Why are her parents coddling Casey?

[kaykakes]

They also could be doing this to prove to Casey they will be here for her in return maybe just maybe Casey will tell them where Caylee is. A grandparent will do anything say anything to find out what they can. In this situation where Caylee is more like a daughter than a grandaughter. I have been in a similar situation with my daughter who is now in her 30's but my grandaughter was born when she was only 17. My daughter would always threaten us with our grandaughter knowing how much we loved her. I am gonna leave you will never see her etc. We always thought we knew what was best and in our hearts loved her like she was our on. I think In Cindy and George's case they feel the same. Thank God my daughter finally saw the light. But not until 30 and her lies finally bit her in the *advertiser censored**. So walking in similar shoes not the same but similar I can understand why they do some of the things they say and do. I am praying for all them.

 

[Girlrilla]

The only conclusion I can come to (assuming they AREN'T out of their flippin' minds) is that they desperately want to believe Caylee is still alive and they will hold on to that hope until the very end. Turning on Casey would mean coming to terms with reality, which would be healthier for them to do, but sadly not likely given their behavior thus far. Or, in the back of their minds they DO know something is not right and that the worst case scenario is true (most likely George and Lee realize this the most) but still turning on Casey would mean she will shut down completely, and at least while they are supportive until she is proven guilty they still *think* that they have an inkling of a chance to find out what happened to their granddaughter. Or at least maintain a smidgen of a relationship with the one person that knows what truly happened. If they join everyone else and turn on her she only has one person left, her lawyer, and I can imagine she wouldn't hesitate to cut off all contact with her family the moment she sees they aren't behind her. Casey is truly the manipulative one here. I don't see her as a victim of anyone else but her own actions.

 

[tiredofthis]

I ask this as a serious question. Several here have posted that they have dealt with "Casey-like" family members.

Is pretending that you believe their lies the recommended way to deal with this type of personality? How exactly do family members deal with these folks?

I cannot believe that the manner George and Cindy Anthony are using - making up explanations and excuses for the daughter's poor behavior - is what any mental health professional would recommend. Or is it?

Any input from those who have "been there" would be appreciated.

I know that I am witnessing familial dysfunction. I just would like to try to understand what I am seeing a little better, if possible.

My son lies about everything which has gotten him in a lot of trouble. I have never made up excuses for him and have always made him accept the consequences of his actions.

My sister, on the other hand, always excused her son's behavior. Even after he was arrested numerous times she still said that people were just picking on him and it wasn't his fault. He is now in jail serving a long sentence for selling drugs and she still can't accept the fact that he has done something wrong.

 

[mhazelton]

I would be devestated. I would be angry and I would be furious, but I also wouldn't want to lose my daughter too. The Anthony's have to know that their daughter could be facing the death penalty and it's got to be a very difficult position for them. They probably know they can't save Caylee, but I'm sure they would do anything from losing another family member.

:clap: I completely agree with you. None of us can say how we would act. Especially if you are not someone who has a child. Unconditional love even when the child is at their worst. I actually just started a thread on the same topic.

 

[SewingDeb]

Yes, on an emotional level we can all understand the horror of what the Anthonys face & we can understand them loving their daughter no matter what.

There are different ways to show love though. (Healthy & unhealthy)

You can can support your children & help them THROUGH bad times but you sure don't have to help them AVOID taking responsibility for the mistakes they made.

Why can't the Anthony's simply say, "We love Casey & we will not abandon her" instead of sending signals that they BELIEVE IN the dysfunctional behaviors & lies Casey continually presents to the world?

IMO, the Anthonys are NOT supporting Casey in a meaningful way.... they are only HELPING her to remain just as screwed up as she was the day she 'lost' her innocent child.

I couldn't have said it better.

 

[mountain_momma]

I think George and Cindy have been in major denial, and they have now entered the anger stage. They desperately want to believe Caylee is still alive, and they know that if she is not, the person who is responsible is their own daughter. They can't accept that, and they are angry at everyone who even implies that.

I also think Casey has always been a very spoiled girl. They have probably always coddled her. It's just a habit.

One more thing...Casey is the child that they raised. If she did something so heinous as to murder her own child, they think it reflects on them as parents. In other words, if Casey is a bad person, people will think they are bad people too. After all, they raised her.

 

[SewingDeb]

LI_Mom, I couldn't have said it better.

 

[SewingDeb]

JBEAN, they should already be there. A decomposing body in the trunk? It's hard to imagine that wouldn't sink in.

 

[leandjl]

This has bothered me from day one - first phone call from KC to home after being arrested - the first words were something like ....mom I saw your little cameo on tv.... and CA responds with........which one, I did 4 sweetheart....... I'm sorry but I think if my child had been arrested and was calling home for first time, I would be saying things like, omg, are you okay, can we come and see you, I'm so sorry you are in jail......... not well, I did 4 spots on television......................

