Teri ‏@Teri423 6m6 minutes ago Palm Harbor, FL
@courtchatter I copied and pasted for us old people who can't see! LOL!
http://www.***************/show/n_1sk7lph
#jodiarias
The Letter"
http://www.***************/show/n_1sk7lph :scared:
Here it is:
Letter sent from Jodi Arias to Travis family on July 28, 2008
To Traviss family,
Of all the letters I must write, this is one of the most difficult, second only to the one I must
write my own parents. I thought at length of the things I should tell you all, but after talking with
Detective Flores and Blaney, they convinced me of the importance of telling you all that I know, that you
deserve to know. Now, I think that they told me this not primarily out of principle, but to build their own
case. That is their job, its what they do. I knew that. Nevertheless, there please have stayed with me
since I last spoke with them 12 days ago. And the more I have pondered it, the more I have come to
agree with that 100%, for if it were my own brother, I want every detail that could be had. And if an
arrest was made, I have 1 million questions for the person in custody, first and foremost: why? I dont
have all of the answers that you seek, but as I sit here today and put pen to paper, even on Travis
birthday, Im going to try to answer as many as I can. Because this is not a Q and A forum, I dont know
what questions you have precisely, but I do presume that you gathered enough of everyone elses
opinions to form your own notions of the kind of person that I am, and the kind of relationship that
Travis and I had. Since things up call me in this way, and since Detective have already made it clear that
Travis and I had. Since things up call me in this way, and since Detective have already made it clear that
my case is hopeless and theirs is rock-solid, I have no reason to hold anything back at this point, nor do I
want to got to my grave having withheld anything that might help you piece some things together. It is
no longer about me and the things I dont want you all to know. You deserve to know. Besides that,
Detective Flores said anything I might reveal about Travis would never and could never change your
opinion of him, and since my fear that was the only thing holding me back, I feel like I can now shed a
little light on what was our situation. I have a tendency to ramble but I will keep most trivialities to a
minimum. However, I do feel that starting from the very beginning would be the best so that you will
have a brief synopsis of our history from beginning until now. This may or may not clear up some of your
questions, but to me, its worth trying.
I met Travis at the rain Forest Café at the MGM Grand in September 2006. We later marveled amused at
the irony of meeting in such a place, as we later discovered our mutual passion for a healthy planet and
the environment in general. He confidently walked right up to me, stuck out his hand and said, Hi, Im
Travis. I cordially responded with the usual niceties and figured that would be it, since in that moment,
kiss was just another of the many new name I was trying not to forget. I continue to meet other people
as we walk through the casino, but Travis made it a point to walk by my side and keep a running
conversation. There wasnt any kind of magnetic attraction that I could feel, but in that short time we
discover just a few of the things that we had in common: traveling, the UFC, the 49ers, and the drive to
create an amazing life. After that weekend, I didnt expect to hear from him again. But surprisingly, he
called the very next day. A few days later he invited me to accompany him and some friends to church in
Murrieta. That following Wednesday, he gave me a copy of the Book of Mormon. On November 26,
2006, Travis baptized me at the church in Palm Desert, where I was living at the time. He said he never
met anyone more prepared to receive the gospel. Joining the church with one of the best decisions Ive
ever made and has been one of the greatest experiences of my life. I know that Travis will be richly
rewarded for the role he played in bringing me into the fold.
Our relationship during that time was ambiguous and defined there was no doubt a mutual attraction
but we were in no way officially dating by Christmas of 2006, Travis and ground to mean a lot to me. He
was determined to Mormonize me further, so I received a generous lot of gifts at Christmas to serve
that very purpose, everything from a CTR ring & scriptures with my name engraved on them, and a copy
of a painting of Jesus Christ, the proclamation of families, and a biography of Gordon B. Hinckley. His
generosity never wavered the entire time that I knew him, not once.
It wasnt until February 2, 2007 that we decided to make things official. Things went really well despite
one small hang out: Deanna Reid. I had no hostility toward her, from what Travis said, she seems like a
very nice girl. But he made it clear that she could under no circumstances ever know about us because if
she found out she would freak out and he was tired of dealing with her every time he tried to date
someone. I was very understanding of this, as I had dealt with a similar situation in the past.
We began to progress to the point where the talk of marriage became more and more frequent.
We often talked about family structure, baby names, how many children we wanted, boys, girls, etc.
Each time he referenced the future, he included me in it. To me, this was a natural progression. In May
2007, I have to move out of my home in Palm Desert because I could no longer handle the mortgage.
Travis insisted that I move closer to him so that we can have a more normal relationship, although he
expressed concern for Deannas reaction, saying that if she found out it would be World War III. As
great as things were going, something just seemed off about the Deanna thing. I knew that he still loved
and cared for her very much, and I thought that was admirable, but I didnt understand why he couldnt
just tell her to back off. So in a snap decision I decided to move to Big Sur, CA instead. Travis was upset
and hurt. I assured him it was temporary and that things would work out, but he wasnt happy that I live
even farther. So we began to make arrangements for me to move to Mesa. We had to keep it top-secret
from Deanna. It was then I realized that if Deanna was happy, Travis was happy, and then Jodi was
happy.
Sometimes things happen that seem like theyre not part of the plan, but that is pure illusion.
No matter how painful it is, we must trust that the hand of God is at work in our lives.
After Travis and I returned from a fun trip to Daniels Summit, UT in June 2007, I acted on impulse and a
gut feeling doing something completely dishonest. You see, I have been in a few relationships before
when my partner was not being completely faithful, and there is a distinct feeling that comes with it.
Travis had been interacting with some girls in my presence that gave me cause for concern. I knew he
was the flirtatious type, and I had witnessed it on countless occasions prior to that point. I am not a
jealous person, but something about the way he conducted himself that time cause me to question his
level of commitment to our relationship and to me. The dishonest deed which I had mentioned was that
I looked at the text messages in his phone. I thought to myself, he said he has nothing to hide, so why
not? A flawed logic, I know. I fully expected to find a few miles flirtations w/ other girls, as this was his
MO anyway, and he was not secretive about it. What I found, however, was far more, including several
references made of the many, separate, intimate rendezvous hed had with other girls including plans in
the making for further associations of the same kind. I check the dates to make sure I wasnt getting
worked up over nothing, but as I feared, they were well within the range of when we began dating
exclusively. I didnt freak out, I didnt even tell him. I didnt know what to do. We had another trip
planned to Niagara Falls, the Sacred Grove and Huntington Beach, so I decided to sit on it, get through
that and then make a decision. It ate at me, and as soon as we got home from Huntington Beach, it all
came out. He was very apologetic. He said it was wrong. There was no way I could forgive him. Despite
his shortcomings, he has been very good to me. However, there was also no way that I could trust him
any longer. I decided we should just be friends on June 29, 2007. This was a very difficult decision for me
because I loved him very much. It was especially difficult because he begged me to marry him that same
day. He said things would be different. Up to that point, a proposal was expected any time, but once the
trust is gone, it is hopeless. Im not perfect either. I violated his trust by reading text messages that
perhaps should have remained private. My justification was I had the right to know, Im not saying it was
okay. Fast forward three weeks to July 2007. I hesitated to follow through with plan I already made to
move to Mesa, but Travis is a very persuasive man, and at the hand of his persuasion, I folded and
decided to go. I used to wonder what it would have been like if Id accepted his proposal. But I dont
think things would have changed. Heres why: about a month before I moved back to CA, March 2008
we decided to have a come clean conversation about everything, everything, everything. He confessed
that most of the time Id been living there he been dating someone (Lisa Andrews). The subject of dating
other people had come up all of 4 times between us while I lived in AZ, three of which he brought it up,
and he stated that he wasnt dating anyone. I never had any reason not to believe him, because thered
be no reason for him to hide that from me. Im not the type to have a crying emotional meltdown over
something like that the way Deanna has in the past. In fact, I would have been happy for him. So the
shock came not in the fact that he lied again, and cheated on yet another girlfriend, but that this time I
was the other girl. I felt very ashamed. My first thought was for Lisa, I should tell her everything. But
theyd long since broken up and Travis had taken a decided interest in Mimi Hall. Besides, talking to Lisa
not only would have destroyed our friendship (mine & Travis), but it would have cause a lot of
unnecessary drama and pain. After listening silently for a few minutes while he continued gushing about
Mimi, I could see in his eyes that he was very happy. I asked him how she felt about him, and he jokingly
responded by saying that he doesnt think she even knows hes male. We both laughed and I reminded
him of the charmer that he is and that its only a matter of time. He rolled his eyes and said, Please,
whatever you do, dont give me any dating advice. I get enough of that crap from Sky Hughes, Im sick of
it, I can handle this. I didnt say another word. If anyone knew how to win over a lady, it was Travis. So
we left it at that.
