Found Deceased UK - Nicola Bulley Last Seen Walking Dog Near River - St Michaels on Wyre (Lancashire) #13

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Hello everyone, this is my first post here. I've been reading the threads since day one, but have felt compelled to register and contribute based on the recently released information. I've found myself feeling desperately sad to find out Nicola struggled with alcohol. As an alcoholic myself (currently doing yet another reduction plan, after nearly two decades of struggling) I know how utterly hellish and desperate addiction can be. My heart breaks for her, and I can understand the police not wanting to divulge that information due to the hurtful and judgemental stereotypes some people have of those of us who struggle with it.

A few things which MOO are worth considering. Suddenly completely stopping (or even significantly reducing) alcohol consumption can lead someone who is physically dependent on it (not that I'm saying Nicola was, as we simply don't know) to experience DTs (delerium tremors) which can present as auditory/visual hallucinations, confusion etc. In extreme cases, it can also bring about sudden seizures. Which would obviously be even more dangerous if one occurred near water. Again, just from my own personal experiences and IMO. I'm not in any way saying that was the case here, but I'm assuming the police would have looked into that possibility.

Also, someone's tolerance level, if they have a previous history of alcohol issues, can increase very rapidly if they begin using alcohol again. It's a process called 'kindling.' Again, I know from my own personal experience how quickly tolerance can go up and how someone can still appear perfectly lucid, coherent and without any impaired motor functions even after a huge dose of alcohol. Again, IMO MOO, but another thing worth considering in terms of people speculating whether someone would have the capacity to drive, whether it would be obvious to those around them if someone had been drinking etc.

The press release states Nicola had begun struggling again recently. And again, from my personal experience, this is a hugely devastating blow psychologically to someone who struggles with alcohol issues. We work so hard to get them under control, can become sober for lengths of time, and then relapse despite constantly fighting every single second not to. There's such a huge amount of shame, guilt and hopelessness which goes along with that. Sometimes those feelings are so extreme, you believe the only way to finally be free of it is to remove yourself from the world and to end both your own suffering and the suffering of those who love you. Again, I'm not saying this is the case here, but it's definitely something which is a possibility. And one which breaks my heart for Nicola.

I hope so much that people are kind after this infomation has been released. Nobody knows the absolute hell of addiction unless they have been there themself, and I hope people don't judge Nicola for it, or make assumptions about the type of person she was. We are more than just our addiction, and we fight so hard to overcome it. Some of us simply don't make it, whether that's due to an accident whilst impaired, or actively by our own hand when the suffering becomes too much to bear.

Apologies for the lengthy post. Thank you for taking the time to read it. Wishing you all a peaceful evening, my friends.
 

That is interesting considering PA asked PF to come and help. That he didn’t include PF in the full picture.

Family and friends have painted a VERY different picture to what day to day life has obviously been for them. Not even a hint of ‘you know every family has its up and downs’ kinds chat, not even a hint of an underlying issue of that kind.

Such a difficult situation I understand and I would probably do the same in their situation.
 
Totally agree. Also from PA, ‘she’s 100% NOT in the river’.
Yet today we are told by LE that NB had “specific vulnerabilities“ Which PA informed them about. This information led to the rapid response and ‘high risk’ status of the enquiry.

it just doesn’t add up.

It's interesting to know PA informed them of these 'vulnerabilities', I wonder if anyone else knew of them and they can be verified by other people who knew her well and / or medical records if necessary.
 
If she was in the menapause...and this is just MOO at just 45 her hormones were all over the place, in my experience at 45 i went into overnight menopause due to surgery. HRT takes months to get right and not all women can take them. What im saying is each womens is very different in severity, however menopause alone can cause depression, memory loss, anxiety, lightheaded you name it. That hormonal inbalance can be huge. :(
Yes, every case is different. I'd always really feared the menopause, it hung over me like a dark cloud on the horizon. This was due to suffering mental health problems, assumed to be hormonal, during early adolescence and again during pregnancy. Yet thankfully, I sailed through menopause without so much as a hot flush.
 
Not according to this statement:


"We have explained to Nicola's family why we have released this further information and we would ask that their privacy is respected at this difficult time."


Wow, really surprised at that. I assumed the family would have to have a say in that. Thanks for correction.
 
I see what you are saying but ... literally 20 minutes before she had been engaging with passersby, logging into a Teams call, etc. -- it's difficult to see how one could swing from ordinary everyday routine (removing dog harness in field, etc.) to completely irrational and uncaring about the dog's fate, in a matter of fewer than 20 minutes.

Very perplexing.
Not really....auto pilot gets you through the routine stuff, alone time is when the demons mess with your head. Everyone's homed in on the report of drinking but dismissed the menopause statement, menopause is truly vile and affects women differently, the anxiety, brain fog and mood swings are way worse than any hot flushes (which is what many folks think menopause comes down too) it truly is a horrible time in many women's lives. My heart goes out to this poor lady
 
I would be interested in what happened during the teams meeting. I'm sure the police have analyzed this already. I appreciate NB was muted and camera off for the meeting, but I wonder was there anything significant or negative in the teams meeting that could've affected her? It's incredibly sad. I think it's relevant that there was a welfare check at home in the weeks leading up to her going missing.

As someone who has struggled with addiction and as a regular al-anon attendee due to family members active alcohol addiction, the revelation she had been struggling COULD be highly relevant and change things. It also could be totally irrelevant eg in terms of an accident or foul play. But medically and psychologically this could change things..
 
I feel sad that by the media obsession (& perhaps understandably, the family & friends pushing this) with the middle class have-it-all happy family attractive heart-of-gold working mum mirrors the pressure so many women just like NB feel.

& now those rose tinted glasses have been removed from the entire nation, with what, ordinarily would have been very much a local or regional story if the facts had been known by all at the off (I'm not suggesting they should have been).

I hope she is found very soon, and the tiniest pieces of hope can come from this by prompting others to have open conversations about their pressures and struggles.
 
Not really....auto pilot gets you through the routine stuff, alone time is when the demons mess with your head. Everyone's homed in on the report of drinking but dismissed the menopause statement, menopause is truly vile and affects women differently, the anxiety and brain fog is mood swings are way worse than any hot flushes (which is what many folks think menopause comes down too) it truly is a horrible time in many women's lives. My heart goes out to this poor lady
I agree. Alcohol was probably her way of coping but the underlying issue remained the same.
 
hi guys, I haven't posted about NB here yet but I've been following the news.
Just wondering if she intended to end her life that morning, why go on the teams call? why bring the dog? Just makes me think she didn't want anyone to find her/or find out what happened. This could've all been planned to a T and these things were done to make people think she was in her right mind.
I'm actually glad these details about her personal life have come out, as sad as it is it does shed light on the situation more and the police being adament she's in the water. I understand depression and alcoholism and I really feel for that family today. Hoping they get answers soon
It's a funny one, many women struggle with the menopause, many don't. And I'm sure we've all had a few drinks too many, and had phases in life where we drink too often, being in lockdown and the way life has changed for many people over the last couple of years. But NB, didn't give up on life as such, continued to work, got up in the mornings, took the kids to school, and the dog for a walk, which indicates she wasn't suffering depression, if you know you know what I mean. I think they have had to come out with this info, as the indication of vulnerability had come out, and I get why they said it after the presser, so then no questions could be asked.
 
Suicide is not always something that's planned beforehand, it can and often is in the spur of the moment.
Some people can function very well on a level with both mh difficulties and alcohol issues, it's hard to explain when you aren't in it, but I've literally gone from a day of being a very high functioning MH professional, with a tidyish house, pets I dote on to something very different within the space of minutes. If you asked my colleagues, my friends, even my partner how I was on those days they would have said 'fine, normal' In someways it's the exhaustion and loneliness of putting on that mask that then becomes a trigger for further hopelessness, loneliness and suicidal ideation.
 
Regarding the dog. I think it is possible that the missing person wanted to be close to someone they really cared about in their last moments. I know this is incredibly sad but I can relate to this. A pet is not going to need the sort of trauma rehabilitation therapy that a close family member would. You could argue that the dog was a way to be less alone IMO.
Dogs are also loyal non judgemental friends in that they’re not called man’s best friend for nothing. My dogs have got me through some very messy feelings. He would also be the one to draw attention to her plight. Let’s hope for the sake of her family there’s a chance she’s ok but needing space. Lancs police have clearly got this right with their hypotheses, not that I criticised them. So very sad.
 
I've had a look but can't find a legal basis for the police to release this sort of information publicly. Whether they got it from PA, NB's GP, or any other source, I'm not sure it's legally justifiable. JMO.
well, they can release the earlier call out on 10th January. BUT if they had just said that they had attended a call for concern of welfare, you can bet your bottom dollar this would have started a whole new direction of conversation. I think the police made the correct call and possibly involved the family in the decision to release further information.

IMO, this additional information doesn't change anything for me. Nicola is still missing and those children need their mum.
 
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