 

[jeannebreault]

I'm the step-parent of an adult child with borderline personality disorder.

IMHO Casey probably has bpd (at a minimum - usually there are co-morbid disorders as well) and it's very difficult to diagnose and treat.

A book was recommended to me by a mental health prof once at a time when the bpd in my family was "Baker Acted." The title is I Hate You, Don't Leave Me, and the title alone gives you a good idea about bpd. Another book for family and friends of someone with bpd is called Walking on Eggshells. 'Nuf said!

I suspect George and Cindy have developed, over many years, a pattern of dealing with Casey that minimizes the "drama." That might be what they are still doing now, either consciously or unconsciously. If consciously, they may have been advised by LE/mental health professional/etc to try to make Casey feel believed and comfortable and loved in order to have her open up.

I feel so sad for the entire Anthony family, including Casey. I think there are two explanations for her behavior: 1) mental illness or 2) under the control of "evil." In either case, they are up against something that is very complicated, cunning and baffling.

While we can all be armchair "analysts," speaking from personal experience, I know that by the time you've dealt with a bpd sufferer for long enough, you feel like the crazy one! Counseling for family members is definitely needed to not end up in a situation like this! Prayer helps, too! God can and will turn the worst of situations into a blessing.

After many years (and much counseling and prayer) I am no longer hostage to my bpd step-daughter, but it has been a painful journey. It's also painful to watch other family members continue to struggle with her. Some family members are on their own journey to deal with her, and others are in denial. All I know is I had to "apply the oxygen mask to myself before I could help anyone else."

This case is about as bizarre as they come, and Casey and her family are very easy to dislike and criticize.

Casey needs to be prosecuted and pay the price for what she's done already (lie, steal, etc.)...it's the only way for us to have a civilized society, and the only way she can at least begin to become a responsible adult.

If she is tried and convicted on any more serious charges (human trafficking, murder, etc) the same applies.

If any other family members aided/abetted in any of her crimes, or committed crimes of their own, the same applies.

:Justice:​

I always try to remember two things:

1. We are protected by a Constitution that states we are innocent until proven guilty and provides for due process.

2. I should not judge the actions of another person until I've walked a mile in their shoes.

:smiliescale:​

I certainly feel enormous anger :furious: about this case, but I know the anger is better directed toward the illness and/or spirit of evil.

 

[jeannebreault]

This has bothered me from day one - first phone call from KC to home after being arrested - the first words were something like ....mom I saw your little cameo on tv.... and CA responds with........which one, I did 4 sweetheart....... I'm sorry but I think if my child had been arrested and was calling home for first time, I would be saying things like, omg, are you okay, can we come and see you, I'm so sorry you are in jail......... not well, I did 4 spots on television......................

I found this really unsettling, too! My first thoughts:

Casey is sarcastic, and maybe a little jealous.

Cindy is in competition with/one-upping Casey.

Whoa...weren't these words a sign of things to come!

See my post about bpd a few minutes ago...completely fits in with long-established coping patterns of this family.

 

[mhazelton]

jeannebreault :clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap:

I agree with you 100%. I must say your post is one of the only posts I have read that is non-judgmental and experience based. Thank you sharing your personal experiences.

 

[hannahsnana]

Jeanne, what an informative post. I, too, had an experience with an adult step-daughter of my now late husband. She burned all her bridges and stayed with us from time to time. I didn't have the counseling or reading you have had, but I understand completely your description. It is absolutely the elephant in the living room. I finally learned to detach and just be polite. That is all I could do. She knew I had her number, and that I would call her on her behavior if she stepped over the line with me again. I am also very interested in the "evil" aspect of this. I haven't discounted that aspect. Please don't anyone jump on me, but I understand that after she moved to another state, she became involved in "Wicca". When she was at our house, she was all about being a "Christian". They are just all over the place.

 

[donnam]

I have tons of sympathy for the parents and family. I do not think they are pretending to believe her, I think they are desperate to believe her. This is a pretty big ordeal, I am quite sure they have never faced anything even remotely close to this level of importance. Literally life and death on several levels.

I think for those of us that have never loved casey, or didn;t give birth to her or watch her grow up, it is easy to say what are they doing? It is so obvious why don't they see it? But they are clouded by their love for her and I would wager many of us would do something similar to a point.
But I also believe that Cindy and George loved Caylee as their own and when ther are no more alternate theories, the conflict is going to be huge.
I am a very strong indivdual, but I do not know how well I would do under conditions such as these. How do you prepare or from what life expereinces do you draw to cope with your daughter killing her daughter?

