GA - Teacher Accused Of Writing Love Letters To 12 Yr. Old Student

[Bobbisangel]

I believe it is a blessing that the other teacher found that letter. If not, it is hard to tell where this would have led. The teacher had already talked the mother into letting her boy spend the weekend with her. The kids were probably just thrown in there to sound good. She obviously had the hots for this young boy.

I don't understand what is going on with some teachers these days either. It doesn't seem to stop. I'm glad that these stories are printed in newspapers and on the media. It makes parents aware and to keep their eyes wide open. I guess we just have to remember that teachers are just regular people like ministers and people in every kind of profession that do these kind of things.
What an adult sees in a child is beyond me. I don't know what I would have done if something like this had happened to one of my kids when they were that age. I know I would have raised the roof or tore some hair though. It is beyond sickening.

 

[txsvicki]

Another sickening fact stated in the article is that the other letter found said that the woman's child confided in her that the 12 year old told him/her that he was in love with the teacher. The woman's kids must have known what was going on. I can think of only one reason an adult, male or female, would think they are in love with a child and that is pedophilia.

 

[southcitymom]

Another sickening fact stated in the article is that the other letter found said that the woman's child confided in her that the 12 year old told him/her that he was in love with the teacher. The woman's kids must have known what was going on. I can think of only one reason an adult, male or female, would think they are in love with a child and that is pedophilia.

Not all adults who have sexual contact with children or fantasize about having sexual contact with children are pedophiles (if so, every interested reader of Lolita would be a pedophile). From a law enforcement standpoint, children are actually more likely to be molested by someone in a crime of opportunity (ie...a drunk stepdad, etc..) than by someone who is a true "pedophile."

I do not know whether or not this woman is a pedophile. I doubt that she is.

I do know that when this phenomenon occurs between older woman and younger boys, there usually seems to be some psychiatric issues going on with the older woman - a stuntedness in their emotional development, an inability to feel safe with men their own age, a mother-type love that gets perverted in an incestual way. Not healthy - by any stretch of the imagination - but not guenuine pedohpelia, IMHO.

 

[Amraann]

OK.. but say that all she did was write a letter, and throw it in the trash. say she never did anything else, and the boy never read it. you're saying that makes her a criminal.....???

i just don't buy that. that means you can out anyone in jail for THINKING anything. is that the kind of society we want to live in? of course she has some serious mental problems that need to be addressed.,.. and she should not be teaching. she probably knows this now, since she DID resign. but unless there is evidence to the contrary, she did not commit an actual crime (unless you believe thoughts to be crimes).

YES!!!!! I am saying that makes her criminal!!
TO even have such thoughts about a 12 yo makes her a crazy sick women who should be locked up.
I do not agree that it is ok to write such a thing at all for ANY reason.
Her feeling the need to write it no matter what the result of the note was means she is a pedophile.

 

[Amraann]

Not all adults who have sexual contact with children or fantasize about having sexual contact with children are pedophiles (if so, every interested reader of Lolita would be a pedophile). From a law enforcement standpoint, children are actually more likely to be molested by someone in a crime of opportunity (ie...a drunk stepdad, etc..) than by someone who is a true "pedophile."

I do not know whether or not this woman is a pedophile. I doubt that she is.

I do know that when this phenomenon occurs between older woman and younger boys, there usually seems to be some psychiatric issues going on with the older woman - a stuntedness in their emotional development, an inability to feel safe with men their own age, a mother-type love that gets perverted in an incestual way. Not healthy - by any stretch of the imagination - but not guenuine pedohpelia, IMHO.

Sorry SCM but someone who thinks of children in a sexual way is in fact a pedophile...
It does not require the act of molesting them. By definition simply thinking about it makes one a pedophile.

 

[Jeana (DP)]

I think someone who is attracted to a child the age of 12 could be considered a pedophile.

 

[goddess]

I teach. I'm with teenagers every single day. I do not see the attraction some people seem to have with them. They are children, for God's sake. Their brains aren't fully developed. I had a theory going that some young people entering the teaching profession do so because their own development is stunted, and in some crazy mixed-up way they see this as a way to meet members of the opposite sex for romantic purposes. Well, my theory is blown. This woman is 40. What on earth does a 40-year-old woman have in common with a 12-year-old boy?

Not a damn thing.

 

[Masterj]

OK.. but say that all she did was write a letter, and throw it in the trash. say she never did anything else, and the boy never read it. you're saying that makes her a criminal.....???

i just don't buy that. that means you can out anyone in jail for THINKING anything. is that the kind of society we want to live in? of course she has some serious mental problems that need to be addressed.,.. and she should not be teaching. she probably knows this now, since she DID resign. but unless there is evidence to the contrary, she did not commit an actual crime (unless you believe thoughts to be crimes).

Please correct me if I am wrong, but when we were discussing the VA Tech shooter's creative writing classes, didn't you say he should have been arrested or expelled for his writing? :waitasec: If I am mistaken, I apologize.

 

[southcitymom]

I think someone who is attracted to a child the age of 12 could be considered a pedophile.

Yes, they could be - my point was just that not everyone who is attracted in such a manner is a pedophile. A pedopohile is attracted exclusively or primarily to prepubescent or peripubescent children.

This woman may or may not have become a sex offender, but we don't have enough information to call her a pedophile, IMHO.

 

[IrishMist]

Yes, they could be - my point was just that not everyone who is attracted in such a manner is a pedophile. A pedopohile is attracted exclusively or primarily to prepubescent or peripubescent children.

This woman may or may not have become a sex offender, but we don't have enough information to call her a pedophile, IMHO.

I'm not sure I'm following you, SCM. One can be a pedophile without ever taking any action at all.

Isn't a pedophile someone that is sexually attracted to children or child?

 

[southcitymom]

YES!!!!! I am saying that makes her criminal!!
TO even have such thoughts about a 12 yo makes her a crazy sick women who should be locked up.
I do not agree that it is ok to write such a thing at all for ANY reason.
Her feeling the need to write it no matter what the result of the note was means she is a pedophile.

Over the years, I've written plenty of inappropriate thoughts down. Journaling of thoughts is used by many groups as a platform for healing and growth.

I'm not saying this woman wrote this particular letter in an effort to help her heal or grow - I'm just saying that I think, with rare exception, people should be penalized ("locked up") for their harmful actions and not for their thoughts.

She is a pedophile if primarily or exclusively sexually attracted to children - nothing I've read has revealed that this is the case.

 

[southcitymom]

I'm not sure I'm following you, SCM. One can be a pedophile without ever taking any action at all.

Isn't a pedophile someone that is sexually attracted to children or child?

A pedophile is someone who is primarily or exclusively sexually attracted to children. Yes - I think it is the attraction and not the action that makes someone a pedophile, but the attraction needs to be primary and exclusive.

For example, the courts are filled with sexual molestation cases where an adult has molested a child not because the adult is a pedophile, but because the adult had sexual desire and opportunity and the child was "convenient." As you can imagine - drugs and alcohol are usually at play in these types of case.

If a drunken stepdad molests his 12-year-old stepdaughter because the mother is out of town, he's a child molester and he's a criminal, but in many cases he may not have a primary/exclusive sexual attraction to children. If the daughter had been 18 or 21, he might have tried the same thing. He may have a long history of being with only adult women and that may be his primary attraction. He took advantage of the young girl because it was convenient, not because his primary attraction is to young girls.

Does that make sense?

Horrible damage is done to the child either way, but child molestation does not always equal pedophelia.

PS - according to several things I have read, this type of sexual molestation (the scenario I described above) happens more than molestation at the hands of genuine pedophiles.

 

[IrishMist]

A pedophile is someone who is primarily or exclusively sexually attracted to children. Yes - I think it is the attraction and not the action that makes someone a pedophile, but the attraction needs to be primary and exclusive.

For example, the courts are filled with sexual molestation cases where an adult has molested a child not because the adult is a pedophile, but because the adult had sexual desire and opportunity and the child was "convenient." As you can imagine - drugs and alcohol are usually at play in these types of case.

If a drunken stepdad molests his 12-year-old stepdaughter because the mother is out of town, he's a child molester and he's a criminal, but in many cases he may not have a primary/exclusive sexual attraction to children. If the daughter had been 18 or 21, he might have tried the same thing. He may have a long history of being with only adult women and that may be his primary attraction. He took advantage of the young girl because it was convenient, not because his primary attraction is to young girls.

Does that make sense?

Horrible damage is done to the child either way, but child molestation does not always equal pedophelia.

PS - according to several things I have read, this type of sexual molestation (the scenario I described above) happens more than molestation at the hands of genuine pedophiles.

I see what you are saying. I'm not buying it, but I better understand where you are coming from, thanks for explaining.

 

[southcitymom]

I see what you are saying. I'm not buying it, but I better understand where you are coming from, thanks for explaining.

Would that I could be clear and concise, but, sadly, I lack that ability!

 

[IrishMist]

Would that I could be clear and concise, but, sadly, I lack that ability!

Well, I think that the concept you are putting forth is a difficult one, coupled with the fact that you are forced to choose your words carefully, so that none of us here think you are a champion of child molesters!

I think you've made an effort to try to understand what they are, not that you are condoning in any way.

I'm just having trouble wrapping my mind around the concept of situational molestation.

 

[Nova]

Well, I think that the concept you are putting forth is a difficult one, coupled with the fact that you are forced to choose your words carefully, so that none of us here think you are a champion of child molesters!

I think you've made an effort to try to understand what they are, not that you are condoning in any way.

I'm just having trouble wrapping my mind around the concept of situational molestation.

I understand SCM's point. Males in particular seem to be capable of all sorts of "situational" attractions that aren't consistent with a lifelong orientation. So men act out homosexually in prison or with animals in a rural setting where female partners aren't available. (Let's remember males have also been known to "have sex" with all manner of objects, including vegetables, baked goods and pillows.)

But the problem with adopting SCM's language--particularly in legal usages--is that we don't have separate words to distinguish between a person who fixates on a particular child (even momentarily) and persons with a lifelong orientation toward prepubescents.

And while there may be a benefit in drawing this distinction for purposes of treatment, when it comes time for sentencing, I personally don't care "how drunk" the perp was.

 

[southcitymom]

Well, I think that the concept you are putting forth is a difficult one, coupled with the fact that you are forced to choose your words carefully, so that none of us here think you are a champion of child molesters!

I think you've made an effort to try to understand what they are, not that you are condoning in any way.

I'm just having trouble wrapping my mind around the concept of situational molestation.

This is all true. I am, as I know you know, no fan of things that harm children.

And the distinction of pedophelia vs. situational molestation is possibly most "interesting" to people in the psychiatric field. It is interesting to me for reasons unknown - perhaps because I have friends who have been victims of both types of behavior. Perhaps because I feel like with more understanding, we have a shot at better solutions.

To be honest, situational molestation almost bothers me more. Pedophiles have to literally not act on their sexual desires to live non-criminally (from both a moral and legal standpoint) in the world, and I would have a hard time not acting on my sexual desires to live non-criminally in the world - so I can feel some empathy.

Situational molesters take advantage of the most helpless (children) because they can and to fulfill a desire that they could fulfill without harming the helpless.

In the case at issue in this thread, I think of Mary Kay LeTourneau. According to court documents, numerous evaluators found that she was not a pedophile and not a danger to other children (see this brief from The Court of Appeals in Washington http://caselaw.lp.findlaw.com/scripts/getcase.pl?court=wa&vol=427601maj&searchval&invol=1 from which I pulled this line "The SSOSA evaluators were unanimous in their conclusions
that Letourneau is not a pedophile." )

She is an example of a situational molester...a rare example, I might add, in that drug and alcohol abuse did not seem to be a factor. She was simply compulsive about this one boy.

 

[southcitymom]

...And while there may be a benefit in drawing this distinction for purposes of treatment, when it comes time for sentencing, I personally don't care "how drunk" the perp was.

This - I agree with 100%. I am in no way shape or form calling for the courts to make molestation distinctions. I believe, though, that it can be helpful from the larger picture of treatment and societal understanding. I know many people could care less about understanding child molesters or pedophiles, but I do.

 

[Nova]

This - I agree with 100%. I am in no way shape or form calling for the courts to make molestation distinctions. I believe, though, that it can be helpful from the larger picture of treatment and societal understanding. I know many people could care less about understanding child molesters or pedophiles, but I do.

Sorry, SCM. I knew that, of course, and should have said so. I wasn't for a moment suggesting you were claiming there were "less harmful" forms of child molestation.

I am speculating, but in cases such as LeTourneau's, I suspect some teachers might be compared to men who function heterosexually in prison. Such teachers are attracted to a particular child because children are the teacher's "entire" world, just as a straight man in prison may be attracted to his "punk" because he is isolated from potential female partners.

This is why teachers (and parents) need healthy social relationships with other adults, apart from their necessarily close connections to children.

 

[southcitymom]

Sorry, SCM. I knew that, of course, and should have said so. I wasn't for a moment suggesting you were claiming there were "less harmful" forms of child molestation.

I am speculating, but in cases such as LeTourneau's, I suspect some teachers might be compared to men who function heterosexually in prison. Such teachers are attracted to a particular child because children are the teacher's "entire" world, just as a straight man in prison may be attracted to his "punk" because he is isolated from potential female partners.

This is why teachers (and parents) need healthy social relationships with other adults, apart from their necessarily close connections to children.

No offense taken at all, Nova! I just want to be extra-clear when discussing something so sensitive....and, as I have proved time and again, clarity and brevity don't always go hand in hand for me.

I think your LeTourneau/prison analogy is apt. Often, there seems to be a "different" type of dynamic occurring when older female teachers are attracted to young male students. I don't know quite how to "classify" it; I just don't necessarily classify it as pedophelia. There seems to be a tremendous fantasy element that is not necessarily connected to sex.

In this case, it seems the boy was not physically molested and for that I am grateful.