VA VA - Joan Cook, 45, Roanoke County, 24 Jan 2010
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get a life
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But do you think JC would willingly leave her daugher behind?
At this point I do not know.....the sister I know and love would NOT leave her daughter. But what exactly was going on in her head ... I have no idea. the first 7 weeks i was in a panic....I know now that I have hit another stage of this case. I am totally ticked off. I am ticked at the three people that were closest to her the last couple of weeks (her husband, BF and GF) and I'm ticked that she left that night without a clear cut plan for a ride. I'm ticked off about LE. They say they are doing all that they can do and want to find her as badly as my family and I. I believe that the three closest to her have not divulged all that they know about this case. A belief that is also felt from the detective. I hope that my feelings (being ticked off) are normal. I know there are stages of grief for people who have lost a loved one....but are there stages for those of us that have a loved one missing? I hope this stage passes soon....I'm worried what the next stage will bring.
Thanks to all again.
Thanks to all again.
doughgirl07
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Well of course you are ticked !!! Without knowing anything, the problem is aiming your emotions at somebody. Do you aim them at Joan -- what the h-e- double hockey sticks were you doing these last months?!!! Where are you? What happened to you? Where did you go at 11pm? Where were you when that text came in? (Why didn't you reach out to your "old" friends when you were in need of help with getting around, job, etc)
Ticked at husband --- why did this have to happen? Why couldn't something better be worked out?
Ticked off at bf and gf --- why don't you share information with Joan's family who love her and miss her? Did you see her that night? Did you talk with her? If you were texting at 5am - is that normal, was it a sign, what are you doing to find her? Do you know anything? Why did you allow her to walk away every Sunday -- hello, pick her up at her home.
Ticked off at LE --- Have you gone through ALL the numbers on her cell phone? Have you checked her email and web hits from the work computer? Did you do an efficient job trying to track her scent early on? Have you truly followed up and verified ALL the information given you by the three main people in Joan's life?
Maybe some people on this board can give you advice if they've experienced what you are......
Thinking of you dr0915...... and little AMC. Keep fighting for her !
Ticked at husband --- why did this have to happen? Why couldn't something better be worked out?
Ticked off at bf and gf --- why don't you share information with Joan's family who love her and miss her? Did you see her that night? Did you talk with her? If you were texting at 5am - is that normal, was it a sign, what are you doing to find her? Do you know anything? Why did you allow her to walk away every Sunday -- hello, pick her up at her home.
Ticked off at LE --- Have you gone through ALL the numbers on her cell phone? Have you checked her email and web hits from the work computer? Did you do an efficient job trying to track her scent early on? Have you truly followed up and verified ALL the information given you by the three main people in Joan's life?
Maybe some people on this board can give you advice if they've experienced what you are......
Thinking of you dr0915...... and little AMC. Keep fighting for her !
MBLover
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I don't blame you for being angry - and yes - that is a stage one goes through when being in a situation such as this - whether a loved one is missing or deceased. It's very normal
Put that angry energy to as much good use as you can. I realize you can't go out and intimidate people to get info out of them...but try to be creative and find ways to appeal to them on their level.
Put that angry energy to as much good use as you can. I realize you can't go out and intimidate people to get info out of them...but try to be creative and find ways to appeal to them on their level.
get a life
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I can't imagine what you and your family must be going through. And yes, it is normal that you would feel anger. I have wondered myself what she was doing and where she was going that night knowing the BF was out of town. To leave at that time, alone, walking. What was she thinking? And for anyone to know something and be keeping it from the family and detective is so very selfish. I pray they will come forward with what they may know. I pray that Joan is safe and returns home soon. Everyone knows you have done and are doing everything you possibly can to find her. And where would that precious little girl be without you? I learned a long time ago that you can not change how other people act or the things they do no matter how bad you wish you could. You are a wonderful sister and Joan is very lucky to have you. Hang in there
I spoke with Detective Clark yesterday afternoon and they believe the bones found belong to a woman they searched for the second half of last year. Don't know who that woman is....but I am definitely thinking and praying for her family. I am meeting with Mr. Detective on Thursday at 1:00 to go over the timeline of the investigation. FINALLY. He has searched over 2500 emails, her harddrive from work and reveiwed cell records. Yes, a lot has transpired over the last week and a half. NOTHING was gained. No strange emails, no searches on the web, NOTHING. She had 2 email accounts: one was old....and hadn't been used since just before her disappearance. The other was new (under her middle name and preferrred name of RENEE) and had not been used hardly at all. The detective wants the detective that specializes in interviewing children to interview Joan's daughter. I'm not so sure I will let that happen. His reasoning for wanting her interviewed...he is running out of leads. He is running out of anyth9ing and everything.
Thanks to all!
Thanks to all!
doughgirl07
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Thank you for the update !!!!!!!! I knew the discovery yesterday couldn't possibly be Joan - thank goodness. But, they were not even sure if they were human remains, so the poor person had to have been there quite some time. I too hope the family finds some peace with what becomes closure to part of their investigation.
While I'm glad to hear of the progress into the review of Joan's personal life, I am saddened that it does not produce any leads. You mentioned they had reviewed her cell phone records - nothing strange there either? How far back did they go?
I know I'm asking a lot of questions, but one thing that hasn't been made clear- atleast to outsiders - how have the police confirmed that the bf was out of town? Where did he go? Just in case she did try to hitch a ride to see him - which direction would it be in? With there being so few close interpersonal relationships, the only true leads would come from deep investigation into those closest to her. When you meet with the detective, did anything come from the apparent disagreement from what the gf told you as to her last contact with Joan as opposed to what she told LE?
I know you are looking for answers on what to tell Joan's daughter. Clearly, I have no professional experience, but it makes sense to me to be as honest as possible. Nobody knows where her mom is right now BUT EVERYONE is looking for her and everyone KNOWS she loves you more than anything!
My only other unsolicited
opinion is that I think having a one-on-one with a child psychogist/counselor may help you in making the decision about having her consult with a child-specific investigator. Only she and MC were with her on the last known night she was seen - perhaps she knows something but doesn't realize it. I understand your hesitance, thus why I recommend consulting professionals who can guide you through what investigators may be looking for, how they would handle it, what a child may think of it, etc. If you'd like some help on that - searching for the right person to discuss it with - call me and I'll do a little investigation of my own. I can talk with my detective friend, call some organizations, etc.
Thinking of you all every day....
While I'm glad to hear of the progress into the review of Joan's personal life, I am saddened that it does not produce any leads. You mentioned they had reviewed her cell phone records - nothing strange there either? How far back did they go?
I know I'm asking a lot of questions, but one thing that hasn't been made clear- atleast to outsiders - how have the police confirmed that the bf was out of town? Where did he go? Just in case she did try to hitch a ride to see him - which direction would it be in? With there being so few close interpersonal relationships, the only true leads would come from deep investigation into those closest to her. When you meet with the detective, did anything come from the apparent disagreement from what the gf told you as to her last contact with Joan as opposed to what she told LE?
I know you are looking for answers on what to tell Joan's daughter. Clearly, I have no professional experience, but it makes sense to me to be as honest as possible. Nobody knows where her mom is right now BUT EVERYONE is looking for her and everyone KNOWS she loves you more than anything!
My only other unsolicited
opinion is that I think having a one-on-one with a child psychogist/counselor may help you in making the decision about having her consult with a child-specific investigator. Only she and MC were with her on the last known night she was seen - perhaps she knows something but doesn't realize it. I understand your hesitance, thus why I recommend consulting professionals who can guide you through what investigators may be looking for, how they would handle it, what a child may think of it, etc. If you'd like some help on that - searching for the right person to discuss it with - call me and I'll do a little investigation of my own. I can talk with my detective friend, call some organizations, etc. Thinking of you all every day....
MBLover
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I definitely understand your hesitance on Renee's (since that's the name she preferred) daughter being interviewed. But I think doughgirl is right...a qualified counselor in this field would be great. One that maybe even used art therapy as a means for her to express herself - without coming out and asking her lots of questions she may not understand why she's being asked.
If this is an option that cannot be afforded by the family for the child to do so, I would suggest a female officer in plain clothes be the one to interview her.
Surely this child already knows something is up with Mom...she hasn't seen her for weeks...and maybe she does need someone to talk with - someone who is objective and has no emotional ties to the case.
She's probably going to need to talk to someone anyway...and a counselor would be a great way to go.
If this is an option that cannot be afforded by the family for the child to do so, I would suggest a female officer in plain clothes be the one to interview her.
Surely this child already knows something is up with Mom...she hasn't seen her for weeks...and maybe she does need someone to talk with - someone who is objective and has no emotional ties to the case.
She's probably going to need to talk to someone anyway...and a counselor would be a great way to go.
We had our first therapy session (by "we" I mean Joan's daughter) and it went GREAT. Well except for the "event" as I will call it. I filled out the paperwork and handed it in and there was a basket of candy there. I offered the kid a piece....about 3 minutes later she began to choke on it. She had sucked it down....not in the windpipe..but nonetheless was very scary for her and me. I tried the heimlich...she was like a wet noodle. I hollered for help...2 people helped ...the kid threw up and the candy just had to dissolve in her throat. FREAKED me out. One of the women that came to help was her counselor. The kid LOVED her.....I loved her. She used to be a guidance counselor and then got licensed/certified to counsel in this sense. She was great. We are going back next week and the kid is looking forward to it.
The husbands vehicle and home was THOuROUGHLY searched today. He was questioned again. The husband tells me that the detective is trying to "pin stuff on him that he didnt' do". The detective asked the husband to be part of a story to be aired on the news this weekend (detailing the points of the case). He refused to be on tape. REFUSED. I tried to tell him he was making himself look guilty ...he said they cant' pin something on him that he hasn't done. I tried to explain that he is making LEs circumstantial case very easy. the husband does not call to check on the progress of the case. He doesn't ask the questions that he should be having.
I meet with Mr. Detective tomorrow at 1:00. I can't wait to finally meet him. Any suggestions?????
Thanks to all of you (thanks to Doughgirl for thinking of us daily....Love you!)
The husbands vehicle and home was THOuROUGHLY searched today. He was questioned again. The husband tells me that the detective is trying to "pin stuff on him that he didnt' do". The detective asked the husband to be part of a story to be aired on the news this weekend (detailing the points of the case). He refused to be on tape. REFUSED. I tried to tell him he was making himself look guilty ...he said they cant' pin something on him that he hasn't done. I tried to explain that he is making LEs circumstantial case very easy. the husband does not call to check on the progress of the case. He doesn't ask the questions that he should be having.
I meet with Mr. Detective tomorrow at 1:00. I can't wait to finally meet him. Any suggestions?????
Thanks to all of you (thanks to Doughgirl for thinking of us daily....Love you!)
MBLover
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Calliope is great for the questions...I'm hoping she will read here before the night is out!
So glad to hear all went well with the counseling session...just so sorry that the poor child got choked! I know you were scared! I choked one time when I was a kid about 3 or 4 years old and I remember it very vividly...
And you are so right - if the husband is being THIS uncooperative then he is making himself look very guilty. He needs to get his head out of you know where and man up. Maybe Renee did some things that he truly didn't care for and didn't appreciate...but he picked her and he chose to be with her and chose to have a child with her. He needs to do whatever he needs to do to answer these questions that LE has for him.
Years down the road his daughter is going to know the full story...and she's going to wonder why "Daddy" didn't fight more to find out what happened to her Mom!
One thing - when you get to talk to the Detective tomorrow... You might want to take a list of questions with you...because when you get caught up in the moment of meeting with him...you might forget something you want to ask. Also you might want to write down the things he is saying - or have someone who is not involved in this case to go with you who will also remember what is being said.
Once you get out of there you will have questions...and then wonder about the things he said...if that's exactly what he said or did he say it in another way. It would actually be great if you could record the conversation.
Glad to hear that there will be another news story on Renee!
So glad to hear all went well with the counseling session...just so sorry that the poor child got choked! I know you were scared! I choked one time when I was a kid about 3 or 4 years old and I remember it very vividly...
And you are so right - if the husband is being THIS uncooperative then he is making himself look very guilty. He needs to get his head out of you know where and man up. Maybe Renee did some things that he truly didn't care for and didn't appreciate...but he picked her and he chose to be with her and chose to have a child with her. He needs to do whatever he needs to do to answer these questions that LE has for him.
Years down the road his daughter is going to know the full story...and she's going to wonder why "Daddy" didn't fight more to find out what happened to her Mom!
One thing - when you get to talk to the Detective tomorrow... You might want to take a list of questions with you...because when you get caught up in the moment of meeting with him...you might forget something you want to ask. Also you might want to write down the things he is saying - or have someone who is not involved in this case to go with you who will also remember what is being said.
Once you get out of there you will have questions...and then wonder about the things he said...if that's exactly what he said or did he say it in another way. It would actually be great if you could record the conversation.
Glad to hear that there will be another news story on Renee!
MBLover
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We are going to miss your posts! However, I fully understand that you don't want to post anything that is going to hinder the investigation. We hope that you will still read here and check back in from time to time if it's only to say hello!
doughgirl07
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I agree with MB --- fully understand you can't be on here. Hope you get the answers you all need. I will certainly miss your updates on here, but if it doesn't do any good, don't do it. As ALWAYS, should you need help looking for info or anything locally, let me know. I know others would help as well.
Hope the story airs and gets some results, and
Glad to hear Joan's daughter and you both enjoyed her first session !!!
Hope the story airs and gets some results, and
Glad to hear Joan's daughter and you both enjoyed her first session !!!
MBLover
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Calliope
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I understand and wish you the best. I pray for her safe return and hope this means they are finally getting some leads in the case. Take care.