Found Deceased TX - Sherin Mathews, 3, Richardson, 7 Oct 2017 #7 *Arrests*

[blue22]

I think we have a lot of things going on in this case that sets it apart from most we see. A death of a child is difficult for most of us to process in the best of circumstances. Illness or accidental death is difficult to process due to the loss of potential and opportunity when it involves a child. All of the milestones of life missed magnify the tragedy. But when that death is at the hands of another, A death that is absolutely unavoidable, the the grief is magnified along with the anger and frustration. In order to process that a fellow human being, a competent adult, a parent could take that life, potential and future away, we must find something that sets them apart from ourselves. WE could never do that. It could not happen to us. The person we chose to spend our lives with to create that child with or adopt that child with, could never do this. I would know if my spouse was capable of such horror. I could never love someone capable of that.

In most of the cases fortunately, we can find that thing that separates us from them Most of the child deaths resulting from abuse or neglect are from societal groups to which we don’t belong. They may be involved in drugs, that is always the easiest for us to process because we have something to blame. Something to explain the behavior the lack of rational thought. We can look at the poorly educated or those in poverty and still we can find a way to distance them from us. Honor killings of older children we can blame the culture. When all else fails and we can’t find that line in the sand, we blame evil. Yes, they must have been evil and we are not.

With the death of Sherin Mathews, the lines are far more blurred than usual. We have two educated, financially secure adults with no known criminal history, no indications of drug use, professional parents who were involved in their church. Not a fringe religion, or a cult. They were Christians. She was a nurse and reportedly a good one. He was employed, worked in IT, no scandals that we know of. They don’t live in a trailer park. They have not had previous children taken from them. They are US citizens. He appeared to dote on child.
We haven’t seen the pictures of dirty, dingy, unkempt children in cheap worn clothing or sporting bruises in various degrees of healing. We have seen a child dressed like a princess. Huggable, loveable approachable, the child you might have raised.

Suddenly, we have a dilemma, they are us. How can we separate them from us. There must be something. We look to familial culture or internal issues. Was one a closet abuser? Was one a victim? What deep dark secrets are we missing? If they are anything less than evil, it is just too uncomfortable to process. We not only want to find the differences, we need to. It frustrates and may even anger us for someone to seem to make excuses for them. For anything that puts them closer to us. Much like the lepers of old. It is just too ugly and disgusting to be close to.

God forbid they may be us.

JMHO

It is very simple. They aren't who they presented. I have worked with abused children and minors for years. This is what separates me from them. I AM what I present myself to be. I am not a facade that abuses a child. I am a person who does not. People hide behind success and niceness All.The.Time. People hide. We are not abusers masquerading as someone else.

It's that simple. People are either who they appear to be or they are not. That is the separation. It's not complicated, at all. I don't attach any emotion to it. They hid their true self. Period. That is what is so terrifying about human nature. People can easily hide and we can so easily believe. Though, in my experience, the signs are there the majority of the time. They are overlooked, because those that aren't hiding don't want to believe someone like this...is.

 

[blue22]

I don't think they wanted this particular child and I don't think they liked her, much less felt any love for her. I think they were stuck with her and no other option at the orphanage and took her because they would feel 'un-Christian' if they didn't accept her with her issues. And, I don't think the severity of her issues was apparent at adoption but only became obvious as she failed to hit normal marks.

They were overwhelmed and had no maternal or paternal instinct to fall back on because she wasn't really their child.

JMHO

This is what gets me. Reports said that they (or perhaps only WM, I don't remember) insisted on Sherin. IMO, this leads me to believe...1. They took the child the orphanage was willing to give them, or 2. They had horrible plans for her all along.

I tend to lean #2. I don't think they were ever good people. (Though I have seen #1 happen in adoptions before. International adoptions are notorious for this.)

 

[rsd1200]

I think this is one of the most important posts on this thread. Very important to consider. Further, did Sherin’s supposed disabilities only manifest once in the US, and could they have been a result of abuse?

Her challenges were likely already there, but, they could have reared up, after coming to the states. She'd had a bond with her caregiver, she only spoke the language of her adopted father, she'd already had a rough start in life, she is here, now, and the food is different, everything is different, and she is around strangers, basically, that she can't communicate with, other than WM.

They say that it sets a child back every time that they are moved to another foster home. She moved to an entirely new country. Any problems that she did have, that may not have been considered major, at the orphanage, I'd think, would likely rear their heads, up higher, after the adoption. If their other child is an easy child, and now their home-life is disrupted, then they become frustrated/angry with the child who disrupted the home. A big change can be hard on any kid, but a kid with certain health issues, it can be much more-so, and will cause any problems they may have, to be exacerbated.

 

[Rocco]

Nurse or not, Sini was complicit. Being a nurse has no basis to me except to say she failed at being a mandated reporter as well. She didn’t stop it or report it. A Indian physician I work with told me yesterday that a child being left behind is a common punishment in Indian culture; and that the wife would not stand up to the husband against it. He said he was left behind many times and the fear of being alone was part of the punishment as well as the loss of entertainment and socializing.

When he was 3yrs old??? It's a common punishment here too. My kids had to stay at home too and were denied entertainment and socializing----when they were older. Didn't clean your room? You're not going out to eat with us. Didn't do your homework? You're not going to the BBQ at the neighbors house. But not when they weren't old enough to be left home alone. Leaving a 3 yr old home alone isn't a punishment given to correct behavior---it's terrorizing.

 

[angorwat]

Here is the info we have thus far regarding citizenship related issues;

http://www.rediff.com/news/special/the-child-god-took-away/20171026.htm


https://www.outlookindia.com/newssc...-adjusting-well-but-had-eating-issues/1175180


http://www.thenewsminute.com/articl...s-speak-tnm-kerala-say-they-love-sherin-69979

there are several more articles referring to the couple having roots in Kerala

The fact that they had Overseas Citizen of India (OCI) status means they had surrendered their Indian citizenship. And other reports have indicated that they are both US citizens now.

The OCI status and card allows visa free travel to India and other privileges and rights in India that would otherwise have been denied for non-citizens and possibly could have worked in their favor for the international adoption !!

The Qatari and UAE references might just mean that they are respectively the Country of birth respectively for WM & SM, possibly because their parents could have been working in those countries when they were born. (The Middle East is a popular overseas job destination for Indians esp Keralites/Malayalis)

Since RNs are in high demand in the US, it is quite possible that SM's employment brought her to the US first. But it is quite possible that both families were already in the US before the Mathews' became a couple.

Anyone with Intelius/Spokeo/Radaris details ?

 

[TXNurse77]

I want to point out one small detail... many have mentioned Sini didn’t seem attached to Sherin... I would argue that she didn’t seem particularly attached to the bio daughter either if you are simply making assumptions based on photos. Some people don’t smile for pictures due to self-conscious concerns with their looks while smiling - bad teeth, wrinkled noses, many asinine reasons. There is no way to know her bond to either child from a few pictures/videos. Honestly, her photographic affect reminds me much of my own mother who was the strongest person in my very dysfunctional household growing up and turned a blind eye to my own abuse at the hands of my step-father. Again, I do NOT get a sexual abuse vibe here, but turning off emotion is a way to distance from any kind of abuse or trauma taking place around you - even that witnessed in a job as a peds nurse.

However - just assuming she had a weaker bond with Sherin - given the close age of the two girls, this could be a result of being overwhelmed and caring for two similar aged children. I can relate, my youngest was born when my older two were just turned 3 and 10 months. My entire pregnancy, I was worried about having a hard time bonding with the baby because of demands of the other two... luckily, the youngest was a goofy ham and demanded attention through a glowing personality from day one... now, at 16, 17, and 19, I have the closest bond with him... much like grouchy mentioned, I guess I can personally identify with the potential for bad human behavior and it’s rather frightening...


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[TXNurse77]

Someone had posted a job opening for a PICU case manager position thinking it was Sini’s vacated position. I received this email yesterday and I believe somewhere earlier in the investigation it was reported that Sini did work for the CMC health plan... perhaps this is actually her vacated position?
<modsnip>


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[lonetraveler]

This is what gets me. Reports said that they (or perhaps only WM, I don't remember) insisted on Sherin. IMO, this leads me to believe...1. They took the child the orphanage was willing to give them, or 2. They had horrible plans for her all along.

I tend to lean #2. I don't think they were ever good people. (Though I have seen #1 happen in adoptions before. International adoptions are notorious for this.)

I believe that we are on the same path here. I have this horrendous feeling and haven't been able to even post my thoughts until now. I felt early on that since WM appeared to be the only one of the two parents to be excited to adopt Sherin and appeared to be the one who took care of her, then maybe she was adopted for the purpose of belonging to WM. Maybe she was there to ensure the safety of their bio child. She was the substitute, for whatever he wanted to do to her. I can see where SM would agree with this arrangement in order to protect her own child. She probably was never a "mother" to her and had no maternal feelings at all for her and did not interfere with whatever WM did to Sherin. Sounds horrible I know but I just have not been able to rid myself of this thought since day one.JMO

 

[TeaTime]

I think she had a weaker bond with Sherin because they only had a short period of time with her, the child was needy in ways we do not know, mom wanted to spend quality time with her 'real' child; she didn't want Sherin to begin with and her husband made the decision for them. This child could only communicate with him, not mom and not sister - they didn't speak her language. Very stressful situation to have a child that doesn't understand a word you say. The bond was with the dad because of the communication. Mom was like an alien.

 

[Pamela_Brewer]

The adoption was in the works before the sister was even born.
Were they requesting a child or a specifically a female?

MOO

 

[Pamela_Brewer]

I believe that we are on the same path here. I have this horrendous feeling and haven't been able to even post my thoughts until now. I felt early on that since WM appeared to be the only one of the two parents to be excited to adopt Sherin and appeared to be the one who took care of her, then maybe she was adopted for the purpose of belonging to WM. Maybe she was there to ensure the safety of their bio child. She was the substitute, for whatever he wanted to do to her. I can see where SM would agree with this arrangement in order to protect her own child. She probably was never a "mother" to her and had no maternal feelings at all for her and did not interfere with whatever WM did to Sherin. Sounds horrible I know but I just have not been able to rid myself of this thought since day one.JMO

"A Child Called It"
comes to mind.
Only he was a biological child.
I wonder what the inside of the home was like.
I'm sure on the surface everything was "perfect".
Did Sherin actually sleep in the home or the garage?
Makes me wonder....
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/60748.A_Child_Called_It_

MOO

 

[faw720]

This is what gets me. Reports said that they (or perhaps only WM, I don't remember) insisted on Sherin. IMO, this leads me to believe...1. They took the child the orphanage was willing to give them, or 2. They had horrible plans for her all along.

I tend to lean #2. I don't think they were ever good people. (Though I have seen #1 happen in adoptions before. International adoptions are notorious for this.)

I've wondered about #2 before also.

 

[Deleted member 158085]

The adoption was in the works before the sister was even born.
Were they requesting a child or a specifically a female?

MOO

I thought the bio child was older. Are you saying the adoption process was in the works before Sherin herself was born?

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[ilovepierre]

"A Child Called It"
comes to mind.
Only he was a biological child.
I wonder what the inside of the home was like.
I'm sure on the surface everything was "perfect".
Did Sherin actually sleep in the home or the garage?
Makes me wonder....
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/60748.A_Child_Called_It_

MOO

OT: one my favorite books. I've read it numerous times. Same as his second book and the two books his brother wrote.

 

[JazzTune]

I did a Crisis Line for Battered Women and one of many calls stands out in my mind, it was in the middle of the night and it was from an R.N. working the graveyard shift at a nearby hospital, which husband insisted she work this shift so she would be home sleeping during the day while children were at school. Her husband was not only physically abusive but controlled everything. Her paycheck was deposited into an account only he had access to, he did not allow her to have keys to the house or the car and in fact dropped her off and picked her up from work. It was certainly a strange situation, and I am not suggesting this was the case with Sherins parents by any means. Just posting to show the lengths abusers will go to control their victims no matter how smart and educated they are.

Thanks for your post. You're absolutely right. Anyone can get into an abusive relationship no matter how smart of educated they may be.

But the key message I got from your post is one of genuine hope. She called your hotline! She finally reached out for help.

You said she called while she was working the graveyard shift. I worked 7p-7a for many years.

Let me say that there's no better training ground ( battlefield? ) for assertiveness training than working night shift. There's no bolder action for a nurse than to call and wake up a doctor in the middle of the night. Even for urgent matters, doctors are never pleased about it.

You can bet every nurse makes sure she/he has all their ducks in a row before making that call. Most doctors are understanding, but there are always some who are not. The nurse then becomes the object of their hostile indignation.

Too, if the doctor doesn't feel the call was necessary, some of them will even report the nurse to his/her superiors.

Just saying that it takes a lot of guts to be a good nurse and patient-advocate on night shift.

Yet, that woman who called you worked that shift! In fact, she called you while she was working.

I find that very important, and I can't help but wonder if she had just made one of those dreaded doctor calls herself?

Did the lightbulb finally click inside her?

Did the realization hit her that here she was, bravely standing up for her patient. Wasn't it high time she stood up for herself?

I admit it. I push education. I make no apologies for that.

Knowledge is empowerment.

I believe it's our only hope of overcoming a legacy of dysfunctional upbringing and screwed up relationships.

It's not magic. Won't work over night, but it IS a tool. A mighty tool at that.

A flashlight to shine into our damaged psyches.

I so hope she got out safely!

I want to personally thank you for sacrificing your time and sleep in such a valuable way. You threw her a life preserver!

People like you are the true unsung heroes.

I have digressed and realize my entire post has likely been off topic.
We have nothing that says Sini was abused or controlled at all.

Nothing to say she even needed any assertiveness training. For all we know, she could have dominated him.

All we know is that their precious adopted baby girl was found dead inside a culvert, discarded like garbage...



JMO

 

[Love Never Fails]

It is very simple. They aren't who they presented. I have worked with abused children and minors for years. This is what separates me from them. I AM what I present myself to be. I am not a facade that abuses a child. I am a person who does not. People hide behind success and niceness All.The.Time. People hide. We are not abusers masquerading as someone else.

It's that simple. People are either who they appear to be or they are not. That is the separation. It's not complicated, at all. I don't attach any emotion to it. They hid their true self. Period. That is what is so terrifying about human nature. People can easily hide and we can so easily believe. Though, in my experience, the signs are there the majority of the time. They are overlooked, because those that aren't hiding don't want to believe someone like this...is.

Best Quote and Best Reply. EVER.
Agree one thousand percent.

 

[Riice]

Thanks for your post.

Nothing to say she even needed any assertiveness training. For all we know, she could have dominated him.

All we know is that their precious adopted baby girl was found dead inside a culvert, discarded like garbage...



JMO

I am no good with quotes.. but wanted to come back to the domination issue.. I personally feel Sini is the dominate partner..

WS for all his foolishness is the weaker link. Sini has steadfastedly remained silent for weeks despite all events.. I think it's safe to say the majority here don't believe she was oblvious to the happenings in her home and with Sherin..

If she really is the distraught parent she makes herself out to be .. why have we not seen any manifestations of this.. I get people react differently.. but Sherin was a HUMAN being.. and many of us here that have never met her, held her, cared for.. have been more distraught than either of her so called parents.. I have a hard time believing that an innocent person can be so emotionally void..

Lastly.. my husband who hates to hear about this kind of stuff.. thinks Sherin may have met her demise intentionally or accidentally days before the family left her home alone.. and that eventually they realized (or maybe someone began poking around) that they would need to explain where Sherin disappeared too.. (he thinks her real time of death on whatever day was probably very close to 3 am)..


I am waiting for COD and stuff.. but my concern is given the length of time in finding her.. how close can we really get to an accurate TOD..

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[oceanblueeyes]

I will not and cannot assume Sini is a victim instead of a victimizer when there is absolutely no proof or evidence of that. Sherin is the ONLY known victim in this case. Imo, to assume something unsubstantiated is a grave injustice to little Sherin who has lost her life at the tender age of 3 where both parents have felonies against them. imo

Imo this mother was at least one who endangered her little child's life by leaving her totally unattended, and at the most she could very well be complicit in the abuse cover up and even a participant. This also may not have been the only time Sherin was left alone while the other three went out. It certainly wouldn't be the first case we have seen where both parents were willingly involved.

I respect everyone's point of view and those who wish to think she is a victim have an entitled right to those opinions even though I do not share the same views.

Even if she was controlled by her husband she had ample ways to notify the proper authorities even if she did it anonymously. But many times it is not always the husband who controls but the wife can be the controller as well. We don't know which one was the dominate figure in the household.

Until I see evidence to the contrary she will not be seen as a victim in my eyes. At this moment she is charged with child endangerment and is a defendant in this case along with her husband. At this time that is all she is to me and nothing more (a defendant in her daughter's case.)

Personally, I don't have one ounce of sympathy for Sini.

All of my sympathy goes to Sherin, and Sherin only.

imo

 

[CookieM]

I can't excuse her behavior.
While the new information and charges that followed do not disprove Sinis account that she was sleeping at the time of Sherin's death, there also have not been any charges or information that indicates that Sini was in an abusive marriage.

Both of their cell phone records placed them in Garland that evening.....she had a cell phone. She could have texted a friend/relative/coworker/fellow church member to go to the house and check on Sherin, pick up Sherin or even just to keep an eye on the house from the outside if she was truly worried and felt forced to leave her against her better judgement. She didn't do that. Why?
Either she also didn't have a problem with leaving Sherin alone or as others have mentioned as a possibility, Sherin was already dead.....and she was dining out with her husband and other daughter. Nice!

rbbm
Probably because
(a) the story about her being left home alone was leaving out an important detail that she wasn't alive when they went out to dinner
or
(b) any other normal human being would know that it was WRONG to leave a 3 year old alone in the house all alone while the rest of the family goes to dinner! She couldn't rightly say: "Hey can you swing by the house for me? We are out at Chili's and need you to check in on our 3 year old who is home all alone. We'll be back in two shakes of a lamb's tale -- we're just finishing our dinners and about to order dessert." The person would say: What the HELL?? Are you CRAZY?

moo

 

[MarisaS1985]

I thought the bio child was older. Are you saying the adoption process was in the works before Sherin herself was born?

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I believe it was posted upthread from a MSM site (dallas news maybe?) that LE made a correction that said that Older Sisters age was given inaccurately early on and that she is actually 3. Not sure when she is to turn 4. I will see if I can find the link.

Found it!

[FONT=&quot]Sini Mathews appeared before a family court judge Monday to attempt to regain custody of her biological daughter, who is expected to be moved at some point out of foster care to live with extended family. Police had previously given an incorrect age for the girl, but on Thursday said she is 3.[/FONT]

https://www.dallasnews.com/news/crime/2017/11/16/mother-sherin-mathews-charged-child-endangerment