But when it was my turn to come clean, his attitude change 180 degrees. All hell seemed to break loose.
He lost his temper completely and flew into a rage. He began punching himself in the head so hard that
he injured his neck and his back and could barely turn his head from side to side. I was afraid to get near
him, but I wanted him to stop. Travis never hit me in the face, but he bruised other parts of my body. It
was easy to shrug off a few visible bruises with my friends. I could blame it on work or clumsiness. That
only happened on two occasions. The second time was on a Tuesday, in early April 2008. Two men at
the Tempe business briefing actually joked, What is Travis beating you now? We just laughed. Playing
along with their joke was the only way to protect his reputation. I know it is common behavior for
women in abusive relationships to protect their partner by covering for him (or her) and by making
excuses, but I didnt see it so much like that. Travis and I were not in any kind of committed relationship
at that point, he was not my partner any longer, and it was only a matter of days before I rolled out of
town in a U-Haul truck. By putting several hundred miles between us, any further opportunities for
abuse (not to mention immoral conduct on both of our parts) would be prevented. But even when I
moved away, he didnt let up. I stopped to sleep in Hollister, still hundreds of miles from my destination
in Yreka, and Travis call me in the middle of the night, angry that Id moved, angry that Id dated other
guys. It was so confusing to me because I thought we were on the same page about me moving, and I
knew how much he like Mimi. We both knew we were never getting back together, but it was like he
was determined not to let me off that easily. I really cared for him. His cruelty and abuse never knew it
made me angry. It only invoked pity and remorse. And shame as well. For he acted that way out of pain,
and the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt him. I know you all probably hate me even more then
before you started reading this letter. Well hang on, because the plot thickens, and by the time youre
done reading this, you most likely wont consider me worthy of your own spit. Travis told me that Id
hurt him more than the death of his father. He is not one to dramatize things, so I knew hed been
sincere when he said that. I didnt fully understand why he felt that way. How was it that he can date
and have relationships but if I did so he branded me a *advertiser censored*? I knew he was hurting, but I didnt get it.
Especially since he liked Mimi Hall so much.
Tanisha had made mention online that I was obsessed with Travis. Of session would not be an accurate
way to term it. But its obsessed means that I cry every day since his death, then maybe there is some
accuracy there is obsessed means that I couldnt stay away, then there is a bit of truth in that. I could
not say no to Travis. He would not let me an escape his influential grass. He called me at all hours of the
night. The reason I was at his house so frequently was because he invited me over. Most of the time it
was in the late evenings when the coast was clear. He would send me sweet text messages in the
middle of the night, beckoning me to get out of bed and sneak over to his house. It was too hard to
resist most times. If I didnt respond to his solicitations, they would be followed by a heavy and
relentless onslaught of the ultimate guilt trip. I know I shouldve been stronger, for his own spiritual
well-being and mine. Naturally, I was flattered that he was so attracted to me and wanted to spend time
with me. Usually, the feeling was quite mutual. But it became obvious, especially after our behavior
continued even after he met Mimi, that neither of us was going to be strong enough as long as we live in
such a convenient proximity. Ive never regretted my decision to move back to CA. There are, however,
some decisions that I do regret, and I cannot tell you how remorseful that I am for my inaction. Let me
clarify by saying the following: I had a trip planned to Southern California and Utah the week of June 2-6,
2008. Travis found out and tried persuading me to come to AZ instead to visit him. I told him I just
didnt have enough time. He acted sad and hurt and try to guilt me into coming. I stood my ground
though and said no, but Ive played up all of the positives, like his impending trip to Northern California.
