WV WV - Aliayah Lunsford, 3, Lewis Co., 24 Sep 2011 - # 4

[JeannieC]

the thanks button wasn't enough, hbdiva. That was an excellent post! I teach parenting lessons to young moms-to-be and i wish boys and girls were required to take it in high school. I pray this sweet child is still alive.

amen!

 

[HBDiva]

Y'all shouldn't encourage me. But thank you. I'm, um, rather passionate about the importance of children.

:seeya:

 

[JeannieC]

Y'all shouldn't encourage me. But thank you. I'm, um, rather passionate about the importance of children.

:seeya:

Nothing wrong with that! So am I and this is heartbreaking to say the least! If we can't or won't protect the least of us what kind of society do we have!

 

[alwaysonmymind]

Y'all shouldn't encourage me. But thank you. I'm, um, rather passionate about the importance of children.

:seeya:

Hi HBDiva. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experience with us. A couple of things in particular caught my attention. I agree with you that the parent/child bond needs to be encouraged and protected if at all possible.
If a child is born while a parent is incarcerated, how can this affect this bond? Example, a grandparent cares for the newborn until the parent is released.
Thank you and may God bless and watch over you as you care for the least of these. ><>

 

[HBDiva]

Hi HBDiva. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experience with us. A couple of things in particular caught my attention. I agree with you that the parent/child bond needs to be encouraged and protected if at all possible.
If a child is born while a parent is incarcerated, how can this affect this bond? Example, a grandparent cares for the newborn until the parent is released.
Thank you and may God bless and watch over you as you care for the least of these. ><>

That's a complicated question. I suppose I'm using "parent" in the sense of primary caregiver which in this case would make the grandparent the parent. But mom & dad are such powerful entities in this culture (and most of them). Adopted children who have loving adoptive parents still go searching for birth parents. Children of absent fathers long for that relationship. It's complicated and child psychology isn't something I'm well versed in. But we're talking about important icons. Can you imagine what it's like to be in grade school in May making a Mother's Day card without a mom to give it to? Or not knowing what to say when some kid asks what your dad does?

It's tough being a kid.

 

[marlalouise]

Y'all shouldn't encourage me. But thank you. I'm, um, rather passionate about the importance of children.

:seeya:

Thank you so much for your post & please stay on your soapbox! I am also from WV (albeit north of the Mason-Dixon), but I too get tired of the hillbilly stereotype and the fact that the focus has been drawn away from this beautiful child and on to who can slur West Virginians the most....I praise you for the work you are doing - God knows we need all the help in this state that we can get!

Marla

 

[JeannieC]

Thank you so much for your post & please stay on your soapbox! I am also from WV (albeit north of the Mason-Dixon), but I too get tired of the hillbilly stereotype and the fact that the focus has been drawn away from this beautiful child and on to who can slur West Virginians the most....I praise you for the work you are doing - God knows we need all the help in this state that we can get!

Marla

I think some people slur people from every state other than their own. Look at the Celina Cass and Holly Hobo cases. Drives me nuts! I've had to stop looking at threads until all that stopped.

 

[alwaysonmymind]

That's a complicated question. I suppose I'm using "parent" in the sense of primary caregiver which in this case would make the grandparent the parent. But mom & dad are such powerful entities in this culture (and most of them). Adopted children who have loving adoptive parents still go searching for birth parents. Children of absent fathers long for that relationship. It's complicated and child psychology isn't something I'm well versed in. But we're talking about important icons. Can you imagine what it's like to be in grade school in May making a Mother's Day card without a mom to give it to? Or not knowing what to say when some kid asks what your dad does?

It's tough being a kid.

Agreed on it's tough being a kid. I lived with my Grandparents for most of my childhood and remember the reaction of others.
My question is more about how can it affect the parents bond with the child if the child is then placed with parent after they're released from jail.

 

[HBDiva]

Thank you so much for your post & please stay on your soapbox! I am also from WV (albeit north of the Mason-Dixon), but I too get tired of the hillbilly stereotype and the fact that the focus has been drawn away from this beautiful child and on to who can slur West Virginians the most....I praise you for the work you are doing - God knows we need all the help in this state that we can get!

Marla

It's wearisome, ain't it? There's a school of thought that says the stereotype was intentionally developed to ease the consciences of those exploiting our resources. It's one thing to take into account culture when analyzing a case, but it's just plain ignorant to impose a largely mythical stereotype and try to make the case fit into those parameters.

I really should go to bed. :seeya:

 

[JeannieC]

It's wearisome, ain't it? There's a school of thought that says the stereotype was intentionally developed to ease the consciences of those exploiting our resources. It's one thing to take into account culture when analyzing a case, but it's just plain ignorant to impose a largely mythical stereotype and try to make the case fit into those parameters.

