CA CA - Bob Harrod, 81, Orange County, 27 July 2009 - #11

[zwiebel]

I am giving the daughters the benefit of the doubt that some or all did not have copies of the will. Didn't one of them send an attorney's letter demanding it? If even an attorney didn't know it could be obtained.....?

Now I have been trying to come up with neutral reasons why the eve of FH's return was a good time for three adult women to descend on an 81 year-old man and demand copies. Here I am encountering difficulties.

I just can't do it. Because he hadn't supplied it for 8 days, 8 weeks, 8 months?

It doesn't wash. Why then? Why not wait until FH was back and settled in? According to daughters' lawyer, FH and Bob had already offered to hand over many of Georgia's things, at FH's prompting. So surely commonsense would tell a person it was better to wait until Mr and Mrs Harrod had settled in, the excitement had died down, then try again? I am sure they must have known their mother's will was insignificant compared to the main bulk of the trust, still in Bob's control. That contained the properties, the investments, the cash, the insurance policies.

There's no escaping the conclusion really, that this was a meeting at the height of panic; panic to ensure nobody would get a single penny or possession that the daughters thought they were entitled to from the family fortune. From the houses to the teacups.

It's an inescapable conclusion, from their actions since, that they thought they were entitled to it all. And they've got it now. Almost.

 

[zwiebel]

I also think they have guarded their Father's missing person status as closely as they have guarded the family trust; 'It's a private family matter, how dare anyone not in the family interfere?"

Nice try, but a human life has an intrinsic value shared amongst all of mankind. Now Bob is lost, they have to share him now, like it or not. We are all responsible for him, until he's found.

 

[Cubby]

I am giving the daughters the benefit of the doubt that some or all did not have copies of the will. Didn't one of them send an attorney's letter demanding it? If even an attorney didn't know it could be obtained.....?

Now I have been trying to come up with neutral reasons why the eve of FH's return was a good time for three adult women to descend on an 81 year-old man and demand copies. Here I am encountering difficulties.

I just can't do it. Because he hadn't supplied it for 8 days, 8 weeks, 8 months?

It doesn't wash. Why then? Why not wait until FH was back and settled in? According to daughters' lawyer, FH and Bob had already offered to hand over many of Georgia's things, at FH's prompting. So surely commonsense would tell a person it was better to wait until Mr and Mrs Harrod had settled in, the excitement had died down, then try again? I am sure they must have known their mother's will was insignificant compared to the main bulk of the trust, still in Bob's control. That contained the properties, the investments, the cash, the insurance policies.

There's no escaping the conclusion really, that this was a meeting at the height of panic; panic to ensure nobody would get a single penny or possession that the daughters thought they were entitled to from the family fortune. From the houses to the teacups.

It's an inescapable conclusion, from their actions since, that they thought they were entitled to it all. And they've got it now. Almost.

I can't imagine Bob's daughters and any attorney would be unfamiliar with the filing of Georgia's will back in 2008. That makes zero sense. It was clearly something other than the will they were demanding, so why say it was the will?

Additionally, Bob's youngest daughter posted on her community forum she was DTH packing up her mothers things (on her wedding anniversary) during the time between Mrs. Harrod's return to MO to pack her belongings and her expected return to CA.

So not having access to their mothers will and their mothers things prior to Mr. Harrod's disappearance is a load of malarchy!

I forget who had a copy of the youngest daughters post about being DTH to pack her mothers things on her wedding anniversary. Hopefully that poster still has the info and can share it again.

 

[zwiebel]

If they're going to say something and then contradict themselves, why put it online where anyone can pull it up and see forever?

I notice all the daughters have posted here and there. But the men in the family have fallen silent. I hope somebody isn't being set up for a fall they don't deserve.

 

[zwiebel]

BBM

I can't imagine Bob's daughters and any attorney would be unfamiliar with the filing of Georgia's will back in 2008. That makes zero sense. It was clearly something other than the will they were demanding, so why say it was the will?

Additionally, Bob's youngest daughter posted on her community forum she was DTH packing up her mothers things (on her wedding anniversary) during the time between Mrs. Harrod's return to MO to pack her belongings and her expected return to CA.

So not having access to their mothers will and their mothers things prior to Mr. Harrod's disappearance is a load of malarchy!

I forget who had a copy of the youngest daughters post about being DTH to pack her mothers things on her wedding anniversary. Hopefully that poster still has the info and can share it again.

I can't help smiling - I think Bob's only grandchild might have proved to be something of a thorn in the rest of the family's side. Is it possible that his original statement to LE that there had been 'fighting in the family' was the only reason daughters had to come up with a reason for the heated/NOT heated family meeting at all?

