It makes COMPLETE sense. There are so many reasons to feel that way. Tell me if I cover one of the reasons : feeling foolish, repeatedly returning, giving up your identity, pushing away family and friends, failure, screw up, idiot, weak, demeaning, trusted too much, etc.
But, none of that should be internalized. That was an external influence who found prey in an optimistic, big heart. That's it.
Again, my experience was 20 years ago, and I'm now almost 38 years old. Scary, huh? Teen mom, the whole nine yards.
Talking about it very scary, because you don't want the work to view you through those lenses, or judge you by the depths that you lowered yourself to just in order to survive. You aren't what he said you were, the names he called you or the way he made you feel. But I completely understand. I do. In my mind, I know I'm safe - but NO ONE can touch my head - for example - in play tapping or act like they are going to hit me, even when wrestling with the kids. They know, don't smack momma's head!
My old siggy was ... My greatest success is revenge, my greatest revenge is success.
I'm now an investigator for the federal government and he believes in conspiracy theories

He is unemployed and in deplorable living conditions. He doesn't mess with me, anymore.