Second-Grader Commits Suicide in New Jersey

[Nova]

...It's not until you're an adult that you realize that some of the happiest, most successful people in the world weren't good students and schjool is about a lot more than report cards.

:loser:











(Sorry. I'm kidding, of course, but I love that emoticon and it's so rare I get a chance to use it.)

 

[iNTERESTEDWOMAN]

Sounds like my 1st grader, IW. I hate "grade" pressure - we don't put any on our sons, but they still get it from the school - you just can't change that, And it is human nature to compare yourself to others that way at that age.

It's not until you're an adult that you realize that some of the happiest, most successful people in the world weren't good students and schjool is about a lot more than report cards.

I guess we do put a little pressure on both boys to make good grades, we make them do their homework, and help them study for test, (quiz them) but that's about it. We are not the kind of parents who would go to school and challange a grade, or punish for a bad one. We ask them to do their best, and help them at home as needed...

 

[SeriouslySearching]

My children were very self-driven. They put too much pressure on themselves and I tempered this with love, admiration, and the arts. While their father was into good grades, excelling in school, and sports...I gently encouraged them and introduced them into the world of music, literature, and art. By giving them a well-rounded structure, they did achieve their goals with considerably less stress placed on themselves.

The arts gave them the outlet needed to combat the stresses of academics. (I didn't make them take lessons or play instruments I chose...they were only encouraged to explore what made them happy. Lessons and instruments were provided only if they asked for them!)

Music and literature were their most loved hobbies then eventually became a large part of their career paths. They are now in college/grad school and can handle the pressures much better than others, imo.

 

[hockeymom]

I would venture to guess someone of that age really doesn't have a grasp on committting suicide.A normal death is hard to process at that age. I'm not a psychologist but it seems like they wouldn't anyway. The pressure this poor kid imposed on himself must have been enormous.
I've always looked at the effort and conduct grades of my kids first. If they are good and they only get a C then thats what matters. They are being the best they can be.My husband was an average student as best even in college. He is one of the smartest people I know and is an extremely successful business man. I on the other hand was pretty "school smart" and I have to say it hasn't done me much good. I can talk about history,the arts,politics,religion,but ask me to balance my checkbook,not on your life!

 

[White Rain]

In fairness to parents, I think it can be difficult to encourage a child to succeed without giving him or her the idea that failure is the end of the world. Particularly with some kids.

Yes, Nova, no blame on the parents from me.

 

[White Rain]

In fairness to parents, I think it can be difficult to encourage a child to succeed without giving him or her the idea that failure is the end of the world. Particularly with some kids.

Yes, Nova, no blame on the parents from me.

 

[AmandaBrown23]

I cannot believe this! I have a 6 and 8 year old and I just couldnt see either of them doing this omg. My heart just breaks.

 

[White Rain]

I cannot believe this! I have a 6 and 8 year old and I just couldnt see either of them doing this omg. My heart just breaks.

I have a 10 and 8 yr old (both girls) and I guess it's just me but I tell myself they don't know anything about sex and other issues such as this, even though I did at their age.
It's not that I am reluctant to talk about such things with me, (I'm not) but a real thought in my mind that they don't know as much as I did at their ages...even though time and circumstances (and experience) prove me different...

 

[deanws]

in the gifted and talented program
maybe he couldn't take getting a bad mark. you build those kids up so much... just giving them one bad mark can be that devestating? OMG!

That is so right! I pulled my son out (the one going to be a doctor) of the gifted program in the 7th grade and wouldn't let him get back into it until he was in the 10th grade because it was way too much pressure. He would FREAK if he didn't make a top grade on every assignment. I didn't think it was healthy. :bang:

 

[IrishMist]

Yes, Nova, no blame on the parents from me.

Nope, me either. Like SCM's son, I had a child that was just naturally hard on herself. She would get so frustrated when she had to learn something. She expected herself to just know it.

A "B" on her report card would send her into depression. She's still, at 21 (22 next week), a bit of a perfectionist.

As someone whose first suicide attempt was at a young age, I hate to hear about things like this. While I understand the concept of wanting the pain to stop, it hurts my heart to think of a child feeling that way. Poor boy and his family.

 

[IrishMist]

That is so right! I pulled my son out (the one going to be a doctor) of the gifted program in the 7th grade and wouldn't let him get back into it until he was in the 10th grade because it was way too much pressure. He would FREAK if he didn't make a top grade on every assignment. I didn't think it was healthy. :bang:

LOL! I wouldn't let my daughter in the gifted program for this reason! It didn't help.

