This post was quoting Heidisams but I was having an issue getting it posted, so you are Respectfully Quoted Heidisams. I agree with all you had to say. :tyou: [ame="http://www.websleuths.com/forums/showpost.php?p=8787758&postcount=1153"]Websleuths Crime Sleuthing Community - View Single Post - Bankrupt Casey Anthony interviewed by KPHO CBS in Phoenix[/ame]
Post 1153
And thank you to everyone, and to those who responded to my post. I am amazed any what knows what the hedoubletoothpicks I am talking about. :waitasec:
This think tank that is WS( hi Think Tank who is my factual hero) is helping us to understand something, I don't know what but its something good.
You gave me focus on what I was feeling. :tyou: and thank you to everyone. All that you said, about people being willing to follow her. I think Logicalgirl and another said we shouldn't be surprised that people are willing to be around her, around people that others find repulsive. I think that is right. I do "get" why they do it but my training and mind set still gets flabbergasted. And someone said something about fools. No offense taken here from this fool! I resemble that fool.
I will give a person many chances. Don't know if I should, and because of my intense insecurities about the world and my place in it-my ability to trust my own sense of right and wrong(because it is VASTLY different from those who's voices are considered authority)cause me to be quite the recluse.
My confusion is as I said in my other post, things are not the way I was taught they were. After reading more posts, again thank you-I had the realization that it is not just or really my parents who taught me that way-it was authority itself! School taught me this attitude I have about the law being above reproach. They gave me books to study this and even took us to a court of law. Police men visit school.
Yes. I will take the label of fool. That is the role I am to play. If some know they can take advantage of the "fools", why not in childhood? It is best. Those of us who take in those truths to be self evident(that's a quote from somewhere...)expect, nay believe this to be REALITY. So, when those that manipulate are ready to go to work we are already set up to have to dredge around for truth because the truth "they" taught us has been swept from underneath us. By the time we find out barrings, they have closed up shop and left town.
Those of us who are or have been manipulated by another can have that happen precisely because of who we are, how we are. But they can spot us before we can spot them. Which is the thought behind WS being a great think tank for this very issue. I have benefited in many ways from being able to express my opinion and receive validation. I believe a mentally healthy adult does not need validation from anyone(love always, of course) but not the kind of validation my type needs, (if ya know what I mean) low self esteem here!
But! Those that manipulate others have the lowest self esteem of all, imho. I was not here for the "Casey almost got a bullet in her head story" I came across it later. But what struck me is the amazing amount of attention she needs, how her world has to include herself as the ultimate "everything": the ultimate mother, daughter, sister, friend, athlete, under sex: the best lover, the most molested and damaged by it, the sexiest dancer/most desirable, the most intelligent, and the ultimate victim.
I think I give people so many chances because I wish to have that extended to me. I was taught by my mother that I am a bad person, I think that is another manipulation that sets some of us to be like lambs to the slaughter. I have strong opinions and a heavy stick to my guns attitude, but any time I have engaged any one remotely in authority about my confusion I get the same thing. Somehow, my perception of "how is be" is wrong.
I have self doubt, which is something someone like say, Jose does not have. Or if he does it does not make him stop and look at the other side and question himself on any deep level.
Again, while some are busy questioning themselves, removing the plank from their own eye-some are busy being busy. My belief system tells me to look to myself first when I am in pain/confusion and distress. I believe the only way to change anything in my life is to change myself first. Um, that part really sucks and I'm not so good at it, btw. What's that saying, "be the change in yourself that you want to see in the world..." yeah, that idea.
Even religion "sets" us up. The message I got from society over and over again, in the children's books I was read, to the shows/specials and cartoons was to be a good, trusting, giving and forgiving person.
And, so I strive to be. And I get depressed because I don't feel like I live up to that.
I do have a line, when even I can see what is going on. My low self esteem has a low tolerance for lies. I can see how what I was taught also helps me in the end, that people shouldn't lie. School, home, religion, ethics, morality all taught endlessly to children said that no one should ever lie. So when I know a lie has been told, I start to wake up and see. But I admit- that because authority has stated(by way of court and media) different that what I am perceiving as reality/what is right/what they taught me-is not true-I doubt myself.
ie: Casey is TOTALLY innocent, even of the responsibility of reporting her daughters accidental? murder? That Dr. G said the family not calling 911 alone was enough to say Caylee was murdered-which is wholly and fully my reality-was wrong/misinformed/lying? I don't know what the reasoning for her authority not being heeded was...
and that even though it was being said that George was a dangerous man, we were to just let that go? Yes, her molestation became what was on trial and not what happened to Caylee. Smoke and mirrors. Yes. I think that was a phrase used so much by folks at WS-and in the very beginning-that each made fun of the other for using it so much. (warning: your memory of events may differ from my own)
How can the things we are taught to be right are not our reality? Because not everyone subscribes to those values. I don't even mind that so much, I can take/understand evil-when it says : hey, I'm evil. But that's not what happens, evil people don't think they are evil. I guess.
But, I have fears that I may be evil for thinking they are evil. For not seeing the humanity in everyone. I want to be good. Which makes me good? Standing up and saying that I think something is wrong, because that is the only way things will really change? My responsibility as a human?
But, that is what those who don't think like I do are doing too. They say they are standing up for what is true. And, if I want to keep the idea that I am not a bad or evil person for thinking I am right and they are wrong, what do I do? My "goodness" wants has to???
My heart tells me I can't be good and dismiss what happened to Caylee or turn my eye to the lies I believe were told-my heart tells me that is what is right.
But, again how would I know what is right or wrong? I do not trust myself. To be good one must do the right thing but I cannot figure out what that is. I need authority to say: she was lying. They were lying. But they do not. They continue to say, "you may think that a person who hurts those who are closest to them and innocent is a free woman, but that is not what has happened."
I am wrong. Misinformed. Maybe hateful and evil myself? Jose, thinks that, Casey, Cindy, the jury...etc. And authority was given to Jose and the rest- a seal of approval, so has the media and apparently any other authority who knows of him. The ones I was taught as a child would "get me" if I so much as stepped out of line. So, if they say someone like Jose is okay-again where does that leave me?
But, you know-I do believe, think and feel that a totally innocent person is guilty. Maybe those authorities should come for me?
:twocents: