1. Play dumb.
2. Be dumb but try to play smart at times where it will benefit your news value.
3. Obtain CDL for use associated with big buses or bulldozers.
4. Perfect the art of finger pointing. Yes finger pointing NOT finger painting.
5. Leave em wanting more.
6. Surround yourself with real smart people and then try to blend in with them.
7. Develop your signature speech cadence to allow for the random addition of big words. (do your best to use them in the appropriate context) A word of the day calendar could be a valuable investment.
8. Adopt the mantra......"pocket squares = power".
9. Negotiate, line up, solidify future media deals up front in case your marketability tanks before they come to fruition. If possible, record the agreement but don't put anything in writing.
10. Find a patsy to use and abuse but remain careful not to slander or libel them.
11. Whine and cry about everything. If you don't like it.....whine about it.
12. Create news where there is no news. Be sure to keep it "juicy and sexy".
13. Do minimal work and demand opposing counsel make it easy on you. Ask for EVERYTHING.
14. Make sure to explore all possible avenues that support reasonable doubt. In the case of no real and valid avenues of reasonable doubt......read Andrea Lyon's primer on "Creative Motions Practice". Find a way to tell your story. It doesn't have to be true...just an opportunity to tell what "could have happened".
15. Perfect the art of hand selecting your media darlings.
16. Ignore anyone that says anything you don't like and make petty jabs when needed. Remember to make sure that you are on video when offering these comments.
17. Surf the web and forums for more "witnesses".
18. Call into question EVERYONE except your client. Ask for forgiveness later.
19. Keep detailed notes of your own personal experience for book deals after trial.
20. Stare at the ceiling, fiddle with your tie, spin in your chair and tap your pen as opposed to having a full blown temper tantrum on TV. It will mess up your heavily gelled coif.