Snipped by me.
I am a female for the record.
I'm not sure I agree with you that strong women would not allow this behaviour and leave right away. You'd think so, but it seems that they can also be manipulated by the "best" abusers. Whilst I have (fortunately) never been in a position of abuse of any kind in a relationship, I can see staying being a possibility for many women, or all kinds. Would I stay? I'd like to say &^%* NO! but I know pretty much everyone says that until they're in the situation themselves. These perpetrators, who tend to mostly be men, are usually very good at what they do. They appear charming, loving, guy-next-door types who do horrible things behind closed doors. The women love them, or at least the person they are when not abusive, and they justify staying in their heads. They tend to make excuses for them - they're tired, work is very stressful, the kids won't behave and he's promised it will never happen again. It often starts small. A raised voice here, an insult there, maybe a little push, perhaps a slap. They apologise, make up, life returns to the fairy tale it appeared before. Maybe it happens so infrequently that the good outweighs the bad to them. For whatever reason, women the world over stay. Not all, but some. (I'd love the know the stats on staying vs leaving) For many, they are very reliant on their abuser - they don't have a job, have no transport, maybe have health issues, live remotely etc. They can have self esteem issues perpetuated by the abuse, or have no friends or family (perpetrators of domestic violence often deprive their victim of contact with their loved ones) and see no way out. Often, the victims have been abused in one way or another all their lives, and it's all they know. They have children who need a roof over their heads and food in their bellies and the woman feels she can't provide those things if she leaves. Perhaps she lives in fear that he'd find her and kill her, along with her children. This seems to be a common threat to attempt to keep the woman from leaving. Maybe some have tried to leave but did not have the resources available to them that they'd hoped. Whilst there is a lot of help out there, I still don't think there's enough. It's wonderful to think that it would be as easy as presenting to a police station or charity organisation, saying you need a secure home, food & money, and being given everything you need to sustain a life for your family for the short to medium term until you get on your feet. However, I don't think it's that easy. Plus, it's an incredibly strong and brave move to make. Some people would rather stay with what they know, because the alternative is very scary and unsure.
Of course, all this is MOO. In a perfect world, every person who is a victim of abuse would permanently leave after the first instance, and have the resources available to them to have a safe roof over their heads and food to eat, along with help to get set up for the long term. In a perfectly perfect world, abuse would never happen.
pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