ETA: But I do feel very strongly that once they see the truth, they have to make a stand as to supporting a murderer or not. But until that time, I will give them the room they need to get there. They are not hindering the case or investigation and have given officers everything they asked for. That's all they can do.
jmho of course.

I agree with everything you said.

 

[leandjl]

[
See my post about bpd a few minutes ago...completely fits in with long-established coping patterns of this family. [/QUOTE] quote by Jeanne

ITA I had sister who was diagnosed bipolar and she took lithium and I know she complained very much of drymouth - we have all seen CA more times than not with a bottle of water in her hand and frequently sucking on that bottle - could be she is on meds for mental problems - I have read a lot on this issue and my sister would go off her meds all the time - didn't like that side effect.

 

[donnam]

JBEAN, they should already be there. A decomposing body in the trunk? It's hard to imagine that wouldn't sink in.

I think they are lying to themselves to avoid facing the horrible truth! I think I would say off the wall things too and I KNOW I would scream at anybody who DARED to say she was dead, and tell them to shut up too , like George did.

When he did that, I heard the unsaid words in my mind, "don't you dare say that, shut up, Caylee is NOT dead!!!!!", because he/they cannot accept that yet. They are just not ready to accept the fact that Caylee is most likely dead.

 

[sassy_texasbelle2]

I think they both know the truth. They are being kind and supportive of CA so she will finally open up and tell them where Caylee is so they can bring her home. I do not think any of us can imagine the heartbreaking life they are leading right now.

 

[sariebell]

I completely agree with the statement "Scott Peterson all over again." Sociopaths are products of their environments. CA's family has picked up the slack for her for so long and enabled her every move for years. Why stop now. I think they will always fall back on their codependent behaviors.

 

[sharpar]

my mother was BPD she created constant unending drama and chaos . you cope the best you can with whatever you have at your disposal.
Some abandon , some stay in denial some just withdraw some
eventually see reality but it can be a long winding road to get there

You cant even begin to imagine and " the experts " provide conflicting
information , guilt , shame , blame and various treatments that produce varying results but often making bad behavior worse .

Casey is responsible for what she has chosen ........period

 

[newtv]

I have tons of sympathy for the parents and family. I do not think they are pretending to believe her, I think they are desperate to believe her. This is a pretty big ordeal, I am quite sure they have never faced anything even remotely close to this level of importance. Literally life and death on several levels.

I think for those of us that have never loved casey, or didn;t give birth to her or watch her grow up, it is easy to say what are they doing? It is so obvious why don't they see it? But they are clouded by their love for her and I would wager many of us would do something similar to a point.
But I also believe that Cindy and George loved Caylee as their own and when ther are no more alternate theories, the conflict is going to be huge.
I am a very strong indivdual, but I do not know how well I would do under conditions such as these. How do you prepare or from what life expereinces do you draw to cope with your daughter killing her daughter?

ETA: But I do feel very strongly that once they see the truth, they have to make a stand as to supporting a murderer or not. But until that time, I will give them the room they need to get there. They are not hindering the case or investigation and have given officers everything they asked for. That's all they can do.
jmho of course.

hello sweet JB..I am with you on this but have to say my sympathy for them is lessening.
I know that to face Caylee is dead is to face that their daughter may have done it and that is very hard.
They have had 9 or more weeks to deal with this and I think at some point even parents in denial would start to get smart about the possibilities and at the very least show some respect for LE.
They do talk out of both sides of their mouths..they say Casey isnt showing concern because she knows where Caylee is and then condemn LE for not looking for an alive Caylee.
If they know that Caylee is ok where she is, (and they say that is why Casey is not showing concern), then why all the fuss about LE finding her.
(If you listened to the news conference that JB held after Casey's re-arrest, he said this is why Casey is not showing concern).
That is where I start to get impatient with the games.
Either say that there is no reason to worry about Caylee or say there is reason to worry about her.
If Casey is smiling and behaving like she doesnt have a worry in the world, then why are they after LE to take her seriously.
People are not stupid just because a psychopath thinks they are smarter than the rest of us.
I wouldnt be hysterical with the press if I was being told by my daughter that my missing grandchild is with others and was safe.
Cindy and George think Caylee is alive and well..they believe what Casey is telling them. Why then do they become enraged when someone suggests that Caylee is not alive.
Why not confidently move around in the world knowing she is alive?
Why be upset with LE if you know there is nothing you can say to help them because Caylee's well being depends on secrecy?
What can they expect from LE if they know that they cannot tell them anything to help with the search??
Are LE supposed to be clairvoyant and figure out what is in the mind of the Anthony's so as not to jeopardize Caylee's safety or rile the abductors.
It doesnt make sense and at the very least they should back off the tactic of whipping LE and everyone else who doesnt believe them.

It is a fairly preposterous story to believe and I do not get why they think it would be remotely easy to get on board with them.