I really should go to bed. :seeya:

Good Night. Thanks for the enlightenment!

 

[HBDiva]

Agreed on it's tough being a kid. I lived with my Grandparents for most of my childhood and remember the reaction of others.
My question is more about how can it affect the parents bond with the child if the child is then placed with parent after they're released from jail.

I don't really know. I've seen instances where being able to reunite with a child was powerful catalyst for positive change and instances where it was more like the child was being passed around like Tuesday's leftovers on Thanksgiving.

I want children in safe, loving homes where they're encouraged to reach their full potential. If a previously incarcerated parent can and wants to provide that, the state is likely to award custody. Personally, if a child has been in a stable home with grandparents or some other caregiver for so long that mom and/or dad are virtual strangers, I'm not sure we're doing that child any favors by returning full custody to the biological parent(s).

Am I understanding your question?

HBDiva

 

[alwaysonmymind]

I don't really know. I've seen instances where being able to reunite with a child was powerful catalyst for positive change and instances where it was more like the child was being passed around like Tuesday's leftovers on Thanksgiving.

I want children in safe, loving homes where they're encouraged to reach their full potential. If a previously incarcerated parent can and wants to provide that, the state is likely to award custody. Personally, if a child has been in a stable home with grandparents or some other caregiver for so long that mom and/or dad are virtual strangers, I'm not sure we're doing that child any favors by returning full custody to the biological parent(s).

Am I understanding your question?

HBDiva

Yes, and I appreciate your thoughts on it.

 

[Buddha_with_mace]

I really don't have anything to say, other than I'm still lurking and still hoping :sigh:

 

[JeannieC]

I really don't have anything to say, other than I'm still lurking and still hoping :sigh:

Did you read the previous page?

 

[JeannieC]

http://www.wsaz.com/news/headlines/Search_Continues_for_Missing_3-year-old_WVa_Girl__130568983.html
​

Bessie
Just reposting so early morning risers don't miss this.

 

[KaylynnCouture]

I read the article (thank you Bessie for posting it, and Jeannie for bringing it over to this page).

The theory of Aliayah being taken to "protect her" makes sense to me, although I still question why someone would only take Aliayah if the home is full of several other children. Why would Aliayah have been singled out?

I will say though, despite the fact that I'm rather suspicious of both the stepfather and the mother, after reading numerous articles on the case and watching the press conferences, I just don't get the feeling that LE is. I really think LE is leaning towards baby Aliayah being taken by someone "from the outside" and while it still may be a relative or family member, it just seems to me like they aren't zeroing in on the family as much as I am.

Regardless, I just hope she is safe. It's 3:42am here and I'm awake thinking about her.

Just my 2 cents, for what it's worth.

 

[Melanie]

I read the article (thank you Bessie for posting it, and Jeannie for bringing it over to this page).

The theory of Aliayah being taken to "protect her" makes sense to me, although I still question why someone would only take Aliayah if the home is full of several other children. Why would Aliayah have been singled out?

I will say though, despite the fact that I'm rather suspicious of both the stepfather and the mother, after reading numerous articles on the case and watching the press conferences, I just don't get the feeling that LE is. I really think LE is leaning towards baby Aliayah being taken by someone "from the outside" and while it still may be a relative or family member, it just seems to me like they aren't zeroing in on the family as much as I am.

Regardless, I just hope she is safe. It's 3:42am here and I'm awake thinking about her.

Just my 2 cents, for what it's worth.

Hello my fellow insomniac (2:45 here) - can't sleep. I'm just praying for news. I really hope you're right and someone took her to protect her (what a blessing that would be).

But wouldn't said person come forward by now? My goodness, we're talking at minimum felony kidnapping/child endangerment. This person can't possibly keep her hidden forever if that's the case. Unless of course said person fled the country.

I'm hoping upon hope that LE keeps searching. At least they haven't come out and said this is now a homicide investigation (like so many cases before this one).

I hope today is a postive day!

Hugs,

Mel

 

[JeannieC]

I hope and pray this is a "friendly" abduction. Someone took her to protect her from harm. Who is the big question.

My prayers are with you Aliayah!

 

[KaylynnCouture]

Was Aliayah in preschool or daycare?

 

[cherishtoo]

There's been some conversation about Child Protective Services, foster parenting, etc. etc and I'd like to throw some thoughts into the ring.

My academic discipline was anthropology with an emphasis on Appalachian culture. Specifically, I was interested in how the hillbilly stereotype was born and how it was propagated and how it's still and stupidly (in my opinion) regarded as gospel. Since paying gigs in anthropology are few and far between, I work for the state's largest nonprofit working to prevent child abuse. We're an umbrella organization housing three major programs and a multitude of smaller ones all designed around strengthening families and communities, advocating for child-centered policies, and improving the infrastructure of parenthood and childhood. For those of you interested, take a gander at http://www.preventchildabusewv.org or http://www.wvpartners.org or http://www.wvctf.org

For a few years, I also had a part-time gig with an emergency shelter for teenagers removed from their homes for one reason or another.

I'm immersed in data and raw statistics on a daily basis related to child welfare issues in West Virginia and the nation. West Virginia has a high rate of child maltreatment - not because we're hillbillies, but because we're poor aka "economically stressed." The good news is that because of our programs and a multitude of others around the state, documented cases of child abuse have declined 39% over the past five years according the U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services. It's also been a blessing that WV has weathered the economic crisis of the past few years much better than most states. My personal opinion is we've been poor so long, we haven't much noticed the current "economic downturn."

Child abuse, including neglect, is very seldom intentional. As I'm sitting here writing this, the incidence of child maltreatment is increasing in some very surprising places - middle and upper middle class suburbs of large, urban areas. The supposition is that as more and more Americans are becoming "economically stressed", children are suffering. It's hard to parent well when the bank is foreclosing and unemployment benefits have run out.

One of the truths that guides our organization is that by the time Child Protective Services becomes involved, we have ALREADY failed to protect the child. CPS does not get involved until there's an allegation of mistreatment and they don't intervene until mistreatment is substantiated. And even when it is substantiated, removing children from the home is a last resort. This is not just true in WV, it's true for the nation.

Between my parents' experiences as foster parents and my experiences with the agencies I've worked for - with few exceptions, children love their parents regardless of how they've been treated. And with few exceptions, the parents have loved the children. I have listened to teenagers overly concerned with being uber-cool sob because they have been taken from their homes. I have wanted to throttle some of their parents and then I hear mom and dad sob. There's a lot of crying at children's shelters. Breaking that bond damages everyone further except in the most extreme of cases. When a child doesn't want to go home, that's a major sign that it's severe, unspeakable abuse.

Most of us have said at one time or another there oughta be a licensure test for parenting. I have been persuaded by the studies, the stats, and the stories I hear from children that the answer is not (generally) to separate children and parents. The answer is to increase the likelihood that parents will parent well and communities will support parents.

I don't know a lot of the details of Aliyah's case. I tend to shy away from cases like this, because I'm immersed in too many sad stories as it is. I don't think this story will end well - just a gut feeling. And if I'm right, please God, I hope not, this case is not typical of child maltreatment either in WV or the nation at large.

If we want to end child maltreatment, the answer is not increased jail time or more foster parents or more shelters or more reporting requirements. The answer is not a better Amber Alert system or more vigilant law enforcement personnel. Remember, by the time those solutions are invoked, the child has already been harmed.

[Don't get me wrong. Foster parents and CPS workers and LE and judges and shelter workers and victim advocates all deserve huge paychecks, an annual parade, and a special place in heaven. The Amber Alert system has been a godsend.]

The first six years of life are critical and what happens in those years colors all the years that follow. What is happening to brain architecture in those years is awesome. See: http://unitedwayrivercities.org/sb6.html

The solution to child maltreatment is preventing it in the first place through better schools, more playgrounds, Little League, scouting, nutrition, better access to health care, quality daycare, jobs that pay enough to support a family. The answer is understanding child development and conveying that understanding to expectant and new parents. Better yet, infusing it into school curricula. Parenting 101 for high schoolers. It's taking a casserole to a new mom and offering to babysit for a couple of hours while she catches up on sleep.

On the surface of things, Aliyah's family did some things right. It appears there's access to health care. It appears there's adequate housing. Mom did call 911. StepDad has a job. . The response of the community has been awesome. With a major FBI facility in Clarksburg, WV, some of the best and brightest minds are on the case.

In various comments on CNN and in other places, I've seen the hillbilly stereotype exploding. Allegations of incest, inbreeding, missing teeth, secretive, isolated, lazy, backwards, distrust of outsiders, blah blah blah blah. It diminishes that sweet baby girl to color her with that paintbrush. It diminishes us all. If any of those characteristics prove to be accurate in this case, it's not because we're hillbillies. It's because those characteristics occur anywhere and everywhere with an outcome that is seldom good.

If you want to protect a child, any child, every child, support the families and advocate for child-centered policies. Just as in healthcare and security systems, prevention is more effective than intervention.:HHJP:

I'll quit blathering now. Lord, Lord, I hope they find her safe.

HBDiva

So what you are saying is, if my parents had more money they wouldn't have backhanded me against the wall? If they had more money they would have cared about me more and sent me to better schools? And if I felt abused or neglected as a child, it's not their fault because it wasn't their intention because they didn't have the money.

I've been confused about a lot things in my life. I'm not the smartest, or the prettiest, I'm not rich, I'm just regular and in all honesty I don't have a lot to offer my 3 kids, but IMO

child abuse is a choice

love never involves cps threats


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