IN - Couple charged with abandonment of adopted child after legally changing her age, Sept 2019

[gitana1]

I think another pertinent issue is whether the Barnetts believed N was older based on medical tests. I think it's a "which came first?" scenario. Surely a doctor would have explained to the Barnetts that the first signs of puberty *can* start as young as six in some girls. Surely that would alleviate their confusion over physical body changes. If that didn't, then the bone scans that estimated N's age very closely to that on the birth certificate should have been quite convincing? And then there are the baby teeth falling out and being replaced by permanent teeth at an age that fits with the birth certificate better than the modified age.

So, was it doctors convincing the Barnetts, or was it the Barnetts convincing doctors. Did the Barnetts tell the psychology doctors that N is a six-year old child (or whatever age she was when she had those evaluations), and did the psych doctors become the first to say, "our evaluation isn't consistent with the age on the birth certificate--the certificate must be wrong".

Or was it a dentist who could see as well as the photo progressions show that this was a child losing their baby teeth and growing permanent teeth who suggested that this wasn't consistent with the age on the birth certificate?

Which came first? A doctor declaring that med tests strongly suggested an older actual age, or the Barnetts claiming that N wasn't the age on the birth certificate?

I'm thinking that if the prosecutor goes through all these things in chronological order, that there might not be a clear sign that the 'belief' came after the medical tests or that it was a reasonable belief derived from medical tests. Or did the Barnetts want this child off their hands without any negative stigma attached to them that they had 'failed' in this adoption. And at what point does Kristine start writing books proclaiming herself to be better than experts at solving problems that children might have? Was the age change what they truly believed, or was it more of a convenience for them, and somehow they got it done without sufficient medical evidence?

They had an assessment the very year they got her, in 2010. Then two years later. I think KB simply could not attach to her and was repulsed by her precocious puberty. So she created a narcissistic little fantasy that would enable her to get rid of the child, while looking like the victim rather than like a failure. Because remember, she's a hero who can achieve the impossible with the most seriously disabled kids. She needed an out. And she kept trying until she got someone to say what she wanted to believe and claim.

It was delusion. But after two doctors assessed her age she cannot claim ignorance. She carefully omitted mention of those assessments in her emergency petition. That shows me she is calculating and had full intent to deceive.

ETA: It is clear to me that KB convinced the family doctor and the LSCW. Not at all the other way around.

 

[gitana1]

It sounds like she luckily found a nice family after being abandoned. The DuPauls acted like responsible people and maybe realized she needed more attention or help than they could provide. Adopting an older child from another country or even this country can be difficult because of their backgrounds. They might not bond or they might have behavioral issues. Financially as an adoptive parent you are responsible for your child, unless you get their age changed. You could have to pay for psychiatrists, tutors, physical therapy, it would depend on health insurance but that might be more work than a family is willing to take on.

They said they wanted to adopt her and tried but the first family was difficult and made it impossible. Maybe that family had some sort of crisis and couldn't address paperwork and other things they needed to at the time. Very bad luck for Natalia.

 

[gitana1]

I think gitana mentioned before that parents who want to give up a child are responsible for finding the new family? Maybe they get to veto or whatever. It might not have been that they didn't like the DePauls... maybe they messed them about because they were still in two minds about giving her up in 2009 and weren't decided until 2010 when the Barnetts had come into the picture. No reason to think it was an easy, painless decision for them. But yeah... I really can't imagine what the Barnetts said/did that made them seem like better candidates. I know I'm biased against her but Kristine comes off as very cold. And they have three able bodied boys, no experience with physical disabilities etc. vs the DePaul couple who have one similar aged daughter with similar condition, an adapted house, tons of knowledge about dwarfism and associated issues and just seem so nice and well adjusted.

I don't think they're responsible necessarily but in a practical sense, without new parents they won't be able to terminate their rights unless there's a showing of abuse or neglect. KB stated that the first couple "couldn't care for her". I'm wondering if experienced a crisis of some sort that created difficulties at first with doing what they needed to do.

Are the DuPaul's on he witness list?

 

[gitana1]

Yeah and proves another one of the Bs claims false. They said she had no interest in playing with young kids, only teenagers. Sure, Jan. NG 2009

Oh I love that "Sure, Jan"!!!

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[Meloni88]

I don't think they're responsible necessarily but in a practical sense, without new parents they won't be able to terminate their rights unless there's a showing of abuse or neglect. KB stated that the first couple "couldn't care for her". I'm wondering if experienced a crisis of some sort that created difficulties at first with doing what they needed to do.

Are the DuPaul's on he witness list?

No not on the list in the affidavit from september

 

[gitana1]

No not on the list in the affidavit from september

I guess they didn't need them!!!

 

[mickey2942]

It takes more than love: What happens when adoption fails

Interesting article about "Adoption Fail". As a former teacher and counselor, I thought that it was interesting that so many of the students I worked with were adopted. I have not seen any studies done on parents of adoptive children, who give them up, or kick them out. But in my experience they share a lot of commonalities.

I won't generalize or trivialize this situation, but it is more common than people acknowledge.

 

[ioethe]

Well those would be civil not criminal and I do hope Natalia sues the living hell out of them and takes them for anything they have. Because this nonsensical horror fantasy about her will follow her forever and has already led to specific, serious damages - i.e. her loss of a childhood and a free education and other services as a minor with special needs, to which she was entitled.

