Kyron Horman's stepmother is a profile in contradictions....

[YellowSubmarine]

I haven't read all the pages of posts yet, but this leaped out at me:

""Controlling with my money — yeah," Kaine said"


HIS money? Boy, that telegraphs a big message. Let's see, according to that story she's worked all but the last 2 years, either as a teacher (a sub) or in restaurants.

And taken care of the children and the home.

But she spends HIS money.

And she was the one who figured out Kyron needed glasses. And she taught him sign language early on.

And, and, for a child that his father has previously said was having problems with attention in class, she kept track of that via teacher reports. Although she does sound strict, still and all--she sure was not ignoring him, was she?

I also noticed this: Kaine has dumped his former stepson, who noted he'd lived with Kaine for several years, and that he would like to see Kaine.

I find that statement from J. incredibly sad. Just incredibly sad.

And very indicative of how KH treats people. You'd think he would have visited the kid, checked on how he was doing, assured him that he still cared about him.

In reality, that article also offered up insights into the people around TH as well as TH. And some of those insights aren't pretty, IMHO.

BTW, what's with the ex-MIL complaining about flowers and balloons? Once I was dating a guy whose mother did something very nice for me so I sent flowers afterwards with a thank-you note. Ulterior motive? No, just the set of manners I was raised with.

BBM --

Just curious how you "noticed" this? NO WHERE in the article does it even insinuate anything like this.

Kaine said he didn't want J**** to move out, but it wasn't his decision.


J**** said he misses his little sister — and would like to see Kaine as well.

"He was like a dad to me," J**** said. "I lived with him for eight years."

Kaine hopes to talk to J**** again soon.

Seems to me Kaine had taken good care of J -- enough so that J would like to be in contact with Kaine, and Kaine with him.

Seems to me the only one doing the "dumping" was TH with her children. She took away his bio-dads rights to have her new hubby adopt him, then moved on to Kaine, making him the new dad. Then, sent J back with his bio-dad. She didn't seem to put up much of a fight over baby K, either. And, well, possibly had a hand in Kyrons disappearance. So, I'd say it's TH who doesn't care to hold on to her children.

 

[BeanE]

The prevailing motive I've heard for the "Terri did it" scenarios is an eye-for-an-eye revenge against Kaine for sending J away from her. Unless Kaine is lying here about Terri being the one to send J away - and why would he lie about something easily verifiable - that motive is off the table. What else is there?

BBM. Nothing.

Where's Kyron?

 

[YellowSubmarine]

The prevailing motive I've heard for the "Terri did it" scenarios is an eye-for-an-eye revenge against Kaine for sending J away from her. Unless Kaine is lying here about Terri being the one to send J away - and why would he lie about something easily verifiable - that motive is off the table. What else is there?

1. Wanting to hurt Kaine (could have been a plan b since the likely mfh didn't pan out)
2. Her narcissistic/sociopathic tendencies
3. Jealousy (Kyron getting too much attention?)
4. Wanting to hurt Desiree
5. Tired of being a mother (she did just recently send J away and didn't fight for baby K)

 

[gitana1]

But the article quoted Kaine as saying that she wanted to ground Kyron if it wasn't "anything but green", "no room for error". The consequence for anything but green, for a seven-year-old, was "grounding him to his room for the evening, eliminating play time or not letting him watch movies".

"No room for error" is an inappropriate, and ineffective, way to shape behavior for anyone, especially a very young boy. (This is different for having "no tv" because of a RED card, for example.) And eliminating all enjoyable activities from a young boy's home life is an ineffective method for increasing his attention at school.

But these facts about her "disciplinary" approach, if true, also reflect an attitude toward the child that is less than compassionate and loving, IMO.

JMO

I also see nothing to suggest that little Kyron was a "disciplinary problem." The big issue with this to me, if this is true, is that TH suddenly became very focused on Kyron's behavior, wanting daily reports and daily punishment for less than perfect behavior. If Kyron had been getting a stream of bad reports from school I could understand that. But I have not heard that. The article suggests, IMO, that Kyron was a normal child but TH began to expect perfect.
This seems to coincide somewhat with her son being made to leave the home and with TH being cranky with her baby girl. I just see a change here. It likely would mean nothing if it were not for the fact that a little boy in her care vanished into thin air.

ETA to add quote from article: "She changed her behavior towards all of us," he said. "She would lose her patience with both" J and Kyron.

"With K it started out much easier at the beginning," he said, but as the months went on, he saw his wife become angry, for example, when the baby wouldn't go to sleep.

 

[tlcya]

As the mother of a six year old boy, I can say, during the school year, not a single day goes by that I do not immediately inquire as to whether he "stayed on green" today. This color code card/chart system is very common across the country. Not a single day goes by that I don't ask my son whether he stayed on the green. If he goes to yellow (warning, behavior needs modified or you will land on red) there is no communication from the school. I only get notified if he indeed lands on red (disciplinary action).

By staying on top of my son's behavior every single day I have an opportunity to discuss any warning, you are close to trouble type behavior BEFORE it becomes a trend which then leads to hitting red and the consequences that come with it. I also ask my son daily to make sure he and his teacher know that I am very interested in his day and involved in his education. I ask because I want to head off any behavioral problems BEFORE they get out of hand.

Terri asking for daily updates on a child whose father reports occassionally had trouble staying focused on following instructions of teaching staff is a complete non issue for me.

I do find the consequences at home that Terri porportedly encouraged for imperfect behavior at school a bit harsh. I am of the sit down and discuss your day and how you could have handled this or that situation better school of thought.

 

[wondering1]

Curious--are your children school-aged now?

IMO, working parents need quite a bit of support when their children are small~whether one parent stays home to take care of them, or both parents work and have to pay for childcare...

I logged in thinking this topic would be long over lol. But I see it's still coming up on the last page, so I wanted to answer you. I went to bed last night in the middle of that part of thread when I looked down and realized how late is was --- work, ya' know ;-)

My kids just started 3rd and 6th grade. I have been single since they were two and five. I mostly stayed home with my oldest for about a year, but had the Nanny when my son was a baby b/c I had started a new job before I got pg and didn't want to quit and have to start that process again.

And just generally regarding my thoughts on this subject (not directed at you at all), I have no issue with sahm's. I was one briefly and wish I could be one now. What I have an issue with is the thought that it's a license to spend excessively with no accountability -- which is what I heard KH saying and I'm not finding a reason to disbelieve it yet. It seems to me that TH probably has an entitlement attitude, so it fits in MY mind.

I also have a lesser issue with the notion that it's very hard to be a sahm. I appreciate what it's like to take care of little kids all day and all night sometimes, and I know it can be wearing and thankless. And by all accounts TH seemed to do a good (if not a little too good) job at it. But in my book it is a blessing for which opportunity said mom should be grateful since not everyone (to say the least) has that opportunity these days. It is far more rewarding imo to work for your family than to work for $$. That's just my attitude and my opinion. Obviously, others disagree. But that wasn't my original point, anyway and is very far OT. I posted this just to clarify where I was coming from. My OP was about the spending issue only. Carry on

 

[gitana1]

Hmmm...

They make it seem like they're telling us a lot, but ITA that there are more questions than answers here.

*And the comment about the boat...what money was he planning on using for that? Was it part of the settlement from Chubby's or the car accident that Terri had said she'd save for Jxxxx to use for college? That would rub me the wrong way too. A BOAT?? Please. Another thing where we are not getting the whole story. If this is the worst stuff ex-in-laws can come up with, then I hope LE has other options. They sounded so ungrateful when it seemed like Terri was trying to do nice things. Makes me love my wonderful MIL even more!

I agree that it would be great if there was more of a focus on Kyron, but without any input from LE, what are they supposed to write? It's either this soap opera crap (which I read every word:blushing or let the story fade, which would be even more sad.

Respectfully snipped by me for space.
What does the criticism or lack thereof on the part of the in-laws have to do with whether LE have a credible focus on TH?
I keep seeing this attitude that if anyone says something that is deemed petty against TH or if they cannot come up with harsh criticism against her, then LE must be on a witch hunt and I just don't understand that attitude.
LE is not releasing info. The public and media are rabid for info so the media goes out, gets soundbites and tries to make a story. What do the opinions quoted by a media that has little left to report in this case, have to do with whether LE is conducting a valid investigation? People's opinions as to others' character are separate from what evidence and expert hunches lead LE.

 

[SurfieTX]

1. Wanting to hurt Kaine (could have been a plan b since the likely mfh didn't pan out)
2. Her narcissistic/sociopathic tendencies
3. Jealousy (Kyron getting too much attention?)
4. Wanting to hurt Desiree
5. Tired of being a mother (she did just recently send J away and didn't fight for baby K)

I'm going with door number 5. I'm betting her sextapades with MC were not her first. She was also starting to work out daily again presumably to get her body back in shape, look/feel more attractive. I think it was simply time to move on to another man and fantasy life.

 

[miabellamoure]

I don't know about that color code thing. Yellow = inattentive; sounds like by they time they get down the line, things would have progressed pretty far. Remember Kaine talking about making Kyron listen in school? It was in one of the interviews with Desiree, possibly the first one. If they were working with him regarding this matter, I can see her wanting to know if he was being inattentive. Could it be that was part of the plan to get him to mind in school? And I noticed she wanted Kaine to discipline his own son.

If that's the worst example he can come up with in how she treated Kyron ...

Also interesting is that he brought Kyron over to her apartment at a young infant. He was born in September, and she moved in with Kaine in December, so he would have been quite young at the time. So it appears she HAS been in his life from the beginning, eh?

bbm

I think that's a pretty significant example of what kind of control she was dictating in that household.

It also may show that Kaine while in control of things outside of the home (his job, fitness, etc) he may have lost substantial control inside the home...on Terri's spending habits and especially in regards to the disciplining of his own son. He followed whatever she deemed appropriate punishment...sad!

 

[wondering1]

The prevailing motive I've heard for the "Terri did it" scenarios is an eye-for-an-eye revenge against Kaine for sending J away from her. Unless Kaine is lying here about Terri being the one to send J away - and why would he lie about something easily verifiable - that motive is off the table. What else is there?

Yes, and why would she lie to her friends at the gym about it?

 

[debs]

According to the article, terri had at least some part of the $250k settlement when she met kaine, as well as $550/mth which served as income for her, along with for a time some unemployment. was that all "theirs" I wonder.

 

[For The Kids]

Yes, and why would she lie to her friends at the gym about it?

For sympathy and so they would think ah Poor Terri?

 

[miabellamoure]

BBM --

Just curious how you "noticed" this? NO WHERE in the article does it even insinuate anything like this.




Seems to me Kaine had taken good care of J -- enough so that J would like to be in contact with Kaine, and Kaine with him.

Seems to me the only one doing the "dumping" was TH with her children. She took away his bio-dads rights to have her new hubby adopt him, then moved on to Kaine, making him the new dad. Then, sent J back with his bio-dad. She didn't seem to put up much of a fight over baby K, either. And, well, possibly had a hand in Kyrons disappearance. So, I'd say it's TH who doesn't care to hold on to her children.

I'd also say it shows a method to Terri's madness...when you start to become an annoyance in her life...you are no longer needed and sent away.

Anyone else see this?

 

[tlcya]

Yes, and why would she lie to her friends at the gym about it?

We have gym friends word about Terri blaming Kaine for J**** being sent away and then we have Kaine's word that J**** was sent away by Terri while he was out of town.

two statements which seem to contradict one another. How do we know SHE lied about it? Perhaps her gym friends embelished in the face of all the media attention.

I do feel Terri is hiding alot of secrets, perhaps even knowledge or guilt about the disappearance. But while she has finally set off my hink meter, I do not simply believe every statement made by every acquaintence she has that is less than flattering.

 

[gitana1]

Thank you, merc and FTK! I'm getting closer. It's a video from June 25, so I've got the date now. I'll post the video as soon as I have find which one. There were several that day.

Kyron is well-versed in "stranger danger," his parents said, but because he has some trouble following directions in school, they have worked with him on listening to teachers and parents in a school setting.


http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/06/parents_of_kyron_horman_to_app.html

Not a disciplinary problem. That is an educational one.
There is a test for preschoolers and younger, school-aged kids that assessed their development that we conducted when I was a preschool teacher. I think it was called DIAL or something.
A lot of the test had to do with could a child follow a set of instructions given by someone. There were parameters for normal development shown by the test. A child who could not follow certain instructions indicated a possible development issue or immaturity. You work on that with the child, helping them with listening skills. You don't punish them with grounding for the evening.

 

[2goldfish]

Really??? Everyone I know that graduated with a degree in education had no trouble. I'm thinking it is a regional thing???

