I have panic attacks and suffer from depression. I'm right there with ya ella971.
I'll admit I have spoke bad of my children's father (once they were adults), BUT it was after they had already noticed his bad behavior. You know, well, L******, I'm sorry your father called you at 1:00 a.m., but you know he has a drinking problem and probably didn't think about he'd be waking you up. Sorry S*** that your dad didn't call you about your new job, but he has always been a selfish person and probably didn't think about how much that would have meant to you. In a way it was to explain to them that it wasn't anything they did wrong, it's just the way he is. I would never do anything that would keep them from having a relationship. It's all I've ever wanted for them is to have a relationship with their father, but there comes a point where you can't keep making excuses for the father's (or mother's) behavior.