Understanding The Anthony's Parenting Style

[El Gato]

This family defies all definitions of a family dynamic. They are a league of their own. They come from the island of misfit toys.

 

[not_my_kids]

I voted permissive indulgent. I think that they tried to be involved in Casey's life when she was younger, but I think they may have chosen the wrong areas to be involved in.
For example, my sisters daughter, who is now 15, her mother went to every soccer game, but never gave her the drug talk. She always called and checked in when my neice said she was spending the night somewhere, never gave her the sex talk.
made sure that she went to school everyday, yet ignored the fact that she joined a gang while she was there.
I think it was somewhere along those lines when Casey was younger and then as she got older her parents kinda gave up on fixing her and started trying to minimize the damage by covering up her mistakes as best as possible.

 

[magic-cat]

I have a nephew who was raised like this. He is now serving a lengthy prison sentence for selling meth. : (

I ALSO have a nephew who was raised like this and he ALSO is serving a lengthy prison sentence for Grand Larceny (stole a car). This was the 59th time he had been arrested...Can you imagine?

 

[Shavaun]

i can't vote because i see two different styles the permissive indulgent and also the authoritarian. their parenting style wasn't consistant so the kids didn't know where they stood, what the boundaries were.

I agree. I think they try to be authoritative.. but tire easily and give in.

I think 22 years later they are done trying.

 

[Tuba]

Yes, monoxide, you nailed it. The Anthonys are afraid of Casey. One of Casey's girlfriends said Casey had been diagnosed as bi-polar. That may not be true but the friend did say it. The way Cindy behaves out of camera range may be wildly emotional too; she may be subject to unpredictable mood swings herself, judging from July 15. But she does not know how to manage Casey's behavior and her idea of control by threat has been a disastrous flop. I mistrust Cindy's extremely guarded way of offering non-information. She talks in speech conventions, prefaced over and over by "Basically,........" She sounds like a Good Housekeeping article on dusting the closet.

 

[ClockWatcher]

They are not parents to Casey, they are her hostages.

This has been niggling in my mind since you posted. Are the A's exhibiting symptoms of Stockholm Syndrome?

 

[deadguy]

#1- I don't think the apple ever falls far from the tree.

#2- Why would you bail out someone who is hiding information, fabricating information, and misdirecting information about the grandchild you're desperately hoping is alive.

Family? give me a break. Family doesn't make other family members "disappear" and then lie like crazy about them, distressing the family.

My concern is that if they are going to now attempt to distance themselves from the actual event of the disappearance and potential death of their grandchild, they really need to do so. Let her go back to jail, if she's gonna' talk anywhere it's there, not in the nurturing environment that they've claimed they're giving her (that she tried to leave in the first place).

If you save her from her consequences, you support her actions. This is why the Anthonys are getting such a hard time. Society is telling them that their actions are enabling Casey to be who she is, and that they need to let her suffer her consequences. They don't want to hear it, and are unwilling to act on it.

Fine, that's their position, and I respect the fact they HAVE a position, however, I am part of a society that doesn't agree.

Saving her from her consequences stops her from learning that her actions, lies, etc DO have consequences.

My suggestion? Throw her to the lions, until she breaks. THEN offer support. As a parent myself, that's a tough thing to do, but I see it to be the right thing to do. It will build character, and a sense of personal responsibility. You don't support the lying and misdirection, you support the good, positive efforts towards getting the lies and misdirection cleared away, right? Then DO that!

Think about it: if you had a magic device that removed all pain from a child even as it occurs, would it be a good idea to always use it? Or do you think the child will eventually set themselves on fire not realizing that it consumed them? They NEED that "oops" moment that hurts them.. if they don't get it, they'll never learn. It's called feedback; no feedback, no growth.

Seems like perhaps this is how Casey's life has possibly always been.. a little sheltered by parents who allowed her to do bad things without real consequences. She has now set herself on fire as a result.

I'm glad they have representation of their own now. I won't address the rumors that the "annonymous" bail money came from the Caylee search funds, nor will I address the rumors that it's the same source of funding for the lawyer team, the best in Florida, when initially, they were unable to pay Casey's bond.

The Anthony's have been prone to sharing information that they shouldn't have shared.. aggravated by lying to reporters. Neither of those are "wrong" or horribly bad or anything, but many of the statements make them look more involved than they want to be.

The (paraphrased) "Rotting pizza and bleach made the smell, not just the pizza" statements will haunt me for a long time, considering how far ahead that revelation was to the release of information regarding the detection of Chloroform (which consists primarily of bleach and acetone) in the trunk.

That's the kind of thing that really didn't need to be said. If they'd said "a bag of trash was rotting in the trunk with perishables in it, while it was in the towyard." I think it would have gone a long way towards putting them in a different light.

Am I saying they're innocent of any and all wrongdoing? no, but I'm suggesting that the way they've handled this has certainly made them look bad. If they are, indeed, guilty of anything that's punishable, I'd suggest that the case investigators know more than has been released and that they'll deal with that.

On top of that, I agree that they are grieving for the loss of their granddaughter, but am a bit surprised that they hold the key to that right in their hand and are unwilling to do anything about it. The clock is ticking, or it may have already clicked... point is.. it WAS clicking.. even before the events unfolded.

It feels to me as though they're doing this so they can say "well we tried everything we could to support our daughter, but it couldn't change who our daughter was."

I defy their right to EVER say that.

Throw her to the wolves and let the truth come out. If there is to be any healing, it requires the wound to stop being created. Just look at the daughter "well I can see that calling here was a waste of time". THat's the impulse of someone who doesn't comprehend what the situation is doing to those that try to offer support in the hopes of getting their granddaughter back.

General population.

Reap what you've sown, and all that. Her learning period is over and she failled to learn. Perhaps it's time for her punishment to begin so as to draw this all to a conclusion, where she can give information and cooperate, or face general population. Partial exposure to general population should be enough, considering what the sentiments of her cellmates would be in regards to her.

Full release to general population would probably get her killed. That's not an environment in which you want to be accused of crimes against your children, especially with all the lies clouding the investigation.

 

[cfromcanada]

i'm 29 and breastfeeding my 5 month old son as i type this. i have not been a parent long but i know this:

you have to teach your kid to be responsible for their actions. you have to teach your children it is not right to lie and that honesty REALLY is the best policy. there's something stinkier with the anthony's then i think any of us really can imagine. i believe casey anthony hurt her daughter. i believe her daughter is an innocent, helpless being. i think that betraying the trust of an innocent is a sin.

i think the anthony's were permissive with casey. i think when she still didn't grow up when she became a mom they were frustrated. i think they are paying for the work they did not do when casey was younger.

You are right. You have to do the work at one end or the other and it may as well be when you outweigh them..

 

[cfromcanada]

I go back and forth alot with this family. I picked the second choice. I have always held my son accountable and he is a real nice guy. The thing is though, I took at good look at my feelings for him and if I knew he was going to get his life taken away in prison or the death sentence..what would I honestly do? They know Caylee isn't coming back. Can they honestly bare handing over KC to basically end her life as well. I'm not so sure I could handle it myself

 

[Pink Panther]

I'm not sure that I really should make any in depth comments on their "parenting style"...Suffice it to say that I would not pick any of the above choices and that the description would include incompetent and stupid...

MOO

While reading this thread I realized that, strangely, we have not seen a single picture of KC prior to her High School Year Book picture. Well, I haven't anyway. Has anyone else???

 

[Janis396]

I've seen prior posts from people who doubted that George was Casey's biological father. I'm wondering if that could partially explain his standoffish parenting style towards her? Letting Cindy do it all.

 

[momtomany]

AUTHORITARIAN parenting is a restrictive, punitive style that exhorts the child to follow the
parent's directions and to respect work and effort. The authoritarian parent places firm
limits and controls on the child and allows little verbal exchange. Children of
authoritarian parents often are anxious about social comparison, fail to initiate activity,
and have poor communication skills. Either foreclosed identity or rebellion. Parental
behaviors: Demanding. Strong control. Rejecting. Unresponsive. Parent-centered.
[Red-hot Demanders]

This is what I chose. However I believe the parenting style is really more totalitarian-centered around a demanding mother figure - Cindy. She manipulates the demands/situation by removing love when she is "hurt" or confronted or challenged. After that period is over she would go thru a "cool off" period in which she feels bad for the punishment starting the cycle of enabling UNTIL someone agains challenges or confronts her and the whole cycle starts again.

Psychological profiles I've put together:
Cindy:
Overpowering personality; rules the home; central figure in the home; is on a pedestal of her own. Self-righteous. Refuses publicly any wrongdoing in her children because to do so would be like accepting her own failure at being a wife or mother - re: not being controlling enough; deep inside there is this insecurity that causes her to be highly embarrased by her children's failures so no one outside her four walls should ever know what really happens at home.

George:
Low self esteem; insecure, needs Cindy for guidance in life. Would never ever step in to confront the wife EVER to do so would create chaos in his life as she punishes him by removing love from him (would stop talking to him;sleeping in separate rooms). He is easy to manipulate.

Casey:
She is the rebellious child but this is a battle for her as Cindy would not accept that - instead she wants daughter a certain 'other' way perhaps as a mini-version of Cindy (who thinks is perfect). Casey does not meet mother's expectations. A real aggressive put down by Cindy goes on thru Casey's life; wounding her along the way and the removal of love as punishment scars her forever. As a result Casey learns that by lying she is saved from Cindy's wrath. She lies to protect herself and make it look like she "act in ways that mom approves" and ends up with no personality of her own (must morf into personalities that mother accepts). Over time she loses track of herself and the ability to connect emotionally to anyone. Tension builds up and this type of person can become extremely irate in a split second. Has multiple sex partners to whom she does not connect emotionally; sex is an escape from reality. She knows how to work the circle of punishment/enabling that mom exercises to her advantage.

Lee:
To be fair I won't say much about Lee except he has shown some level of dysfunctionality and in not as great scale he lies to cover for the others. He did move out of the house a while back, so as it stands he is the only member of this family on better path where he can actually wake up and gain control of the situation for himself; saving himself from the dysfunctionality of the home.

Interaction by family members: Again, Cindy on pedestal, who must not let be down. This "show must go on at all costs" even at the emotional costs of each member. Can't let mom down; and no one can attempt to confront the sovereignty of the mother unless they can handle feeling like chopped liver. If one of the members does not go along, he/she will be accused of disgracing the unit. You must be there for one another including covering up and lying for others. Cindy first; everyone else second and third.

 

[AliVada]

One thing that is absent here is the ability to communicate with their child. If Casey had been educated about sexuality and been able to be open and honest with her folks, would she have ended up pregnant at such a young age?

It is often those who are looking anywhere for love who end up looking in all the wrong places and taking any version of love they can get when they are not getting the real thing at home. Even after she was pregnant, she was either so uneducated about her own body and unaware she was pregnant if we believe their stories .... or they were all delusional together. Again if they communicated and loved one another enough to accept and forgive all .... this violent atmosphere would not have existed.

Even the fight with the choking ..... can anyone imagine choking a "loved one" especially your child.

This family is a bizarre ....... head in the sand, not my child, delusional bunch. They should have gotten counselling years before Caylee was even born much less missing!

Kathy

 

[diane952]

I cant vote on the choices because I think its probably been a roller coaster raising this nutjob. I think she is so maniulative and her parents have tried to disipline her like you would a normal kid and it somehow backfires. Its probably been duck and cover and put out the fires for years.

 

[Clock's Tickin]

I don't think it matters at all what "parenting style" you are when you are faced with raising a genetic sociopath. Some people are just born different and there isn't a "parenting style" out there that will fix them. Early intervention might take the edge off, but at what age does a parent look at her little liar and stop calling it a "very healthy imagination"? I think it is very telling that Cindy believes Jesse is the only person that can "manipulate" KC (translation-call her bluff and keep her straight). I think the real reason KC was "afraid" for her parents to talk to Jesse is because he'd dump her boatload of reality out on the floor and make her eat it. It's too bad that a parent is too close, and been there too long, to try a new approach with her--not that it would definitely work, but "the usual methods" are really dead ends.

 

[BetsyB]

I didn't vote because their children are adults, and it's impossible to assess their parenting style.

I would argue that Casey molded their behavior, rather than vice versa.

 

[DAWN TREADER]

In terms of parenting "style" I'd have to say authoritarian.

 

[curiositycat]

In terms of parenting "style" I'd have to say authoritarian.

Love your avatar. I just finished reading, for the second time, people of the lie.
It gave me a lot of needed insight into the actions of evil people and into understanding the parenting style, or lack of it, of the A's.
It also helped to focus me on the fact that sometimes people are just pure evil.

 

[Gummishoe]

Well, when JG told Ca that KC stole money from him, she said it was just one time. That makes it ok? This girl was never taught to be responsible for her actions. They Indulged her.

 

[diane952]

I didn't vote because their children are adults, and it's impossible to assess their parenting style.

I would argue that Casey molded their behavior, rather than vice versa.

Yes! What an excellent way to put it..:clap: