Connecticut school district on lockdown after shooting report at a Newtown elemen #11

[i.b.nora]

For those who missed it, like myself, or for those who would like to view it again, the Frontline/Hartford Courant "Raising Adam Lanza" video can be viewed in its entirety here:

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/raising-adam-lanza/

 

[FragileSugar]

"silk stockings".... really, I had to Google to see if anyone really made those anymore.
After having read the emails, I was really surprised they were even published. I find them disturbing.
I find her and her son, AL, more alike than different. Alone, obsessive, perfectionist, very high opinion of herself. Specifically the idea of creating tension between two families at a wedding then sitting back and laughing , and then bragging about this to LaFontaine, made me cringe.

I wonder how her emails might have changed after she and PL separated and as the years went on. I am very curious as to whether she cut off contact with LaFontaine in 2010 the way she and AL did with everyone else. If she remained in contact with him throughout the years and in the same manner (confiding some pretty personal info), he might be one of the few people that have any insight to what the dynamic was between NL and AL.

Does anyone have any idea how long NL stayed in contact with LaFontaine?

 

[time]

Time: thanks for your thoughtful reply.

Quick question:
In the email, Nancy makes a point to highlight that the shooter has 26 new friends coming to his party and does not attach a number to the people associated with each of Ryan's parties.
Do you read anything into that?

That sounds like the number of kids in his class. But somehow I doubt every kids would show. I'm not sure if it means any more with the omission of RL's number? I'm still wondering if the RL 'old friends" are just a couple of boys from his troupe and if the old friend of NL's is the one who would bring them (so maybe he already knew about RL's party? IDK) Who would drive all that way for a BDay party (although I haven't calculated how far it is)?

I did know someone here who was a Scoutmaster a few years back. He took a few of the boys on a Saturday to spend the night and BDay with an old friend who had moved. Some other mother went the next day and picked them up. Lots of driving!

 

[GreenTeam]

After reading some of the recent articles, and the new perspective that passing time brings:

I am thinking that NL was pushing Adam to be "normal," ie not someone with special needs. She wanted him to go to college. She wanted to move. She left him alone for days so he could be more "independent." I think he got tired of the pushing. He didn't want to have his routine changed or his comfort zone disrupted. It was too much for him, and he finally pushed back.

And I think several mistakes may have been made by NL: taking him out of the supportive high school and the other school changes, cutting herself and maybe him off from certain people, leaving him alone for days, wanting to move, plus the video games in the basement and the access to guns. Seems like they all added up with a negative effect. JMHO.

 

[time]

I found this interesting from LaFontaine's interview:

"Adam aspired to be like his uncle, Jim. [He was in the military] and she was very proud of that and she allowed [Adam] to believe that yeah, you’re gonna be like your uncle … depending on how he turned out. … Sometimes people can overcome that with medication, counseling whatever. They can and do. And I think maybe she was hoping for that. … And then one day I think she realized probably not too long ago, there’s no way this kid could do this. … It’s not for him. When she realized that she started to discourage him from that. …"


http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/front...ne-those-kids-were-everything-to-nancy-lanza/

I kind of wonder if there was a convo between AL and NL about this. If it had anything to do with contact with his uncle being shut off. Wonder what AL's reaction would be if he realizes this wasn't going to happen? Was NL trying to avoid that?

 

[MsFacetious]

Thank you officer. I hope this officer is able to be okay after this. I hope this gives some comfort to her parents. :tears:
If this was my child it would be so comforting to know she didn't die alone laying on a floor. lease:

Newtown victim Olivia Engel comforted by police officer when she died

Olivia died in the arms of a Newtown police officer at the school, said Deacon Don Naiman. The officer told her he loved her as he passed her into Jesus’ waiting arms, Naiman said.

In everything I have read, I don't remember coming across this piece of info. Olivia was the little girl who was carried out by the police officer.

 

[time]

After reading some of the recent articles, and the new perspective that passing time brings:

I am thinking that NL was pushing Adam to be "normal," ie not someone with special needs. She wanted him to go to college. She wanted to move. She left him alone for days so he could be more "independent." I think he got tired of the pushing. He didn't want to have his routine changed or his comfort zone disrupted. It was too much for him, and he finally pushed back.

And I think several mistakes may have been made by NL: taking him out of the supportive high school and the other school changes, cutting herself and maybe him off from certain people, leaving him alone for days, wanting to move, plus the video games in the basement and the access to guns. Seems like they all added up with a negative effect. JMHO.

I have really mixed thoughts about this (BBM). Perhaps AL was confused and wanted to be independent in some ways (become a police officer?) although, I agree, he probably didn't like change and slowly became more and more isolated. But it's also curious that NL being gone a lot, allowing the hibernation into the dark basement, paying for the games, and letting almost all contact be cut off (whether that is close family or people coming into the house) helped isolate him more. I also see that she may have encouraged him into thinking he could be something he couldn't, yet she seemed to be indulging herself in all she could be (in some ways, maybe not others). Even when someone has big problems they might sense the lack of authenticity in all that. This might also all be isolating and frustrating... a matter of mistrust/trust?

 

[HastingsChi]

That sounds like the number of kids in his class. But somehow I doubt every kids would show. I'm not sure if it means any more with the omission of RL's number? I'm still wondering if the RL 'old friends" are just a couple of boys from his troupe and if the old friend of NL's is the one who would bring them (so maybe he already knew about RL's party? IDK) Who would drive all that way for a BDay party (although I haven't calculated how far it is)?

I did know someone here who was a Scoutmaster a few years back. He took a few of the boys on a Saturday to spend the night and BDay with an old friend who had moved. Some other mother went the next day and picked them up. Lots of driving!

To tell you the truth, I interpreted it as RL having a NH-based party and a Newtown-based party (she was specific about RL having two parties, if not for two locations there would be no reason to not just combine them. Make sense?

As far as AL between NL associating a large # with his party (and no # mentioned for RL) combined with scouting guy (segment with the video of lil AL in woods & NL near car) who mentioned in NH AL didn't respond well to touch (high five, rough housing) by kids or adults with the connotation that this was a factor in AL not fitting in.

From that i view the inclusion in the email of 26 new friends for AL's party to be significant in two potential ways:
1. NL was implying to the reader that these new kids welcome AL when in NH he may have been a square peg in a round hole when it came to friendships.

2. Psychologically, NL likely included it to tell herself it will be different in Newtown. She doesn't understand why one kid is fine and the other is the opposite and NL is going to do anything she can to help AL fit in and be more like other kids.

I may be reading too deep into this or I may be spot on; love to hear everyone's thoughts.

 

[FragileSugar]

I found this interesting from LaFontaine's interview:

"Adam aspired to be like his uncle, Jim. [He was in the military] and she was very proud of that and she allowed [Adam] to believe that yeah, you’re gonna be like your uncle … depending on how he turned out. … Sometimes people can overcome that with medication, counseling whatever. They can and do. And I think maybe she was hoping for that. … And then one day I think she realized probably not too long ago, there’s no way this kid could do this. … It’s not for him. When she realized that she started to discourage him from that. …"


http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/front...ne-those-kids-were-everything-to-nancy-lanza/

I kind of wonder if there was a convo between AL and NL about this. If it had anything to do with contact with his uncle being shut off. Wonder what AL's reaction would be if he realizes this wasn't going to happen? Was NL trying to avoid that?

Thanks for the link. Very interesting article. I'm surprised he says that NL didn't talk about her divorce and was surprised when she got one. From the 1999 emails it seems as if she confided quite a bit.

When was the last time you actually saw her?

Three years ago. We had dinner some place. She’d come up to visit and she’d tell me ahead of time when she was coming to visit. …

Three years ago = 2010. I wonder if she kept in touch via email correspondence. If not, then it is yet another relationship that was suddenly cut off. 2010. I wonder what happened in NL and AL's world that year.

 

[HastingsChi]

wow - 26 - there's that number again. 26 new friends. What an odd coincidence - 26. That just jumped out at me when I read your post.



JMHO

Goodness, I didn't even make that connection. Thank you Wise Old Owl for highlighting that eerie coincidence. Wow, I got chills when I read your post and made the connection.

 

[FragileSugar]

To tell you the truth, I interpreted it as RL having a NH-based party and a Newtown-based party (she was specific about RL having two parties, if not for two locations there would be no reason to not just combine them. Make sense?

As far as AL between NL associating a large # with his party (and no # mentioned for RL) combined with scouting guy (segment with the video of lil AL in woods & NL near car) who mentioned in NH AL didn't respond well to touch (high five, rough housing) by kids or adults with the connotation that this was a factor in AL not fitting in.

From that i view the inclusion in the email of 26 new friends for AL's party to be significant in two potential ways:
1. NL was implying to the reader that these new kids welcome AL when in NH he may have been a square peg in a round hole when it came to friendships.

2. Psychologically, NL likely included it to tell herself it will be different in Newtown. She doesn't understand why one kid is fine and the other is the opposite and NL is going to do anything she can to help AL fit in and be more like other kids.

I may be reading too deep into this or I may be spot on; love to hear everyone's thoughts.

From my perspective as a parent with an older, more popular "normal" child and a younger, more reserved child, it might be a little of both. My daughter is very outgoing and even from a young age she's always made friends easily. Her birthday parties would include many friends from school, girl scouts, etc. and she is always on the go, having friends over or going over to her friends' houses. Meanwhile my son is very quiet and introverted. He'll be 13 this year and he's had maybe two friends in his entire life. It breaks my heart. He has been diagnosed with Asperger's and if he had his way, he'd play video games all day. He's pretty awkward in most social situations unless he feels comfortable. 9 times out of 10 if you try and joke with him, he doesn't get it. When I talk to family and friends who know both of my kids, they pretty much know what to expect with my daughter so I guess in a way I kind of do the same thing NL did - drop little comments like 26 kids coming to his party even though in the years I did have birthday parties for him, none of the people who RSVP'd ever showed up. But yeah I do try and play up as many positive things as I can especially when I have countless positive stories about my daughter and her extracurricular activities.

I think that is why this story has just really captured my attention. After it happened my husband even asked me if I ever worry that our son could do something like AL. Of course I think there is no way he could ever do something like that but then I wonder if NL thought the same thing.

 

[time]

To tell you the truth, I interpreted it as RL having a NH-based party and a Newtown-based party (she was specific about RL having two parties, if not for two locations there would be no reason to not just combine them. Make sense?

As far as AL between NL associating a large # with his party (and no # mentioned for RL) combined with scouting guy (segment with the video of lil AL in woods & NL near car) who mentioned in NH AL didn't respond well to touch (high five, rough housing) by kids or adults with the connotation that this was a factor in AL not fitting in.

From that i view the inclusion in the email of 26 new friends for AL's party to be significant in two potential ways:
1. NL was implying to the reader that these new kids welcome AL when in NH he may have been a square peg in a round hole when it came to friendships.

2. Psychologically, NL likely included it to tell herself it will be different in Newtown. She doesn't understand why one kid is fine and the other is the opposite and NL is going to do anything she can to help AL fit in and be more like other kids.

I may be reading too deep into this or I may be spot on; love to hear everyone's thoughts.

Interesting analysis. Thank you for pointing out there could have been a party in both NH and in CT.

 

[time]

Thanks for the link. Very interesting article. I'm surprised he says that NL didn't talk about her divorce and was surprised when she got one. From the 1999 emails it seems as if she confided quite a bit.

When was the last time you actually saw her?

Three years ago. We had dinner some place. She’d come up to visit and she’d tell me ahead of time when she was coming to visit. …

Three years ago = 2010. I wonder if she kept in touch via email correspondence. If not, then it is yet another relationship that was suddenly cut off. 2010. I wonder what happened in NL and AL's world that year.

PURPLE - yeah, this guy must have more insight? I dont' think they communicated intensely for that long and even made an effort to see each other 3+ hours away and he wouldn't know. I'm not quite buying that he didn't know more about her divorce.

 

[FragileSugar]

PURPLE - yeah, this guy must have more insight? I dont' think they communicated intensely for that long and even made an effort to see each other 3+ hours away and he wouldn't know. I'm not quite buying that he didn't know more about her divorce.

I don't buy it either especially since they were both experiencing marital problems at the same time. :waitasec:

 

[time]

I don't buy it either especially since they were both experiencing marital problems at the same time. :waitasec:

And in his interview there is that odd interjected comment (out of place?) about her being attractive or pretty. Smitten at least, I'd conjecture.

 

[Gardenlady]

I will be brave and come out and say that I got a huge negative impression of NL after reading those letters. At best, she comes off as in denial; at worst, she seems completely self absorbed, narcissistic, and snotty.

How much of what she said was true, how much was she just trying to hide/put on a brave face, we might not ever know.

Standard disclaimer that of course being a snob/self absorbed etc does not make one deserving of death, etc. Just my frank impression of the small glimpse we catch thru the emails.

 

[time]

I will be brave and come out and say that I got a huge negative impression of NL after reading those letters. At best, she comes off as in denial; at worst, she seems completely self absorbed, narcissistic, and snotty.

How much of what she said was true, how much was she just trying to hide/put on a brave face, we might not ever know.

Standard disclaimer that of course being a snob/self absorbed etc does not make one deserving of death, etc. Just my frank impression of the small glimpse we catch thru the emails.

I had a really negative impression based on the emails also - same as yours but I think she was in denial (at least in part?) AND the rest you said. I feel bad about it, but can't help it, how many times can you say $3,000. But maybe it was the whole part about killing the deer, as if there was nothing else that could be done and all said so coldly like they are just nasty little creatures - admitting I am a big animal lover, but I also know if you put out bars of Dial soap it keeps them from eating your trees and fences help also if you have the money.

I wonder if the boys had pets - anyone know? I would think that might help someone like AL, but IDK.

 

[Gardenlady]

Yes, the deer

I wish we had some kind of inkling as to what her ex husband was like. I feel bad for coming away with such a negative opinion of her, because no matter her flaws, she did not deserve her death, and she was not the only parent to AL. The husband was, apparently, around very little due to work. If the family dynamic was unhealthy, and contributing to AL's decline, he is 50% of that equation, after all (or his absence is). I do not feel, as I have read elsewhere, that ALs problems were due solely to NL supposedly being a terrible mother (and I guess I feel the need to say that it's possible she was a terrible person, but t still a caring, devoted mother to her own kids).

Just tossing out thoughts, and wrestling with feeling a bit guilty about my impressions!

 

[Gardenlady]

Also, I don't remember hearing anything about pets. I would also have the feeling that a pet could help someone like AL (though with sensory issues, it would have to be the right temperament pet) - but again, have not heard anywhere that they had one.

 

[FragileSugar]

Also, I don't remember hearing anything about pets. I would also have the feeling that a pet could help someone like AL (though with sensory issues, it would have to be the right temperament pet) - but again, have not heard anywhere that they had one.

I don't remember anything about pets but I do recall reading somewhere that AL was a vegan due to the fact that he didn't want any harm to come to animals. I'm not sure if this was ever verified though.