NY NY - Robert Mayer, 46, Dix Hills, 14 Jun 2013 - # 7

[MomWhoLovesDragons]

Yesterday I went online to look at my phone bill. I looked up iMessages. iPhone to iPhone texts are not listed only LE can subpoena them. If you delete them from your actual phone they are gone. Could be why phone was left???
I asked 3 friends who are in the Union and none of them heard a thing about Robert Mayer missing. 2 even said that its a common story for these men to just leave and they sent their prayers to the family. They will share what I told them and share the flyer. I was surprised that 2 union guys said that "this sort of thing happens more often than people think" it's so sad for their family but the high cost of living and the wife spending money and living beyond their means would just drive them to leave everything.

Another thing I found out. When a person goes missing I'm not sure how long they need to be missing to be considered deceased but.... There are some "places" out there that will lend the family money based on that persons life insurance, or any other money that they can prove would be paid to them. People leave all the time and both parties are aware and it's a scam unfortunately, and in the end when the family gets their settlement the "place" takes the whole chunk of $$$$ but the family got money up front.
It's crazy I know, but as we all know their are lots of simple scams out there and this is one of them.

 

[SkyAutumn3]

No. It is not big news here.
In the past three months i think i have seen one flyer...and that was at
A gas station. I live in the immediate area.

Since RM has gone missing, i have mentioned it to at least a dozen people. I would say two or three heard of it. I actually have a friend who is a local politician...never heard about this case.

I find it disturbing an frustrating. Every single local should know about this case and should see a photo. He could be hurt or unable to communicate and right under our noses.

While i know the "search group" has put in hours and hours of hanging flyer and spreading the word...the media has completely ignored the RM case on long island.

Exactly...I keep hearing about all these flyers being put up OUT OF STATE, but why not here? And just small, local news articles... something must be up with this.

 

[SkyAutumn3]

Because really, if he was going to kill himself, would he make the effort to just drop the $300 off?

I mean, especially given what their lifestyle seems to have been, that's really not THAT much money.

Would it have been worth risking running into IM (or anyone else who might deter him from killing himself if that were what happened?) just to drop the little bit of money off? Heck, with their home, would that have covered utilities even for one hot month of summer?

But then, that really does make the return home odd...

To me, in some ways that actually points away from suicide.

And, really, the returning home period seems really risky if he were leaving voluntarily, too... because it IS afternoon. IM could be home and/or kids coming/going soon - and if not his own family, neighbors/kids coming/going.

I see far more of my neighbors between 3-4:30 or so than any other time of the day. And my neighborhood is far less apt to have had one spouse not needing to work as I'd guess may be the case in their neighborhood, just based on what's been shared by those who know it. So to me, that even ups the odds that that time frame could be pretty 'high traffic' there, too.

Coming home at that time, IMO, put him at a HUGE risk of a suicide plan or a voluntary departure being thwarted by one of his family members or a neighbor (even if it's just that someone would have seen him and which way he went and if he was alone - if he was leaving to be with someone perhaps). I mean, missing IM by 10-ish minutes?

Either one of them was tipped off to the other coming/going, or HE wasn't the one in his car and thus he wasn't risking coming home so briefly and she was (like the theory presented by our new poster) driving it, or he got REALLY lucky timing wise, whatever his reasons.

Right? Or what other options am I missing?

A really lucky criminal, I guess? But LE seems to definitely not think that's the case...

I have thought this all along. Why come home SO CLOSE to the time IM is expected, or kids, etc.??? Why not come home first, and then the scrap yard? I also don't buy the idea that RM came home JUST to drop off 300 dollars. However, I do not have a viable theory.

 

[TravelingBug]

OMGL---look at that BBQ---that is some house----if it was winter I'd think the pool would be checked.

Why does the garage stick out in my head and throw up so many red flags???????

That's a huge part of why I don't buy him going to the house to leave the $300.

While that's a lot of money to many people, I don't think the 'currency,' so to speak, has the same value in their family economy.

Honestly, say they were in WAY over their heads, debt galore and just had a nice house, if things were that bad, again, the $300 is going to be like pennies.

Maybe one month of the g/e bill in the heat of summer in a big house? (At least in CA that's easy to do - even in a small condo you can get near that and not be running the a/c all the time!) Enough to pay 1/2 of the summer sports fee or something for one child?

If it were $3000 I'd say I can see him going to leave the money - heck, even half that - but $300 just seems way too insignificant from the (outward, at least) appearances of things and from what I've read.

