SIDEBAR #16- Arias/Alexander forum

[PrincessSezMe]

Evening Jane. Here's great recipe for you:
A great fruit cake recipe
You'll need the following:
a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky. Sample the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window, check the whisky again and go to bed.

:floorlaugh: :floorlaugh: :floorlaugh:

You have the best jokes! I saved your previous "husband" jokes to share with my friends.

Thank you YorN for the laughs. :floorlaugh: :floorlaugh: :floorlaugh:

 

[PrincessSezMe]

Hi m, Jane and Daisy :seeya:.

 

[YESorNO]

Evening everyone.
Hope you liked my funnies today (especially the fruit cake recipe- it brings tears to my eyes-LOL)
What can we talk about tonight?

 

[PrincessSezMe]

Evening everyone.
Hope you liked my funnies today (especially the fruit cake recipe- it brings tears to my eyes-LOL)
What can we talk about tonight?

How about this. Seeing as how missy will never do the "1,000 places to see before you die" thing, where would you go for a visit if you could go anywhere? I would go to Australia and New Zealand.

 

[YESorNO]

You have the best jokes! I saved your previous "husband" jokes to share with my friends.

Thank you YorN for the laughs. :floorlaugh: :floorlaugh: :floorlaugh:

Don't thank me, my princess- thank my 83 yr old girlfriend. She sends me all these emails. I was cleaning out my emails today and have so many more funnies, but I don't want to clog the thread.

 

[daisymae]

I'm here and lurking, sipping on soup and in bed. Coming down with something. uggg

 

[YESorNO]

How about this. Seeing as how missy will never do the "1,000 places to see before you die" thing, where would you go for a visit if you could go anywhere? I would go to Australia and New Zealand.

I'm kinda afraid to leave the USA, but if I wasn't, I'd visit Italy, maybe Ireland.
I'd rather visit all you guys here in the USA and CDA.
Alaska would be great, too.

 

[Jane Jetson]

Evening Jane. Here's great recipe for you:
A great fruit cake recipe
You'll need the following:
a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky. Sample the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window, check the whisky again and go to bed.

:floorlaugh: :floorlaugh: :floorlaugh:

Ah, the good old days! :floorlaugh::drumroll:

 

[PrincessSezMe]

I'm here and lurking, sipping on soup and in bed. Coming down with something. uggg

Summer colds are the worst. Hope you get better soon daisy. :seeya:

 

[YESorNO]

I'm here and lurking, sipping on soup and in bed. Coming down with something. uggg

poor dear.
Who you been kissing????:waitasec:

 

[Jane Jetson]

I'm here and lurking, sipping on soup and in bed. Coming down with something. uggg

Take it easy, Daisy, and try to get some fresh citrus, if you can. Hope you feel better soon!

At one point, I would have gone to Paris. But I've heard that France has a TON of nuclear plants, so I'm kinda put off that now...:truce:

 

[Ricki]

Evening everyone.
Hope you liked my funnies today (especially the fruit cake recipe- it brings tears to my eyes-LOL)
What can we talk about tonight?

Do you mind if I send that off to my sister. It's just to funny.:floorlaugh:

 

[daisymae]

poor dear.
Who you been kissing????:waitasec:

I'll never tell! But roomie is coming down with the same thing :floorlaugh:

It's in the lungs. Have started taking Echinacea - will knock it out faster.

 

[PrincessSezMe]

I'm kinda afraid to leave the USA, but if I wasn't, I'd visit Italy, maybe Ireland.
I'd rather visit all you guys here in the USA and CDA.
Alaska would be great, too.

I spent most of my childhood in the midwestern US, and moved to Canada when I was 13. I've never been anywhere else, but if I could go anywhere, Austrialia would be it. I hate flying though :scared: so I'm not sure I'd survive the trip! :lol:

 

[YESorNO]

Do you mind if I send that off to my sister. It's just to funny.:floorlaugh:

Send away. I don't write them. I don't know where my friend gets them. :seeya:

 

[daisymae]

Just popping in with some funnies from my friend:

Too much attention
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" They ask. "It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart"

Some time after their bitter divorce...
Some time after their bitter divorce, a man happened to pull up alongside his ex-wife at a traffic signal. He shouted over, "So... out looking for a little, huh ?" She smiled sweetly and said, "No, I had 6 years of that with you. I'm out looking for a lot !!!"

Yearly Physical
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"

"What did he say? What's he want?"

His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."

The Husband Store

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. ... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,232,190 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Very Sensual

One night, after the couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner.

He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.

He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and then the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and the returned to do the same to her right thigh.

By this time the women was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself.

The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.

"Why are you stopping darling?" she whispered.

He whispered back, "I found the remote!"

Unrewarded
One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the Hell is this??' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out. 'April,' he hollered into the bathroom, 'why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'

She replied with a snicker...'It's not talcum powder......It's 'Miracle Grow'

Heavenly Marriage

On their way to get married, a young couple is involved in a fatal car accident.

The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.

St. Peter said, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,' and he leaves.

The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple are still waiting. As they waited, they discussed that if they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all.

'What if it doesn't work?' they wondered, 'Are we stuck together forever?'

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.

'Yes,' he informs the couple, 'you can get married in Heaven.'

'Great!' said the couple, 'But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground.

'What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple.

'OH, COME ON!', St. Peter shouted, 'It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a Lawyer?!'

Always LOVE your funnies. :floorlaugh: These are a bit naughty from a nun!

 

[PrincessSezMe]

Always LOVE your funnies. :floorlaugh: These are a bit naughty from a nun!

Uh oh, who's a nun? anic: Do I need to clean up my act? :giggle:

 

[YESorNO]

This one is perfect for Mama-Cita. Don't know if she has time to be on the computer with all those little ones:

When I become old
When I'm a little old lady, then I'll live with my children and bring them great joy. To repay all I've had from each girl and boy I shall draw on the walls and scuff up the floor; run in and out without closing the door. I'll hide frogs in the pantry, socks under my bed. And whenever they scold me, I'll hang my head. I'll run and I'll romp, always fritter away ..... the time to be spent doing chores every day. I'll pester my children when they are on the phone. As long as they're busy I won't leave them alone. Hide candy in closets, rocks in a drawer ... and never pick up what I drop on the floor. Dash off to the movies and not wash a dish. I'll plead for allowance whenever I wish. I'll stuff up the plumbing and deluge the floor. As soon as they've mopped it, I'll flood it some more. When they correct me, I'll lie down and cry, kicking and screaming, not a tear in my eye. I'll take all their pencils and flashlights, and then .. when they buy new ones, I'll take them again. I'll spill glasses of milk to complete every meal .... Eat my banana and just drop the peel. Put toys on the table, spill jam on the floor. I'll break lots of dishes as though I were four. What fun I shall have, what joy it will be to Live with my children....just the way that they lived with me!

 

[YESorNO]

Always LOVE your funnies. :floorlaugh: These are a bit naughty from a nun!

I really don't know what you mean :blushing: :floorlaugh: :floorlaugh:

 

[daisymae]

Uh oh, who's a nun? anic: Do I need to clean up my act? :giggle:

:floorlaugh: