed them. I then learned through further conversations that he had a few issues.

I think social activities and being around people were the best thing for him. Living alone for a while must have been lonely. Too much time alone concentrating on the negative isn't good for anyone. It sounds like he couldn't afford meds so if he did have any problems they weren't being treated. It might have affected his decision process. When I was single I went years without seeing a doctor or dentist.

Quitting his job at the sl trib caused him a lot of money problems. His inner battle made him want to quit. I tried to convince him to not quit or at least wait till he had another job lined up. He tried to bare working there a few more days but couldn't take it.

I just know that he made some foolish decisions trying to better his situation. What that means in his disappearance I'm not sure. I'm just trying to let you know more about him. I've never met someone that stops like he does in the middle of a thought. It is just part of what makes him Steve. I'm also 100% sure it's him in that surveillance video. No one else walks like that with that appearance.

I know if I had his same money issues I wouldn't be feeling too well either.

I don't know if the girl he was referring to in our past conversations was the girl he possibly was trying to visit. I thought he might have been referring to a girl that had gotten married. He was saying he had missed the chance as if there was nothing he could do.

I just think it's interesting that he went to the temple one night and then drove more than a thousand miles over the next couple days. Knowing his history with decision making and his spiritual feelings. It makes me wonder.

I always drove to his house and drove us places when hanging out since he didn't want to spend gas money. I know he travels a lot sometimes but if he does it must be for a purpose.

 

[Lato]

SK could easily have received the health care he needed in St. George.

The link below mentions the free clinic started by
his friend Dr. PD. This same physician has seen Steven socially according to our timeline.

http://www.entnet.org/Community/Goldstein-Award.cfm


The link is the Doctor's Volunteer Clinic with the kinds of services and the times available.

http://www.doctorsvolunteerclinic.org/

 

[laytonian]

One thing I'm wondering about - If Steven was part of a "joint" bank account, why did his Mom have to send him money?

And - are we sure that AN is "the girl that got away?" That's kinda important.

I doubt very much that SK was taking any medication when he went missing. He didn't have insurance and I'm fairly certain that would have prevented him from getting whatever medical care he may have felt he needed - or wanted.

Because the joint account was more of an emergency fund they established, so they could see what the money was used for? (That'd explain why Steven's account had $0 in it...., too, after she deposited money - right?)

Self-medication and herbal remedies are pervasive in Utah; they're seen as health products and food supplements. Like the link hollyblue found, about Mormon tea actually being the echinacea plant.

IF AN is one of the two girls mentioned, she'd be the one who God told Steven wasn't perfect for him. Look at the timing - it's right-on. The "one who got away" would be the earlier girl mentioned, the one who Steven thought was perfect, except that she wasn't the prettiest.

 

[believe09]

He said the pills he took helped him feel better. I assumed they were legal. I was shocked since he didn't seem like he needed them. I then learned through further conversations that he had a few issues.

I think social activities and being around people were the best thing for him. Living alone for a while must have been lonely. Too much time alone concentrating on the negative isn't good for anyone. It sounds like he couldn't afford meds so if he did have any problems they weren't being treated. It might have affected his decision process. When I was single I went years without seeing a doctor or dentist.

Quitting his job at the sl trib caused him a lot of money problems. His inner battle made him want to quit. I tried to convince him to not quit or at least wait till he had another job lined up. He tried to bare working there a few more days but couldn't take it.

I just know that he made some foolish decisions trying to better his situation. What that means in his disappearance I'm not sure. I'm just trying to let you know more about him. I've never met someone that stops like he does in the middle of a thought. It is just part of what makes him Steve. I'm also 100% sure it's him in that surveillance video. No one else walks like that with that appearance.

I know if I had his same money issues I wouldn't be feeling too well either.

I don't know if the girl he was referring to in our past conversations was the girl he possibly was trying to visit. I thought he might have been referring to a girl that had gotten married. He was saying he had missed the chance as if there was nothing he could do.

I just think it's interesting that he went to the temple one night and then drove more than a thousand miles over the next couple days. Knowing his history with decision making and his spiritual feelings. It makes me wonder.

I always drove to his house and drove us places when hanging out since he didn't want to spend gas money. I know he travels a lot sometimes but if he does it must be for a purpose.

Welcome to WS Gsmith, and thank you so much for taking the time to fill in some details about your friend.

 

[believe09]

So if Steven was taking medication that his family did not know about, his family may be able to have him re-classified as Endangered Missing. IIRC what comes with the reclassification is a VICAP done by the FBI, so Steven would instantly be in the FBI Databases. VICAPS can generate automatic alerts to law enforcement agencies thoughout the country, say if they had entered statistics on someone who might match Steven but had no criminal history and could not be ID'd with prints.....

 

[laytonian]

There are a few other questions I haven't seen anyone ask, or possibilities to suggest, unless I missed them upthread.

Was he visiting the ranch in Ruby Valley hoping they might offer him a job?

Or was he enroute to a job fair in Reno, as there was one there that weekend, but turned back because of weather?

Was he in the area jobhunting or gambling and stopped in, even knowing his friend wasn't home, because he had a strained relationship with his parents and was looking for some parental support, and possibly a meal?

I see him as really lost and driving around trying to connect with people he had found supportive in the past.

The Tribune - it wouldn't be the most hospitable place, especially on the night shift, for a churchgoing Mormon guy. He might have learned that the family "business" of journalism was not for him, but then not have known what else to do.

About the videos, his family would know if it's really him. The figure definitely looks a little different, thinner and lighter than the picture they are circulating of him. My question is whether they have done a dog search from his apartment, and not just from the car. Dogs tracked Lacey Peterson's body all the way from Modesto to the Berkeley marina. Even at this date, it would be interesting to see if dogs could pick up anything starting at his apartment and coming towards Vegas.

What kind of job fair was being held in Reno? A state-sponsored one for the residents or a company recruiting for hard-to-fill jobs? They're held all over Utah, too. It seems a long way further to drive, and an area inhospitable to his religion. Vegas would be moreso.

I dunno about a job in Ruby Valley. It'd have to be a ranch hand job, because it looks that's all there is there - family-connected ranches, many miles from any town. To go there for a meal, would have been a lot more expensive (fuel costs) than just picking up some fast food in Wendover or Wells.

There's lots of journalism jobs. If he hated the Trib, he should have applied to the Deseret News/Mormon times. Or the Provo Daily Herald, or the St George Spectrum. The last two wouldn't have night shifts. Or one of the many specialty publications in the area. Or directly to the LDS Church.

I think Ruby Valley was a destination. We earlier heard that he was the one to break up with AN, the timing is right for what gsmith said.
The N family is much more forgiving that I'd have been with a man who told me that God said my daughter was wrong for him .... but I think he was desperate to turn his life around, be like his friends. The singles ward wasn't working for him.