I think in the effort not to "victim blame" some are ignoring some obvious issues with this family. I appreciate your comment that he wanted to get off the Merry Go Round. It reminds me of his interview where I think he said something that came very much from him: This has got to stop.
In my first marriage I was married to someone who immediately quit and started their own business. A failing business that did not help support the family. Yet he wanted to do this because he did not have to do the traditional work, seemed like a success because he owned his own business, was all about the next "trip" and the trappings of keeping up with the Joneses. I had a great job for the area and we should have been fine. What I did not have is the appropriate boundaries to make the spiraling Merry Go Round stop as we kept spiraling into debt. At one point, due to me helping his family maintain medical care during a harrowing medical issue that involved them, they gifted us with $50k at the end of it. Instead of using that for the debt we accumulated, he went and spent most of it on a truck. And although there were two of us in the relationship I felt very resentful and unable to stop the Merry Go Round. He certainly did not deserve to die. He had many positive qualities. I had many bad qualities that were not right for the marriage as well. So this is not a "blame my ex" post. But the two of us together were horrible from a financial point of view. I am a very strong woman who does well in business settings. I am assertive. Yet with this relationship I could not "right" the financial ship until I divorced him. I simply was unable to do it. The stress caused me to have huge issues with myself. I drank till oblivion to numb the situation. I ate tons. I got the heaviest I have ever been. This was not his "fault". This is how I handled his spending and my lack of control. It was destructive. And it felt like a careening roller coaster I could not remove myself from. I did not see at the time I actually could just hop off.
Some of you think she was making a ton of money. I am not going to argue that at this time. I do not believe she was. I believe she was deep into the idea of success and felt that at any point this business of hers was going to break thru to get her family to financial success. I believe they simply were people who could not handle their finances much like my first marriage. I believe that he felt trapped by it. I believe that he unfortunately, did not see a way out, that did not involve making sure he was OK but if the others had to go- so be it. He is a broken human being. Incredibly broken. Unfathomably broken. But I do not think pointing out this could have been a powder keg of two people who were headed for another choppy financial crisis is a stretch. Having to put house up for sell, court case, another baby on the way, and an MLM I am sure wasn't garnering the money some of you think it was are indicators to me. Plus I am pretty sure you can't dismiss student loans in a bankruptcy. (I could be wrong about that). Again, this is all hypothesis and I know that. I am putting my experience onto a situation and I see that as well. I just do not see the psychopath some of you do. I see a "snap" with some short, bad premeditation. I see a powder keg that exploded.