 

[zwiebel]

Oh, now I'm in a panic. My thanks button isn't working again. I can't stand it. I've thanked all of the posts above mine several times, please believe me!

 

[suzyq211]

Thank you, I think your right. IMO the statement that this was about not receiving a copy of their mothers will, when the will was filed with the court and easily available to any of the daughters who chose to go get themselves a copy, is one of those inaccuracies similiar to the target of a timeline.

Agree! I believe the argument was about Bob's intentions as far as Fontelle and his financial matters went. That would not sound too great when airing this in public, Bob's failure to provide copies of the will sounds much better. Not only does it make Bob look like a schmuck (which, lets face it, was a priority in the girls' early postings), but it makes sure the daughters come out looking deservedly indignant.

In plain English, they were pi$$ed about losing any money to an interloper, and they went to Bob's house to make their feelings known.

As was posted on IS in 2009 by the eldest daughter:

There was a family meeting on Sunday, it was heated at times, there were NO threats and we all left on good terms.

You can probably count on there WERE threats. Like we've said before, every post and statement they make is important.

 

[zwiebel]

Even if that 'deservedly indignant' thing worked at first, they have completely demolished it with their subsequent postings. Going by their deletion rate, they know it too.

 

[zwiebel]

I always wondered about that 'there were no threats' thing. Why on earth would you say that? Why would you think people were thinking that?

Freudian slip? Or as my best friend used to say, 'engage brain before connecting mouth.'

Bless her dear soul. She came from a part of Ireland where they knew a fairy story when they heard one. Lovely lady.

 

[zwiebel]

Poor Bob. There was a tragic conjunction where his friend had gone, his wife had gone (temporarily), he hadn't yet recovered enough from his new widower status to have made a new group of friends............and somebody probably killed him.

81 years old, a lifetime of hardwork, raising a family, a marriage that lasted longer than many people's lives; and there was nobody to protect him in his hour of need.

This has been a great tragedy for Georgia Harrod too. From all accounts her death was not quick or particularly easy, but she must have been able to console herself that she had done all she could; a lifetime marriage to the man she loved; raising three daughters in a stable home, well provided for and able to care for their father, when she was gone; a military veteran and a war hero in the family, a proud European history. A beautiful legacy, something to pass on to the greatgrandkids with pride and know what future generations researching the family history will find.

Now look what she's got. The probable unsolved murder of her husband, a battle over money, a flurry of vitriolic posings on the internet and more time expended in a few months tussling over her and Bob's trust, than has been spent on searching for Bob in the three years he has been missing.

Somebody ought to try and retrieve it before it's too late.

 

[GrainneDhu]

Poor Bob. There was a tragic conjunction where his friend had gone, his wife had gone (temporarily), he hadn't yet recovered enough from his new widower status to have made a new group of friends............and somebody probably killed him.

81 years old, a lifetime of hardwork, raising a family, a marriage that lasted longer than many people's lives; and there was nobody to protect him in his hour of need.

This has been a great tragedy for Georgia Harrod too. From all accounts her death was not quick or particularly easy, but she must have been able to console herself that she had done all she could; a lifetime marriage to the man she loved; raising three daughters in a stable home, well provided for and able to care for their father, when she was gone; a military veteran and a war hero in the family, a proud European history. A beautiful legacy, something to pass on to the greatgrandkids with pride and know what future generations researching the family history will find.

Now look what she's got. The probable unsolved murder of her husband, a battle over money, a flurry of vitriolic posings on the internet and more time expended in a few months tussling over her and Bob's trust, than has been spent on searching for Bob in the three years he has been missing.

Somebody ought to try and retrieve it before it's too late.

For various reasons, lately I have been musing on the relationship between how things start and how they end.

One thing that must have been a long mystery to Bob was why did Fontelle never write to him, not even to send him a breaking up letter. The same for Fontelle: why did Bob open her letters and then send them back "return to sender"? They were both so young and it must have been so hurtful.

Then Fontelle finds Bob and no doubt the first thing they figure out is that old mystery. As I recall it, Bob was staying in a boarding house near Camp Pendleton until he was actually due to go into basic training. The landlord had a niece named Georgia who took a liking to Bob. Someone opened Fontelle's letters to Bob and then returned them to sender and the same someone failed to mail off Bob's letters to Fontelle. Bob eventually decided that Fontelle couldn't cope with a long distance relationship and then fell in love with Georgia.

