I think we have a lot of things going on in this case that sets it apart from most we see. A death of a child is difficult for most of us to process in the best of circumstances. Illness or accidental death is difficult to process due to the loss of potential and opportunity when it involves a child. All of the milestones of life missed magnify the tragedy. But when that death is at the hands of another, A death that is absolutely unavoidable, the the grief is magnified along with the anger and frustration. In order to process that a fellow human being, a competent adult, a parent could take that life, potential and future away, we must find something that sets them apart from ourselves. WE could never do that. It could not happen to us. The person we chose to spend our lives with to create that child with or adopt that child with, could never do this. I would know if my spouse was capable of such horror. I could never love someone capable of that.
In most of the cases fortunately, we can find that thing that separates us from them Most of the child deaths resulting from abuse or neglect are from societal groups to which we don’t belong. They may be involved in drugs, that is always the easiest for us to process because we have something to blame. Something to explain the behavior the lack of rational thought. We can look at the poorly educated or those in poverty and still we can find a way to distance them from us. Honor killings of older children we can blame the culture. When all else fails and we can’t find that line in the sand, we blame evil. Yes, they must have been evil and we are not.
With the death of Sherin Mathews, the lines are far more blurred than usual. We have two educated, financially secure adults with no known criminal history, no indications of drug use, professional parents who were involved in their church. Not a fringe religion, or a cult. They were Christians. She was a nurse and reportedly a good one. He was employed, worked in IT, no scandals that we know of. They don’t live in a trailer park. They have not had previous children taken from them. They are US citizens. He appeared to dote on child.
We haven’t seen the pictures of dirty, dingy, unkempt children in cheap worn clothing or sporting bruises in various degrees of healing. We have seen a child dressed like a princess. Huggable, loveable approachable, the child you might have raised.
Suddenly, we have a dilemma, they are us. How can we separate them from us. There must be something. We look to familial culture or internal issues. Was one a closet abuser? Was one a victim? What deep dark secrets are we missing? If they are anything less than evil, it is just too uncomfortable to process. We not only want to find the differences, we need to. It frustrates and may even anger us for someone to seem to make excuses for them. For anything that puts them closer to us. Much like the lepers of old. It is just too ugly and disgusting to be close to.
God forbid they may be us.
JMHO
It is very simple. They aren't who they presented. I have worked with abused children and minors for years. This is what separates me from them. I AM what I present myself to be. I am not a facade that abuses a child. I am a person who does not. People hide behind success and niceness All.The.Time. People hide. We are not abusers masquerading as someone else.
It's that simple. People are either who they appear to be or they are not. That is the separation. It's not complicated, at all. I don't attach any emotion to it. They hid their true self. Period. That is what is so terrifying about human nature. People can easily hide and we can so easily believe. Though, in my experience, the signs are there the majority of the time. They are overlooked, because those that aren't hiding don't want to believe someone like this...is.