I followed the blog of a (formerly very popular mommy blogger) person who has a whole great front up about their life/family. Traveling all over the country and the world, big(ish) family, kids in private school, one spouse not working and the other hardly at all, huge house (though they've moved a lot).

Her life looks great. But then you find out the truth - they're 750,000+ in debt, have lost a ton of homes, and just keep moving (and scheming, lying, deceiving, etc.) from place to place, basically scamming people and the government and running away from their bills. She hasn't even paid $1.92 bill to what I think was a dentist. Yes, under two dollars.

$300 to them is nothing b/c they've gotten themselves into such a mess. Heck, she's making $30k a month and still basically not paying anything b/c they're just keeping up the appearances (and the scam).

Even if IM/RM were WAY in trouble financially or something, and their outward lifestyle really were just that - outward - and not a reflection of what their lives were really like and what their true (manageable) standard of living was, then I still think it'd go back to being like this crazy mommy blogger/scammer - that the $300 would be so utterly insignificant that it wouldn't be a factor to his family.

MAYBE I could see him doing it to not screw his work...but then that presumes that a) he thought she'd find it, and b) immediately know the source and get it to to them. But then, again, you'd think he'd stick it in an envelope in the mail or something to them and not risk hiding it in the garage in the house and assuming she'd find it and do the right thing with it.

One of many reasons I don't think he went to leave the money. Well, and part of why I think, if anything, it was actually planted and/or something someone intended to use to look like something and attempt to point things in one particular direction over another.

Which, if that was the goal, mission accomplished. It's impossible to make heads or tails of any of this - the few facts we know, the story, or even any of the scenarios! :scared:

If this were a children's book, it'd need something about the Swiss Cheese Case in the title - everything is full of holes!

 

[MomWhoLovesDragons]

No. It is not big news here.
In the past three months i think i have seen one flyer...and that was at
A gas station. I live in the immediate area.

Since RM has gone missing, i have mentioned it to at least a dozen people. I would say two or three heard of it. I actually have a friend who is a local politician...never heard about this case.

I find it disturbing an frustrating. Every single local should know about this case and should see a photo. He could be hurt or unable to communicate and right under our noses.

While i know the "search group" has put in hours and hours of hanging flyer and spreading the word...the media has completely ignored the RM case on long island.

I agree with you, I've seen nothing in Commack. I asked a few moms I saw yesterday at the Commack schools and nobody heard anything either. I do believe that they get taken down but I see weathered flyers everywhere for July yard sales??? They are still up, everywhere.

 

[Eileen730]

Hello All-
I'm new here, I love reading everyone's insight and it has really made me think.
I have an idea that came from a post I think was in thread 3? Regarding gun & the felony.
I was curious and looked into that. IM's cause for disbarment had to do with fraud & a lot of money-millions. IMO- I'm thinking there was money hidden from LE, maybe a safe at home.? He came home to get it, she raced home, noticed it was empty.
I also have been thinking about his job.
RM's job changed every few months, maybe he met someone near an old jobsite?
Just my thoughts so far- but they change almost daily! lol

I agree a d have posted the same thing.

 

[MomWhoLovesDragons]

I have a question:

Does the neighbors camera show IM's car leaving her own driveway that day??
I'm wondering how long she was gone from her house that day?
And...if that camera caught any other cars parking near or going in the driveway? I'm sure LE checked that but who knows what they really checked now?

IMO the silence is telling us something!

 

[TravelingBug]

grab personal things-----leave letters for his kids (I know-I am the only one seeing this----I believe it happened)---leave work phone and cash

Maybe I'm too cynical and I know things (at least in my life) never work out that smoothly! :floorlaugh:

(And I'm seriously not trying to shoot holes in theories...just NOTHING adds up to me and I can't help but be irked by that! Ha! I like to figure things out!)

If it were me plotting to up and leave my family like that, I'd have:

A) Left the letter early in the am when everyone was sleeping and taken everything then, and then left my work cell and the scrap money back at the office (well, for that matter, probably wouldn't have gone to work to begin with...why bother?) and left straight from work

B/c I'd know I'd have gotten "caught" in the quick timetable - or by someone seeing me leave the house quickly after returning or something...

OR

B) left in the morning - leaving letters or not - and NOT gone to work, again, b/c why bother? Taken the headstart to get away while my spouse thought I was at work - giving me a much better chance of truly leaving and not getting caught or found out.

I mean, really, if he WAS planning to leave all along, why go to work? :banghead:

If he was leaving for good, what's one less day at the job? He'd be leaving them in the lurch just hours later anyway?