We were we were going to check off 3 more things on the list of 1000 places to see before you die,
which were Crater Lake (although he been there when he was very young, he wanted to re-experience
it), the Oregon coast, and the Shakespeare Festival in Ashland, OR. But he refused to be consoled and
just said, Ok, whatever, I see how it is, you dont love me, just his usual rhetoric, guilt trip lingo, etc.
We hung up the phone, and I could feel my heart once again being pulled in his direction. I knew that if I
went we would have fun. By the time I arrived in Pasadena, I made the decision to go to his house. I
arrived in Mesa around 4 AM on Wednesday, June 4, 2008. He was already expecting me and was very
happy to see me. So was Naps. I miss them both so much, it had been months since Id seen either of
them. Travis was awake when I arrived. He waited up all night for me. He and Nance ran his office and
he was watching some silly video on YouTube.com, some kind of dancing robot girls or something. I was
exhausted from driving, so after a few more YouTube videos, we went to sleep as the sun was rising. We
slept until about 1 PM. When we woke up, among other things, we tried looking at photos from past
church history trips, they were on three CDs that I had made a year prior, that but they were pretty
badly scratched, not to mention Travis laptop had recently contracted a virus and it was difficult to
bring up the disk drive. He had instant Quaker oatmeal for lunch. I remember him a clear as daylight see
in his office chair, feet kicked out, in his pajamas eating oatmeal, waiting for his computer to accomplish
a simple task, but having no luck. I sat on the floor next to him, petting Napoleon, looking around the
room. The pollen I written back in February was still on his whiteboard: roses are red violets are blue,
T-dogg the best, forget all the rest, Napoleons pretty great, too. Anyway, when we realized we werent
getting anywhere w/the pictures, we went back upstairs. I took pictures of him in the shower, but they
were tasteful pictures. We were going for a sort of Calvin Klein advertisement kind of look. Travis and I
and the rest of the Pre-Paid world new about the Cancun trip a year prior when it was announced, but
those who were eligible werent announced until early in 2008. When he found out he was going, he
began working double overtime on his body and by May & June was feeling very confident in his own
skin. If it werent for that fact he might have not agreed to do those shots, who knows? From this point
on, things are blurred and confusing. I was sitting/kneeling on the floor next to the shower, going
through the pictures I d taken when I heard a really loud pop. I must of been hit on the back of the head
because the next thing I knew I was lying next to the bathtub. My ears were ringing and Travis was
screaming, but he sounded so far away although he was right next to me. Im really sorry for this. I know
youre going to hate me even more than you already do, but as hard as this is, I keep telling myself that
if it were my brother, I want to know. When I came to, I thought to individuals standing near the
bathroom in the bedroom right where the carpet and in the tile begins. They both began walking toward
us my only thought was to run into the closet, possibly by-passing them so I could get out of the room,
via the other door to his closet. But as I reached the other door. I was stopped by a male pointing a gun
directly at my four head. I was made to get on my knees near the Armoire and was told not to move. By
this time I surmise that the other perpetrator, now standing over Travis, was female, but both people
were wearing black ski masks, black gloves and dark clothing, with the exception of the male who was
wearing blue jeans. He left the room, and without much thought I charged the female who was standing
over Travis. I shoved her hard enough that she fail over Travis, who was conscious but quiet at this point
on all fours w/his right hand holding his head. The girl had fallen near the left seat, close to the trashcan
in the corner. I pulled on Travis saying, come on, come on! He came forward lethargically but wouldnt
stand up, and he kept saying, I cant. I only got him about halfway down the hallway of his bathroom, I
kept urging him but he said, go get help, go to my neighbors, I didnt want to leave him, I felt like I was
going to pass out, my whole body was tingling painfully all over, I just kept pulling on him. At that point I
was crying and kept pleading, come on, please! and he said, I cant, I cant feel my legs. The girl
came at me w/ a knife but I was able to grab her wrists. I was already weak and I felt like I could hardly
breathe. She tried kicking me repeatedly in the knees. I tried blocking her and holding her hands but she
was making repeated attempts to stop on my feet, landing her target a few times. I was at an unfair
advantage because she had shoes and I was in my bare feet. At the time I didnt notice the pain, maybe
it was adrenaline, but my left foot was later throbbing and bruised so I know she got me at least once,
probably more on that foot, and she had caused two of the toenails on my other foot to bleed, which I
didnt discover until later as well. Again, probably adrenaline. We struggled and I was able to throw her
off of me again, but out of fear I ran as she was about to double back and come after me. Again I was
stopped by the male perpetrator who had come back into the room. He yelled at her to stop. He said
thats not what they are here for. (Im sorry about my handwriting, Im shaking as I write this). She
argued with him, saying they should do me, too. But he said no. He asked who I was but before I could
respond (I could barely breath by then, let alone speak), he grabbed my purse and began to go through
it. I was on my knees in the bedroom, Travis was still midway in the hall of the bathroom, the female
standing over him, yelling at the mail. He got out my wallet and look at my drivers license. He took the
cash that was in it and besides gas receipts Id accumulated up to that point of my trip, I had the
registration to my car (which I no longer kept in my glove compartment because it was going back to the
bank any day). The registration has the address of my parents house printed clearly on it. He said to me
as he began to stuff things back into my purse, I know who you are and know where you live. I know
exactly how to find you, and I can find your family. Unless you want them all to die, you keep silent or I
will silence you. I agreed, but the woman kept shouting and arguing with him. She was shouting as
quietly as possible. He kept telling her to shut up, that thats not what they were here for. He finally
gave under the pressure because he held the gun to my head and tried to fire but nothing happened,
just a click. I shoved past him with my purse which was then on the floor next to me. He seemed to
make no effort to stop me, but as I flew down the stairs I swear I could hear footsteps behind me. I ran
out front door leaving behind my shoes, and slamming the door as some last-ditch effort to create any
kind of obstacle to slow down whoever was pursuing me. My rental car was parked in the driveway. I
was shaking and hyperventilating and crying. I kept my eye on the front door as I backed out and drove
away (awful, I know. I didnt look as I backed out. I probably shouldve never been driving in that kind of
state. It wasnt heightened awareness, it was blind confusion). The front door never open. I dont know
what time it was when I left, but Im guessing it was sometime between 4:30 and 6:30 PM, just dont
know. There were two young girls outside playing. I dont know if they noticed me. One was maybe 9 or
10 years old, the other look maybe 13 or 14, Im not good at guessing ages, they both had blonde hair
and they were running west down Queensborough Ave. on the north side of the street. That is one of
the last details that I remember of Travis neighborhood. When I left, Travis was alive, although he was
hurt. My phone was dead, and as cowardly as this is, I probably wouldnt have called for help if I
couldve. I was racked with fear. I knew that if they were capable of doing what Id seen them do, then
they were capable of carrying out their threats.
I did not harm Travis. I did not take his life. But looking back on the way that I acted, I might as well be
held equally responsible for his death. I have two brothers, two sisters, and two parents, but all I kept
seeing was my dad and my youngest brother, and all I could think of was their safety.
A huge part of me regrets my last minute decision to go to Travis house that week. Part of me
has faith in the notion that all things happen for a reason. I wish I could give you more. I did not commit
a murder that day, nor would I ever harm Travis. The evidence against me was presented to me by
Detective Flores. There is a lot. The only explanation I have for that is this: I was there that day. I never
committed a crime, therefore it never occurred to me that I would need to cover my tracks. Whoever
did this came prepared.
All I can say now is that I am deeply remorseful for the pain you have been experiencing. If I
could give my life in exchange for Travis life so that he could live here again amongst the people that
love him, I would do so w/out a shadow of hesitation. What happened that day was horrible. Im so
sorry that I didnt have more courage to stop it, or more power. My heart has ached to no end during
this entire traumatic experience. Putting on a smile and pretending things were fine for my family didnt
work out so well. I felt like I was a danger living near them and began to make preparations to move
back to Monterey, where Id lived 4 years ago.
I loved Travis very much as a friend. We had our fair share of arguments, but I would never intentionally
hurt him. I did hurt him emotionally, and for that I am very sorry, too. But above all, I hope you can find
peace. I know that his killers are still at large, and each and every day Ive been praying not so much that
they are brought to justice, but for my familys safety and protection. At the end of the day I have to
give it all to God. God is fair and just. And regardless of what the world believes, I am so grateful that it
is ultimately His opinion that counts.
Again, I would never hurt Travis. He has shown me very little other than kindness and generosity. He
would give me the world if he could. He assisted me in moving (to & from AZ), he let me store my books
and artwork at his house when I had no room for them, he was constantly doing little things for me, just
always full of thoughtfulness. We traveled to many places together, each determined to conquer the
book 1000 Places to See Before You Die. I hesitate even mentioning all of the little knick-knacks hed
accumulated that adorn his house as a result of our travel together or through gifts from me that he
treasured and proudly displayed for fear it would taint your opinion of those same items, which are no
doubt now in your possession.
I know this letter may only raise more questions, but I hope it also answers others. Again, I know that
God is just and fair. Ultimately, whoever did this will be held accountable. I think we can all agree on
that much. Like I said, what prompted this letter is that I know you all deserve to know what ever
information I have. I also feel like I should explain the following: there have been many comments made
about my smile in my mug shot, which I was fully expecting. It was cocky, I know, but so was Travis. And
anyone who knew Travis well enough know he was cocky also knew of his happy and positive outlook on
life. I know of my own innocence, and so does our Father in Heaven. For this reason I cannot be sad. I
also asked myself, what would Travis do? Barring the fact that he would likely not find himself and such
an unfortunate set of circumstances, he would, no doubt, be flashing that smile of his that he always
did.
Like you, I wish that I knew why all of this happened. Forensics can tell us what, but not always who, and
nobody seems to know why. Detective Flores suggested a few possible motives, but to me they dont
make sense. He said maybe I was angry or jealous. Travis has never done anything that would incite that
kind of anger. As far as the physical way he retaliated during two arguments that we had, my own father
has done worse to me as a means of discipline. The only other thing Travis has ever done to upset me
was be unfaithful in our relationship, but nobody would expect me to be thrilled over it. Id forgiven him
long-ago. Either way, hed have to get in the back of a line of ex-boyfriend who are guilty of those same
folly in relationships with me. The detective said that perhaps I was jealous that he was going to Cancun.
As I mentioned, Id known about that trip since last year. There is no way I could break up with a guy and
then expect him to take me on a trip of that magnitude. The idea of accompanying Travis on a trip to
Cancun was as short-lived as a snowflake in Mesa during the month of July. There was never any
question or discussion of us going together.
I just dont harbor any hostility toward Travis, and I never have. I know that we both struggled to
move on, but we both wanted the other to be happy. Travis was a good man. Our relationship was never
perfect, but it taught me so much. Knowing Travis has been one of the greatest blessings of my life.
I know it would bring you a great sense of closure to know that his killers were brought to
justice. Ultimately, the persons responsible will be held accountable. I, however, will not serve one day
in prison for a heinous crime in which I had no part.
Travis lives. He is not far, and it wont be long before you can see him again. One day all of our
questions will be answered. I just hope you can all find peace. My prayers are with you and have been
since the inception of this nightmare, and so are the prayers of many.
With deepest sympathy and humble sincerity,
Jodi Ann Arias
...and your sorrow shall be turned into joy. - John 16:2
