absynthminded1
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- Dec 7, 2006
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Stepping inside of Syko Sam's psyche for a second.... some of it is obviously going to be off, but maybe this will help someone see something that's missing.
Let's see....
In school, I was the chubby nerdy kid who everyone picked on and who girls wouldn't give a second look, and that was if they even noticed me at first glance.. My father was too busy trying to recapture his Metal band glory days to be much of a father and any attempts he made were usually inhibited by the drugs, alcohol, and general hard living that went along with the Metal lifestyle. My mother was a passive woman with dependency problems of her own. She saw the good in my father... enough to overlook a lot of the bull**** that made her unhappy. She tried to pick up my father's slack by involving herself in my school activities, but that only served as a catalyst for further ridicule from my classmates. It's not exactly cool to have a mom who is a teacher's aid. She meant well, I'm sure, but she just didn't "get" me... no one did.
**** Now consider the fact that his parents had recently separated/divorced and how that could create great emotional termoil and act as a partial "trigger**
I was raised on a heavy dosage of Heavy Metal with Satanic overtones and slasher films. Around the time that I was in Junior High, I started branching out and listening to my own genres of music. I took to Horrorcore, because I felt like a total outsider; neglected, forgotten, and forsaken...especially forsaken.
In horrorcore music, I discovered a world that I never knew existed, one that could identify with my pain and feelings of inadequacy. More importantly, I found others who could identify with me. For once in my life, I didn't feel alone.
My dabbling in horrorcore wasn't that serious at first, but once I began alienating myself, spending solitary hours in my room, exploring this fascinating new world on the internet, my fascination became an obsession. Soon I began to dress like my heroes in the lifestyle and I started decorating my room with all things macabre.
In time, I found that I was easily making friends who were also involved in the lifestyle and suddenly, for the first time in my entire life, girls started thinking I was cute and cool....
In my time alone on the PC, I tought myself to become proficient in HTML and with graphics software. I had a real knack for it. I would sit behind my PC for hours listening to the most wicked horrorcore **** I could find, all the while hammering away on my keyboard... creating web pages and user profiles, as well as looking at the darkest imagery I could find and reading up on serial killers, mass murders, and the like. In a weird way, I cool kind of identify with them. I don't think I could ever kill someone like that, but maybe if provoked enough I would?
It was amazing to me that on the internet, you can be anyone you want to be. It was like a total reinvention of me. I just wondered if I was going to seem so cool to people once I stepped out from behind the comfort, safety, and anonymity of the PC.
I found this one horrorcore label in particular that I really liked. I started casually sending messages to the dude that ran it and we kind of became tight over time. In time, his whole clique kinda became like family to me and I felt accepted... like one of them. It felt really good to feel wanted and needed. I started hooking up their websites with my graphics skills and I started promoting their label to the fullest. That was fun for a while and I felt appreciated, but you know what... I want to be more. I want to try my hand at horrorcore rap. I want to be somebody in this industry. I want to be respected and loved just like my idols.
Enter the birth of Syko Sam....
I met this girl who thinks I'm cute and likes my music.... I have a fan lol... and she's hot! I can't believe she's into me. Looks like things are suddenly starting to go my way. I have never had someone be so affectionate with me. I think I love her... so much and she loves me too.... We're supposed to meet soon and go to SFTW. I hope she still loves me when she meets me. We're gonna have so much fun! But what if we meet and things don't go so good?
I can't even imagine what I would do without her in my life.......
Basically, I am seeing a motive of jealousy, but fueled by something much greater.... I do think that the preacher and the mother's death were symbolic, very well could have been his attack on religion and feeling forsaken, as well as his hatred for women. (Freudian= his mom.)
Let's see....
In school, I was the chubby nerdy kid who everyone picked on and who girls wouldn't give a second look, and that was if they even noticed me at first glance.. My father was too busy trying to recapture his Metal band glory days to be much of a father and any attempts he made were usually inhibited by the drugs, alcohol, and general hard living that went along with the Metal lifestyle. My mother was a passive woman with dependency problems of her own. She saw the good in my father... enough to overlook a lot of the bull**** that made her unhappy. She tried to pick up my father's slack by involving herself in my school activities, but that only served as a catalyst for further ridicule from my classmates. It's not exactly cool to have a mom who is a teacher's aid. She meant well, I'm sure, but she just didn't "get" me... no one did.
**** Now consider the fact that his parents had recently separated/divorced and how that could create great emotional termoil and act as a partial "trigger**
I was raised on a heavy dosage of Heavy Metal with Satanic overtones and slasher films. Around the time that I was in Junior High, I started branching out and listening to my own genres of music. I took to Horrorcore, because I felt like a total outsider; neglected, forgotten, and forsaken...especially forsaken.
In horrorcore music, I discovered a world that I never knew existed, one that could identify with my pain and feelings of inadequacy. More importantly, I found others who could identify with me. For once in my life, I didn't feel alone.
My dabbling in horrorcore wasn't that serious at first, but once I began alienating myself, spending solitary hours in my room, exploring this fascinating new world on the internet, my fascination became an obsession. Soon I began to dress like my heroes in the lifestyle and I started decorating my room with all things macabre.
In time, I found that I was easily making friends who were also involved in the lifestyle and suddenly, for the first time in my entire life, girls started thinking I was cute and cool....
In my time alone on the PC, I tought myself to become proficient in HTML and with graphics software. I had a real knack for it. I would sit behind my PC for hours listening to the most wicked horrorcore **** I could find, all the while hammering away on my keyboard... creating web pages and user profiles, as well as looking at the darkest imagery I could find and reading up on serial killers, mass murders, and the like. In a weird way, I cool kind of identify with them. I don't think I could ever kill someone like that, but maybe if provoked enough I would?
It was amazing to me that on the internet, you can be anyone you want to be. It was like a total reinvention of me. I just wondered if I was going to seem so cool to people once I stepped out from behind the comfort, safety, and anonymity of the PC.
I found this one horrorcore label in particular that I really liked. I started casually sending messages to the dude that ran it and we kind of became tight over time. In time, his whole clique kinda became like family to me and I felt accepted... like one of them. It felt really good to feel wanted and needed. I started hooking up their websites with my graphics skills and I started promoting their label to the fullest. That was fun for a while and I felt appreciated, but you know what... I want to be more. I want to try my hand at horrorcore rap. I want to be somebody in this industry. I want to be respected and loved just like my idols.
Enter the birth of Syko Sam....
I met this girl who thinks I'm cute and likes my music.... I have a fan lol... and she's hot! I can't believe she's into me. Looks like things are suddenly starting to go my way. I have never had someone be so affectionate with me. I think I love her... so much and she loves me too.... We're supposed to meet soon and go to SFTW. I hope she still loves me when she meets me. We're gonna have so much fun! But what if we meet and things don't go so good?
I can't even imagine what I would do without her in my life.......
Basically, I am seeing a motive of jealousy, but fueled by something much greater.... I do think that the preacher and the mother's death were symbolic, very well could have been his attack on religion and feeling forsaken, as well as his hatred for women. (Freudian= his mom.)