Teresa N., Haleigh's paternal grandmother #2

[stilettos]

We aren't spreading rumors, we're stating our opinions based on TN's behaviors and comments publicly. The information you have is not a fact but rather an opinion of TN's feelings. Enabling IMO is very obvious from just what we've seen in the media.

Novice Seeker

I believe that it is very possible that TN is covering something from the night of the 911 call. Her past behavior is relevant as an indicator of future behavior.

 

[Be Careful]

I believe that it is very possible that TN is covering something from the night of the 911 call. Her past behavior is relevant as an indicator of future behavior.

I have a sinking feeling you may be right. I just wonder what she is covering/hiding? I feel very sorry for TN and I do believe her heart is breaking, but something is just not right. IMO

I know I'm not going to word this right or get my feeling out in words the way I want to, but is it my imagination that TN's demeanor has changed from when this all first broke? I can't put my finger on it, something has changed about her or at least to me something has changed.

 

[stilettos]

I have a sinking feeling you may be right. I just wonder what she is covering/hiding? I feel very sorry for TN and I do believe her heart is breaking, but something is just not right. IMO

I know I'm not going to word this right or get my feeling out in words the way I want to, but is it my imagination that TN's demeanor has changed from when this all first broke? I can't put my finger on it, something has changed about her or at least to me something has changed.

I don't know for sure Careful.....it feels to me as if she has emotionally circled the wagons...protecting what she has left. I think TN would do just about anything to protect Ronald....and I mean anything.

 

[PorcineGranny]

I don't see enabling either. Ron is a grown man, he doesn't have to get permission from TN to do or not do anything. She may not approve, but she has no control over her grown son.

I must be living in an alternate universe, but it is very plain to me that Ronald has an extremely close relationship with his mother and she upholds what he does. Note, Teresa tattooed on his chest. I have worked for quite some time in the world of child support and custody issues and I understand how women view these things. Teresa does not openly come out and disparage Crystal, it is a subtle, underhanded way. And I feel pretty confident this is going on. Every one of us here knows that women are the most ruthless adversaries.
TN constant slams at Crystal, example by indicating Misty is such a great mother figure. These are my opinions, but I believe them to be true.

I want to add one more thing, some say Ron makes his own decisions and I think he does, but every decision he makes he has his on personal rooting section for, his mother. She does not oppose him, because if she did she risks losing his adoration, thats just my opinion also. Being able to view this relationship bears directly on this case.

 

[Flossie JMO]

I must be living in an alternate universe, but it is very plain to me that Ronald has an extremely close relationship with his mother and she upholds what he does. Note, Teresa tattooed on his chest. I have worked for quite some time in the world of child support and custody issues and I understand how women view these things. Teresa does not openly come out and disparage Crystal, it is a subtle, underhanded way. And I feel pretty confident this is going on. Every one of us here knows that women are the most ruthless adversaries.
TN constant slams at Crystal, example by indicating Misty is such a great mother figure. These are my opinions, but I believe them to be true.

I want to add one more thing, some say Ron makes his own decisions and I think he does, but every decision he makes he has his on personal rooting section for, his mother. She does not oppose him, because if she did she risks losing his adoration, thats just my opinion also. Being able to view this relationship bears directly on this case.

I think it's great they have an extremely close relationship. And yes of course I have seen he has tattoos of his mother and his two children.

Can you point me to "constant slams" by Teresa? I am not aware of that.

Can anyone seriously be surprised that, in spite of the enormous restraint shown by Teresa, that she might possibly have some strong opinions of HaLeigh and Junior's bio-mom?

 

[kittylyn461]

We aren't spreading rumors, we're stating our opinions based on TN's behaviors and comments publicly. The information you have is not a fact but rather an opinion of TN's feelings. Enabling IMO is very obvious from just what we've seen in the media.

Novice Seeker

IMo but it belongs in the basement DO WE HAVE A DOCTOR that ihas stated taht she is a ENABLER . TIA is you have a link

 

[stilettos]

IMo but it belongs in the basement DO WE HAVE A DOCTOR that ihas stated taht she is a ENABLER . TIA is you have a link

Kittylyn....it was stated in the post you referenced that it is an opinion, which I do not believe is against TOS.