And if he WAS planning to leave, why agree to take the scrap stuff? That only complicated his whole plan I'd think...throw off timing, mean having to go toward home, then having to mess with leaving the money (assuming he left it hoping it'd get back to his work)?

All of that makes it seem even less likely to me that he planned to leave when the day began.

That makes me think something happened in the call that we don't know about OR once he got home.

Because really...going into work makes no real sense (to me), nor does agreeing to take the scrap stuff...

And if he decided at work to leave (b/c of the phone call maybe) - if it were me, I'd have mailed letters to my kids (if there indeed are some!) and STILL not taken the scrap stuff - too risky to go near home and risk being seen at the house, leaving the house, or trying to make my escape.

But then again, like I said, maybe I'm just cynical and know if it's going to go wrong, it'll probably happen to me! :floorlaugh:

And with that, I'm off to the hospital...where things have been going especially wrong in my life for 10 months now! Ha ha! We'll see what transpires today... :smile:

 

[Eileen730]

grab personal things-----leave letters for his kids (I know-I am the only one seeing this----I believe it happened)---leave work phone and cash

Hey I agree the kids know he left and he left letters for them even Ida, this is why one is in denile and the other devistated

 

[Codger]

Multiple local posters have said there are NOT signs all over...that people don't know...that the union hasn't spread the word...(and fine, it's summer, I don't buy that they don't have email and other means of communication if they REALLY had reason to think "something happened" to one of their own).

Respectfully snipping out this bit.
JMO the union did spread the word.
http://www.local3.com/?q=node/7216

 

[CatFancier]

If he got $300 for just scrapping his wedding ring, that would be a reason to leave it there.

I think something happened on the call that caused him to say "enough" and set the ball rolling. A person can be fairly unhappy then just snap. Maybe wanting lobsters and oysters for a father's day bbq was outrageous to him. Most likely an expensive trip to Italy was. Please keep in mind that we know that the trip was at least in her head prior to him leaving but we do not actually know when the tickets were purchased nor do we know when she told him. It could have been joint planning all along but if it was sprung on him and finances were tight, that could easily have been a deal-breaker for him.

Thinking of the mommy blogger and others I know in my own life who live terribly in debt... Financial planning in a marriage has to be an agreed-upon deal. If she was a spender and he was a saver, and they had discussed it and he told her he couldn't deal with it but she kept doing it anyway, he could have been sick enough of it all to end the marriage.

 

[VeryCleverGirl]

But unless his "eyes" on the house was someone who was with her, or unless he had a tracker on her car, he wouldn't know when she was returning.

As it is they nearly ran into one another - assuming he was driving his car and she was driving her car, of course.

How could someone have known when exactly she'd be back?

It clearly was a VERY narrow window of time and that just seems oddly risky for any of the scenarios - suicide or a planned leaving by choice - since even if someone knew where she went, they couldn't REALLY know when she'd be back precisely unless they were with her or he literally had a tracker on her, could they?

Heck, a long line if she were at the market - or a shorter line than expected - could have changed the whole scenario, even if someone knew her plans.

And even if it were someone staked out, he'd had to have had someone multiple places, wouldn't he? To cover possibly taking a different route than expected for whatever reason...

After all, they'd have to have been far enough away to both SEE her and WARN him and let him get out of there.

Given how close the timing was, they could have even driven past one another practically as it was...just further away from the house. :scared:

Strange, strange, strange...

well I am thinking that somebody helped him and he risked it because he NEEDED what was there. someone could have called the spouse and told her he was there (neighbor) or they could have the app for security and her phone alarm told her someone was in the home. my friend has this app on her phone. Also someone could have been on the road from her parents house and saw her coming then telling RM time to go People have done much riskier things...talk to anybody whose husband has cheated on them

 

[VeryCleverGirl]

Heck, for that matter he takes the train to work and the other person doesn't factor in until he returns...

The biggest flaw I see with that is the extreme riskiness - especially if he's at the house WITH someone - in the timeline again and risking running into IM, the kids, a neighbor, etc.

I wonder if instead of it being a female (or GF) it could have been another male? Heck, even just for a cover (not necessarily saying I'm taking your scenario and raising the issue of him possibly running off with a male).

He could have had them - especially if it were someone who looked a bit like him - drive his car (or maybe it's a total fluke and it's another red car entirely - I'd be SO curious to know if they can tell from the video and just aren't releasing that info...whether just not to the public or maybe even family) to the house and did a drop off/pick up.