So unbeknownst to Bob, the beginning of his relationship with Georgia was tainted with hidden betrayals of trust. It certainly makes me wonder if Georgia was innocent of complicity beyond letting her relative know she was interested in Bob or did Georgia know more about those letters?

How did that beginning influence the end? Because it certainly seems like Bob's end came about because of another hidden betrayal. Was there something that tainted the way the three girls were brought up that led them to believe that anything was okay so long as it was to their own benefit?

Poor Bob. And poor Fontelle. Their lives were shadowed by betrayal to the end.

 

[SuziQ]

Yes exactly GrainneDhu! I've always wondered how far back the sense of entitlement went. And whether it was a learned trait. Bob had so much stolen from him in his life, and then his life was stolen. It's all so overwhelmingly sad to think of at times.

 

[Seajay]

For various reasons, lately I have been musing on the relationship between how things start and how they end.

One thing that must have been a long mystery to Bob was why did Fontelle never write to him, not even to send him a breaking up letter. The same for Fontelle: why did Bob open her letters and then send them back "return to sender"? They were both so young and it must have been so hurtful.

Then Fontelle finds Bob and no doubt the first thing they figure out is that old mystery. As I recall it, Bob was staying in a boarding house near Camp Pendleton until he was actually due to go into basic training. The landlord had a niece named Georgia who took a liking to Bob. Someone opened Fontelle's letters to Bob and then returned them to sender and the same someone failed to mail off Bob's letters to Fontelle. Bob eventually decided that Fontelle couldn't cope with a long distance relationship and then fell in love with Georgia.

So unbeknownst to Bob, the beginning of his relationship with Georgia was tainted with hidden betrayals of trust. It certainly makes me wonder if Georgia was innocent of complicity beyond letting her relative know she was interested in Bob or did Georgia know more about those letters?

How did that beginning influence the end? Because it certainly seems like Bob's end came about because of another hidden betrayal. Was there something that tainted the way the three girls were brought up that led them to believe that anything was okay so long as it was to their own benefit?

Poor Bob. And poor Fontelle. Their lives were shadowed by betrayal to the end.

That's their story??? If that's true, it's so sad. It seems that there were definitely forces out to keep Bob and Fontelle from one another. I had wondered how they lost touch. It seems that everyone and everything has conspired against these two having their life together. And that's so incredibly sad.

Fontelle had to think Bob didn't care about her, she had to feel that he found something more important than she was. She was probably so confused why she didn't hear from him.

And he probably thought she found someone new the minute his back was turned. He probably thought she couldn't wait for him to leave since she hadn't so much as written him a letter.

Both of them must have been so hurt and in pain over this.

How they must have felt to find out that neither of them decided to give up on the other, that somehow, somewhere, someone stood between them. How cruel. Was that person Georgia??? Was she rewarded for her trickery by marrying the man who was betrothed to another???

This makes their reunion and marriage even more of a tragedy, that they still didn't get that time, even after uniting after all those years.

 

[GrainneDhu]

That's their story??? If that's true, it's so sad. It seems that there were definitely forces out to keep Bob and Fontelle from one another. I had wondered how they lost touch. It seems that everyone and everything has conspired against these two having their life together. And that's so incredibly sad.

Fontelle had to think Bob didn't care about her, she had to feel that he found something more important than she was. She was probably so confused why she didn't hear from him.

And he probably thought she found someone new the minute his back was turned. He probably thought she couldn't wait for him to leave since she hadn't so much as written him a letter.

Both of them must have been so hurt and in pain over this.

How they must have felt to find out that neither of them decided to give up on the other, that somehow, somewhere, someone stood between them. How cruel. Was that person Georgia??? Was she rewarded for her trickery by marrying the man who was betrothed to another???

This makes their reunion and marriage even more of a tragedy, that they still didn't get that time, even after uniting after all those years.

That's the story. Bob was living in a boarding house and was told that he could set his mail on the table to be mailed out with everyone else's mail (a very common practice in those days). The same table where the incoming mail was placed to be picked up by the various people living there.

Also, remember how young both Bob and Fontelle were. Bob was 18, Fontelle was 14; while this would raise eyebrows now, back then it was considered normal. Getting married at 14 or 15 wasn't considered abnormal, it was within the range of normal.

It is too late to find out whether Georgia was complicit in the mail misdirection or not. I doubt she could have pulled it off on her own since she (apparently) didn't live in the house but did she know her relative was doing it? Did she ask her relative to give her hoped-for romance a leg up?

I sometimes wonder if that old dirty laundry may have played a part in what happened. It is certainly true that Bob's daughters turned against Fontelle in record time.

To misquote Yogi Berra (is it even possible to do so?): nothing is ever over until it's over.

 

[Seajay]

That's the story. Bob was living in a boarding house and was told that he could set his mail on the table to be mailed out with everyone else's mail (a very common practice in those days). The same table where the incoming mail was placed to be picked up by the various people living there.

Also, remember how young both Bob and Fontelle were. Bob was 18, Fontelle was 14; while this would raise eyebrows now, back then it was considered normal. Getting married at 14 or 15 wasn't considered abnormal, it was within the range of normal.

It is too late to find out whether Georgia was complicit in the mail misdirection or not. I doubt she could have pulled it off on her own since she (apparently) didn't live in the house but did she know her relative was doing it? Did she ask her relative to give her hoped-for romance a leg up?

I sometimes wonder if that old dirty laundry may have played a part in what happened. It is certainly true that Bob's daughters turned against Fontelle in record time.

To misquote Yogi Berra (is it even possible to do so?): nothing is ever over until it's over.

Awwwwwww. First their mother's relatives and possibly their mother stabbed Fontelle in the back, then when she finally gets her chance, her daughters stab Fontelle in the back. It just seems like anyone with Georgia's DNA has conspired to keep Bob from his true love. I wonder if Georgia told her daughters growing up about their father and the young love and how she "won" him over from the Fontelle??

How long was Georgia dead before Fontelle contacted Bob and they rekindled their romance??

 

[zwiebel]

It's my opinion that the one conclusion I can draw for certain about Bob is that he had great taste in wives.
We know how Fontelle's conducted herself, and though Georgia's passed, I've only seen glowing tributes to her, from both friends and family. In that day and age, when she met Bob, I certainly wouldn't have put it past an interfering relative to decide this was a good match and facilitate the marriage! She had also lost her father in the war, and that must have been devastating, so I can't blame the family for looking out for her.

From what happened so many years later, it seems fate to me that Fontelle and Bob were meant to be, but it seems that missed opportunity early on turned out to be a tragedy only for Bob, not Fontelle. She was widowed too but seems to have ended up with a supportive, loving family around her. And Bob? A lonely, isolated old man surviving on frozen meals and fending off demands. To me that indicates how much he depended on Georgia and how keenly he felt her loss. I bet he didn't survive on frozen meals when his wife was alive and well. I think her absence, not her presence, is the key to the whole thing. Once Bob was gone there was no-one to indulge the adult children, no buffer between him and the demands. And at least some of them, turned out to be very demanding indeed.

If Bob had gone missing when Georgia was alive I think she would have moved heaven and earth to find him. I wish someone would step into her little shoes and take up that mission for her now. How proud she would be.

 

[believe09]

Awwwwwww. First their mother's relatives and possibly their mother stabbed Fontelle in the back, then when she finally gets her chance, her daughters stab Fontelle in the back. It just seems like anyone with Georgia's DNA has conspired to keep Bob from his true love. I wonder if Georgia told her daughters growing up about their father and the young love and how she "won" him over from the Fontelle??

How long was Georgia dead before Fontelle contacted Bob and they rekindled their romance??

Georgia died in March 2008 and Fontelle reached out to Bob in May 2009 IIRC.

 

[zwiebel]

So he was alone for just over a year, and that's all it took for this proud, hardworking man to become so totally alone and not coping. Where was his help and support then? He seems to have done a fair bit of supporting himself, for family members. Where were they when he needed them? I thought it was supposed to work both ways?

Ah. Yes. There was his SIL, of course. And all those small repairs. Maybe they thought that was more than enough to pay Bob back.

 

[zwiebel]

And SIL's wife changed the sheets of course, although Bob never got to sleep on them. Which reminds me, I wonder if Watchfulneighbour was about that day, watching all the scurrying about with linens, and taking photographs of what was going on?

 

[GrainneDhu]

Awwwwwww. First their mother's relatives and possibly their mother stabbed Fontelle in the back, then when she finally gets her chance, her daughters stab Fontelle in the back. It just seems like anyone with Georgia's DNA has conspired to keep Bob from his true love. I wonder if Georgia told her daughters growing up about their father and the young love and how she "won" him over from the Fontelle??

How long was Georgia dead before Fontelle contacted Bob and they rekindled their romance??

As I recall (and I could easily be wrong), it was about a year after Georgia died that Fontelle re-found Bob (Fontelle's daughter looked Bob up via the internet).

It's possible, very possible, that Georgia never knew about Fontelle or only knew her as the girl who decided to drop Bob (which is what it must have looked like to Bob).