Yep, I could just see it now...
Patsy: Hello and welcome class, I am your teacher for this course..."Ransom Notes 101: How to Write a Fake One". My name is Patsy Ramsey, and I am a former Miss West Virginia, and I SHOULD have been MISS AMERICA ...I was the prettiest and most talented one there. (Starts to cry)....I SHOULD HAVE WON!! I SHOULD HAVE WON!! DAM- IT...I was the BEST!!! The girl that they chose wasn't nearly as pretty or as talented as I am... (sniff, sniff..and dries her tears), but at LEAST I was Miss West Virginia, alot of people can't say that. I mean, how many former Miss West Virginias do YOU know?? Raise your hand if you know another former Miss West Virgina (nobody raises hand). See...I am special. Well, enough about ME, now lets talk about ME.....as you know....I wrote the mother of all Ransom Notes, well, I prefer to call it a Ransom LETTER. And to be quite frank, I am quite proud of the fact...that it was a FAKE, but nobody knew it and it fooled everybody. (Starts to laugh). Well, not exactly EVERYBODY, there's some people that weren't fooled by it, but...thats okay...because, it fooled the people that it was meant for. And hey, I am not behind bars, and that is the main thing, right? Okay, well today I am going to teach you, MY students, how to write a fake ransom note, and you will learn how to do it from a PRO...me, Patsy Ramsey...a former Miss West Virginia. The first thing you need to do, is get out your writing pad, and your Sharpie pen....we will start with a practice note first. It could say something like...Mr. and Mrs. Blah, Blah, Blah, you would insert your last name here, of course.....and that would be all that it would need to say. If you get caught, after you commit a crime, and have written a practice ransom note...you tell the police that it was going to be the start of an invitation, or something. They will believe you.....especially the Boulder Police. Okay, now....take your Sharpie, and turn a few pages back...and lets start the finished product. The thing that you MUST remember is it HAS to be almost THREE pages long. That is a absolute MUST!!! Throw some French words in there too...and make it really, really nice, almost motherly, with advice and such. For example.....I advise you to do....blah, blah, blah. Okay, class....any questions? Oh yeah, one more thing....did I mention that I was a former MISS WEST VIRGINIA?"