Another guy could: a) even look like RM so it wouldn't arouse suspicion and/or b) could look like he had done something to RM if he did run into IM - meaning make it look like a robbery/abduction/intruder (thereby explaining getting "caught" in the house).

RM himself returning to the house seems SO, SO risky for any possible scenario I come up with (other than unless we're not getting the full story from IM) even if it seems plausible at first.

Co-workers saw the car that day at work

 

[CatFancier]

I don't particularly see the risk in returning. Maybe he wanted to have it out with her and when he got there an she wasn't there, he left the money and wallet (could she have given it to him?) and his work phone and left. He doesn't seem like a scaredy cat where he would be afraid of confronting her. I think he went for that, she wasn't there and he knew what he was going to do, knew he wouldn't see her until the kids got home and it wouldn't be cool to have it out in front of them and just blew town.

 

[OldSteve]

When RM's car was seen in the driveway, supposedly, IM was at her parents home, which is in the neighborhood. The cash and dead phone were found 1 week after his disappearance in drawers in the garage. His wallet was also found in a drawer around 4pm on the day he disappeared.

Once again something about this case that makes no sense - why weren't they all found at that same time? Why come back and place them in separate drawers? Seems like attempt at creating suspense or ? but why?

 

[Momoffourboys]

If he got $300 for just scrapping his wedding ring, that would be a reason to leave it there.

I think something happened on the call that caused him to say "enough" and set the ball rolling. A person can be fairly unhappy then just snap. Maybe wanting lobsters and oysters for a father's day bbq was outrageous to him. Most likely an expensive trip to Italy was. Please keep in mind that we know that the trip was at least in her head prior to him leaving but we do not actually know when the tickets were purchased nor do we know when she told him. It could have been joint planning all along but if it was sprung on him and finances were tight, that could easily have been a deal-breaker for him.

Thinking of the mommy blogger and others I know in my own life who live terribly in debt... Financial planning in a marriage has to be an agreed-upon deal. If she was a spender and he was a saver, and they had discussed it and he told her he couldn't deal with it but she kept doing it anyway, he could have been sick enough of it all to end the marriage.

I agree.
What if he is thinking "im busting my butt everyday and SHE wants oysters and lobsters". Also, i would be interested to know if he was recently fuloughed or facing a long furlough.
Even by Dix Hills standards...that is a big house. If you look at the google pic upthread...it makes the other surrounding homes look like bungalows.
:banghead:

 

[Trackergd]

I have a question??????

If You don't give a persons scent to a dog will the dog follow that last scent left?

Both ground scent and most air scent dogs can be "imprinted" from an article of the persons clothing.

Ground scent dogs pick up the scent laid down on the ground. Not sure if it has ever been verified, but the theory is that they vacuum up dead skin cells that shed off of your body. Dog handlers on occasion have the dog suck up a snout full of water to clean out their scent receptors and then re-imprint them from the sample if they start getting confused.

Air scent dogs look for the scent carried on the air/breeze/wind from the subject towards them. Visualize a cone with the subject at the sharp point and the air scent dog at the wide end. The further the distance, the wider the cone and the dog has to work toward the subject. If the wind is blowing the wrong direction, the dog will not pick up anything. We used to start the air scent dogs from four points around the search area so at least one of them would be in position to pick up the scent.

Regarding both types of dogs, high heat or very cold conditions can hamper scent detection. At night scent lays close to the ground, but during the day it rises. That's why in rural areas you can smell sewer gas or skunk smell early in the morning, but by sun up it has risen up and been dispersed.

We used to pair human trackers with scent dogs. When the dog lost the scent, the tracker would start looking for prints. When the print trail was lost, the dog would start looking for the scent.

:seeya:

 

[OldSteve]

I agree.
What if he is thinking "im busting my butt everyday and SHE wants oysters and lobsters". Also, i would be interested to know if he was recently fuloughed or facing a long furlough.
Even by Dix Hills standards...that is a big house. If you look at the google pic upthread...it makes the other surrounding homes look like bungalows.
:banghead:

From what I've seen mentioned in news articles he was working on a big project, so would think he had lots of work ahead, no?

Wish LE would hold a news conference and clear up so many of the things mentioned here! Wish family would press for that. Can't see why/how some answers could jeopardize this case, and might actually help!

 

[VeryCleverGirl]

i remember that as well---either im or rm had family/friend in le---might be why things got hot fast so to speak

b-i-l

 

[MomWhoLovesDragons]

IMO, I believe he left letters to them all.