I do believe so. Only one I know looked for 8 years in MI before finally relocating to a FT teaching in CA. been doing it happily for 5 years now.

 

[miabellamoure]

I so, soooo agree with you here! Her multiple marriages and moving her son around show she doesn't hold much attachment. If she had a hand in Kyrons disappearance, this could definitely be some insight about why.

Her dettachment, erratic and controlling behavior, inability to commit and self-centeredness are certainly red flags. I'd love to hear what a psychiatrist has to say about all of this.

One thing that jumped out to me immediately, though, was the lack of stability for the kids. All these kids with so many "parents", being shuffled around . . . . very sad. Hope they all grow up to be healthy, happy, well-adjusted adults.

bbm

with good counseling and the scars to show for it...anything is possible...indeed a sad way of life.

 

[MyTinkieGirl]

This whole case and Kyron's pictures just make my heart break....I'll bet almost everyone has a nephew/son/friend who reminds them of that beautiful boy with the big toothy smile and glasses!! Just wish you could give him a big ol' bear hug...

Now...this article has given me a new perspective on everything that happened that fateful day in June. (ETA : Didn't read most of the prior posts, and I'll probably need to bring this over to the "theories" thread....but just got this all typed and didn't want to lose it...sorry about that)

From reading about TH's seeming "obsession" with Kyron's behavior....and there were reports of him being with some friends looking at the other projects.
I honestly think TH had every intention of using the white truck to bring home Kyron's project.
Kyron and his friends were probably behaving like "boys", maybe getting a little goofy/playful and TH snapped. Took him "away from the fun"....just left his stuff in the classroom - back pack, etc - because she was beyond her boiling point and left abruptly with Kyron in tow....as some sort of "punishment"....just "phase one" of, in TH's mind, the justified result for his behavior, IMO.
I believe DeDe or someone WAS in the truck with "Baby K" watching her while TH was in the school with Kyron. TH probably dropped them off directly afterward. She most likely DID, in fact, ride around. BUT, not for the purpose of soothing a "fussy" baby....IMO, she was looking for a spot to serve as a place for the phase 2 and 3 of the punishment for his behavior.
The "usual" response was to have KH send him to his room for what she considered unacceptable behavior during class.
I think maybe she DID go to Suavie Island...Phase 2....took Kyrons glasses - she KNOWING, first hand, his dire need for them and fear of not having them to see, since SHE herself brought attention to the fact that maybe he needed to be checked and was instrumental in his getting them - a plus, mind you, in her favor, for being a responsible and attentive step mother to Kyron.

This is where my theory gets a bit kerfunkled....LOL

Phase 3, IMO, is she just left him out in the "middle of nowhere" on the island, without his glasses, to fend for himself.
Perhaps, she DID, in fact, expect him to be on that school bus....thinking MAYBE or in all likelyhood he made his way back to school....a passerby or what ever means.
Problem being with THIS scenario, Kyron would live to tell the tale of TH's behavior and means of repremanding him for seemingly nothing - just boys having fun....and, of course, the Dr. appointment....yelled to teacher at Science Fair before OR after she decided his behavior was in need of punishment....hmmm.

 

[Etilema]

Yes, and why would she lie to her friends at the gym about it?

Her gym friends would not likely go around trying to verify the truth of her comments to them. But now that there is a huge investigation, it wouldn't make sense for KH to tell a lie that could very easily be refuted.

It doesn't even strike me as odd at all that TH would have told such a story to her friends. A woman in my family had a terrible, abusive and chaotic relationship with her preteen daughter, so that daughter decided to go live with her father (who was more "structured"). This was a horrific blow to the mother's self-image that she never got over, and a big part of it was "what will I tell people" about why the daughter lives with her father. Most of the time she spun it that the daughter wanted the material benefits of living with the father, because he had a better income. Other times it was that the father had turned the daughter against her by feeding her lies and stories about her.

Still, it surprises me that KH didn't mention the fact that the transition happened while he was traveling, when he was asked about whether he was the cause of Jxxx having to move out. It would seem a logical reaction to say, "I didn't tell him he had to leave--I wasn't even there when the decision was made!" But maybe he had other, more important things on his mind when the question was raised in previous interviews.

JMO

 

[Etilema]

That year Horman met Ecker at a Fred Meyer store

Too bad he wasn't a landscaper.