 

[deanws]

.

While they have ruled out abuse or homicide in his case, they need to take a serious look at how driven his parents were about the boy's success and failures involving school/activities. The pressures being put on children today with AP classes are incredible. Maybe they need to put an equal amount of importance into teaching self-esteem and the arts. They have to maintain a balance in gifted students.

SS...my son did it to HIMSELF!!! Many of the kids...the really smart ones are SELF driven. I have seen many of them over the years of teaching. Some kids are just wired that way.

 

[Marthatex]

I almost think that at this age this child really had not thought about suicide for long at all, but that it was an "acting out" - copying something he saw on TV or in the movies. How would a child that age even "know" how to commit suicide?

I can't imagine that grades would be such a big deal at that age either. There is a lot of pressure on kids these days - they do know at a young age that they are expected to be college bound.

 

[SeriouslySearching]

SS...my son did it to HIMSELF!!! Many of the kids...the really smart ones are SELF driven. I have seen many of them over the years of teaching. Some kids are just wired that way.

Mine were, too, but their father helped. It used to be an area of arguments for us early on, but he finally got the concept. (At least, he got ONE concept right the whole time we were married. hehehe)

When I had my premie...this was one thing they warned us about. She fought for every breath, every milestone, and every ounce just to survive. The Neonatologists said because of this...premies have a tendency to be extremely self-driven for life. They were absolutely correct.

 

[Nova]

SS...my son did it to HIMSELF!!! Many of the kids...the really smart ones are SELF driven. I have seen many of them over the years of teaching. Some kids are just wired that way.

My grandson is the same way. Come to think of it, so was I.

 

[White Rain]

My grandson is the same way. Come to think of it, so was I.

This WAS me...and I hate to sound self-conceited...but at one time I was just like this, and was above grade level in my class, teachers wanted to skip me a grade but my parents said no....
In a way, I can feel for this kid, b/c I always thought if I didn't bring home STRAIGHT A's my tale was in for it....but still I never would have thought if I didn't make straight A's life was over...especially after only one bad grade...
poor kid, regardless, to feel as though he had no other way out.

 

[ember]

WOW...I just can't even imagine. This boy's parents must be overcome with dispare.....

I have a 7 year old son. He is in the gifted and talented program. He's brought home straight A's and O's on every report card he's had. I just can't fathom that he would ever, ever think of taking his own life over a grade. I'm pretty sure that this thought process is not even something he would even have at this stage in his life. What kind of pressure does a 7 year old feel to make him go to this extreme at such a young age? This is just crazy!

Wishes of peace to he and his family.......

 

[philamena]

Marthatex,
I posted my thoughts before I read your post but I had to edit mine and add that I agree with you completely.
I don't know if I buy a 7 year old having suicidal thoughts. His being upset about his grade/mark is understandable but suicide? Wonder if anyone else in the family has talked about suicide in front of him...had he watched a movie or tv show that showed someone hanging themselves?

Suicide is not a normal part of a 7 year olds life.

 

[txsvicki]

The child may have been bipolar and went into a deep depression. My son was in the gifted program and made straight A's all through school, finally getting a scholarship, but it just came naturally and I hardly ever even saw him doing homework at home plus he never ever stressed over it at all.

 

[OneLostGrl]

I almost think that at this age this child really had not thought about suicide for long at all, but that it was an "acting out" - copying something he saw on TV or in the movies. How would a child that age even "know" how to commit suicide?

I can't imagine that grades would be such a big deal at that age either. There is a lot of pressure on kids these days - they do know at a young age that they are expected to be college bound.

I have brought this up before on another thread but I find it's worth repeating here on this one..

Sadly, some people are just born not wanting to live. One doesn't even need a "reason" to be sad, they are just born empty, unhappy, sad and feeling out of place in the world.. Symptoms of this can begin very early in life and because that is how the child has always been, parents assume the child is shy or quiet or even just content being alone because their behavior is not out of the ordinary.

They don't need to hear about suicide from anyone and don't need to watch it on TV, they already know what it is and have thought about it often without anyone ever knowing! They keep it hidden yet in an easy to reach place because It's always been their safety net... their way outta this world they feel completely out of place in.

I was born one of these people and as sad as it is, and as much as I wish he would have went to someone for help, I understand how a 7 year old child could want to die.. I pray he finds the peace he was searching for.