And possibly also corrective surgeries which are more difficult, dangerous and less likely to succeed as an adult.

 

[gitana1]

It takes more than love: What happens when adoption fails

Interesting article about "Adoption Fail". As a former teacher and counselor, I thought that it was interesting that so many of the students I worked with were adopted. I have not seen any studies done on parents of adoptive children, who give them up, or kick them out. But in my experience they share a lot of commonalities.

I won't generalize or trivialize this situation, but it is more common than people acknowledge.

Wow that’s interesting. From the link:

"I understand where that might seem odd, but I think there's a potential for less tolerance if someone's more educated or they make more money," says Brooke Randolph, director of adoption preparation and support services at an Indianapolis adoption agency.

 

[gitana1]

It takes more than love: What happens when adoption fails

Interesting article about "Adoption Fail". As a former teacher and counselor, I thought that it was interesting that so many of the students I worked with were adopted. I have not seen any studies done on parents of adoptive children, who give them up, or kick them out. But in my experience they share a lot of commonalities.

I won't generalize or trivialize this situation, but it is more common than people acknowledge.

Also, can you elaborate on what commonalities you’ve observed? I’m curious.

 

[gitana1]

And possibly also corrective surgeries which are more difficult, dangerous and less likely to succeed as an adult.

Oh true!

 

[Meloni88]

""A dissolution – or annulment – takes place after a child is formally adopted by a set of parents," says Jacoba Urist, a lawyer and TODAY Moms contributor. "As you can imagine, the law treats this very seriously, and while states can vary on how they handle these types of situations, in general, a parent must petition the court where they adopted the child to in effect 'unadopt’ them."

Freeman says adoption agencies will do everything in their power to keep a family together, including encouraging the family to get counseling, providing them with classes and support groups and going into the home to see what's going on."

More seriously than changing a child's birth date apparently. This confirms what I suspected. They, mostly Kristine, didn't want to face the scrutiny or interference of an "unadoption". Someone telling her she needs family therapy/parenting classes, judging her and implying she's failing Natalia. Making her an adult and quietly dumping her made more sense in her twisted narc mind.

 

[mickey2942]

Also, can you elaborate on what commonalities you’ve observed? I’m curious.

Generally well off families, very successful upper middle class. Either they had children, and wanted to adopt a child from another culture, or they didn't have children and wanted one.

The Mothers seemed to be "Type A" personalities, expecting everything to be a "certain way". The Fathers seemed to be disconnected from the family, either because of work, or whatever. I often wondered if they adopted a child to help their relationship.

I was usually involved when there was a crisis. By the time a family goes for counseling, they should have started it much earlier. Usually by this time, one or both parents "checked out", and interesting, maybe they blamed their relationship problems on the "child", as if it was gone, they would be "magically happy". Transferring every single problem, on "the child".

Many times, the solution is not unlike what happened with "Serenity Dennard", the child gets blamed for all of the problems, and shipped off somewhere. Or has already acted out, as a result of the dysfunctional family, and he or she is incarcerated in a juvenile facility. It is amazing how many people in prison were adopted.

The most successful adoptions I have seen are usually Asian girls adopted into a family. But the girls feel pressure to always be "perfect" or they will be kicked out. At least, the ones who have found their way to me.

 

[Meloni88]

The Mothers seemed to be "Type A" personalities, expecting everything to be a "certain way". The Fathers seemed to be disconnected from the family, either because of work, or whatever.

Describes the Barnetts to a tee.

Usually by this time, one or both parents "checked out", and interesting, maybe they blamed their relationship problems on the "child", as if it was gone, they would be "magically happy". Transferring every single problem, on "the child".

I have no doubt they blame her for their marriage breakdown. She's been the ultimate scapegoat for them.

 

[Meloni88]

I made a timeline of Natalia's dentition NG dental progress

 

[gitana1]

I made a timeline of Natalia's dentition NG dental progress

It also a good timeline of her clear age progression. And yet some will stay claim that young adult’s faces can change like that. And adults can have baby teeth.

I don’t understand the commitment to the Barnett’s narrative. Why?

 

[gitana1]

I made a timeline of Natalia's dentition NG dental progress

I think the first and second one could be flipped. The first shows an adult front tooth has come in.

 

[Meloni88]

I think the first and second one could be flipped. The first shows an adult front tooth has come in.

I don't think so. Look closely, it's smaller in that picture than later pictures. In the second you see two adult teeth erupting, the anatomical right one coming in further because she lost that one first.

 

[forthelost]

Is there anyone but these people claiming NG is an adult who has pretended to be a child? Since the doctor's letter before said she'd made "a career" out of it, I find it interesting that the only people who even saw that is these two.

 

[Meloni88]

I have no doubt they blame her for their marriage breakdown. She's been the ultimate scapegoat for them.

oh and on the subject of scapegoats. How much do we want to bet the Barnett boys were able to blame stuff they did on Natalia? Not to be sexist but the thumbtacks thing sounds more like something a little boy would do for a start. And would be seen as much worse coming from a girl than a boy. K & M were willing to believe she was capable of anything. I bet a lot of broken stuff, messes, injuries etc. were pinned on her.