As we await Monday morning, I'm presenting here my list of...
Never-Gonna-Happen Witnesses That Would Make for the Most Off-the-Wall, "Must-Watch" Defense Arguments
- Lori Vallow
- Julie Rowe
- Russell Nelson, the current LDS prophet, to testify as to whether CD's teachings were orthodox, historical, or otherwise
- Thom Harrison, author of "Visions of Glory," the book from which CD stole a lot of his more "unique" ideas
- The contractor who built the Cozy Cone, to testify as to whether there are stairs
- McDonald's cashier, to testify that Garth bought Tammy a Big Mac the night she died
- Expert raccoon hunter, to testify about Rexburg's local raccoon population and the feasibility of killing one
- Expert gravedigger, to testify that no gravedigger worth his salt would dig such shoddy graves
- BYU-I librarian, to testify that CD spent all his time writing at the library
- All those people who claimed to see Tylee or JJ in various places early on in the missing persons cases, before their remains were uncovered