 

[LillieBelle]

I have a sinking feeling you may be right. I just wonder what she is covering/hiding? I feel very sorry for TN and I do believe her heart is breaking, but something is just not right. IMO

I know I'm not going to word this right or get my feeling out in words the way I want to, but is it my imagination that TN's demeanor has changed from when this all first broke? I can't put my finger on it, something has changed about her or at least to me something has changed.

You might not be aware, but there was speculation in prior threads that TN's demeanor seem to change after the NYC visit. She went with Misty & Ron to the Today Show (their honeymoon), and the thought was maybe she overheard them talking about something to do with all of this, something about their involvement...

 

[BetsyB]

Thanks Baxter, I know what the term means, I was looking for someone to tell me what "obvious" actions Teresa has taken that are enabling. I don't believe there are any jmo

For starters---and this is very benign, but her willingness to do so given the circumstances indicates to me that it's not her first rodeo--was her insistence that Misty was the best little momma ever, when asked to comment on the impending nuptials. That show---the really kind of twisted willingness to embrace an inappropriate union at a VERY inappropriate time SCREAMS "enabler!"

 

[tehcloser]

IMo but it belongs in the basement DO WE HAVE A DOCTOR that ihas stated taht she is a ENABLER . TIA is you have a link

We used the same Doctor that diagnosed Misty with her learning disabilities. His name is Dr. Opinion.

 

[Flossie JMO]

For starters---and this is very benign, but her willingness to do so given the circumstances indicates to me that it's not her first rodeo--was her insistence that Misty was the best little momma ever, when asked to comment on the impending nuptials. That show---the really kind of twisted willingness to embrace an inappropriate union at a VERY inappropriate time SCREAMS "enabler!"

You know I have thought about this a lot, it saddens me that Misty being the best with the children out of the women Ron has been with may be completely true. Who would know better really. It says a lot imo.

 

[badme102]

IMo but it belongs in the basement DO WE HAVE A DOCTOR that ihas stated taht she is a ENABLER . TIA is you have a link

It doesn't take a "doctor" to diagnose enabling, kittylyn.

If people would open their eyes and look at the actions of TN and how she is constantly making excuses for her son, they would plainly see that is one small part of what enabling is.

It seems, as far as TN is concerned that EVERYONE else has credibility issues except Ron and Misty in her eyes.
THAT is enabling. She has never taught her son how to "man up" and live up to his responsibilities, or to take the consequences he deserves from his own bad choices in life.

Enabling. Pure and simple.

 

[stilettos]

You know I have thought about this a lot, it saddens me that Misty being the best with the children out of the women Ron has been with may be completely true. Who would know better really. It says a lot imo.

Flossie - you and I will have to disagree that any self respecting Grandmother would endorse the behavior of Misty leaving these children to go on a drug/sex binge...then returning to care for them while coming down. I just do not see it...it is incongruent to appropriate behavior towards those children and there is a reason why TN said it...and it is not that Misty was such a wonderful "Mother figure". JMO

 

[nomoresorrow]

I think it's great they have an extremely close relationship. And yes of course I have seen he has tattoos of his mother and his two children.

Can you point me to "constant slams" by Teresa? I am not aware of that.

Can anyone seriously be surprised that, in spite of the enormous restraint shown by Teresa, that she might possibly have some strong opinions of HaLeigh and Junior's bio-mom?

I don't see that as being close (independent adult-2-adult relationship with healthy bounderies...) I see it as being enmeshed (unhealthy bounderies, i.e, what you do reflects on me and directly involves me & vice versa...) Big difference IMO!

 

[Anothermom]

Maybe she was trying to praise Misty for being so mother-like to impress Misty's family that she likes Misty so that maybe they will return her grandchild...

 

[stilettos]

I don't see that as being close (independent adult-2-adult relationship with healthy bounderies...) I see it as being enmeshed (unhealthy bounderies, i.e, what you do reflects on me and directly involves me & vice versa...) Big difference IMO!

The model of an enmeshed family could be a picture of this group. Many do not understand what healthy boundaries are...and what it means to be enmeshed. It is liberating to be free from dysfunction. :dance:

 

[pittsburghgirl]

As I've said before, do we expect family members to get on national TV and bash each other? What is she supposed to say about Ron or Misty or Crystal? Like most parents she probably has blind spots about her son; she probably has opinions about the females in his life; she probably wishes he had his life together. But I don't see any signs that she is cushioning the fall for Ron or covering up for him. She is not taking care of his kids while he runs around or paying his bills while lays around the house doing drugs. He had his own home, a full-time job and the court gave him custody of his kids. We don't have even the first clue about whether she "denies" antisocial behavior (drug abuse, assault, etc) or how she interacts with him privately. We don't know if she is "projecting" and "blaming" her own issues on the troubled person, and it is risky to guess about serious relational problems (as addictive behavior and enabling are) without expert opinion from neutral professional sources. Most of us "enable" bad behavior in a general sense--if we give a ten-year money for the movies when the allowance runs out, if we look the other way when a teenager comes home drunk, when we "help" grown children with money for necessities while they eat out and buy luxury items. That doesn't make us "enablers" or mean that there is something pathological about Teresa and Ron having a close bond. And I've yet to see any family anywhere that is free from dysfunction. Including mine.

 

[stilettos]

As I've said before, do we expect family members to get on national TV and bash each other? What is she supposed to say about Ron or Misty or Crystal? Like most parents she probably has blind spots about her son; she probably has opinions about the females in his life; she probably wishes he had his life together. But I don't see any signs that she is cushioning the fall for Ron or covering up for him. She is not taking care of his kids while he runs around or paying his bills while lays around the house doing drugs. He had his own home, a full-time job and the court gave him custody of his kids. We don't have even the first clue about whether she "denies" antisocial behavior (drug abuse, assault, etc) or how she interacts with him privately. We don't know if she is "projecting" and "blaming" her own issues on the troubled person, and it is risky to guess about serious relational problems (as addictive behavior and enabling are) without expert opinion from neutral professional sources. Most of us "enable" bad behavior in a general sense--if we give a ten-year money for the movies when the allowance runs out, if we look the other way when a teenager comes home drunk, when we "help" grown children with money for necessities while they eat out and buy luxury items. That doesn't make us "enablers" or mean that there is something pathological about Teresa and Ron having a close bond.

Some people make a point not to evidence the "general" enabling behaviors you indicate...because it is important to model healthy behavior, morals and values to our children. While I am not perfect, I can say that I have not acted in any of the ways you listed with my children.

Many people have dealt with enablers in life, have experience with counselors pointing out that behavior, may be counselors themselves, may have educated themselves about family dysfunction and are able to point out the behavior when they see it.

If my adult child was arrested for possession of the multitude of drugs that RC has, as many times as he has been..and had a documented problem with violence..there would be intervention...even to the point of commiting...should that be necessary to help them become a functioning member of society and have a healthy life. My family has grown up with the knowledge that violent people belong in jail or the hospital and no where else....That is what love is...sometimes you risk the relationship when it is in the person's best interests. there are many indicators that Ronald Cummings needed help and intervention long ago....his Mother is one that could have assisted with trying to help him change his behavior.

 

[Flossie JMO]

I don't see that as being close (independent adult-2-adult relationship with healthy bounderies...) I see it as being enmeshed (unhealthy bounderies, i.e, what you do reflects on me and directly involves me & vice versa...) Big difference IMO!

Weird, guess it's a matter of opinion, I think folks are throwing the enabling term at the wrong Granny. JMO

At the time of HaLeigh going missing:

- Ron had a job

- was renting a home independant from family

- caring for his two children with no help from their bio-Mom

- had attended court and been awarded custody (from what we can see in the records he did so by himself and with no need for anyone to hold his hand or speak for him).

He functions as an independant adult imo, he may not always make decisions others agree with, but he makes them and takes responsibility for them. JMO

 

[badme102]

Weird, guess it's a matter of opinion, I think folks are throwing the enabling term at the wrong Granny. JMO

At the time of HaLeigh going missing:

- Ron had a job

- was renting a home independant from family

- caring for his two children with no help from their bio-Mom

- had attended court and been awarded custody (from what we can see in the records he did so by himself and with no need for anyone to hold his hand or speak for him).

He functions as an independant adult imo, he may not always make decisions others agree with, but he makes them and takes responsibility for them. JMO

Flossy, you're forgetting one small thing:
HALEIGH IS GONE from his home!