TX - Crystal Seratte McDowell, 38, Baytown, 25 Aug 2017 #4

[SuperTmo]

Omg. Another Baytown mother killed in her home while her children were home. What in the world!

http://m.chron.com/local/article/HCSO-Man-on-the-run-after-killing-woman-in-12203454.php?ipid=mobctp

 

[katydid23]

the dad didn't tell them anything. the aunt said he just cried.

It is kind of hard for me to give him any 'credit' for anything, like telling his kids about him killing their mother. I think he should forfeit his rights as their father. I know they love him at this time---but as they grow and learn more about his actions, they might decide to distance themselves anyway. jmo

 

[katydid23]

My thoughts as well. I think they are risking a lot by not telling the kids that their dad killed their mom. I hope that if the kids ask they aren't lied to, because the family doesn't want to tell them until they are older. But I feel the kids should know the truth and decide on their own, with the guidance of therapists, if they want to have a relationship with him.

I think that would be a big mistake to lie to the children about it. Obviously you cannot just blurt out the horror----but trying to ignore it and allowing them to visit Daddy and pretend like he is a great guy---that will do a lot more damage in the long run, imo.

I would distance them from Dad, give them believable reasons why he is in jail, and why they will not be seeing him, but they can write letters etc---and then as they mature, they can be told more about it.

But it would be a mistake to get them even more 'connected' and have them always looking forward to seeing their amazing wonderful Daddy, and build him up, only to eventually have to tell them the horrific facts.

 

[pamelado2]

This is what was said on HLN, Ashleigh Banfield:
"No, ma`am. They haven`t seen him since the night that we we went and spoke to him. I`m praying and the person who is actually going to take*

them, we both think it`s very healthy with, you know, a little bit of counseling they stay connected to their father but maybe not every day*
and ever month, but when they come back to visit, most definitely they need to be in contact with their father. It`s their dad. They need to know what*

this new normal is for their life "

So, it sounds like a counselor will direct how and when they interact with their dad. I'm sure the counselor will also tell them how to explain to the kids what happened.

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[ckarmst]

So sad. Beautiful pictures of her babies though. I like how one is on each side of her. I wonder if Paul got to meet them?

Paul spoke at her services. I'm sure he met the kids that day.

 

[ckarmst]

-Very sweet photos. If there was a family gathering after the service i'm inclined to think Paul would have been welcomed there.

Paul spoke at her funeral. I'm sure he was with the family following the service.

 

[Suglo]

This is what was said on HLN, Ashleigh Banfield:
"No, ma`am. They haven`t seen him since the night that we we went and spoke to him. I`m praying and the person who is actually going to take*

them, we both think it`s very healthy with, you know, a little bit of counseling they stay connected to their father but maybe not every day*
and ever month, but when they come back to visit, most definitely they need to be in contact with their father. It`s their dad. They need to know what*

this new normal is for their life "

So, it sounds like a counselor will direct how and when they interact with their dad. I'm sure the counselor will also tell them how to explain to the kids what happened.

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Yes plus a family court Judge will most likely decide what is done regarding custody/visitation and the children will most likely have their own attorneys to advocate for them during this process. I'm sure the children will be protected especially considering how young they are now.

 

[SuperTmo]

I think that would be a big mistake to lie to the children about it. Obviously you cannot just blurt out the horror----but trying to ignore it and allowing them to visit Daddy and pretend like he is a great guy---that will do a lot more damage in the long run, imo.

I would distance them from Dad, give them believable reasons why he is in jail, and why they will not be seeing him, but they can write letters etc---and then as they mature, they can be told more about it.

But it would be a mistake to get them even more 'connected' and have them always looking forward to seeing their amazing wonderful Daddy, and build him up, only to eventually have to tell them the horrific facts.

I wholly agree! This is so sad all around. I don't claim to know what the right answer is but another thing I would be concerned about is the older child finding out on his own by googling his mom's name, his dad's name, or maybe even his own name. Kids have so much access to technology. Maybe he has an iPad or computer to use.

My daughter has had chromebooks in her class since second grade and there are lots of controls strictly limiting what a student can search, so the kids are encouraged to search for anything that they are wanting to know more about as long as it is school appropriate. It isn't uncommon to have iPads or chromebooks at school.

I would hate for him to find out in a more traumatizing way. He is 9 or almost 9, same age as my daughter. That isn't too young to be told the truth and certainly isn't too young for a bright kid like him to go find out why his dad is in jail.

 

[Gooddeeds]

I wholly agree! This is so sad all around. I don't claim to know what the right answer is but another thing I would be concerned about is the older child finding out on his own by googling his mom's name, his dad's name, or maybe even his own name. Kids have so much access to technology. Maybe he has an iPad or computer to use.

My daughter has had chromebooks in her class since second grade and there are lots of controls strictly limiting what a student can search, so the kids are encouraged to search for anything that they are wanting to know more about as long as it is school appropriate. It isn't uncommon to have iPads or chromebooks at school.

I would hate for him to find out in a more traumatizing way. He is 9 or almost 9, same age as my daughter. That isn't too young to be told the truth and certainly isn't too young for a bright kid like him to go find out why his dad is in jail.

-Truth, nothing less than. That's not news they should hear from a stranger-online-school, etc. I hope they are in the process of selecting a therapist for them as soon as possible. I don't see how a therapist would support the family in leaving out information. The reason they are needing therapy for their grief over their Mother no longer being here has to start with the basic facts. Its unfortunate and horrible that their father is where the facts begin and end but they need to know that. IMO

Please send any links/info on the service and updates on any other status. TIA

 

[Gooddeeds]

I think that would be a big mistake to lie to the children about it. Obviously you cannot just blurt out the horror----but trying to ignore it and allowing them to visit Daddy and pretend like he is a great guy---that will do a lot more damage in the long run, imo.

I would distance them from Dad, give them believable reasons why he is in jail, and why they will not be seeing him, but they can write letters etc---and then as they mature, they can be told more about it.

But it would be a mistake to get them even more 'connected' and have them always looking forward to seeing their amazing wonderful Daddy, and build him up, only to eventually have to tell them the horrific facts.

-Well said.

 

[MzOpinion8d]

The oldest child is 9. He's not stupid. He knows his mother was missing and now is deceased, and he knows his dad is in jail. He can put 2 and 2 together.

Not to mention he's likely got access to the internet, and you better believe the kids at school will be talking about it.

I don't think the family was planning on keeping it secret forever, just waiting a bit longer to help the kids adjust a little at a time.

 

[Spistol]

Omg. Another Baytown mother killed in her home while her children were home. What in the world!

http://m.chron.com/local/article/HCSO-Man-on-the-run-after-killing-woman-in-12203454.php?ipid=mobctp

Update: He turned himself in last night.

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[TheRaven]

Update: He turned himself in last night.

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Off topic....what other interesting cases are going in right now?

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[pamelado2]

Off topic....what other interesting cases are going in right now?

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I'm following the case of Julia Jacobson. She's been missing since September 2nd. Very unusual circumstances, in my opinion.

https://m.facebook.com/search4julia/?ref=m_notif&notif_t=feedback_reaction_generic

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[Icechick]

The oldest child is 9. He's not stupid. He knows his mother was missing and now is deceased, and he knows his dad is in jail. He can put 2 and 2 together.

Not to mention he's likely got access to the internet, and you better believe the kids at school will be talking about it.

I don't think the family was planning on keeping it secret forever, just waiting a bit longer to help the kids adjust a little at a time.

My thoughts exactly.

OT...Following the case mentioned above, AND is anyone going to watch the Maura Murray special?

 

[perfectingpink]

Off topic....what other interesting cases are going in right now?

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Michael Chamber's case is very interesting and will probably get even more so before it is solved.

http://www.websleuths.com/forums/sh...chael-Chambers-70-Hunt-County-10-March-2017-4

 

[BIC]

I think that would be a big mistake to lie to the children about it. Obviously you cannot just blurt out the horror----but trying to ignore it and allowing them to visit Daddy and pretend like he is a great guy---that will do a lot more damage in the long run, imo.

I would distance them from Dad, give them believable reasons why he is in jail, and why they will not be seeing him, but they can write letters etc---and then as they mature, they can be told more about it.

But it would be a mistake to get them even more 'connected' and have them always looking forward to seeing their amazing wonderful Daddy, and build him up, only to eventually have to tell them the horrific facts.

I think they need to tread carefully with the children until they know all the facts. We are very early on in this case, and there are most likely things we don't know yet, and won't know until it goes to trial. Telling the kids one thing, and it ending up being something different wouldn't be right either.


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[Elle*Bee]

Off topic....what other interesting cases are going in right now?

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I don't want to bog the thread down, but there's a case local to me (Southeast Louisiana) in which a fire destroyed the home of a fire chief. The body of his wife of 22 years and her pets were found in the rubble. Her cause of death was a bullet to the head (ditto her dog and two cats if the local news article is accurate). It's been crickets since then.

http://www.websleuths.com/forums/sh...-Lacombe-14-July-2017&p=13634087#post13634087

 

[FightTheOstrich]

My thoughts as well. I think they are risking a lot by not telling the kids that their dad killed their mom. I hope that if the kids ask they aren't lied to, because the family doesn't want to tell them until they are older. But I feel the kids should know the truth and decide on their own, with the guidance of therapists, if they want to have a relationship with him.

I hope the kids are getting plenty of time with Jeff and therapists. I suspect those two kiddos have seen the real Steve on more than one occasion. I am concerned that some of the key players including the sheriff don't have a decent understanding of DV. And that perhaps some of the key players helping the children work through this may be influenced by their own family's DV record.

 

[Seajay]

And if the older one figures it out or finds out some other way other than therapy, there is nothing to stop him from telling the little one. Sorta like Santa Claus, Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy.