JudgeJudi
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Continuation of summary of the main points of the podcast: Tricia, liltexans, gitana1, Levi Page. Some but not all is verbatim.
G1: Yes. Well, it is true sometimes that I notice in these FA cases that it seems to me that there’s typically at least one, sometimes two, parents that are extremely enmeshed and dysfunctional, personality disordered, whether it’s borderline, narcissistic personality disorder, histrionic, but they’re extremely enmeshed with their child. I’m thinking of all these different cases as I’m saying this – Scott Peterson – and there’s some great books about that generational dysfunction. [Discusses mother’s background]. Here’s this little baby and he’s always smiling because he knows he has to be perfect or he’s going to be completely rejected. [Discusses Casey Anthony] She had to be a perfect mirror of her mother. I think that’s a theme with a lot of these FAs, that their parents are very controlling and their children have to be a perfect way and have to be this sort of mirror of the parent’s emotions and the parent’s personality.
But when those kids step outside the doors of their house, they are projected as perfect by the parents. The parents – because they view the child as really the same as themselves or a true extension of themselves because of the enmeshment, they will never accept any criticism of their children and they will – it doesn’t matter how obvious the evidence is, “My child is perfect. They did not do this”. They refuse to believe it. So the kid has this kind of dual thing going on where they’re both afraid of not – of having a personality that’s different from their parent but they also become extremely adept at manipulating and lying because every time someone comes and says, “Hey, your kid did …” XYZ, the mother says, “No they didn’t”. “Did you?” “No, mom”. And they’re believed because the mother or the father has to believe it. So it’s a kind of scary combination of not having a personality, having sort of an annihilated personhood identity crisis and also being really good at manipulation and deception. It’s quite frightening. So I do think that we see that a lot. I just want to mention, so that I can be fair to both genders, but Chris Coleman’s father was, I think, a lot like that – very exacting.
Unfortunately, what you see with these kinds of parents is nobody is good enough for their child and they’re always going to blame the mate for what happens. Even if they are the victim of their child, they’re going to blame the mate for that.
T: Absolutely. Anything bad about their child can’t be real, but if it is, it’s somebody else’s fault.
G1: Exactly.
To be cont’d
G1: Yes. Well, it is true sometimes that I notice in these FA cases that it seems to me that there’s typically at least one, sometimes two, parents that are extremely enmeshed and dysfunctional, personality disordered, whether it’s borderline, narcissistic personality disorder, histrionic, but they’re extremely enmeshed with their child. I’m thinking of all these different cases as I’m saying this – Scott Peterson – and there’s some great books about that generational dysfunction. [Discusses mother’s background]. Here’s this little baby and he’s always smiling because he knows he has to be perfect or he’s going to be completely rejected. [Discusses Casey Anthony] She had to be a perfect mirror of her mother. I think that’s a theme with a lot of these FAs, that their parents are very controlling and their children have to be a perfect way and have to be this sort of mirror of the parent’s emotions and the parent’s personality.
But when those kids step outside the doors of their house, they are projected as perfect by the parents. The parents – because they view the child as really the same as themselves or a true extension of themselves because of the enmeshment, they will never accept any criticism of their children and they will – it doesn’t matter how obvious the evidence is, “My child is perfect. They did not do this”. They refuse to believe it. So the kid has this kind of dual thing going on where they’re both afraid of not – of having a personality that’s different from their parent but they also become extremely adept at manipulating and lying because every time someone comes and says, “Hey, your kid did …” XYZ, the mother says, “No they didn’t”. “Did you?” “No, mom”. And they’re believed because the mother or the father has to believe it. So it’s a kind of scary combination of not having a personality, having sort of an annihilated personhood identity crisis and also being really good at manipulation and deception. It’s quite frightening. So I do think that we see that a lot. I just want to mention, so that I can be fair to both genders, but Chris Coleman’s father was, I think, a lot like that – very exacting.
Unfortunately, what you see with these kinds of parents is nobody is good enough for their child and they’re always going to blame the mate for what happens. Even if they are the victim of their child, they’re going to blame the mate for that.
T: Absolutely. Anything bad about their child can’t be real, but if it is, it’s somebody else’s fault.
G1: Exactly.
To be cont’d
