CA CA - Ember Graham, 7 mos, Happy Valley, 2 July 2015 - #2

[MyBelle]

My heart goes out to Ember's mother. I don't know what lies ahead for her but I'm sure it's going to be more unpleasant than it is today. I'm sorry, honey.

Hopefully someone will help her obtain counseling in order to understand this was in no way her fault. I think she was unable to tell MG, "no."

JMO

 

[Cubby]

ITA. A serious intervention was needed and never happened.

JMO

There are two options with addiction. Recovery or death. We see where this one left. It's a hell of a bottom and a hell of a wake up call to those close to MG.

 

[MsMarple]

Jenny Espino ‏@jennyespino_RS 9m9 minutes ago
Lopey today: Shots exchanged 2 separate occasions. "I can tell you it was a very chaotic scene. Multiple shots were exchanged."

https://twitter.com/jennyespino_RS/with_replies

Ugh.

 

[T4Tide]

Your compassion is commendable but MG's mother is former LE and for that reason alone I doubt MG grew up in squalor. I also doubt baby Ember and her mother were living in squalor for six months prior to her fateful decision to leave the child with him for the night. Their families had the responsibility to step in and didn't.

JMO

Ever watch the show "Hoarders?" Plenty of bright, educated, professional individuals who somehow or another end up living like this. Some I feel are due to pure laziness, and others seem to have mental illness. While it is possible (and probable) that he could have been enabled, it is not impossible that Ember's family was used to these conditions, regardless of their professions. Truly sad for sweet Ember, and thousands of other infants living in exactly the same environments across our "privileged" nation. It's just not possible to remove them from every home.

 

[Cubby]

I'm more willing to bet that a 2007 vehicle didn't even have OnStar "connected," as in them paying a monthly fee. You don't actually turn OnStar on. It probably just had OnStar capabilities, in which the company was able to activate upon the request of law enforcement, even without an active account. (Good in this and accidental situations; scary in a Big Brother sense.)

Thank you. I'm not at all familiar with gps systems for cars.

 

[nikb]

Found a story I don't recall seeing posted before: http://www.actionnewsnow.com/news/matthew-graham-shot-and-killed-in-dunsmuir/

I don't know if they are just 'bolder' than the other news stations but they're flat out saying it was MG killed, instead of using that "suspected carjacker" wording.

Siskiyou County authorities say Matthew Graham, a person of interest in his infant daughter's disappearance, was shot and killed in Dunsmuir after a car he stole Monday morning was tracked to the area.

Authorities say Graham stole a vehicle from the 2300 block of Cottage Avenue in Shasta Lake City Monday morning, but the car was equipped with OnStar, and they were able to track it to the to the Dunsmuir area.

According to the sheriff's office, Siskiyou County Sheriff's Department deputies, California Highway Patrol Officers and Shasta County Sheriff's Deputies were involved in a shooting while searching for Graham. He was shot and killed at 7:45 a.m.

 

[MyBelle]

There are two options with addiction. Recovery or death. We see where this one left. It's a hell of a bottom and a hell of a wake up call to those close to MG.

I agree. There was some serious denial going on on the part of MG's parental unit. He was only 23.

JMO

 

[sunflowerchick]

Your compassion is commendable but MG's mother is former LE and for that reason alone I doubt MG grew up in squalor. I also doubt baby Ember and her mother were living in squalor for six months prior to her fateful decision to leave the child with him for the night. Their families had the responsibility to step in and didn't.

JMO

I think this is an unfair assessment, especially given the turn of events today. This family will have enough pain and guilt to deal with without us heaping it on them as well.

It is also unfair to judge how YOU might have done it differently because you weren't there. And to be fair, we don't know the entire living situation. We haven't seen many pictures and the ones we have seen are in question. Do we know for sure that the inside of that trailer wasn't clean? Do we know that the family was even aware or had been there? Did they maybe just take Matthew's word for it, not knowing what he was capable of?

By the way, do you have adult children? What exactly do you propose that they should have done? Because sometimes there is only so much you can do. As adults, they will still make their own choices and sometimes they are bad ones. And yes, sometimes those bad choices will have far-reaching consequences for others. But there is still only so much you can do.

Given the circumstances today, I would ask that we please with hold our judgment of this family for now. They need prayers and Ember needs to be found. Judgment and accusations can happen later.

 

[MyBelle]

Ever watch the show "Hoarders?" Plenty of bright, educated, professional individuals who somehow or another end up living like this. Some I feel are due to pure laziness, and others seem to have mental illness. While it is possible (and probable) that he could have been enabled, it is not impossible that Ember's family was used to these conditions, regardless of their professions. Truly sad for sweet Ember, and thousands of other infants living in exactly the same environments across our "privileged" nation. It's just not possible to remove them from every home.

Respectfully, I think the "conditions" were due to MG's use of drugs. Somebody other than himself was paying for his gas and cigs and food and were allowing him to stay there. CPS, when alerted, does remove infants from homes with unsanitary conditions. The key is that they have to be notified.

JMO

 

[T4Tide]

Thank you. I'm not at all familiar with gps systems for cars.

I love my OnStar. You can download an app to your smartphone to manage it. I can unlock my vehicle, crank it, check the gas and tire pressure from it, all before I even get out from under my comfy covers. Helpful with my teens, too, as they also have the app and can get into the vehicle without having to come get the keys from me (say....they left their coat inside.) My truck has it's own telephone number with minutes available if I forget my phone. Amazing technology.

 

[courtneyb]

Your compassion is commendable but MG's mother is former LE and for that reason alone I doubt MG grew up in squalor. I also doubt baby Ember and her mother were living in squalor for six months prior to her fateful decision to leave the child with him for the night. Their families had the responsibility to step in and didn't.

JMO

Right. It does not seem that MG was raised in a primitive living type situation. And Ember and her mother stayed with her parents mostly, correct? I think MG was the only one living like that. I think his parents should have stepped in and helped MG get basic utilities at least set up. I know my parents wouldn't have allowed me to have any of my children stay at a place without basic services. They could have offered or insisted that MG come to their house when he had Ember.

Ugh. I know it's not important now, and I'm going to move on. I just hate that I can't help but feel bad that part of her short life was spent in conditions like that when she didn't have to.

I apologize if I seem like I'm arguing. I'm not meaning too.

 

[Cubby]

Respectfully, I think the "conditions" were due to MG's use of drugs. Somebody other than himself was paying for his gas and cigs and food and were allowing him to stay there. CPS, when alerted, does remove infants from homes with unsanitary conditions. The key is that they have to be notified.

JMO

He could have been making money dealing or doing odd jobs for cash. We don't know that someone was financing his druggie lifestyle.

 

[sunflowerchick]

Ever watch the show "Hoarders?" Plenty of bright, educated, professional individuals who somehow or another end up living like this. Some I feel are due to pure laziness, and others seem to have mental illness. While it is possible (and probable) that he could have been enabled, it is not impossible that Ember's family was used to these conditions, regardless of their professions. Truly sad for sweet Ember, and thousands of other infants living in exactly the same environments across our "privileged" nation. It's just not possible to remove them from every home.

BBM

Nor would it be right to remove them from every home. There are plenty of loving, responsible parents who just don't have the know-how, ability or health to be able to maintain a clean, comfortable, de-cluttered living space. There are also plenty of upper middle class parents living in clean environments where the children haven't turned out so well, have been abused or murdered. Living conditions have NOTHING to do with what occurred here. Of that, I am convinced.

 

[SCHMAE]

Hopefully someone will help her obtain counseling in order to understand this was in no way her fault. I think she was unable to tell MG, "no."

JMO

I agree. I think he coerced her to give him the baby that night. " if you want her , come back with me'' or something. Maybe she just let him take her briefly and then he would not bring her back. I don't know the answers but she's a very young girl and blameless. She's so unprepared for these kinds of horrible life events. She needs support and not cricitism.

 

[GigTu]

This is such a tragedy on so many levels.

Due to MG no longer being able to provide information, questions remain.

The two at the top of my list are:
1) where's baby Ember?
2) did the neighbor's GF lie about seeing her?

 

[Voice4theSilent]

Your compassion is commendable but MG's mother is former LE and for that reason alone I doubt MG grew up in squalor. I also doubt baby Ember and her mother were living in squalor for six months prior to her fateful decision to leave the child with him for the night. Their families had the responsibility to step in and didn't.

JMO

BBM
How do we know they didn't step in? And if they did, what could they have done? Talk to them about their decision? Call the police or CPS? They couldn't have had her removed from the parents at that point. I am not ready to place blame on anyone else but the monster who (more than likely) killed his own child. Are his parents guilty of possibly enabling him and making excuses for his illegal activity and actions? Some would have a strong case in saying yes however he was an adult and the grandparents couldn't have done anything to keep Ember's father from caring for her overnight in that trailer. I highly doubt his parents had any inkling of knowledge that their son would murder his own daughter. My heart is broken for, above all, Baby Ember HOWEVER, as a mother, my heart breaks for the parents and close relatives of MG as his parents will now be burying their son and (possibly) their granddaughter soon. It doesn't excuse his actions or what he (more than likely) did to his daughter but it's ok to feel empathetic to the long list of people whose lives have been forever changed over the past week and a half. Just my :two cents: Now where is that sweet baby?

 

[sunflowerchick]

I agree. There was some serious denial going on on the part of MG's parental unit. He was only 23.

JMO

In places where marijuana is legal, the views are different. It is possible that they didn't consider his pot-smoking a "problem" and many wouldn't consider it a dangerous addiction.

 

[MsMarple]

In fairness, MG's mother lives in Florida and his father lives in Nevada so they may or may not have known how MG was living until they actually saw the property. JG's family is local I think but both JG and MG are legal adults and no amount of begging or fighting was going to stop JG from moving into that hell hole with Ember.

This is pure speculation and hunches on my part but on the last thread someone questioned why it was taking JG so long to pack up the night before. They pointed out that the trailer was 25 feet and so it was unlikely she was bringing any large items. My thought was that she may have been fighting with her parents over the move and she left Ember with MG as a kind of power play. It also occured to me that her parents may have even threatened to call CPS or something, which may have planted some sort of angry seed in MG's whacked out brain.

Again, it's all just speculation. But given the animosity between the two families I suspect there is, like Cubby said, a whole back story to this situation. In the meantime I'm just gonna have to wait and see if either family speaks to msm.

 

[MyBelle]

I think this is an unfair assessment, especially given the turn of events today. This family will have enough pain and guilt to deal with without us heaping it on them as well.

It is also unfair to judge how YOU might have done it differently because you weren't there. And to be fair, we don't know the entire living situation. We haven't seen many pictures and the ones we have seen are in question. Do we know for sure that the inside of that trailer wasn't clean? Do we know that the family was even aware or had been there? Did they maybe just take Matthew's word for it, not knowing what he was capable of?

By the way, do you have adult children? What exactly do you propose that they should have done? Because sometimes there is only so much you can do. As adults, they will still make their own choices and sometimes they are bad ones. And yes, sometimes those bad choices will have far-reaching consequences for others. But there is still only so much you can do.

Given the circumstances today, I would ask that we please with hold our judgment of this family for now. They need prayers and Ember needs to be found. Judgment and accusations can happen later.

LE described the living situation and the media has reported on it.

Matthew was keeping Ember in an approximate 25 foot camp trailer on the Noosha Ln property. The trailer has no running water or working bathroom. The sewage from the main residence flows into a cesspool and the property is covered in garbage and old vehicles. The property is cross fenced and you have to go through two gates and guard dogs that will bark and confront strangers. The trailer door leading to Ember’s playpen where Matthew said she was sleeping has a broken door handle mechanism and needs to be opened with a screwdriver or similar tool. You would also need to have some knowledge on how to operate the door. Crime scene technicians found the door to be difficult to open and close as it did not fit in the frame well and made noise opening and closing. According to Matthew, Ember would cry within 10 seconds of being picked up by a stranger.

http://www.redding.com/news/local-news/dads-inconsistencies-revealed

 

[m_brown]

Latest post on Find Baby Ember FB page re: mom of Ember and her knowledge of the conditions of the property.

Just an FYi


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