CO- Dylan Redwine, 13, Vallecito, 19 November 2012 - #24

[Confusion]

And once again I will say that unless he worked 24/7 and never returned to Bayfield he had NO EXCUSE for not seeing his son.
Some men make a lot of excuses for not seeing their kids. I'm just not one to give them a pass.
Men have always worked. It's not an excuse.

She didn't say he never saw him; she said he didn't see him much because of his work. I don't see that as making excuses. MOO

 

[mck16]

And once again I will say that unless he worked 24/7 and never returned to Bayfield he had NO EXCUSE for not seeing his son.
Some men make a lot of excuses for not seeing their kids. I'm just not one to give them a pass.
Men have always worked. It's not an excuse.

I have an ex-husband who never made the effort either. And you know what I said to hell with him. If he didn't want to see his kids I certainly didn't make him. Maybe ER felt the same way and let it slide because it just wasn't worth the effort. It is his loss. jmo

 

[BritsKate]

Legally, to my knowledge, there is nothing a custodial parent can do to 'force' an NCP to utilize their visitation - except seeking a modification of a standing order if it isn't used.

(Like if a CP drove 100 miles to exchange the child and the NCP didn't arrive the court may change the order requiring the NCP to drive further. IME it takes a lot for a court to suspend an NCP's visitation altogether though. IMO Dylan just not wanting to wouldn't be enough. FWIW)

 

[eileenhawkeye]

Thank You , is it normal that they have never done a press conference when a child is missing ?

I think it is normal to NOT have a press conference when you consider that most cases do not get any media attention. I bet there are more cases on NCMEC where LE never had a press conference than cases where they did. However, when you consider in Dylan's case, that the local and national media were interested in the case when it happened (so there was a demand for information) and the circumstances of the case, it is unusual that LE has never held one.

 

[cluciano63]

I think it is normal to NOT have a press conference when you consider that most cases do not get any media attention. I bet there are more cases on NCMEC where LE never had a press conference than cases where they did. However, when you consider in Dylan's case, that the local and national media were interested in the case when it happened (so there was a demand for information) and the circumstances of the case, it is unusual that LE has never held one.

I agree that in this type of case, it is unusual not to hear from LE. Most missing child cases these days seem to be handled in a public kind of way by LE to inform the community and try to get tips. I don't know if Dylan being a teenager has an effect on the level of silence, vs. if he was a young child.

 

[jennapuppy]

I just hope the fact Elaine is not speaking out is there is more going on then we know.

I am honestly amazed by how silent it has gone on this case and unless she has been told not to speak out i would be out there trying to get on the news and radio and do whatever it took to get my message out there.

I just do not get the total silence .

That is what happened in the Mickey Shunick case. LE and family both went strangely silent, and locals were worried that the case was growing cold. Turns out it was just the opposite. LE had a perp under surveillance and didn't want anything said that would clue him in. We can only hope that's the case here.

 

[kkdj]

I have an ex-husband who never made the effort either. And you know what I said to hell with him. If he didn't want to see his kids I certainly didn't make him. Maybe ER felt the same way and let it slide because it just wasn't worth the effort. It is his loss. jmo

My feeling is if a parent doesn't see fit to make the effort then I sure as heck don't want my child waiting for that phone call that never comes on their birthday or other holidays. If there is a parent that just doesn't care about being involved in their child's life or it's very spotty at best, I think it's important the child does not chase after that parents love.

 

[cluciano63]

That is what happened in the Mickey Shunick case. LE and family both went strangely silent, and locals were worried that the case was growing cold. Turns out it was just the opposite. LE had a perp under surveillance and didn't want anything said that would clue him in. We can only hope that's the case here.

True, but there have been, IMO, many more cases here when LE silence was just...silence. And led to nothing.

 

[eileenhawkeye]

I just hope the fact Elaine is not speaking out is there is more going on then we know.

I am honestly amazed by how silent it has gone on this case and unless she has been told not to speak out i would be out there trying to get on the news and radio and do whatever it took to get my message out there.

I just do not get the total silence .

I was on the Find Dylan Redwine FB page, and the person running it mentions that "hundreds of thousands" are following the page every day. Perhaps the family thinks that they can get just as much exposure through the FB page as MSM? Plus, It's a lot easier to post something on FB, than it is to get the media interested in a case, and to make appearances to talk about the case.

ETA: One thing I have noticed in many cases, is that as long as a case is getting attention from somewhere, people directly involved considered the case to be getting a lot of attention. So the family sees that this huge number of people have viewed the page, from so many different locations, and they feel like the case is getting the exposure it needs.

 

[NC Analyzer]

My feeling is if a parent doesn't see fit to make the effort then I sure as heck don't want my child waiting for that phone call that never comes on their birthday or other holidays. If there is a parent that just doesn't care about being involved in their child's life or it's very spotty at best, I think it's important the child does not chase after that parents love.

THAT is so very true. I watched my older children do exactly that. I had an "open door" policy with their dad and more often than not he failed to see them. It broke my heart to see how disappointed they were. I did my best to protect THEIR feelings...told them "he had to work", an important "something" came up", or anything and everything I could think of so they didn't believe they were the cause of their father's failure to see them and because I didn't want them to feel like anything was their fault. By the time they became adults, they knew what the truth was. Still sad for them because they wanted a relationship with him so very badly. It left them with many "issues" as adults...number one, they all have problems with letting go of a bad relationship.
By the time I had my last child (late in life momma here), her father said he didn't want anything to do with her and I decided it was his loss. I wasn't going through all the song and dance again. We lived our life. She rarely questioned not having a dad in the picture and when she did, I simply told her that he lived "far away" (when she was young). By the time she was old enough to understand the situation, she already knew HE was the person responsible for not coming around...not her, (or me). She is a very happy, well adjusted, young lady who will be the first one to tell you he is an ...and it's not her problem, lol.

 

[white rabbit]

question...is it unusual (from your own or friends' experiences) for a spouse not to know what his or her ex's exact occupation is? whether amicable or estranged.

thanks in advance...

 

[SCHMAE]

For all we know MR called on his weekends and said ' what going on? u wanna come this weekend? ' and DR like a typical young teen ( like MY young teen ) would say ' sure dad, but my friends are all going to the mall, lake, park, movie and i sure wanted to go' and MR said ' ok no biggie, i could use the extra work time, see u next time then' and it was not so much a lack of wanting to see DR but more a pacification of the growing boy/man's need to spend time with his friends and didn't want a grouchy kid on his hands for the weekend anyway ! Come to Thanksgiving week, a whole week and now DR has moved and it's a little more important to enforce that visit ! Food for thought is all. I'm not suggesting it happened this way . But I know kids of 11, 12, 13, 14 years old would rather do ANYTHING than be with their folks on weekends or time off school !

 

[Confusion]

THAT is so very true. I watched my older children do exactly that. I had an "open door" policy with their dad and more often than not he failed to see them. It broke my heart to see how disappointed they were. I did my best to protect THEIR feelings...told them "he had to work", an important "something" came up", or anything and everything I could think of so they didn't believe they were the cause of their father's failure to see them and because I didn't want them to feel like anything was their fault. By the time they became adults, they knew what the truth was. Still sad for them because they wanted a relationship with him so very badly. It left them with many "issues" as adults...number one, they all have problems with letting go of a bad relationship.
By the time I had my last child (late in life momma here), her father said he didn't want anything to do with her and I decided it was his loss. I wasn't going through all the song and dance again. We lived our life. She rarely questioned not having a dad in the picture and when she did, I simply told her that he lived "far away" (when she was young). By the time she was old enough to understand the situation, she already knew HE was the person responsible for not coming around...not her, (or me). She is a very happy, well adjusted, young lady who will be the first one to tell you he is an ...and it's not her problem, lol.

When my son was about 4, he told me, "That's why kids have moms, to tell them when someone's lying and when they try but can't do it."

 

[SCHMAE]

question...is it unusual (from your own or friends' experiences) for a spouse not to know what his or her ex's exact occupation is? whether amicable or estranged.

thanks in advance...

Perhaps slightly strange, but my take on that is perhaps MR does all sorts of things within a certain field and she's not sure at this exact time what it is. Take construction for example..... someone may be a roofer for a few years, then get a great job at framing houses so they do that for a bit and maybe they meet another friend who's got concrete work for a bit so they do that . Their field is now construction all through their life but who knows what specifically they are doing at any one month or year? MR drove trucks and worked at a pipe laying company. Did he drive trucks and haul the pipes back and forth? Or did he actually get out and dig trenches and set the pipes in ?

 

[nursebeeme]

I think it's terribly selfish and inconsiderate for Mark to disrupt holiday traditions of the previous three years Dylan had grown accustomed to with his mother and brother. That is no way to begin to connect with your child. IMO it's short sighted, selfish and was doomed from t he start. Imo

it was decided by a judge

we don't know all the details here...

we don't even know what the previous arrangements were for holidays.

 

[kkdj]

When my son was about 4, he told me, "That's why kids have moms, to tell them when someone's lying and when they try but can't do it."

Smart boy!
My thinking is if a parent doesn't choose to live a relationship with their child, there is something wrong with that parent, not the child. Children are precious and innocent.
Jmo

 

[white rabbit]

Perhaps slightly strange, but my take on that is perhaps MR does all sorts of things within a certain field and she's not sure at this exact time what it is. Take construction for example..... someone may be a roofer for a few years, then get a great job at framing houses so they do that for a bit and maybe they meet another friend who's got concrete work for a bit so they do that . Their field is now construction all through their life but who knows what specifically they are doing at any one month or year? MR drove trucks and worked at a pipe laying company. Did he drive trucks and haul the pipes back and forth? Or did he actually get out and dig trenches and set the pipes in ?

thanks...and i agree. trucking, hauling, moving, could mean many lines of work. as could driving, pipe-fitting, pipe digging, etc...

i was looking at nick's post on his university's website...elaine's full disclosure of her employer, situation...just found it odd that we got a no comment from united pipeline and a non-specific quote from both mark and elaine regarding his employer. that's all.

he specifically came back on the 17th to find that his son's flight had changed. so there must be some flexibility with his employer...or not? he could have been VERY p'o'd at the change of plans. he might have gotten double time on weekends.

just a thought.

 

[NC Analyzer]

For all we know MR called on his weekends and said ' what going on? u wanna come this weekend? ' and DR like a typical young teen ( like MY young teen ) would say ' sure dad, but my friends are all going to the mall, lake, park, movie and i sure wanted to go' and MR said ' ok no biggie, i could use the extra work time, see u next time then' and it was not so much a lack of wanting to see DR but more a pacification of the growing boy/man's need to spend time with his friends and didn't want a grouchy kid on his hands for the weekend anyway ! Come to Thanksgiving week, a whole week and now DR has moved and it's a little more important to enforce that visit ! Food for thought is all. I'm not suggesting it happened this way . But I know kids of 11, 12, 13, 14 years old would rather do ANYTHING than be with their folks on weekends or time off school !

JMO, but when a child chooses to be with friends on weekends instead of NCP, then NCP is a good parent, has already established a good relationship and the child is confident and secure enough in that relationship to know that NCP will always be there for them. It isn't quite the same with children who never know when or if they will see NCP again. That type of relationship begins when the child is very young because if not, by the time they are in their teens and NCP attempts to visit after not coming around routinely, most teens will just act like, "if I wasn't important enough in the past, then why now?"
If MR had to go to court to enforce his visits with Dylan, the relationship was already lost.

 

[Salem]

And once again I will say that unless he worked 24/7 and never returned to Bayfield he had NO EXCUSE for not seeing his son.
Some men make a lot of excuses for not seeing their kids. I'm just not one to give them a pass.
Men have always worked. It's not an excuse.

Again, I agree a father should spend time with his kids. ER never said that MR never visited with Dylan. IIRC she said that before Corey turned 18, the two boys often spent time with MR but after Corey was 18 and didn't want to go as much, Dylan also slowed down. From ER's comments, my understanding is that this was about the time MR started to work out of town and that Dylan didn't enjoy thevisits as much when Corey wasn't there. Using my own personal experiences - this was also about the time when Dylan was getting older and preferring (like all kids do) to spend more time with friends and less time with parents.

I am not saying that I do not believe ER, just that my interpretation of her comments does not lead me to believe that MR never saw his son. I'm not seeing things as black and white here, but as various shades of gray. I have lots of questions and I wish we would get some answers.

Salem

 

[absentia]

It is times like this, that I like direct quotes. In doing a google search I could not find direct quotes on the use of the word "consider" and "considering" in regard to Mark being not a suspect. I did find this:

From Nov. 29th - "The Sheriff's Office is not calling Mark Redwine a suspect," Dan Bender, La Plata County Sheriff's Office Public Information Officer, said. "However, since that house was the last place Dylan was seen, it is only prudent to do a more thorough search of that house and property for any information that can help direct us to Dylan." http://www.9news.com/news/article/302104/339/Feds-search-missing-teens-dads-home

IMO they are not going to call him a suspect if he is co-operating & talking and maybe not even then. Once they call him a suspect, it is my understanding he is treated differently with regard to rights (but I am not sure how that applies). Considering & calling are two very different things IMO.

they're not going to call anyone a suspect until they find DR. There is a timeline involved at least once anyone is charged and they need the body to make a good case. not sure if there's a deadline to charge someone once they're called a suspect, but it's doubtful they're gonna call a suspect without a body or other evidence. just for legal reasons, proceedings, etc.