I came to this thread today because I thought something was going on and was surprised to see a rebuttal to a post of mine from 3 months ago lol. What I said was, you should be able to do both things without fear. But you can't. And if I were giving my daughter advice about either situation, I'd say don't go to the South Bronx ever, but if you do, certainly don't go at night and definitely don't use your atm card -- in spite of the fact that she should be able to do any or all of those without any fear.
Similarly, you should be able to go to a party and get chitfaced passed out drunk (I guess, but I wouldn't recommend it, especially for a minor) without worrying about getting raped, especially among your "friends" (although the definition of friends is pretty loose in the context of this case, imo). But you can't. And the advice I'd give my daughter is, similarly, don't sneak out to a party. If you do, don't get massively wasted and pass out -- especially if there are boys there, whether you know them or not. We've all heard of date rape.
The issue was not whether she's a victim, but whether it's wise to stop warning girls about the behavior that wound up with this one raped because it's considered "blaming the victim." This is the post I was agreeing with and responding to, for context:
We sure used to tell girls what not to do to keep from being gang raped at a party of their peers. We have stopped teaching that, for some reason, and decided that was blaming the victim. I'm sure most concerned parents also teach their daughters how to be safer, but for some reason the media better not even mention the fact that there are things you can do to lessen your chances of being a victim. Odd, really.
We still teach people how to avoid being a victim of all other crimes, and no one sees that as victim bashing, but just useful helpful information.
Also, no one thinks that educating potential victims of all other crimes, violent or non violent, makes men think they will not be held accountable. Quite the opposite, actually - it sets a mindset that we will not put up with this behavior, and we will fight it two-fold - first, by educating potential victims in what steps to take to avoid being victimized and how to spot when they are potentially going to be victimized, and makes it clear to perpetrators that this is a crime and not a party game.
Somehow I've gotten very sideways with a group of posters on this board for wanting rape victims to be treated with the same education we treat other victims - and not pretend that crime is random and there is nothing whatsoever the individual can do to be safer.
People have become so used to this political correctness - and gasping in air if anyone tries to educate girls about how to avoid being abused, that we've all decided that's victim bashing. I guess it would be victim bashing to put up signs in mall parking lots, "lock your car, hide your valuables". After all, they're not to blame for car burglars, the burglars are.
jmo
uke: but that's how the system works. :banghead:
